


Where I've Always Been

by Gabby (Kirahsoka)



Series: Where I've Always Been [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Canon-Typical Violence, Epic Friendship, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Redemption, Sad and Happy, Slow Burn, Star Wars events in a fantasy AU world, barrissoka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-04-28 20:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 55
Words: 139,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14457345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirahsoka/pseuds/Gabby
Summary: Ahsoka Tano, warrior of Shili, longs for adventure and something more in life. Barriss Offee, brilliant and repressed spy, tries to live up to her master's perfection, while craving a nobler purpose. A chance meeting sets off a long and tumultuous relationship as an empire rises, a rebellion begins, and their world falls apart around them.___It was finally time—time to be someone else. Ahsoka threw the cloak over her shoulders and finished packing up the rest of her meager belongings.Time to move on.It didn’t really matter anymore. Barriss was about to die.Die. Huh.It felt freeing. There would be no more failures, no more missions, no more death, no more… anything. And, she kind of liked it.____Star Wars events and characters in a fantasy AU setting.





	1. Escape

**Author's Note:**

> This is a limited, point of view story. There are plenty of other adventures happening to the characters we encounter, but you'll only see what Barriss or Ahsoka experience.
> 
> Oh, I absolutely love comments, feedback, and other questions on my writing. So, maybe consider leaving a small note on one of the chapters, if you feel so inclined. I really do love my commenters so much! It's always nice to get feedback on whether something works or not. 
> 
> [FYI: This is now the main work in a series, which continues to expand the stories and characters we meet here.]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning...
> 
> [Ahsoka: Age 14]  
> [Barriss: Age 16]
> 
> “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” ― William Shakespeare

Ahsoka Tano couldn’t take it anymore. She had to get away. Stuffy, sycophantic, mundane... royals. She needed to do something. Even, if it was just a walk through the woods surrounding the castle. _Anything._

Her brother tolerated these functions much better than she did. Actually, now that she looked at him, he didn’t seem bored at all. Anakin was holding court, admirers clustered around him. He regaled them with victory after victory on the battlefield, in which he was the main star.

Shaking an adoring head, she smiled to herself. He really did shine with an audience. She couldn’t blame him for enjoying the attention. _He deserves it._ Anakin could win any battle you put in front of him and still make it home for dinner like Jedi warriors of legend. More importantly, he could also forge alliances with neighboring kingdoms, charm—or sometimes aggressively negotiate—his way through any crowd, and use his exploits to impress even the most reluctant collaborator.

Meanwhile, the Princess of Shili had a reputation for running away from political discussions the moment you looked away. _To be fair, I usually do._ She was never going to be a model princess. Still, if Ahsoka could just be an able warrior, she hoped that would be enough to make him proud.

The girl let out another sigh, really wanting to try out her running strategy. _No, I promised Anakin._

Catching her eye, her brother winked conspiratorially. She gave him a thumbs up, which made him roll his eyes indulgently at her. The expression reminded her very much of their mother. Her thoughts drifted into warm memories of laughter, joy, and safety. Then, it was gone. Ahsoka returned to the present, wishing for… something. _Something else._

Anakin’s energetic blue eyes and his crooked smile stayed with her, though. It evoked happy days adventuring through the woods together, looking for secret spaces and new creatures.  They didn’t do that anymore. Things had changed. Well, _he_ had changed. Ahsoka’s eyes drifted back to her brother, trying to reconcile her mental picture with what stood before her now.

The brother she remembered was still there, just harder to find. His eyes were still the fierce blue they had both inherited from their shared mother, pale skin blending into unruly, light brown strands of hair giving him dashing look. However, the old battle scar over his right eye, the lurking dark moods, and the hardened expression belied his formerly boyish features. She assumed it was attractive, as evidenced by the adoring gazes currently surrounding him. For Ahsoka, though, Anakin looked his best when he was enthusiastically leaping through wizened forests and open fields, with her on his heels.

_“Come on, Snips, keep up! You can do it!” he teased with the nickname she hated and loved, slowing just enough to let her practice her running tackle on him._ Ahsoka smiled wistfully, wishing she could stop time, go back, and enjoy it again. The mature, serious, responsible leader who often appeared now was as foreign to her as the mystical lothwolf. In those rare and wonderful moments, when they did have a chance to slip away on an adventure, the mask fell away and things were as they should be.

Ahsoka gritted her teeth. This was getting more dreary with every moment. _Why do I have to be here?_ It’s not like she was ever going to have to perform state duties or lead the Kingdom. It didn’t help that it also meant unwanted attention from every unmarried prince and princess in the nearby kingdoms. At least, he would never let that happen. Anakin had a strong opinion on who was and was _not_ allowed to take care of his sister. And, Ahsoka was pretty sure none of them qualified. Which suited her just fine because, whether Anakin realized it or not, she could take care of herself.

Her mind tried to tamp down rising annoyance with little success. Ahsoka knew why she was here. _I’m for show._ And, she didn’t like it. It was only because he cared. _Of course, he does_. Her brother wanted people to respect her as a royal, maybe even a leader. Still, it hurt that he didn’t understand that she could never be him.

Not for the first time that evening, Ahsoka Tano groaned in frustration.

_______

Barriss Offee groaned in frustration. It was maddening to be stopped at the brink by _this._ She drew back into the shadows, running possibilities in her head. She hadn’t planned for incompetence. Shili was the most heavily fortified kingdom in the core regions, supposedly protected by the most able and _competent_ soldiers known to exist. Yet, here she was—stranded in an alcove because one of these brilliant soldiers had stationed himself in the wrong spot.

_Why didn’t I plan an alternative route?_ Undoubtedly, her master would call it a mistake. Barriss winced a little, imagining her reaction. _Really, Barriss? Why do you continue to disappoint me?_

She wondered whether to wait the guard out. Surely, someone would notice he wasn’t at his assigned post and retrieve him. Or, maybe the man would realize he had gotten the days mixed up. Barriss knew for a fact that this was his assigned post for tomorrow. Today, this corridor should have been empty. She had chosen it as her exit strategy for a reason, after all.

As she contemplated her options, sudden inspiration struck. She backed away stealthily, heading toward the previous corridor. Barriss had memorized the entire layout of the castle and she was sure… _yes._ There it was. She climbed into the shaft, praying it didn’t narrow near the top. Bracing herself, she used her back and legs to work her way up. It was painstakingly slow and her muscles screamed at her angrily. She gritted her teeth and kept going. _I won’t fail._

Barriss sighed with relief when she saw the wide opening above her. She crouched as she rolled over the top, quickly scanning for any movement. The girl didn’t expect any on the roof of a castle battlement in peacetime. However, she wasn’t taking any chances. There was no one.

Feeling some satisfaction, Barriss saw she was only two hundred feet from the intended egress point. Only one rooftop gap separated her from escape. She gauged the distance and the angle. _I can do this._ Making sure everything was secure inside her cloak, Barriss completed a running leap, twisting her body to land with a roll on the next roof. Then, she quickly dropped down the side of the battlement to the platform below. _Right on time._ It would be completely dark in 27 minutes and she could make her way down the side of the castle to freedom.

There was a momentary rush of contentment as success dangled in front of her. _Only one mistake. Maybe, Master will be pleased?_

Barriss knew that wasn’t true.

_______

Another night, another party. How long was this trade council supposed to last? _What could possibly be worth arguing about for 3 days?_ Ahsoka slinked into the shadows, trying to remain unnoticed. She vacantly observed the dignitaries, the negotiators, the rulers, even their refined—and sometimes not so refined—entourages. The way the latter group stood in rapt attention to their royals made her snicker quietly.  She noted with satisfaction that Lady Amidala wore an expression similar to hers, as she walked by them.

Ahsoka liked Padmé Amidala. She thought Anakin did, as well. It was too bad the able negotiator was married or they would have made a perfect couple. The woman was magnificently beautiful, commanding without being arrogant, and a powerful advocate of the voiceless. She had an amazing ability to inspire and motivate. Her style of leadership was very different than Anakin’s, but Ahsoka thought it was equally effective. _Together, they would be unstoppable._ Ahsoka sighed at the impossibilities and continued surveying the room.

Sovereign Master Palpatine, a middle-aged, distinguished-looking ruler, who was one of their strongest allies, was schmoozing his way through the crowd. Palpatine ruled the largest kingdom within, well, everywhere on the planet probably. Ahsoka didn’t particularly dislike him, but she sometimes found his manipulation of other royals a little off-putting to watch. Anakin didn’t seem to mind, though. _He's a wise ruler, who knows how to get things done, Snips. And, a very valuable ally. Be nice._

Palpatine had taken an interest in Anakin and shepherded him through much of his political learning curve when Father had turned the day-to-day operations of Shili over to him. That counted for something with Ahsoka. Not recognizing Anakin’s greatness was, in her view, the greatest crime anyone could commit.  

_That must be where Anakin gets his political savvy because it certainly isn’t from…_ She glanced over and saw her father discussing some matter of state with Sovereign Master Windu of Cardota. At least, she assumed it was a matter of state as they both looked unsmiling and serious. That was the look Ahsoka associated with matters of state, anyway. For all she knew, they could be discussing the latest fathier races. She suppressed a small snort. Windu always looked so intense, as if every conversation was a potential crisis. The idea of him betting on… anything at all made her chuckle.

She frowned as her gaze drifted to her father. He looked far away, as usual—doing the bare minimum needed to be polite, but not really... there. He left most of the management of the kingdom to Anakin, but he had to put in an effort for gatherings like these. Though, even Ahsoka was doing a better job of faking it right now than he was. Unlike with Anakin, this was how she always pictured her father. Gone was the father she had before. _If I ever even had one._ She felt a short stab of pain at being unable to fix whatever had broken inside him when her mother died. Shaking her head violently, Ahsoka pushed those thoughts to the side. That was not a problem she could take on again tonight.

Suddenly, Ahsoka shifted into hyper-awareness, feeling eyes focused on her. She quickly glanced around. _Oh no._ Prince Lux was eyeing her interestedly. She was not going to spend another minute listening to him try to impress her. _I can’t handle anymore right now._ No one would notice if she slipped out for a bit, right? Definitely, not Father. He barely saw her when they were alone. Anakin might, but he looked completely engaged with his normal gaggle of admirers. Ahsoka decided she had done enough princessing for tonight and slipped through the side door.

_______

Changing out of the uncomfortable dress, Ahsoka headed out into the castle grounds, feeling free for the first time in days. The night air felt like a balm to her tired mind. Ahsoka’s light armor, freshly imprinted with the insignia of a squad commander, was comfortable on her skin and her face markings goosebumped pleasantly in the chilled air. The girl's ever-growing lekku moved slightly in the breeze as she wandered around the castle grounds. Several of the head-tail stripes were turning a pleasing shade of blue. She hoped they would be as long as her father’s, with the wide montrals to match.

Ahsoka had inherited her mother’s human shade of skin, giving her a darkly tanned appearance, but not the completely orange tone indicative of her father’s species. She quite liked that too. Not for the first time, Ahsoka was thankful she’d gotten the best of both parents. Though, she sometimes looked at her brother and wished for a more mature face and a stronger physique. The girl prayed to anyone listening that her fourteen-year old body would soon resemble a warrior, rather than a child.

After the continued aimless thoughts, Ahsoka began to feel like herself again. She strolled around the castle gardens and through the back woods until she got to the older, unused section of the castle. No one ever came this way. Ahsoka could relax in peace, finally.

_Or, maybe not._ She heard a quiet scraping noise from the battlements above. Squinting in the moonlight, she spied a cloaked figure creeping down the wall. Ahsoka quietly moved into the shadows and waited. She had no idea what this was about, but it didn’t strike her as someone with a reason for scaling an unused castle wall—at least, not an authorized one.

As the figure dropped lightly to the ground, Ahsoka stepped out, pointed her sword, and summoned her most authoritative sounding voice. “That’s far enough. Who are you?”

The figure spun around in surprise, still crouched near the ground, examining her but not responding.

Ahsoka pressed her sword closer to the figure’s chest and tried again. “Sooo, practicing for your next mountain climbing expedition or were you just trying to impress me?”

The figure tilted its head and seemed like it was going to speak, but nothing happened.

She rolled her eyes. “Ok, fine. Don’t answer me. I’ll just take you to the captain of the guard and you can answer his questions.” Ahsoka waved her sword to guide the figure back toward the main gates.

The intruder simply straightened and stood unmoving, with a presumably equally unmoving face underneath the hood.

Ahsoka felt an instinctive urge to see who was under the thin, dark blue cloak. She moved slightly closer, maintaining a defensive posture, and hooked her sword under the hood to sweep it back. There was a brief intake of breath as the sword whipped by the figure’s face and then… _Wow._

It was a woman. Well, more of a girl, a couple of years older than her. And, she was… mesmerizing was the only descriptor that came to mind. Olive skin, elegant cheekbones, and diamond tattoos spread geometrically across her face. Her eyes were a piercing, deep blue, like dark ice crystals forming under a blue haze. They were serious and so intense. But, amazing.

The young warrior stood frozen for a moment, fascinated by the striking features. Too late, she realized her loss of concentration. The girl moved like lightning, knocking Ahsoka’s sword away and placing a well-timed kick to her side with a follow-up elbow to her temple.

Ahsoka fell hard as adrenaline rushed through her veins. She rolled up, jumping to her feet, and prepared for another attack, but there was nothing. Ahsoka spun in a frenzied circle, grabbing her sword from the ground. Only the night breeze stirred around her. The girl was gone.

_______

Barriss stopped, out of breath, behind the nearest trees and waited to see if the young warrior was following her. Nothing. _Excellent._

That had been close. What had the girl been doing wandering around a part of the castle Barriss had specifically chosen due to the fact that _no one ever came there_. Apparently, that was a mistake. She winced—another one. Her master would not be pleased. Her first solo mission and she had almost failed. Barriss winced again at failing such a gift from her master. At least, she had gotten the intel and could still salvage the rest of the mission. The girl had no idea who she was or what she was doing there. Yes, everything was going to be fine. She just needed to stay calm. Her master’s words echoed in her ears. _Panic leads to fear. Fear leads to failure. Are you a failure, Barriss?_

She steadied her body and made her way along the tree line. She had run in the opposite direction of the girl. Barriss hadn’t memorized this part of the royal woods in her preparations. Why hadn’t she better prepared? _Another mistake._ Well, she would adapt. Barriss would show her master she was worthy. _Keep going and you’ll figure it out._

Winding a path out in a random directional pattern, Barriss headed back toward the part of the woods she knew, hoping she wasn’t leaving enough trail to follow. Barriss suspected the warrior’s skills wouldn’t be advanced enough to warrant creating false trails. The girl had looked too young to be an experienced tracker.  Plus, speed was a priority, in case the warrior alerted the castle guards instead of tracking her alone. That would be the smartest move. Though, it occurred to Barriss that someone who wandered about non-populated areas of the castle alone—in the middle of the night, no less—might not agree. She probably should have incapacitated the young warrior completely. Her master would likely say that. _Never leave an enemy at your back, girl._

Barriss came to a sudden stop. Something didn’t look right. The narrow path had a lighter pigment, barely noticeable in the bright moonlight. She smirked. They would have to do better than that. She approached the area carefully, looking for the best way to skirt the trap.

Then, Barriss heard a loud crash and her body slammed forward. _Oh no._ She felt the weight of a armored body on top of her, as she flailed inelegantly through the false ground and into the pit below. _Master is going to kill me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Given this is an AU, all the characters may vary slightly in age, background, and/or profession. I've essentially tried to imagine how they would behave, if the characters we all loved existed in this world.
> 
> If Ahsoka Tano was a princess with Anakin for a brother... who would she be?  
> If Barriss Offee was raised by a perfection-demanding, anti-attachments master (um, ok not a stretch)... who would she be?


	2. Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka makes a friend and Barriss finds a light.

The first thing Barriss heard was painful mumbling.

“Ohhh… what the—what happened?”

Barriss vainly tried to push her attacker off, so she could breath. She made a strangled sound as she struggled and finally felt the weight lift from her hurting chest.

“Um, oh—sorry about that. Didn’t know this hole was here.”

Barriss rolled over and stared at the moonlight above her, _way_ above her, at the top of the trap she had inconveniently been pushed—or rather _tackled_ into. She gingerly got to her feet and could see the girl looking at her in the bright moonlight. Barriss ignored her for the moment, hoping she wasn’t busy planning another tackle, and examined her new prison.

The walls were rough, but didn’t provide much in the way of hand holds for climbing. The opening they had fallen through looked to be about fifteen feet above them. As Barriss worked her way through each wall of dirt, she couldn’t find any openings or weak spots. The pit itself was claustrophobic and small, with barely enough space for a full-size human to lay crosswise. The creators apparently felt the need for height over breadth. She could feel the girl’s eyes still on her, as she finished her examination.

“Who are you?”

Barriss ignored the question, trying to think. _Panic leads to fear._ There had to be something she could do. If she was found here, her mission would not only have failed, but she would be captured and imprisoned. Maybe, even executed. _I’m in trouble._ What would her master do? _Use your available resources. Consider what is around you, who is around you… use the tools you have been given._ Barriss nodded to herself, deciding. She turned around and faced the girl, who was still staring at her.

“I’m B-Lumi,” she stuttered. She had almost used her real name. _Why did I do that?_ She must have hit her head harder than she thought. “I don’t mean any harm. I was… well, I can’t really tell you what I was doing, but I promise I wasn’t going to hurt anyone.” She added, feigning annoyance, “Of course now, thanks to you, it looks like I’m going to be here a while.”

The girl sputtered, “Well, how was I supposed to know there was a trap here? And, in case you don’t remember, you did attack me first!”

Barriss stared impassively at her. _True._ But, she wasn’t letting her gain the advantage. She needed something else from the girl—cooperation. That required a special approach. _Antagonize, pull back, keep your asset wanting to please you._ “Well, what was I supposed to do? You were trying to arrest me! And, you would have known there was a trap, _if_ you bothered to look before you crashed on top of me. Why do you think I was just standing there?!”

The warrior started to respond and then stopped. She looked angry, then thoughtful, and then something else Barriss couldn’t read. The girl’s eyes narrowed, a hint of humor hiding behind a blue-tinted fiery gaze. “Fine, whatever. If you want to think you are the injured party here, while I’m sitting in the dirt with a swollen rib cage and a throbbing face, all in the service of stopping an intruder scaling the castle walls, feel free. It doesn’t change my question. Who are you?”

_Impressive._ The girl had more intelligence and adaptability than Barriss had given her credit for. She had recognized the non-answer, distilled the events to essentials, dispelled a potentially antagonistic situation, and still managed to seem… endearing. _Yes, that’s the right word. Endearing. Hmm._ Not to mention, her efficient tracking of Barriss through the woods showed some level of skill.  She had underestimated the young warrior. She wouldn’t do so again. Time to change tactics. Barriss sighed. “Listen, I meant what I said earlier. I didn’t mean any harm and just needed to get out. I am—I’m sorry I hit you. I try not to resort to violence, unless absolutely necessary. I know that probably doesn’t make it better, since you were only doing your duty. If it makes you feel better, I am impressed that you managed to follow me so quickly. I’m not usually so easy to track.” She shrugged in what she hoped was a conciliatory manner.

The girl studied her for a moment. Then, the thoughtful expression evaporated and she smiled brightly.

Barriss was taken aback by the sudden change. It was a nice smile. _Endearing. Huh._

The smiling face said, “Alright, apology accepted. So, how do we get out of here?”  

Barriss was again surprised, though she hid it better this time. _What an unusual person._ “Well, I’m not sure that we can. This trap was well built. I can’t find an obvious way to escape it. Maybe, when there is more light in the morning I might have better luck. Unless, you have any ideas?” she added hopefully.

Her companion shook her head. “Like I said, I didn’t even know this was here. I’m more of a warrior than a escape artist. I imagine that is your speciality,” she replied with a smirk, “so, I’ll leave that part to you.” Then, the girl looked thoughtfully around the small area, shivering slightly. “Maybe we should just work on getting comfortable for the night and hope someone decides to come and look for us—in an unused part of the castle grounds, in the middle of the night, in a trap no one knows about, in a place where I wasn’t supposed to be… _or,_ that you come up with a brilliant plan tomorrow morning,” she ended with a full-out grin. It was bright and confident. It was a grin that insisted there was no doubt that, some way or another, they would get out of this and everything would be fine.

_Wow._ _I wonder what it is like to have that much faith in… anything._ Barriss pushed the thought away. “Alright then. I guess that is as good a plan as any. Though, I hope you don’t mind if I wish for option two, given the likely consequences for me if I’m found before I escape.”

The girl’s eyes crinkled as she smiled again.

_Wow, she smiles a lot._ _And, I… kind of like it._ Barriss didn’t want to even consider why that was.

The young warrior commented wryly, “I’m sure you can manage to dazzle them into letting you go and, if all else fails, simply drop-kick them in the ribs”. She winced and grabbed her bruised side where Barriss had done just that.

Barriss had a sudden urge to smile as well, but instead simply walked over the girl and said, “Let me see. I can probably heal the wound.”

“You have healing skills?”

Nodding absently, Barriss removed her short recurve bow from her back and set it aside, so she had freedom of movement to examine the girl's injuries. She tried to ignore the eyes shining strangely at her.

Then, without preamble, the girl rapidly removed her chest plate and her under-armor, leaving just a small fabric wrap around her chest.

Barriss was disconcerted at the amount of trust that represented. It left the young warrior vulnerable to attack or further injury. Potentially, from the very person who caused the injury now in question. Shaking off her bewilderment, she concentrated on the wound, checking for breaks or deeper injuries. She finished with a satisfied expression. “Just some deep bruising looks like. If you want to trust me, I can try to do a surface heal of the area, so it doesn’t hurt as much?” Barriss didn’t look up, not wanting to see the expression of disbelief that would likely appear on the girl’s expressive face.

“I trust you,” came the calm reply.

Barriss jerked her head up, expecting some deception or a snide remark about always trusting spies who illicitly infiltrate castles.

There was nothing—just an innocent sincerity shining from the girls’ eyes.

There was a short intake of breath and Barriss realized it had come from herself. This girl was… _wow._ She didn’t know what to make of her. But, once again surprising herself, she liked it.

_______

As they lay, side by side, in their tiny home for the night, she heard the girl turn toward her and take a breath. Barriss sighed. There were more questions coming. Questions she probably couldn’t answer. But, more surprisingly, increasingly _did_ want to answer. The young warrior had already asked Barriss about everything from her favorite color to her cloak material as she had treated her wounds and tried to arrange enough space for them to sleep.

“You are a Mirialan, aren’t you?”

Barriss started and turned her head. It was rare that people knew her species. Most assumed she was just a human with some weird facial tattoos and a sickly skin color. That was expected. Her species didn’t have a sect or home. They were sparsely spread from kingdom to kingdom. Since most kingdoms had a swath of species occupying them, that was nothing remarkable. However, unlike the others, Mirialans were rare and often alone. “Yes, how did you know that?”

The girl continued, growing more excited with each word, “I love learning about new species and cultures. Mirialan are one of my favorites. Probably, because there was so little information, making you mysterious. Also, the tattoos reminded me of my warrior markings and that was cool. Plus, it said you were scattered when your kingdom was destroyed and you didn’t really have a home and I found that… I don’t know.

“Anyhow, I had always hoped to meet one of you, one day. There are usually sketches of species in my books, but not for Mirialans. I only had a brief description to go on. So, I wasn’t completely sure when I saw you. But, it seemed to fit. Do your facial tattoos mean anything? I’ve always wondered,” she ended breathlessly.

Barriss took in the multitude of enthusiasm. _What a strange girl._ “Wow. You’ve done a lot of thinking on this topic.”

The girl looked slightly abashed.

“Not that there's anything wrong with that,” Barriss continued quickly, “just unusual is all. As for my tattoos, yes, they mean something. We receive them for special achievements in life. A Mirialan without tattoos is said to be empty, without a soul. It’s a deeply… personal thing to get one.” Barriss trailed off softly. She wasn’t sure why she had shared so much information. She could have just said yes, or made up a reason for them.

The girl contemplated her thoughtfully.

Barriss waited for the natural follow-up question to her statement, dreading the results. She wouldn’t share _that._ It never came. They lay in silence for a couple of minutes before Barriss broke it, “You are a Togruta, right?” She had seen many in her time, formidable warriors, but this girl looked slightly different than most.

“Yeah. Well, half-Togruta. My mother was human.”

“I wasn’t aware Togruta and humans were compatible. I mean for producing children, that is.” Barriss was interested. Cross-species relationships weren’t unusual. A healthy child was.

The girl laughed. “Neither were my parents, or so I’ve been told. They just decided to try. And, I was the result. They did say it was a learning process for everyone involved, whatever that means.”

Barriss smiled slightly and replied, “Well, I think it turned out rather well.” She winced inwardly. _What was that?_

But, her companion seemed to enjoy the implied compliment, grinning widely. “Thanks.”  She continued contemplatively, “It’s strange sometimes. It feels like I have two warring instincts inside of me. My brother says it’s because I’m just too contrary to get along with anyone, even myself.” The girl gave a self-deprecating smile.

“Is your brother half-human, as well?”

“No, my mother had him before she met my father. So, my half-brother, all human. But, I couldn’t ask for a better one. He’s wise and caring, a great warrior, and has always taken care of me like I’m fully his sister. Which, I guess I am. But, you know what I mean. He’s amazing.”

Barriss could hear the adoration. She hoped this brother appreciated that unconditional love. It was something she’d never experienced herself. And, if she had, she certainly would appreciate it. This brother must be something special. “That sounds nice. I don’t really have any family. I kind of remember my mother, but I’m not sure what happened to her. I grew up on the streets of Coruscant and then was taken in by another Mirialan, after she found me stealing. Badly.” Barriss formed a brief frown at the memory. “Anyway, my master taught me everything I know. I guess she is the closest thing I have to… family.”

_Why am I telling her all of this?_ She couldn’t remember talking to anyone about herself. Ever. Something about this girl… she wanted her to… understand her, or something. Barriss couldn’t quite tease out the feeling underlying it all. Normally, she wouldn’t talk this much. Normally, it would be the path to failure. But, this was not normal. She hadn’t spent this much time in the company of anyone, other than her master, in a very long time.

“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine being without a family.” Her voice was warm and open, sympathy without condescension. Barriss was glad for that. Pity was for failures. The girl added, with a mock serious expression and a feigned formal tone, “Still, I do think you turned out rather well.”

Barriss blinked and then choked out what sounded suspiciously like a small giggle. _Did I just giggle? What is wrong with me? Barriss Offee, master of espionage. And, giggling._

Her companion grinned with delight, blue eyes shining brilliantly in the moonlight, clearly quite pleased with her work.

_Hmm_. _Maybe, I should giggle more often._ Barriss was strangely reluctant to let the conversation die. She desperately searched for an appropriate follow-up question. “So… do your montrals— _they are called montrals, right?_ —really let you hear better? I’ve heard that about Togruta but wasn’t sure if it was true or not.”

“Yeah, sure! Though, it depends on the decibel range and distance. But, for the most part I have much better hearing than human ears do. What about Mirialan?”

“Nothing special, about like human hearing. I’d much rather have what you have.” She waved toward her companion's head formations.

“But, then you wouldn’t have hair!” she exclaimed. “I’ve always wanted hair. Plus, you’d get a bumpy forehead.” The girl frowned and touched her forehead, clearly displeased with what she felt.

Barriss said dryly, “I’m sure it can’t be that bad.”

Her companion gave the most pained look Barriss had ever seen. Then, she grabbed Barriss’ hand and placed it on her forehead.

It was slightly bumpy near the top, but not in an unpleasant way. Barriss couldn’t help herself. She ran her fingers across the girl’s forehead several times, before realizing she was probably overdoing it and withdrew her hand, flushing deeply. “Sorry, it’s just—I kind of like how it feels.”

The girl gawked at her in complete disbelief. “You’re teasing me.”

“I am not! I do!”

“Whatever. I’d much rather have a smooth forehead.” She glanced at Barriss’ head with longing.

Barriss had a sudden urge to return the favor and guided the girl’s hand, just as she had done. There was an unexpected rush of calm and contentment as fingers stroked across her forehead in a gentle, massaging way. Her eyes drifted closed. She couldn’t remember being touched by anyone since she was a small child. At least, not in a way that was… comforting. It made her feel strangely safe. Barriss felt no small regret when the hand was withdrawn, opening her eyes with reluctance.

The girl gazed at her with open admiration. “Thanks. I like yours, too.”

Barriss smiled shyly. “Anytime.”

They fell into silence once again. It was a nice silence, though. Barriss turned her head, somewhat reluctantly, back to her wall. _I really should go to sleep._ Then, she heard another deep breath.

“Sooo… are you like a full-time professional spy? Trying to earn some extra money on the side? In hock to some vicious criminal overlord? Or, do you just enjoy sneaking around places you shouldn’t, while beating up any willing warriors that strike your fancy?”

Barriss couldn’t help a small grin as she turned completely to face her questioner, who had an impish glint peering from playful blue eyes. “Well, what do you think?”

“Hmm, hard to tell. Not enough data at present. Though, if you insist on a guess… I’d say a little of all of the above.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow inquiringly. “Your reasoning, please?”

The question produced a mock serious expression, coupled with an enthusiastic tumble of words, in response. “First off, you are good. Very good. Even I can see that. Which suggests you are well-trained and do this on a regular basis. Number two, you probably don’t do it on a regular basis for free, so that means there is probably some sort of monetary incentive involved. Third, you’re far too, um… young to be a hardened criminal mastermind. No offense.” She was ticking off each reason on her fingers as she went. “Four, you seem very determined and driven to succeed, suggesting you take your work very seriously. And, last but not least, you strike me as someone who has to—I don’t know—have _reasons_ for doing things. All of this leads me to believe that I’m totally right. So yeah, that’s about all I’ve got,” she ended with a sheepish grin.

Staring distantly, Barriss considered the words. The girl had picked up a lot.

Her companion's smile turned slowly into a frown. “I didn’t mean anything... bad. I know those were stupid answers. I mean, don’t take me seriously, I—” she faltered.

“No, no,” Barriss said quickly, “I was just evaluating your reasoning.” She smiled in a way she hoped was reassuring. Barriss wondered briefly why this girl even cared what a spy who had caused her no small amount of trouble thought of her, but continued, “I think you are smarter than you gave yourself credit for. That was solid reasoning. I'm not saying it's all correct, but still—strong effort.”

The girl beamed, clearly pleased with the praise.

Then, a thought flashed through Barriss’ mind. “Wait a minute! I never even asked who you were. What’s your name?”

The girl stopped smiling and seemed contemplative. Then, slowly, without her usual accompanying grin, she responded, “Ashla, my name is Ashla.”

Ashla’s voice sounded odd. _Why would she feel nervous about giving me her name? I must be imagining things now._ The name sounded familiar, though… wait, she had it. “Like the legendary Jedi warrior?”

Ashla didn’t meet her eyes and nodded.

She hadn't imagined it. The girl seemed unexpectedly skittish for such a simple question. Barriss felt compelled to reassure her, for reasons unclear to herself. _Maybe, she thought I would make fun of her?_ “Well, that’s nice. Especially, since you are clearly in the warrior line of business,” she added, corners of her mouth twitching.

The girl laughed shakily. “True, true.” Ashla continued on in a rush, “But, seriously, you really can’t tell me what your mission is? I believe you when you say you weren’t here to hurt anyone. That suggests reconnaissance for an enemy of the kingdom or some kind of espionage.” She gazed intently at Barriss, clearly needing a response that would alleviate her worry about damage to the kingdom she served.

Barriss thought for a moment. It was really neither, and she really shouldn’t tell her. However, it wouldn’t necessarily hurt anything. She could be vague on the details. When she saw the genuine worry in the girl’s pensive eyes, she knew she wanted that look to go away. She wanted her to look happy, bright, and… _shining_ again. “Alright, since you asked so nicely. I guess you could say espionage, but not the kind you think. It actually has nothing to do with this kingdom at all. This just happened to be the place where several royals from other kingdoms were meeting and provided me the best opportunity.”

Ashla perked up with interest, clearly mulling over the possibilities. “So, you were after information about or from a visiting ruler from another kingdom?”

Barriss’ right eyebrow raised encouragingly.

The girl thought a moment and continued, “Or, one of the members of their royal delegation.”

Barriss felt slightly proud of the girl’s deductive abilities. Which was silly. _As if I had something to do with that._ “Yes, but it was personal rather than political. My employer suspected a ‘significant other’ of having, shall we say, clandestine relations with someone else.” She carefully chose her words to reveal no clue as to identities. “It just so happens the person in question was attending this meeting without my client, as was the person suspected of being the other party involved. I was sent to confirm the relationship and provide potential evidence for use in a... legal proceeding. And, that’s what I did.”

Ashla gasped excitedly, “So, your client was right? And, you got the evidence?”

Barriss smiled fully this time. “Yes.” Her smile turned rueful as she looked toward the sky above their heads. “I mean, assuming I get out of here alive that is.”

Ashla scoffed confidently, surety permeating her entire face, “Don’t worry, you will.”

Barriss glanced back at her, seeing unwavering certainty in the girl’s eyes. She had total belief in Barriss’ abilities. It was… unsettling. _She doesn’t know me. If she did, she wouldn't have that expression on her face._ “Well, guess we will see tomorrow, won’t we?”

“Yep. You will see that I’m totally right.” She reluctantly added, “I guess I’m done with your inquisition for tonight. And, you probably want to rest, since you have get us out of here tomorrow. So, I suppose you can go to sleep now, if you want.”

Barriss smirked. “Thanks for the permission, General Ashla.”

The girl looked slightly abashed at the moniker, but it quickly transformed into a genuine smile. “Anytime, Spymaster Lumi.”

As she turned back to face the sky, Barriss noticed an especially bright star directly in her line of vision.  She contemplated the star for a moment, fascinated by how it made the other stars seem so ordinary by comparison. Perhaps, it served as an example of what a star could be… brilliant and shining.

_______

Barriss woke to early morning light radiating warmth on her face. She felt content for a moment, until she remembered her situation. She was laying side by side with a young warrior. In the kingdom she had illicitly infiltrated. Stuck in a pit. Probably about to be captured—possibly executed. And, failing her master in the process. Still, as she lay there, feeling the warmth of the young girl beside her, she wasn’t as dejected as she should have been. _A part of me is actually enjoying this._ Another surprise in an increasing number of them since being almost captured by the unusual girl sharing her space.

She looked over at the still sleeping form and took time to really examine her in the sunlight. She had bright white warrior markings on a slightly orange-tinted face. They added a certain fierceness to her features. The blue and white striped head-tails— _what were those ones called again, montrals or lekku?_ —seemed like she had caught them in a growth spurt. Some were awkwardly short and others approaching elegantly long. Her toned muscles bespoke the beginnings of a warrior physique. Barriss had especially noticed the strong muscle sinewed beneath the injured skin when she had healed her last night. Given her fast recovery from Barriss’ attack, excellent tracking skills, adaptable nature, quick mind, and well-honed posture with her sword, Barriss had no doubt Ashla would turn into a fine warrior. _And, a beautiful one._

Barriss startled herself with the last thought. She considered it, fingers moving thoughtfully over her own forehead as she did so. _Yes._ Yes, she was right. She could see the vestiges of elegance in the developing cheekbones and hands. Combined with a strong body, an already engaging smile, and the practiced form of a warrior would likely make a sight to behold some day. Especially, if her eyes remained that fierce shade of blue.  Barriss sighed and part of her wished she might see it for herself. _Unlikely._ She turned her head back to the sky far above her. _Enough daydreaming_. _Time to get to work._

She quietly rose and examined the walls. After a few minutes of painstakingly careful work, Barriss realized her previous assessment had been correct. There was little to no leverage for climbing or even— _wait._ She could just see a large tree branch hanging slightly to the side of the opening. _What if…?_ She calculated the parameters in her head. _It could work._ She felt a little giddy. _I can do this._ Turning back to the sleeping girl, she gave a small start.

The girl was watching her with a soft smile on her lips. “You’ve got a plan,” she said, smile widening.

Barriss couldn’t help a shy smile. “Yes, but it's a long shot. Literally. So, don’t get your hopes up.”

“It will work. And, if it doesn’t, you’ll figure out something else. Worrying is for people who aren’t stuck in a hole with the best spy in the 47 kingdoms.”

Flushing slightly, Barriss again wondered at the confidence. _I’m sure Master disagrees with that assessment._ “Alright, let’s give it a try and see if you have overestimated my abilities.”

Earnest eyes met hers. “Not possible.”

Heat spread across her cheeks as Barriss retrieved her bow from the corner of the pit. She reached into her cloak and chose a stout, thick arrow with a jagged, iron head. Then, she unsheathed a small dagger, removed her cloak, and began cutting strips in a diagonal pattern.

Ashla was watching her with rapt attention.

Barriss finished double-knotting the strips, tested their strength, and wrapped one end to the arrow’s large metal loop, securing it in a modified figure-eight. She tested the entire creation for strength, and laid it out to see if it was long enough. _Excellent. Maybe I won't disappoint her after all._ She nocked the arrow, focused on the target, and closed her eyes, feeling the bow meld into her arm. She opened her eyes, without thinking, and let go. The arrow sailed solidly into the branch, lodging deeply through the wood with a satisfying thud.

“Yes!! Do I know how to pick my super spies or what?!” Ashla exclaimed, pumping her fist and jumping to her feet excitedly.

Barriss laughed. It felt strange. _How long has it been since I actually laughed?_ She shook her head. _Not important at the moment, get it together Barriss._ “Alright, can you support me on your shoulders? I can get a better grip and it won’t put as much weight on the line. Then, I’ll climb the rest of the way using the wall and the line. After I’m out, I’ll reinforce and leverage it to pull you out. Sound good?”

The girl’s eyes shined brightly. “Sounds perfect.”

They arranged themselves with no small amount of difficulty, Ashla spotting her for as long as she could. Barriss struggled to make it the last few feet on her own. Finally, she reached the edge and pulled herself over the lip, panting heavily.

After a couple of minutes, she rose and began reinforcing and attaching the makeshift rope to a nearby tree to hold Ashla’s weight. Abruptly, Barriss realized what she was doing. Why was she getting the girl out? Ashla could easily take her prisoner, as she had tried to do yesterday. It was her duty after all. And, if duty came first for someone like Barriss, surely that applied to an honorable and idealistic young warrior like Ashla. The smartest play was to leave the girl here and make a run for it, before anyone knew she even existed. Someone would find the girl eventually. She turned to go.

Barriss stopped. _No._ She couldn’t. What if no one found her? Her master would say that wasn’t her problem. Only the mission mattered. Duty over attachment. _Attachment? I’m not attached to her. I just met her. Still..._ Barriss had never felt this conflicted about finishing a mission in her painfully young life.

The seconds ticked by as she stood indecisively, starting to feel the edge of panic. _Panic leads to fear._ Fear of what? Getting her out? Or, leaving her in?

Suddenly, a soft voice cut through the noise in her head, “Lumi? Are you ok?” There was a tinge of uncertainty to it, but it still held hope. The girl who believed in her for unknown reasons. _I don't deserve that kind of faith._

_______

_She is amazing._ Ahsoka’s admiration increased when, with the removal of the cloak, she saw the full elegance of the girl's form. She was thin but moved in a graceful, lithe way that reminded Ahsoka of the dancers from Ryloth. Her form-fitting black tunic seemed to meld into her skin, except for a thick, utility belt around her waist that contained various tools Ahsoka didn’t recognize. A long pouch, pressed flatly against her chest, had pockets that held arrows of various sizes and designs. Meanwhile, a leather strap was lashed to her back to secure the bow. _How does she fit all of that under one cloak without falling over?_ Her uncovered hair draped her shoulders, black as a moonless night yet brightly shining. The dark locks looked smooth and soft. Ahsoka had to suppress an unbidden urge to verify the last part. _Get a grip, princess._

Ahsoka’s breath compressed in her chest as she saw her companion focus and release the arrow. She had only seen one other person ever field an arrow like that—using a bow like it was... a part of her. It was a feat Ahsoka had never been able to master, despite her mother’s constant efforts. Seeing the girl in front of her do it was… she struggled to find an appropriate adjective.

Releasing her swirling emotions through a delighted whoop when the arrow successfully hit the target, Ahsoka jumped up. Then, she heard a laugh. A genuine laugh from the person she had barely gotten a smile out of for the last twelve hours. It was beautiful—light and deep at the same time. Ahsoka felt like her already compressed chest was bottoming out into her stomach. She stood blankly, immersed in emotions she didn’t quite understand, until Lumi laid out the plan.

Ahsoka followed her instructions without question, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw the girl make it over the top. She waited expectantly. And, waited. And, waited some more. There were no sounds at all, now. A sliver of fear crept into Ahsoka’s heart. _She wouldn’t leave me here would she? After all we went through together? No, of course not._ Lumi was probably having trouble finding a place to reinforce the line. Ahsoka would wait patiently.

As the minutes ticked by and she still heard no movement, the sliver blossomed ever so slightly larger inside her. _Maybe, maybe she—no. I know her. She’s a good person. I saw it. And, the person I saw wouldn't leave me here._ Still, Ahsoka felt compelled to say something. She called up, half without meaning to, heart beating a little bit faster.

Then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped. She heard movement and the girl was there—letting the line down with a determined smile.

Ahsoka beamed. Her faith had been rewarded.

_______

As they recovered at the top of the pit together, Barriss looked at her questioningly. “What now?”

_Oh. Of course. She thinks I’m going to try to arrest her or something. I mean, that's how we got into this mess in the first place._ It hadn’t occurred to Ahsoka what to do after they got out. Until now. Ahsoka looked at the girl standing warily in front of her. There was no way she was going to be responsible for putting that face in prison. _Besides, you don't arrest people who save your life._

Ahsoka smiled sheepishly and rushed out, “Well, I don’t know. I guess you’ll probably be leaving now. How about… friends?” She stuck her hand out quickly, flushing as she did so.

Lumi stared strangely at the hand, then Ahsoka, then the ground, and then back at Ahsoka. Finally, she reached her own hand out tentatively, as if expecting a trap.

Ahsoka squeezed it tightly, smiling encouragingly as she did so.

The girl’s eyes brightened and she gripped more firmly, giving a shy smile in return. “Thanks.”

They stood there for a moment, hands still clasped, until Lumi suddenly dropped hers and started to walk away.

Ahsoka realized she felt… _sad? Why am I sad to be out of that pit?_ She watched the girl as she walked away to another adventure… without Ahsoka. She yelled after her, “So, I’ll, um, see you around I guess?”

The girl craned her head back, black hair shining against the morning sun, blue eyes twinkling like bright shards of glass. “Maybe, never know.”

Ahsoka felt a rush of warmth as she watched her friend disappear into the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are so darn cute. I can't help it.


	3. Dangers of Attachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years later...
> 
> [Ahsoka: Age 17]  
> [Barriss: Age 19]

Ahsoka surveyed the city with interest. She loved visiting new places and Tatooine definitely qualified. It wasn't the prettiest of kingdoms, true, but it was certainly different, which was the whole point. She wondered why Anakin hated it so much. He refused to take her here, ever. Well, he refused to take her anywhere much anymore. So, she had taken herself. There would be hell to pay when she went back, but she didn't really care. Maybe, he would finally see that she could take care of herself. She had no intention of remaining indefinitely in a gilded cage.

She decided to stop dwelling on things she couldn’t fix and fully immerse herself in this new adventure. _Wow, there's a lot of sand here._ She wandered the streets, watching sketchy deals and spotting new species she'd never encountered. _Wait, was that a walrus man? What species was that?_

Ahsoka stopped in front of a run down temple. Something about it called to her. It felt… important, somehow. It was clearly old, but had a majestic look underneath the grime and disrepair.  It must have been beautiful once. _Wonder who this was for?_ She looked around for a placard or some sign of what it once was, when shouts and clattering came from inside the temple walls.

A small group of ragtag soldiers appeared out of nowhere, running in semi-organized chaos, yelling to each other wildly, “Find him! Find the thief! Check the back!”  

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught more movement. Looking up, she saw a red-cloaked figure skid silently across the roof and start to shimmy down a vertical support beam. _Ah._

Ahsoka opened her mouth to alert the frantic soldiers about their quarry, when the thief suddenly looked straight at her. He seemed to jerk slightly and lost his grip on the beam. He managed to hang on with one hand, swinging precariously toward the street below. Then, miraculously, he pulled himself back onto the beam using his legs and inertia to get a solid grip. _Impressive._

She watched intently, closing her mouth, mesmerized by the display. The figure returned the stare, still hanging somewhat unsteadily on the beam. Ahsoka felt a familiar feeling permeate her mind. She couldn’t place it. Something about this thief was striking a refrain in her brain. Suddenly, the thief raised his free hand and gave her a quick wave. Ahsoka’s mouth dropped open and she had to stop herself from automatically waving back. _Was that meant for me?_

The figure was already moving gracefully from beam to beam along the side of the temple. Ahsoka watched in fascination, when the familiar feeling clicked into clarity. _Oh. Ohhh. It can't be… can it? Oh, please let it be._ She watched anxiously as the hood flew partially off the thief’s head, during the final backwards flip onto an adjoining nearby roof, and… _It is. It's her._

Excitement overwhelmed her in that moment. Three years could do a lot. What it hadn’t done was erase Ahsoka's admiration for _her._ Ahsoka was older, perhaps even a little wiser, but still just as mesmerized as her fourteen-year old self had been in this moment.

The girl _—no, a woman now—_ gazed back at her, apparently in no hurry to move either. She remained crouched on the roof, frozen and staring at Ahsoka like she was a ghost who might disappear at any moment. The black hair shined darkly under the velvet cloak. The deep, ice blue eyes glinted in the midday sun. The dark, diamond markings resembled black slashes on her partially uncovered face. She was too far away for Ahsoka to make out her expression clearly but, if she had to guess, it would be one of shock. _Or, maybe I'm just projecting._

Then, without warning, the spell was broken. There was a shout and the loud clattering of armored feet approaching assaulted her montrals. Her friend _—were we still friends?—_ stifled a curse and moved speedily across the rooftop.  Ahsoka felt an undeniable impulse to do something.

She turned as a soldier came into view and yelled, “Hey, I just saw someone in a dark cloak running that way!” Ahsoka pointed emphatically in the opposite direction of the rooftop. She watched as he called his compatriots and they all rushed determinedly after a ghost.

A self-satisfied smile on her face, Ahsoka turned back to the roof. Her smile collapsed, replaced by heart-wrenching disappointment. The roof was empty. She frantically scanned the other rooftops, looking for movement. Nothing. There was no one in sight. She was gone.

_______

Barriss finally came to a stop two miles outside of the city. That was close. Her master would not be pleased at all. _Why do you continue to disappointment me, Barriss?_ She had been distracted.

No, not just distracted. _Mesmerized._ She was supposed to be better than this. First, Barriss had almost fell when she saw _her._ Then, she did that silly wave. She slapped her hand to her forehead. _What was that anyway?_ Then, instead of immediately escaping, she had waited. For what? A look? A smile? A returned wave?

Barriss began moving again, still panting from the exertion her escape had inflicted on her body. _Did she even recognize me?_ The girl hadn’t made any movement or tried to say anything, but Barriss was almost positive she had. There had been recognition in her body language and in the steady gaze upon her. She hadn’t alerted the soldiers, either. Still, she hadn’t even tried to interact with Barriss. _Maybe, she would rather forget me? Why do I even care?_

Her traitorous mind continued to picture the girl she’d just left, standing and staring with an expression Barriss couldn’t quite understand from the rooftop. Ashla was taller, definitely. She had filled out, looking lean and muscled. Her lekku had grown longer and more majestic. She had been wearing new, heavier armor, a company commander's armor if Barriss had made out the insignia correctly. _Impressive._ Except for what looked like a secondary short sword hanging from her waist, she looked like any other Togruta warrior, though. Well maybe not just _any._

Still, Barriss almost hadn’t recognized her, when she’d first spotted her from the temple wall. She may not have given her a second glance, if it hadn’t been for the eyes. Her eyes were still fierce and… shining. Barriss would know those eyes anywhere.

_Stupid—stop being stupid._ Her master was right. Barriss was never going to be good enough. She couldn’t let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it Togruta, Torgutas, or Togrutan? These are the kind of questions that plague me as I write.  
> Oh, and how often I can get away with saying the word mesmerizing without it sounding weird. Apparently, just once is a stretch.


	4. Interlude: Control Your World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Train a child in the way they should go…  
> -Proverbs 22:6
> 
> [Barriss Flashback]  
> [Barriss: Age 9]  
> [Asajj: Age 13]

“Come on, Greenie, get on with it.”

Barriss frowned nervously at the greasy Rodian hovering over her shoulder. “I’m working on it, if you would just give me a minute. This is very complicated work.”

The boy snorted. “I know that, Greenie. Why do you think we keep you around?”

She thought about telling him to stop calling her that name but decided, once again, not to. She didn’t want them to change their mind about letting her stay. Barriss didn’t want to be alone again.

Asajj had laughed derisively at first when Barriss asked to join up. To them, Barriss looked like a weak, sickly child, not a valuable asset. After she had shown her abilities at breaking through complicated security, and withstood several rounds of brutal teasing from the group, Asajj had finally decided she was worth a try. The gang had then grudgingly let her join them.

She heard another voice. “That’s enough Greedo, leave her alone. She’s working. And, by the way, someone with your puke green complexion probably shouldn’t be hurling insulting nicknames around.”

Greedo growled angrily, but he fell silent. He knew better than to challenge Asajj. Everyone knew better.

Barriss flashed a grateful smile at the tall, pale girl before continuing her work. Asajj was an intimidating presence, a few years older than Barriss, cold in manner, tough as a rancor, and hard to impress. She was smart, though, and could see the value of Barriss.

Asajj moved closer to Barriss and knelt down next to her. She spoke quietly but firmly, “Kid, be honest, are you going to be able to do this? We can’t stand out here much longer.”

“Almost got it. Don’t worry.”

Asajj nodded and rose again. “She’s almost got it. Get ready.”

Barriss felt the lock release with a self-satisfied smile. “I’m ready.”

There were several sighs of relief and an “about time” from Greedo as they opened the door and moved stealthily inside the complex.

Asajj spoke quietly, “Get what you can and get out. Remember, if there is any trouble, get out immediately. The assassin is not a target to take lightly. We don’t wait for anyone who decides to linger.”

Everyone signaled their agreement and they moved quickly through the building. Barriss entered a side room, assessing the contents for anything of value. She felt a hand on her shoulder and flipped around to see Asajj with a finger to her mouth. The girl pointed to the table, where objects of varying design were laid out. Barriss nodded and moved to the table to evaluate the items. There were several objects she didn’t recognize, but they looked to hold valuable components. She pointed these out to Asajj to pocket.

Barriss stopped in front of an elegant, wooden box arrayed with thin, needle-like tools. It looked like… it couldn’t be. Asajj grabbed her arm and motioned to go. But, Barriss wanted to be sure. She leaned closer to scrutinize the device. _It is._

Asajj hissed at her and Barriss reluctantly turned to leave. Asajj was already at the door when it slammed close with a bang.

Barriss ran up to it as Asajj tried to force it open and cursed loudly. Barriss felt panic rising within her. They were trapped. _It’s my fault. I should have left when she told me._

Asajj grabbed her shoulders, looking fierce, and directed her toward the locking mechanism. Barriss felt the panic slide away in the girl’s supportive grip. She examined the lock and went to work while Asajj prowled restlessly in a circle, on guard for potential attacks.

Then, with a loud click, the door latch released. Asajj gave her an impressed nod and they both ran through the door. They rejoined the others at the exit, which had also apparently been secured since they had entered the complex.

Asajj growled at Barriss, “I thought you disabled the security on the door.”

“I did! There must be an internal security trigger somewhere here. Someone tripped it.”

Asajj whirled on the others with fury on her face. “And, _who_ would be that stupid?”

The others stared at the ground, not responding. No one wanted to risk incurring her wrath, whether they had done it or not.

Asajj’s face was harsh in the weak lighting around the door. “We’ll talk about this later. Kid, can you get us out of here?”

Barriss nodded and moved expeditiously to the door lock. Unlike the others, this one was extremely complex, knobs and levies arrayed in tight formations. She felt panic rising again, but pushed through and started to work. She saw Asajj fan the others out to keep watch, as she remained on guard behind Barriss. Asajj always protected Barriss when she worked. When she had Asajj behind her, Barriss felt… safe.

Barriss focused her mind completely on the locking mechanism. She thought she heard Asajj speaking but she didn’t process the words. Her sole focus was on the task at hand. _Whirr. Click._ She’d done it. She looked up with joy to see Asajj looking at her strangely.

“Sorry, kid.” Asajj struck out unexpectedly, knocking Barriss to the ground, and ran out the door. It slammed behind her.

_______

Barriss looked up at the thick, closed door, dazed. _No. Why would she?_ Barriss felt panic invade her mind as she pounded at the door. She was alone. Again. Her panic turned to fear and she stood there paralyzed.

A firm voice penetrated her fear, “Enough, girl. Your friends have abandoned you. Such is the folly of friendship.”

Barriss turned slowly, fear nearly choking her senses, and saw a cloaked figure standing a few feet away from her, hidden in shadows. She tried to speak but it came out in a strangled squeak.

Then the figure spoke again, “While you were busy working to save their pitiful lives, I offered a trade. Their freedom, including anything they had stolen from me, for… you. The girl saw the wisdom in my offer.”

Barriss felt waves of hurt and betrayal flow through her. Asajj had left her, traded her, abandoned her. Barriss shouldn’t be surprised. She knew Asajj was practical and Barriss had no special claim on her loyalty. Still, it hurt.

She looked tearfully at the woman in front of her. “You are—the a-a-assassin, aren’t you?”

“You could think of me that way, I suppose. I am many things.”

Barriss felt panic rising in her again. _Why did she want me?_ “W-w-what do you—?”

“First, I want you to calm yourself. Panic will get you nothing. Panic leads to fear. Fear leads to failure. Remember this lesson well.”

Barriss felt herself slowly accept the practicality of the words. She would either die or she wouldn’t. She took a deep breath and the panic fell away. She spoke calmly, “What do you want with me?”

“Better… Control. Practicality. I was not wrong about you.”

Barriss simply gazed at her. She didn’t want to upset the woman who could kill her at any moment.

“And, you know when to be silent. Also, good. Very well.”  She paused briefly, a shadowed face observing Barriss, then continued, “Your skilled infiltration of my complex and the other qualities you displayed, during your little group’s clumsy attempt to rob me, suggested… possibilities for you. I am going to make you an offer—an offer to achieve your destiny.”

Barriss stared uncomprehendingly. Then, she became suspicious. “And, if I refuse to accept this offer?”

The woman chuckled hollowly. “Then you may leave unharmed and rejoin the ‘friends’ that just betrayed and abandoned you, scrambling for scraps, always wondering what you could have been. Or, you can stay with me and never want for anything. I intend to teach you how to survive on your own. How to avoid attachments and inevitable pain. How to achieve greatness. How to serve a higher purpose… How to control your world.”

Barriss considered, the pain of being abandoned still fresh in her mind. _How to control your world…_ Barriss realized she wanted that more than anything at the moment. Still, something held her back. She looked at the woman again, wavering indecisively.

As if sensing her indecision, the figure moved forward into the light and lowered her hood for Barriss’ inspection.

Barriss gasped. She was a Mirialan. That explained the wooden inking cotura that had so distracted her earlier. _She is like me. Like my mother might have been._ “Who are you?”

The woman regarded her impassively for a moment before replying, “My name is Luminara Unduli. But, you may call me… Master.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Barriss. No wonder she has attachment issues.
> 
> Don't hate Asajj too much. She is responsible for everyone in the group, not just Barriss. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one, or so I've heard. And, Asajj is still a child, who's probably learned the same lesson Barriss just did at some point in her young life. Still...


	5. Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to our main story. Four years later...
> 
> [Ahsoka: Age 21]  
> [Barriss: Age 23]

Ahsoka contemplated her makeshift home. The woods were quiet this morning—too quiet. She sighed and started packing up her things. It was time to move on. She’d been at this camp too long. Ahsoka doubted anyone was still looking for her. Still, it didn’t hurt to be careful. And, it wasn’t like this place was something special. She was just tired—tired of moving, tired of being alone.

She paused as she took her armor and cape off the nearby tree. _I should really stop wearing this._ It didn’t belong to her anymore. _Isn’t six months enough time to move on?_

Ahsoka studied the armor. Working steadily, she removed her battalion commander’s insignia from the gauntlet and polished off the remaining residue. She repeated the process with the chest plate. The empty space looked so… empty. As if, it was waiting for something new to be placed over it.

Turning to the ruby cape, she examined the royal emblem emblazoned on the back. Ahsoka wasn’t going to be able to remove that and briefly thought of tossing it into the nearest stream. But, she couldn’t. Instead, the woman folded it carefully and stuffed it into the very bottom of her bag, deep into the false inner lining where she carried anything she didn’t want easily found—shoving it well out of sight of any prying eyes and from her own.

Ahsoka put on her newly anonymized armor. As she sheathed her swords, she ran her fingers over the green gem secured in the hilt of the long sword and glanced at the inscription on the short sword, almost automatically. Her work completed, she contemplated. It still felt right. She didn’t know if that was good or bad.

Unwrapping the package she had bought a few weeks ago in Tatooine, Ahsoka pulled out a simple, forest green cloak. It was light and thin with a deep hood to cover her face and montrals. She had bought it on a whim. It just seemed like something that people like her should wear. People like she had become, anyway.

It had laid in her pack, sitting unused since the purchase. It was finally time—time to be someone else. She threw the cloak over her shoulders and finished packing up the rest of her meager belongings. _Time to move on._

_________

“Well, this is fitting,” Barriss thought with dark amusement, “this is what you get for trying to do the right thing.” Her former master’s voice rang in her ears. _Stop trying to be something you are not, girl._

She surveyed the people surrounding her. They quite clearly wanted to kill her. If their faces weren’t obvious enough, the fact that she was sitting on a horse with a rope around her neck would have given it away. Barriss tried one last time. “Listen, I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true. Please, take me to your Master General and I can tell him.” They wouldn’t but she had to try. _One last effort._

The lead soldier, a woman with cold eyes and a harsh mouth, laughed mirthlessly. “Right. And, you’ll be sure to be really nice on the way and not kill us all. I don’t think so, woman. We know who you are and what you’ve done. Now, you are going to pay for it.”

It was always going to end this way. Every choice, every mission, every failure… all leading to this. _I deserve it._ Why Barriss thought she could change the outcome was less clear. Why she had let herself be captured by only a handful of halfway competent soldiers was also a mystery. She could have easily taken them. But, no, she had decided to try to reason with them instead, to try to convince them to listen. Another brilliant strategy—another mistake to add to her list.

It didn’t really matter anymore. Barriss was about to die. _Die. Huh._ It felt... freeing. There would be no more failures, no more missions, no more death, no more… anything. And, she kind of liked it.

_______

Ahsoka rode quickly down the path, heading nowhere in particular. She just felt the need to go faster. Those same instincts had served her well on the battlefield and she followed them without question. Rex had told her that the soldiers called her “Lady Jedi”, after the ancient warriors of old. The legends said they could see things before they happened. They had the ability to perform almost god-like feats of strength and skill. Many travelled kingdom to kingdom protecting the innocent and the weak. Their instincts for danger rarely leading them wrong. It was said it was nearly impossible to kill a Jedi. Given they no longer existed, Ahsoka doubted the veracity of that last part. Still, she had been enthralled by the stories as a child and even now found the idea of them, no matter how fanciful, fascinating.

However, it wasn't Jedi she was thinking of at the moment. It was the persistent buzzing in the back of her mind indicating danger. She knew she needed to get to wherever she was going quickly.

Her progress halted as she heard raucous laughter. She scanned the surrounding woods and saw a small group of soldiers. Her heart jumped fearfully. She looked closer, exhaling with relief. They weren’t from Shili. They had Cardota markings.

 _Wait._ In her anxiety, she had hardly noted the person sitting stiffly on a horse as they laughed. It looked like a woman, but she was facing away from Ahsoka. More importantly, she had… a rope around her neck. _Oh. That is so not happening._ She had no idea who this woman was or what she had done. But, Ahsoka would be damned if she would let a group of loud, incompetent-looking soldiers murder her. Ahsoka didn’t think of herself as a paragon, but she had a strong sense of justice. And, justice did not require backwoods hangings.

Ahsoka slid to the ground, flipping her hood over her montrals, while quietly weaving her way between the trees until she was directly behind them. She watched carefully for any sign she had caught their attention. _Nothing._ They were totally intent on their objective.

She looked up at the woman sitting quietly, waiting stoically for the end. And, her chest exploded. _Her. It was her. Here. Now. Why?_ Ahsoka didn't care. She felt anger shoot like ice into her veins. She was getting her out. _Now._

Ahsoka leapt into a frenzied attack, spinning outward with her legs, swinging her swords expertly on the landing, and taking down three soldiers before the others could even turn around. They tried to re-group, they really did. But, they had no chance. Even if Ahsoka hadn’t been one of the best warriors in the 47 kingdoms, they were unprepared for such a fast onslaught. The soldiers lifted their swords and she struck four more down with ruthless efficiency.

The last soldier backed up, crouching against the leg of the woman he had been about to murder. Ahsoka considered killing him briefly. It would be what he deserved. She was so angry—angry about her choices, her life, and her friend hanging from a tree. _No._ She pulled back. Ahsoka refused to become… _that._

About to tell him to run, Ahsoka was startled as a swift kick to the face sent him sprawling into the dirt, unconscious. Though, she really shouldn’t have been surprised. She looked up with bated breath.

The woman looked at her strangely and then simply said, “Thanks.”

Ahsoka nodded but still didn’t move. She was staring, but she couldn't help it. How long had it been since she had seen her? _Years._ But, it was still her. Her face was a little harder and a little older. Her hair was shorter, stylishly spiked around the nape of her neck, but the same shining midnight black. The eyes were still that piercing, deep blue. She looked very much as Ahsoka always pictured her. _Still mesmerizing._

 _“_ Um, would you mind cutting me down?” the voice interrupted Ahsoka’s appraisal with a bit of impatience.

Nodding again, Ahsoka moved to the other end of the stretched line, wound around a tree branch for leverage. She still hadn’t removed her hood, but wasn’t sure why. Maybe she was afraid of seeing disappointment or rejection or just afraid of… _what?_ She cut the line quickly with her sword.

She heard a sigh that sounded almost disappointed. “Well, that’s over now, I suppose.” The woman dismounted and regarded Ahsoka warily, but with a hint of curiosity. “You are quite impressive, warrior. That was quick work.” She glanced around at the fallen soldiers.

Ahsoka shrugged in her cloak, still not speaking.

“Well... ok then. I guess, thanks again.” The woman turned to look for her belongings.

 _No, don’t go._ “Wait! I wanted to…” Ahsoka trailed off. Her voice sounded strained and soft. It wasn’t the authoritative tone she used with her soldiers, but the voice of the child she had once been.

The woman froze mid-stride. She spun back, her ice blue eyes registering disbelief and uncertainty. Her mouth opened slightly, as if she was going to speak, but nothing was said.

Ahsoka sucked in a deep breath and lowered her hood, smiling her trademark grin. “I thought maybe we could catch up.”

_______

Barriss gaped at the woman in front of her. _It was her. Definitely, her. Oh no._ She didn’t need this right now. She had to remain on mission. Lives were depending on it. Lives she needed to save. Or else, none of this would have been worth it.

She steeled herself, focusing inward. _Duty not attachment._ “Maybe, some other time. I’ve got some things to take care of currently.” The words came out colder than she intended. But, if they did the trick, it would be worth it.

If Ashla noticed the tone, she gave no sign. “Really? So, where are you headed? I could go with you. I don’t really have… anything else going on at the moment.”

 _Unbelievable. Can’t take a hint, this girl._ “Sorry, but I travel alone.” Barriss started to pick up her things, not looking her rescuer in the eye. There was no response as Barriss finished gathering everything and reset her cloak on her shoulders. She almost left without looking back, but curiosity got the better of her. _What was she doing back there?_ In her experience, this was not someone who gave up easily. Nor, was the girl usually this silent.

Barriss glanced back. She didn’t know what she expected to see, but it definitely wasn’t this.

Ashla hadn’t moved. She didn’t even look like she had changed the position of her hands on her sword. The girl wasn’t quite... there. Her eyes were far away and her lekku were twitching strangely. The green gem, set in the hilt of the sword, gave an unnatural flash, which Barriss thought she must have imagined. 

Barriss turned more fully toward her, trying to figure out what was going on. She noticed Ashla’s hand gripping her sword hilt tightly—so tightly her fingers were white and shaking slightly. _What in the…?_

Then, it was over and the warrior refocused on Barriss. “I need to go with you,” she stated simply.

Barriss’ mouth parted slightly and then snapped shut. Then, it opened again. “Do you. Do you, really. Sorry,” Barriss stated flatly, “but I think I specifically mentioned that I don’t want you to come.” She paused, some emotion finally seeping into her voice, “Besides, why would you want to? You weren’t that interested in ‘catching up’ the last time we saw each other.” Barriss noticed a hint of bitterness underlying her words. _Where did that come from?_

“What are you talking about? The last time I saw you, you were busy stealing from a temple and running away before I had a chance to say anything.”

“What?” Barriss sputtered back, “I stood there forever and you didn’t do anything to show you even recognized me!” She felt herself getting angrier, her voice rising with each word. “Was I supposed to sit on a rooftop, until I was caught by soldiers, on the off-chance you decided you wanted to talk?!”

“There wasn’t time to do anything!” Ashla's inflection grew more indignant. “If I hadn’t been trying to divert the soldiers the other direction to keep them from finding _you,_ maybe I would have had more time to stroll up to a _freakin’ rooftop._ So sorry! I’ll just stay out of it next time! It’s not like you looked like you wanted me to come chat, anyway,” she ended in an almost petulant tone.

“I waved!” Barriss realized how silly it sounded as soon as it left her lips. She immediately closed her mouth, wincing.

Ashla gawked in disbelief. Then, she laughed. And, kept laughing. She tried to speak, but choked on the words as she did so.

Barriss’ mouth started to curve up despite her best efforts. “I hate you,” she muttered, her now fully formed grin saying no such thing. “Are you quite finished?”

“I’m sorry, it was just—the mental image of you hanging from that beam waving hit me, and then you actually trying to use it to win an argument…”

Barriss bit back another smile. She couldn’t help it.

The laughing girl finally regained some control and put a serious look on her face. “I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to get angry. In Tatooine, I was just so shocked to see you that I didn’t know what to do. And, by the time I did... you were gone.” She sounded wistful.

Guilt flashed through Barriss. _I’m the one who started this argument and she is apologizing._ _Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to let her come with me to Dantooine?_ Barriss didn’t really need to focus until she got there. It was a minimal risk. And, the thoughts that preyed on her mind might recede with a distraction. She didn’t deserve the reprieve, but she wanted to take it just the same.

Ashla spoke again, a fierce expression in those blue eyes Barriss remembered so well, “Look. I don’t know what is going on or where you are going. I just know that I’d like to go with you. And, that… well, that I _should_ go with you. So, please let me travel with you instead of trailing you through the woods like a nightstalker.”

Barriss was unsurprised by the words, but was surprised by the intensity with which they were delivered. “Alright. I suppose some company might be nice for a change.”

The girl smiled so brightly in return that Barriss almost gasped. She had almost successfully forgotten that smile. What she hadn't forgotten was how much she liked it. _I may have just made another huge mistake._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barriss really needs to learn how to have friends.  
> Ahsoka really needs a hug.


	6. Necessary Sacrifices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Barriss makes a series of bad choices and Ahsoka still needs a hug.

“So, where are we going?” Ahsoka asked as they walked silently through the woods. They had been silent for at least an hour.

Her companion didn’t look at her. “Dantooine.”

Ahsoka’s eyebrows raised impressively. “Dangerous. I like it.” There was no response. _Hmm._ Ahsoka tried again. She was going to get a conversation going if it killed her. “What have you been up to for the last...um,” she counted quickly in her head, “four years or so?” She ended with what she hoped was an encouraging smile.

“The usual.”

 _Don’t go into detail or anything. Sheesh._ She tried again. “Alright then... So, what’s in Dantooine? A job?”

“Yes.”

Ahsoka felt like screaming in frustration. She felt like shaking her and telling her to snap out of it, whatever _it_ was. Or, even trying to start another argument, just to get some kind of interaction. She didn’t do any of those things, however. She was afraid her companion would change her mind about having company and Ahsoka would be alone again. She was so tired of being alone. Plus, that earlier... premonition, or whatever it was, remained strong in her mind. This was where she was supposed to be. If she wasn't, bad things would happen. Ahsoka didn't know what or why. She just knew it was true.

Suddenly, there were words. They sounded tentative and soft, but they were like soothing balm to Ahsoka’s montrals.

“What about you? Anything to report?”

Ahsoka was tempted to say ‘the usual’ out of spite, but she knew she would be throwing away the olive branch just offered. “Well, let’s see, I haven’t seen you since Tatooine, right? Um, I fought in three wars, got seven marriage proposals, learned Jar’Kai, got a couple of promotions, visited… I think, eight new kingdoms, and didn’t have nearly enough adventures.” She grinned enthusiastically at her friend— _were we still friends?_ —and saw she was gaping at her. _Did I say something wrong?_

“Did you just say _seven_ marriage proposals?!”

“Oh.” Ahsoka laughed, relieved. “Yeah. Of course, I didn’t accept any of them but you did ask for a rundown of major events and I figured those counted. Not that I consider them all that important.” She frowned. _Except for one of them._ But, she wasn’t going to talk about that one.

Lumi glanced at her curiously. She must have seen the frown. “Are you sure?”

Ahsoka plastered a smile back to her face. “Of course, I’m sure!”

Her companion seemed doubtful, but must have decided not to push. “Well, that’s quite a lot in only a few years. So, promotions, huh? I think the last time I saw you, you were a company commander, right?”

Ahsoka wondered how she had known that just from a brief look across a rooftop. “Yeah, I think so.”

“So, what are you now? Master General of the entire legion?”

Her tone was teasing, which filled Ahsoka with warmth, but also with pain. _I am nothing. Nothing._

“Hey, are you ok? I’m sorry if I offended you. I was just kidding.”

Ahsoka refocused and saw her friend— _yes, still my friend_ —looking concerned. “No, I wasn’t offended. It’s just that... I kind of resigned my commission a while back. And, I don't—I'm still not sure what to do with myself, I suppose.”

“Oh.” Lumi paused for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry. I know being a warrior was important to you.” She didn’t continue with the obvious question. Perhaps, sensing Ahsoka would not want to talk about it.

Ahsoka appreciated that. “No worries. What about you? What constitutes ‘the usual’ in your world?”

Lumi was silent.

 _Thinking, hopefully._ Ahsoka prayed she hadn’t crossed some invisible line.

But, then the girl spoke, “Well, you know the types of missions I go on. I’ve been doing some of those. I left my master and struck out on my own a couple of years ago, so I have been expanding my clientele, as well. I've been to—I don't know how many new places. A lot. Um, no marriage proposals… Sorry, I'm not very good at reporting am I? Oh! I got a new cloak,” she ended with a small smirk and a flourish of the deep purple garment gathered around her shoulders.

Ahsoka laughed. “And, a very nice cloak it is—better than mine. Though, to be fair, I’m new at this cloak business. Do you know how many choices there are? I mean how is anyone supposed to know what to choose? Is it too thin, too short, too bulky? Do I want pockets, no pockets, big hood, small hood, no hood? And, don’t even get me started on the color selection!”

That got a genuine smile from her friend, and even a slight chuckle.

Ahsoka felt a flash of pride. _Ha, got ya._ Flush with her success, she expounded on the drama of cloak shopping and any other topic she could think of to amuse her stoic companion, until night started to fall.

_______

Ahsoka woke, alert and ready to fight. She scanned around the darkened night, but saw nothing. Then, she heard a small scream from the other side of the fire.

Rolling to her feet, she tried to find the threat. There was nothing. Ahsoka examined the sleeping figure. _She’s having a nightmare._ Or at least, that’s what it looked like. Her friend was crying out and shaking terribly. Ahsoka didn’t know what to do.

She had seen this happen to soldiers on occasion, memories of past battles haunting them. However, Ahsoka had never had to deal with it directly. Rex had always stepped in to take care of it. He usually just sat with the soldier, taking care not to startle them, and letting them wake slowly in safety.

Ahsoka thought hard. Soothing words and a comforting touch on their shoulder usually worked. _What if I make it worse?_ Then, she heard another pained yelp that sounded more like child than woman and knew she had to try.

Approaching the sleeping girl carefully, she crouched beside her. Very slowly, she placed one hand on her shoulder. The girl jerked but didn’t wake up. Ahsoka let out a breath. _So far, so good._ She started to massage the shoulder gently, as she had seen Rex do, and murmured some nonsense words in a soft voice that she hoped was comforting. There was no reaction.

Ahsoka hoped she was doing this correctly. Why didn’t she ever do this with her own soldiers? She might be better equipped to handle it now. _I might be better equipped to handle a lot of things._ She hadn’t realized how much she’d depended on Rex, until she was on her own. She’d spent all her time engaged in strategy, travelling, fighting, and—well, being a princess—never really getting a lot of everyday interaction with her soldiers. She knew most of them by name, knew about them, even chatted around the campfire with them when she could. They knew she cared about them. It was one of the reasons she had been such a successful commander. They were the best of the best and she recognized their excellence.

But, she wasn’t the one they went to when they were in trouble or had problems. That had been Rex. They depended on him in the same way she had. He was the glue that held everything together. Ahsoka had left him behind, as well, when she ran away. _Enough. Concentrate on the here and now._

Lowering herself to the ground, Ahsoka sat cross-legged beside the trembling woman. She continued massaging her shoulder in slow, gentle circles and speaking in a soft voice. As she did so, she watched the terrified face contort painfully in the fire’s crackling light.

Ahsoka felt helpless. _I can fix this. I know I can._ She reached out, on instinct, running the tips of her fingers over the contorted forehead, still murmuring quietly. That got a reaction. The trembling stopped and the pained noises died down, until there was silence. Then, the breathing returned to a steady rhythm. The woman was sleeping again. Ahsoka released a ragged breath and smiled to herself with relief. She had done it. _Thanks, Rex._

She ran her fingers lightly over the now smooth forehead a few more times. Her skin was as soft as she remembered from that night long ago. Ahsoka didn't want to stop. She knew she could sit here for hours, just stroking her fingers over the woman's forehead, reveling in the softness. It was comforting.

Ahsoka sighed and withdrew her hand, but remained sitting, watching the now peaceful face shimmer in the firelight. She felt content for the first time in months and she didn’t know why. Still, she wanted to take it in fully while it lasted.

Being careful not to touch the sleeping woman, Ahsoka laid down next to her. Somehow, just being near her was… soothing. She knew she probably shouldn’t do this. She didn’t know how her friend would react if she woke up next to her. But, Ahsoka wanted to keep the contentment she had found for just a little longer.

After a few minutes, Ahsoka reluctantly rose from her safe haven and headed back to her side of the fire. She laid down on her bedroll, closing her eyes. In the back of her mind, a slow buzzing had started to form. She ignored it as she plunged into sleep, desperately trying to hold on to what she had felt just a few minutes ago, laying next to the only friend she had left.

_______

Barriss woke up early. Her body ached, her face felt worn and tired, and her head was pounding. She must have had the dreams again. Dreams made them sound so harmless. They were definitely nightmares, terrifying visions of death. People on fire. Soldiers panicking. Children screaming. Destruction raining from the sky. They were always the same. She didn’t remember them this time, though. _Strange._ Typically she woke herself up screaming, the images seared into her memory. Not this time. Barriss knew they had happened, though. A post-dream morning always felt like this.

She glanced at the other side of the fire and saw her travelling companion still sleeping. She looked as tired and worn out as Barriss. As if, she hadn’t slept well, either… Barriss blanched, as a thought flew into her head. _Oh Gods. Please, don’t let that be true._ An unexplainable urge to run her fingers over her forehead surfaced.

 _What if it was true?_ Looking again at the sleeping girl, Barriss tried to identify the emotion that welled up at the thought. It wasn’t sadness, pain, guilt, or even embarrassment. It was… pleasure. She was pleased. _What?_ No, she had to be wrong. Why would she be pleased that Ashla might have stayed up with her, while she was probably screaming in terror? _Because it means she cares._ The thought rolled across her soul like thunder. _No, no, nonononono... Panic leads to fear. Fear leads to failure._

Barriss started to spin out of control and tried to re-center herself. _She’s just a travelling companion. A random girl who seems to enjoy your company once every few years. Nothing more. She has no reason to think anything about you. Much less care about you. If anything, you’ve caused her more trouble than you are worth. Even if that weren’t true, you definitely don’t deserve someone like her._ _Don’t get attached. Don’t get attached._

The mantra echoed through her head, calming her. Her mind stopped spinning. Barriss took the opportunity and mentally slammed the door, shutting out the emotions. She hadn’t had to consciously do that in a long time. Her mind was now calm, impassive, logical. _Excellent._

Barriss curved up to a sitting position. She needed to think. How was she going to finish her mission? The royal guard would be stopping everyone coming into Cardota. They would be looking for her specifically, afraid that she was coming back to finish the job. Most wouldn’t know what she looked like, or even her species. But, they would be sure to have someone who did, standing by to check any entrant that came close.

She could re-color her tattoos, change cloaks, and even dispose of her trademark bow. That would fool most people, since those were the descriptors used in her posted bounty. Still, there were soldiers who knew her on sight, and that might not fool them. What she really needed was a distraction. They needed to think they had neutralized her, so they would cease their heightened security checks. Then, she could slip back in, hopefully unnoticed, and finish what she started.

 _It sounds so easy when you say it like that._ She laughed bitterly to herself. _Why do you always disappoint me, Barriss?_ She shook her master’s voice out of her head.

Suddenly, her anger boiled as she thought of Windu, sitting in his happy ignorance—willing to just blame her instead of taking steps to save his entire kingdom. Her original plan had failed, like so many others. But, she was not the giving up type. She would try again, and again, and again—until she was dead or she had completed the mission. _Think!_

She could start rumors of her own capture and wait for them to travel back. No, not enough time. The attack was coming soon. Barriss could feel it. She could change her appearance and try to enter through a less obvious entrance to the city. She calculated the size of the guard, the intensity of the search, possible entry points, and the likelihood of someone who knew her being on site... 53% chance of success, not good enough. Perhaps, she could just march right into the city and demand to see the Master General. Barriss didn’t even bother calculating the odds on that one, given the reception she had gotten from the soldiers yesterday. There must be something. She let out a frustrated sigh.

“Having a bad morning?” came a groggy voice.

Barriss jumped. She had forgotten Ashla was there. “Oh, sorry if I woke you. I was just thinking.”

“Obviously. It wasn’t going well, I’m assuming.”

She couldn’t help a little smirk in return. “You assume correctly.”

“Anything I can help with?” The question was delivered sincerely and without expectation.

Barriss considered for a moment. “No, I don’t think so. But, thanks.” She realized she meant it.

“Well, just let me know. I’m sometimes amazingly helpful, you know. And, you might just catch me on a good day.” Ashla grinned engagingly.

Barriss felt herself grin back, despite her best efforts not to. “I’ll keep it in mind. You know, if I get really, really desperate or something.”

The girl covered her heart in mock hurt. “Oh, ye of little faith! I’ll have you know I’m totally great at helping with problems. Well, some problems anyway. Some not so much. I mean, I would like to help you though… ” she trailed off with a nervous cough. “Yeah, that didn’t quite come out the way I pictured it in my head.”

Barriss almost laughed—almost. _Don’t get attached._ “Hmm, you never know. I might take you up on that one day.”

Ashla broke into a brilliant smile. “Alright, I’m going to refill our canteens. Do you want to do breakfast first or get moving?”

“Let’s get moving. We are only a few hours out of the city and we can get something more substantial to eat once we get there.”

The girl nodded and picked up the canteens, shooting Barriss a grin and a thumbs up.

Barriss rolled her eyes. _She is still… endearing. Stop it. You are doing it again, Barriss. Shut it down._ She closed her eyes, desperately trying to focus.  

_“But, why Master? Why aren’t I allowed to care about you?”_

_“Barriss, have I taught you nothing? Emotions make you weak, They make you attached. Attachments cause mistakes. Emotions, like people, should be used as tools, not crutches. You have to learn to let go. Now, let us discuss your latest failure.”_

She opened her eyes. Barriss finally felt... outside of herself. She could think clearly here. See everything as it truly was—objective, logical, cold.

Barriss vacantly watched her companion walk toward the stream. Something was forming in her mind. She teased it open, worked out the kinks, calculated the odds. 83%.

 _No._ Why had she even thought of it? She didn’t want to do it—couldn’t do it. But, now that Barriss knew it would work, she could think of nothing else. Not doing it seemed like a betrayal of everything she was. If she had a way to finish the mission, she was duty-bound to do so. She could accept no less from herself than she had asked from others. _Necessary sacrifices._

_No._

_Yes._ Her mind was certain. This was the right path.

 **_No_** _._ Something else inside her was not so certain. In fact, was dead set against it.

 _Yes. I’m… sorry._ She slammed a door and the other voice faded.

Even if she could listen to that voice, it was too late. Barriss had already chosen her path when she became a murderer. Necessary sacrifices, she had told herself. That didn’t make it any better. She was still a murderer.

She had killed before, when necessary. This was different, no matter what she told herself about the greater good. These people hadn’t been trying to harm her. Barriss had killed them, anyway.  Murdering 10 to save 30,000 seemed like a good trade at the time. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

Barriss was sure of one thing. She would do everything in her power to ensure their sacrifice was meaningful. One way or another, fail or succeed, she was going to see this through to the end. And, if that meant sacrificing the only thing Barriss had left to give… then, that’s exactly what she would do.

_______

As they walked into the city, Ahsoka glanced furtively at her friend. She had been too quiet on the walk here and Ahsoka didn’t like it. She didn’t know how to fix it and it made her feel helpless. She hated that feeling.

She also still had the buzzing in the back of her mind that she couldn’t shake off. Ahsoka hated that feeling too. Especially, when she had no idea where the danger was originating.

“What now?” Ahsoka asked hopefully.

“I need to go meet one of my contacts. Would you—do you want to come with me?”

Ahsoka was surprised but pleased. She had expected to be shoved off, given the tenor of their walk. Giving an encouraging smile, she replied, “Absolutely.”

Her friend did not return it. She looked far away. Her eyes were icier than usual, and not in the lovely, glittering way that Ahsoka thought made them so unique. They were cold and distant.

 _What happened?_ Ahsoka ran through possibilities in her head.

“Ashla, are you coming?”

Ahsoka jolted back to attention. _I should probably tell her my real name. There is no reason to hide it now, right? I’m not a princess anymore. Not really._ Ahsoka followed her, still ruminating.

Lumi continued to look distracted and distant.

 _Maybe she always gets like this?_ Ahsoka suddenly realized this was technically the longest amount of time they had ever spent in each other’s company. It was a strange thought. Ahsoka knew instinctively that this woman was important to her, like an old friend who has always been there. But, their history consisted of one long night in a pit, an awkward 3-minute rooftop stare, and two days wandering in a forest. _She doesn’t even know your real name, Ahsoka. Time to fix that._ “Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you something. I guess we never really talked much about the first time we met and—” Ahsoka stopped abruptly as her companion halted halfway down an empty alleyway, staring at what looked like nothing. “Um, is something wrong?”

“I thought I saw something by the crates in the corner.”

Ahsoka peered at the offending area, but saw nothing. Still, if it would make her happier… She moved past her companion toward the large stack of crates, focusing on hypothetical enemies.

The buzzing suddenly swarmed through her head like a tidal wave. _Oh._ A sting bit her neck, and her legs seemed to lose cohesion. She tried to turn, but everything spun out of control. Ahsoka felt herself falling numbly into someone’s arms. _Who? What?_ Her mouth felt swollen and wooly. She forced her eyes open as she was laid on the ground.

Ahsoka heard a voice, a very familiar voice, saying, “Don’t worry, it’s only temporary. You’ll be fine.”

 _No. Her_ **_friend_ ** _had shot her with… something._ The realization brought waves of pain and betrayal crashing through her head. _Why?_ She struggled to form words. “Lu-lum-umi—” was all she could get out.

A fuzzy face appeared in front of her eyes and a warm hand touched her cheek. “My real name is Barriss. Barriss Offee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Barriss.  
> Oh, Ahsoka.


	7. Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out.

Barriss exited the bounty hunter’s den, looking like the picture of a young warrior—swords on her hips, shiny armor peeking out of a forest green cloak, and white-colored diamond tattoos on her face. It was done.

She mounted her horse and began riding at a breakneck pace toward the Kingdom of Cardota. This time she didn’t control her emotions. She let them flow, using them to fuel her drive toward her goal. Barriss wasn’t thinking of her mission, or her past mistakes, or even the people who had died by her hand. The faster she rode, the more she thought of the girl she had left behind. The girl who had trusted her. The girl she had just betrayed. _Necessary sacrifices._

No longer a girl, she reminded herself. She definitely didn’t resemble a girl anymore. Actually, Barriss had thought, more than once over the last two days, how beautiful a woman she had become. _Mesmerizing, actually._

Still, the descriptor just seemed so… her. The girl was above it all, somehow. She existed in the hidden part of Barriss’ mind, where she stored the very few mementos of happiness in her life. There the girl remained, the girl she left behind. Still… shining.

_She is going to be fine._

Barriss knew the modifications made to Ashla’s clothing, face markings, and weaponry might fool incompetent bounty hunters, but they wouldn’t fool anyone who had ever actually seen Barriss. Those idiots hadn’t even commented on the montrals and lekku, as if something that obvious wouldn’t have been put in the bounty notice. Then again, she chose this particular gang for a reason. Their lack of brains being one. Their inability to distinguish human-like species being the other. They also had a reputation for delivering bounties unharmed. A small consolation to Barriss’ conflicted soul.

Someone would figure it out eventually. _She would be fine._ Once they got her to Cardota, they would realize she was not the dangerous criminal they were looking for and they would release her. If she didn't escape herself first, which Barriss thought was eminently possible. Either way, it would be too late. Barriss would be inside the newly unrestricted city gates, before they realized the captive they were getting was not actually Barriss herself. Her last effort would be spent and she would await her fate. She had no doubt what that fate would be. Perhaps, it might even bring some comfort to those she had hurt. _Especially her._

Night was falling. Barriss looked up to the sky as she galloped along the plains and saw her favorite star shining brightly. She thought back to that night in the pit all those years ago. It was a memory she always went to, when she felt she couldn’t go on. It never failed. It was alive and triumphant. She conjured up images one by one. The unwavering faith in Barriss. The endearing smile flashed so often. The confidence shining from fierce eyes.

Barriss dug her hands into the reins, intensity in every muscle. She felt the wind shift faster around her, blowing her cloak from her head as she leaned into the speed. The girl would be fine. _Fine._ Either way, she was better off without Barriss. _At least, there is one thing I’m sure about._

_________

Ahsoka woke up with a splitting headache. She felt herself swaying wildly. _Am I still asleep or is that the headache?_ Lifting her head, she realized it was neither. She was in a cage, hanging off the side of some kind of vehicle, moving along a dirt road faster than should ever be attempted. _I'm going to be so sore tomorrow._

Then, like thunder cracking, everything came into focus. She had been shot—by her friend. _Friend._ She almost spat the word in her head. _Why? Where am I?_

Someone cantered up next to her cage and laughed. He said something in a language Ahsoka didn't understand and rode off again. She didn't need to understand, though. She recognized the garb, the swagger, the disrespect. She had been captured by bounty hunters. Or, sold to them. Her mouth twisted in anger and pain. _Why did you do this to me?_

Sudden worry gripped her. Where were they taking her? No one knew who she was, right? They couldn't possibly. Unless, _she_ had figured it out. Ahsoka felt anger coursing through her again. This time it was tinged with real fear. _Calm down. You don't even know where you're going. Just get some rest. You're going to need it to get out of this._

She felt her head throb and laid back on the ground of her new prison. As she lay, listening to the wheels hit the road, she tried to remember the moments before she had collapsed. There was the buzzing danger she had been trying to ignore. There were arms holding her. There were whispered words. _Don't worry, you'll be fine._ Ahsoka snorted. _This is not fine._

And, there was something else. She strained to think through the pain and fog in her head. Ahsoka raised a hand to her face. Someone had touched her cheek. Lumi. No, she said... not Lumi. Her name. _Think!_ Her real name was…  

Ahsoka didn't know why she so desperately wanted to remember, why she needed to know it so badly. It's not like she would see her again. And, if she did, she obviously wouldn't be in a talking mood. Still, the compulsion to remember—to understand—permeated her every fiber at this moment. As Ahsoka lay, cold and hurting on the dirty cage, she began to cry.

_______

Ahsoka felt her head snap back again. Her left eye was barely moving now. It felt thick and heavy. She wanted to close it completely, but wouldn't give them the satisfaction. Blood rolled down her lip. She wasn’t sure if it had come from her mouth or some other part of her face.

“Where is Barriss Offee?”

“Maybe you have... h-hearrring issues?” she slurred contemptuously. “I-I’ve already said I don-don’t know who you’re t-talking about.”

She felt a hand grab her arm and readied herself for more pain, when another voice broke in, “Wait, maybe she doesn’t know her real name. Let’s try this… Listen woman, we don’t want you. We want the mad bomber, Barriss Offee. She is a woman about your age, is thin, has dark tattoos on her face, and carries a recurve bow. We know she was the one who sold you to the bounty hunters that brought you to us. You _do_ know her.”

Ahsoka’s head rose slowly. _A warm hand on her cheek. My real name is Barriss. Barriss Offee._

The soldier seemed to sense an opportunity and pushed his advantage. “Help us out and we can probably secure your release, if we find you didn’t collaborate with her in any of her crimes.”

Ahsoka slowly rolled out a question, “Barrissss Offffe-ee, the sp-spymaster? The mastermind be-behind the takedown of Pong...K-Krell? The a-agent that delivered W-W-Windu’s victory over Doo...ku?”

He nodded his head vigorously, encouraging her to continue. “That’s her. We just need to find her and bring her to justice.”

“Thought Off-Offee was—man, and… older,” Ahsoka murmured to herself thickly.

The soldier stared at her, growing impatient. “Are you going to help us or would you like to go back to our earlier form of conversation?”

Ahsoka gazed steadily at him, gaining some strength in her voice as she spoke, “Why do you… want her? What do—mean mad bomber?”

He looked at her askance, as if the answer was obvious and she was a very dim child. “Offee planted a bomb in the barracks here. Luckily, she made a mistake and chose a time when most of them were out on patrol. Even still, she killed ten loyal soldiers for no reason.”

Her chest throbbed with pain that she knew wasn’t from the beating. _Lumi. Barriss. Why would you—how could you? Why?_ Ahsoka felt tears stinging her swollen eyes… _No reason? She always had a reason. Even, if it was a bad one._

The soldier continued on, voice rising in rage, “Then, she tried to frame Sovereign Master Palpatine for the crime. As if anyone would believe such a great man would stoop low enough to bomb innocent soldiers in an ally kingdom. Only disloyal _pahtaks_ with no soul do that.”  

Ahsoka’s head jerked upwards, regretting it immediately as sharp spikes shot up her neck. _Palpatine. Always Palpatine._ Her mouth twisted. _Hell, no._ Her gaze steadied on the soldier. She mustered up every ounce of strength she had left and, in a strong, clear voice stated, “Sorry, I can’t help you.”

She surrendered herself to oblivion as the pain began anew.

_______

Barriss had safely infiltrated the city. She had watched the routine of the barracks, seen the movements and schedule, and knew when she was to make her move. She shuddered slightly. The last time she had done this, she had murdered ten people. _Not this time. Only one will die this time._

She made her way carefully toward the legion commander’s tent, Ashla's sword in her hand. She preferred her bow, but she was competent at swordplay. A necessity in her line of work. And, somehow, sacrificing the bow with Ashla felt fitting. They both seem to represent something she would never have… freedom, goodness, peace… or something. Something more than what she deserved anyway. Still, she drew some amount of comfort in having this particular sword with her at the moment of truth.

If she had timed this correctly, he should be alone. She should have about ten minutes. _One last effort._ Then, this would all be over. She steadied her nerves.

As she entered the tent, she thought of a pit long ago and a bright smile on a shining girl. She gripped the sword tightly, running her finger over the smooth gem in the hilt, and raised it as she spied her quarry in the dim lighting. 

He sensed her and turned quickly with astonishment on his face.

Raising the sword and moving forward, she stated flatly, “General Plo Koon, I am Barriss Offee.”

_______

Ahsoka laid unmoving on the wooden bench in her cell. Silent. Hurt. Tired. So, very tired.

One word came to her again and again. She pushed it away. It returned. Over and over. It pinned itself to her heart, chafing against the confines of its prison, leaving streaks of pain with every motion. She ignored it. She fought it. She hated it. It still sat there, thrashing wildly, wanting an answer. Wanting to be free. It screamed at her.

Finally, she couldn’t suppress it anymore. Her voice released it in a harsh, choked whisper, filled with desperation… _“Why?”_

_______

“Very well, Barriss Offee. I will take what you have said under consideration. I hope you understand that you have made your case more difficult by taking the approach you did. Killing my soldiers in not the way to convince me of your veracity.” The words were simply stated from the General. His tone was calming to Barriss’ anxious nerves. There was no anger or judgement, simply fact.

Barriss nodded painfully. “I realize my mistakes now. I can’t say anything in justification except that I did what I thought would be most effective.” She smiled mirthlessly. “I am, after all, a spy. I’m accustomed to certain… methods.” _Necessary sacrifices._

Plo gazed unblinkingly at her. “You gave up too easily. A conversation with the Sovereign Master did not have to be the end, as you have now come to see. You lacked faith.”

She laughed bitterly. “I’ve found faith in others is… overrated.” _Mostly._ She pictured a young girl, shining.

“I meant faith in yourself.”

Barriss recoiled from his words. Her mind flashed with shock, denial, anger. _Fear._ She took a deep breath and forced her eyes to meet his. They were kind. She wrapped her arms around her abdomen, trying to protect herself from his knowing gaze. “I just… didn’t expect anyone to believe me. I don’t really expect you to believe me now, for that matter. But,” she shrugged, “I had to try. I couldn’t let those soldiers die in vain. I also had to do everything within my power to stop what is coming.”

“Why?”

She jumped at the simple question. “What?”

His eyes held hers unwaveringly. “To evaluate the truth, one must understand the person telling it. Why did you have to do everything in your power to stop what is coming? You have no critical stake in the outcome, no family that I’m aware of living in Cardota. You exist in a world where death and deceit are common. You presumably have seen destruction on a large scale before. You could easily have moved your base of operations, even changed careers altogether—any number of things to avoid the crisis you believe is coming. What is so important about this mission that required you to sacrifice your life, the lives of others, and perhaps…” he stroked his mask, eyeing her thoughtfully, “even those you care about to achieve it?”

A small piece of her heart broke for the girl he could not know, but had somehow sensed existed. _I don’t know why._ She spent several moments contemplating and then cleared her throat carefully. “I have lived in a terrible world my entire life. An exciting world for some, but terrible to me. I was asked to do many things I… regret. I found comfort in the idea that my missions were in service to some kind of greater good. It was a foolish notion, I know. But, somehow it... helped.” Barriss suddenly felt she did know the answer to his question.

She rushed on, wanting to understand herself, “Once I broke away from my—my former master, it became easier. I chose missions I believed in. Things that truly did serve that greater good I had so tried to find. That didn't erase what I had done before, though. Nothing did. When I finally understood what my visions meant, I thought this was my chance, given to me for—I don’t know—some kind of redemption for all my previous mistakes. This was my opportunity to make up for everything and still serve the greater good in one final mission. A mission that would really count. Once the idea took hold, I _had_ to succeed. Because if I did, maybe,” her voice broke painfully, “everything would have been worth it.” She felt the tears pooling in her eyes and pushed them back. _Not now. When it's all over._

Plo nodded sadly, though she could tell he did not agree.

_You don’t have to agree with me. Just believe me. Please._

Her mind and body suddenly deflated with exhausted finality, its last effort now spent. _It was time._ She placed the sword in front of him. “Thank you for hearing me out. I believe we have reached the end of our agreed upon time limit. I am now ready to face justice.”

His eye ridges rose slightly as his hand stroked his face mask. “Very well.” The man rose, beckoning a few guards. He spoke quietly to them, before turning back to her. “We shall bypass normal procedure, I think. I believe we should make a stop at the royal court, first.”

Barriss’ heart rose in her chest. It filled her with a rare feeling of hope. _He believed her._

_______

Barriss still felt the unusual sensation of hope as they walked, but also one of piercing worry. She glanced at the kind general escorting her, deciding to take a risk. “General, can I ask a favor? I know I deserve nothing, but I have to try. I had—there was a girl. An innocent who I… arranged to take my place with a group of bounty hunters. Do you know what happened to her?”

Plo glanced over at her curiously. “Yes, I am aware. I believe she is being held in the dungeon, currently.”

She halted mid-stride. “The dungeon?! Surely, you figured out she wasn’t me upon her arrival. Why would you still be holding her here?”

He turned with interest at her distressed tone. “I believe the Sovereign Master felt she might know something of you or your whereabouts. So, she was held for questioning and to determine potential involvement with the bombing.”

“But, she had nothing to do with any it! And, she doesn’t know anything! She was an innocent girl—someone I used to achieve my goals. Nothing more!” Barriss knew she sounded close to panic but forged on, “Please, please, let her go. She should not suffer for my actions, as well. _Please…”_

Plo gazed at her intently. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but he nodded. “I will see what I can do. The final decision is Master Windu's, of course. However, I see no reason to hold her now that you have surrendered.”

Barriss relaxed with relief and they began walking again toward her fate.

_______

“Well, we finally have the mad bomber, do we?” Windu said evenly. “Good work, General.”

Plo cleared his throat. “Thank you, Sovereign Master, but I did little. She turned herself in to me. She only requested that I listen to her reasons and her warnings about a threat to our Kingdom.”

Windu’s eyes flashed as he turned his ire on Barriss. “So, you’re still proposing that I am under the influence of a dark and evil master who secretly plans to wipe me from existence? You thought Plo would believe you and not bring you in, I suppose?”

Barriss said nothing. She had given up on Windu long ago. The man she had really wanted to convince was standing beside her. It didn’t really matter what happened now.

The general cleared his throat again. “Perhaps, Master Windu, we should consider some precautionary measures. In the event that this information is accurate?”

Windu stared at him with disbelief. “You can’t possibly believe this murderer, General? I know you are a compassionate soul, but some don’t deserve your generosity of spirit. Or, perhaps, you are so overworked lately with your many responsibilities that you have somehow forgotten maintaining alliances is a key part of our survival and prosperity?”

Plo’s response held a note of amusement, “I’m perfectly well, thank you, Sovereign Master. I do not propose we take up arms against a superior foe in this very hour, not without support. However, some defensive measures and investigation does seem called for, assuming it isn’t already too late to act,” he finished sadly. “Either way, I like to be prepared for any eventuality that may befall the kingdom I protect. The kingdom I will die protecting, if necessary.” He met Windu’s eyes directly.

Barriss could feel the authority radiating off of the Master General. She could tell Windu did, as well.

The man continued firmly, “As for compassion, those that least deserve it are the ones most in need of it. I may not approve her actions, but Barriss Offee acted from a sense of duty. And, though we may wish she had chosen another path, we can not let the consequences be in vain or the message ignored. Compassion does not invalidate truth.”

Barriss swallowed. He was right. She was wrong. And, she was grateful for it. _Why didn’t I go to him first?_

Windu opened his mouth and then stopped, probably concerned about antagonizing the man leading his primary source of power. He finally said, “We will discuss this further at a later date. I do appreciate your dedicated and loyal service, Master General.” He started to wave him away, when Plo spoke up again.

“One other matter, Master Windu. We are apparently still holding a girl in the dungeon, an innocent pawn I have been informed. I am confident she plays no part in these events. May I order her release?”

Barriss took a sharp grateful breath at Plo’s kindness. Even after everything she had done, he wanted her to know Ashla would be released, before Barriss went to her doom.

Windu smile indulgently. “I’m already ahead of you, General. I have ordered the girl brought to me to ascertain her guilt for myself.” He frowned. “The guards were able to get nothing out of her about our captive here. However, if it is as you say, it may be because she has nothing to give—Ah, here she is now.”

Barriss turned quickly to see a bruised and battered body being supported into the room by two guards. _No. No. No._ She started to run, to heal, to protect. She felt a restraining arm and saw a warning look on Plo’s face. It’s message was clear. _You don’t know her, remember?_ Barriss knew he was right. She couldn’t seem too interested or Windu might think his captive was too valuable to release. Maybe, even force her to share Barriss’ fate.

She turned back to Windu with an impassive face. Fortunately, he was concentrating on the new arrival and hadn’t noticed her initial reaction. Barriss felt Plo’s disapproval with the state of the prisoner. _At least, I know he didn’t order this treatment._ She took some comfort in that.

As Ashla was placed half-standing beside her, Barriss couldn’t bear to look at her. She felt the pain and confusion radiating off the girl. _Oh, what have I done?_

_______

Ahsoka saw her, standing stiff with no emotion. The woman who had been her friend didn’t even look at her. That made Ahsoka angrier and sadder. _I thought we were friends._ Straightening up as much as possible, she faced Windu. If Ahsoka was going to face false judgement, she would do it as a warrior, not a victim.

She heard Lu—Barriss speak, her voice cold and hard, “As I said to the General, Sovereign Master, I do not know this girl. She was merely a means to an end. I needed to get back into the city. Why you thought she would have information about me, I don’t know. If there is one thing everyone knows about Barriss Offee, it’s that she always works alone.”

Emotions ran conflictingly through Ahsoka—hurt, hope, betrayal, confusion. Barriss clearly didn’t want Ahsoka to die for her crimes. But, she was also the one who put her here. The same question that had haunted her for the last two days pounded away at her brain. _Why?_

A familiar voice came from the other side of Barriss—a very familiar voice. One that made Ahsoka’s wounded heart leap in joy. _Plo._ “Master, I think we have a bigger problem. Do you not recognize this prisoner?” His voice was filled with concern and anger.

Ahsoka looked up fully and tried to grin weakly at him, to let him know she was ok and happy to see him. But, she found her grin fade as the face she ended up focusing on was the one between them. Barriss was staring at her with confusion in her eyes and Ahsoka got some hurt pleasure from that. _You’re not the only one with secrets._

The Sovereign Master came closer to her and she saw his confusion turn into... fear. _Huh. See something new everyday, I guess._

Windu stammered, “Oh. H-How did this happen? Princess, this was clearly a terrible… misunderstanding.” His voice regained its normal seriousness and turned hard, “Why didn’t you tell anyone who you were?”

Plo had crossed over to Ahsoka’s right side and was allowing her to lean on him for support. They had no idea she had resigned her position, obviously. Otherwise, Windu would not have been so panicked at the idea of possible retaliation from a commander of a full battalion of the best soldiers in the 47 kingdoms. Then again, maybe he had and was just worried about Anakin’s wrath when he found out Windu had treated his sister in such a manner. She wondered if Anakin would even care anymore. That hurt.

Ahsoka looked haughtily at him, hoping she was pulling off her best royal expression of superiority. _I would never have told you. That’s not who I am anymore. But, you don’t need to know that._ She responded slowly, her mouth still painful and thick, “I didn’t get a chance to do so. Your men started interrogating me before I could speak. And, how was I to prove such a claim? All of my belongings were taken from me when I was sold to the bounty hunters.” Her voice stung at the memory of Barriss’ betrayal. “Also, I must admit, I got some grim satisfaction from the idea of my brother razing this castle to the ground when he found out what you had done.”

She noted the glimmer of fear returning to Windu’s face with no inconsiderable amount of glee. He knew it wasn’t a false threat. Her kingdom was small and unimportant in most ways. It wasn’t strategically or intrinsically valuable. However, it was feared and respected because it had the best warriors in the land. Warriors who rarely lost a battle. Led by Anakin Skywalker, the hero with no fear, the warrior prince of legend. They were sought after allies because no one wanted them as enemies.

Plo chuckled lightly at her side. “Little ‘soka, let’s get you cleaned up and your wounds treated. Then, we can talk through the mistakes made.”

Windu calmed somewhat at that and called attendants, obviously intending to give her every possible attention while here. “Yes, indeed. Well said, Master General. Princess Ahsoka, please allow me to extend the hospitality of my kingdom to you. Feel free to make use of all of our luxuries and go wherever you wish. You have passed a great trial of spirit. You have proven your mettle as a warrior and a leader.”

Ahsoka almost snorted. _Great trial? Is that what we are calling it now? The man can't even apologize properly._ She stared at him unforgivingly. Finally, she said, “Very well, Sovereign Master. Fortunately, for the safety of your kingdom, you have a wise and loyal General, who also happens to be very dear to my heart.” She leaned closely into Plo, drawing strength from his presence.

He wrapped his arm more fully around her to keep her upright.

There was a soft intake of breath to her left. _Barriss._ Ahsoka had almost forgotten she was there. She reluctantly turned her head toward her former friend, afraid of what she might see, and caught her breath.

Barriss was looking at her with something Ahsoka couldn’t comprehend in her eyes. It wasn’t fear, or contempt, or even apology. It was something different. Something deep and… miserable.

Ahsoka held her eyes for a moment and then looked away. She felt Plo tighten his arm around her, as if he knew her heart was breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely LOVED writing this chapter. It felt like tons of work finally culminating into a turning point where everyone knows who is who, changes begin, and we can now move forward properly. Plus, it now allows me to stop using aliases for each girl inside their own POV sections. Which was surprisingly difficult to keep up with as I went. :)
> 
> Oh, and I adore Plo.


	8. A Personal Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss tries to give answers, but gets them instead.  
> Ahsoka tries to get answers, but doesn't understand them.

Barriss laid on the wooden bench in her small cell. It was cold. Everything hurt. _I deserve it._ Not for the first time, she ran her fingers gently along her forehead. It brought some level of comfort to her tired mind.

She reviewed her choices over the last several weeks for the 23rd time, trying to decide if she could have done something differently. Her conversation with Plo and the revelation of Ashl—Ahsoka’s true identity had sent her on a tumbling rehash of calculations and projections. The problem was, she didn’t have enough data to calculate the odds of the various paths. So, she went around in circles with no resolution in sight. She rubbed her forehead again and closed her eyes.

It didn’t really matter now. She had been sentenced to execution. It felt like a relief. _Destiny fulfilled._ Barriss would finally reach her destination. She didn’t know if any of it made a difference, but at least she had tried. And, a public execution would allow her to make one last plea to the people at large. It would be a warning to anyone who might listen to leave the city. If she couldn’t save them all, maybe she could save someone.

At least, Plo believed her. He would ensure Ash—Ahsoka left soon. Barriss could tell he cared about her deeply and she about him. _As it should be. Good people deserve each other._ She wondered once again what would have happened if she had known about that connection. Barriss could have spent her time convincing the young warrior, instead of betraying her. _Maybe._ She didn’t really know if she would have chosen that route. The risk would have been high. Still, it appealed to the part of Barriss that would do anything to protect the girl. The dominant part recognized the folly of such emotions and sneered at the thought of risking thousands of lives to keep the one she had a personal connection to.

She let out a frustrated noise from the bottom of her throat that sounded like a wounded animal, giving up the pointless argument with herself.

“So, having a bad day are we?”

Barriss jerked up, almost falling off the bench, frantically looking for the voice. _Her voice._ The girl was standing casually outside her cell, not looking directly at her. _How did I not hear her arrive?_ “You’re here,” Barriss said in amazement.

Ahsoka smiled without any warmth. “It appears so.” She finally looked at Barriss and gave a small start. “What happened? You look terrible.”

Barriss shrugged. “Some of my captors weren’t as forgiving as Plo for the death of their friends. Not really surprising. I deserve it,” she ended softly.

The girl stared at her, but not without sympathy. “Well, I know from personal experience that this cell isn’t much fun after having been exposed to Windu’s hospitality.”

She winced. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I didn’t—I didn’t think they would harm you, once they knew you weren’t me.” Barriss tried to communicate how remorseful she truly was, but the words seemed hollow and meaningless. _They are. Nothing can make it better now._

Giving a short nod, Ahsoka leaned casually against the cell bars.

Barriss saw her flinch with pain at the action and felt a stab of guilt inside her heart. _I did that._ She took the moment to examine the girl’s injuries. They looked well treated. That was something, at least. The warrior had recovered her armor and weapons. _Good._ Barriss couldn’t imagine her in anything else. It just… fit. She looked back to Ahsoka’s face and saw it was watching her. Barriss looked into her eyes and saw the anger, the confusion, and— worst of all—the hurt. The girl was trying to be strong, trying to not show any of it. But, Barriss could see it all in her eyes. They weren’t fierce and shining. They were sad and pained. _I did that._

Ahsoka finally spoke, “Why?”

Swallowing hard, Barriss met her eyes again. She had expected the question. It was the least she could do for her. “Cardota was in danger. The details aren’t important, but the person threatening them was so—well, no one would believe me. I decided to bomb the barracks to frame him, so they would know he was a danger. I tried to choose a time when not many would be there, to minimize casualties. They were already going to die anyway when the attack came. I thought—”

“Not the bomb. Why did you do this to _me_?”

Barriss stopped. She knew the logical answer, the objective reason for it. But, she wasn’t sure that was what Ahsoka wanted from her. “I will try to answer your question, if you tell me why you didn’t tell them who you were. Or, tell them everything you could about me when they were interrogating you. I wouldn’t have even… done what I did, if I had known who you really were.”

“Why not? Selling a princess to bounty hunters is somehow worse?”

“No,” Barriss replied calmly, “it would have been too easy for you derail my plan by proclaiming your royal status.”

The girl gazed at her for a moment. “You know, I’m not sure I realized how… calculating your mind was.” It wasn’t said with bitterness, just disbelief. As if, Ahsoka couldn’t imagine how anyone could be that cold.

“What does it matter, now? Do we have a deal? And, don’t give me the reasons you gave Windu. I know you better than that.”

Ahsoka seemed to consider. “Alright, there were three reasons I didn’t tell them anything. I will tell you one now and the other two after you answer my question.”

Barriss raised a surprised eyebrow. The girl was negotiating now? _She doesn’t trust me. I did that._ “Two now, and one after I answer.” She might as well go for it. Besides, once Barriss answered her, she might not answer her question. Why would she give the woman who betrayed her anything?

Looking annoyed at the bartering, Ahsoka frowned, but complied. “First reason, I thought it might be a fun adventure to be a prisoner. It was an adventure, but it wasn’t at all fun,” she ended bitterly. She hesitated a moment before continuing, “Number two… I really didn't want anyone to know who I was. I left home for a reason. And, advertising my identity might have resulted in my brother or Pal—someone worse being notified and a forced escort back home.”

Barriss allowed her surprise to show, but didn’t ask follow-up questions. She didn’t have the right to do that now. Still, she hadn’t realized things were that bad for Ahsoka. Barriss had been so concerned with her own problems that she hadn’t noticed the girl was in pain. _I’m a terrible person._ She cleared her throat. “Alright, I guess it’s my turn. I needed to finish my mission and it was the only way I could think of to get undetected back into Cardota. If they thought I was captured, they wouldn't be scrutinizing entry points and faces.” She paused, feeling the answer was inadequate, and then added, “I had… a mission. Failure meant death to everyone in the city. The mission had to—it needed to come first.”

There was a long silence. Ahsoka finally spoke. “That’s it? Nothing more?”

“Yes,” Barriss replied in confusion, “I mean—it wasn’t personal. You just happened to be kind of… there.” She examined Ahsoka, trying to figure out what she expected to hear. The girl looked hurt all over again. _What does she want from me?_

Ahsoka whispered, voice shaking, “I guess, I kind of hoped it was… personal.”

 _Oh._ Barriss gazed at her, while emotions she didn’t quite understand fluctuated.

“So, yeah,” Ahsoka, a little angrier now, kept going, “really glad I could help to complete your mission in which you bombed innocent people.”

“They were soldiers. Soldiers who pledged their lives for the protection of the kingdom. And, that’s how they died. They would have died anyway, when—when it happened.” She ended with the tone of someone who had said it to herself too many times.

“That sounds like a rationalization, the ends justify the means. I wonder if their families would agree with your logic? It seems to me that it kind of defeats the purpose of living, if you destroy the reason living is important.”

 _Of course, you think that. You are justice. You are faith._ Ahsoka believed in the individual. _I never have._ Barriss’ mind unfocused and she muttered to herself, “Pointless—so pointless, like everything else… What's the purpose of any of it? Why did I think I could change things? Never works, never—” Coming back to herself, she halted abruptly, fear entering her mind. Ahsoka was giving her _that_ look. The look that made her want to cry. She needed to say something quickly, “Anyway, everyone rationalizes their actions, don’t you?”

“My rationalizations don’t usually result in me murdering people.” Her voice was cold and harsh. It was a voice Barriss never imagined coming from that mouth. The same mouth that created light and happiness with every smile. It had twisted into something… ugly. _I did that. No. Fix this._

“I don't—don’t let what I did change you. Don’t become like everyone else. _Please,_ ” Barriss pleaded.

Ahsoka bit back, “But, I am like everyone else. You treated me like I was, anyway. So, I guess its true.”

Barriss paled. She couldn’t deny it. She hadn’t seen it. She didn’t calculate _that._

The girl hissed a resigned breath through gritted teeth. Then, she asked, in a calmer tone this time, “Did you even think of explaining the problem and seeing if I could help? Or, simply asking me to take your place so you could do this really important, unspecified thing?"

“Not until today.” She shook her head sadly. “I didn’t think I couldn’t risk it. It was too important. I didn’t… ” Barriss couldn’t say the rest. She couldn’t tell her that it never even occurred to her to enlist the aid of the girl that had always seemed eager to help her before. The girl that had trusted her. The girl whose fierce, affectionate eyes had haunted her since she first saw them. The girl who, in Barriss’ occasional good dreams was always there, smiling at her, encouraging her, making her feel… worthy. She hadn't even considered it. More proof that Barriss didn't deserve to even dream of worthiness. Her eyes locked on Ahsoka’s. “I'm sorry.” It sounded inadequate, but it was all she felt safe enough to say. And, she meant it. _I really do._

“You didn’t trust me. You didn’t have… faith in me.” Ahsoka’s eyes looked truly miserable for the first time since she had arrived. “I guess, I should have done the same with you, huh? Too late now. I’ll remember this lesson, I suppose.” Then, she paused reflectively. “Or, maybe I won’t. Because, that seems like a very lonely way to live.”

“I’ve learned it is the only way to live,” Barriss replied quietly.

Shaking an emphatic head, Ahsoka said, “That’s not living, Barriss.”

Barriss felt a rush of pleasure at her real name on the girl’s lips. Then, she felt guilty for it. She didn't deserve to feel anything like that.

Ahsoka continued more fervently, “That’s walking aimlessly around in purgatory, never reaching a destination. What's the point of living at all?”

She met Ahsoka’s eyes again and nodded vigorously, agreeing with her assessment. Maybe, she would understand. _There is no point in me living._ But, the girl just stared back at her with confusion and disbelief. _She doesn’t understand._

After a few moments, Ahsoka pushed herself up off the bars, wincing slightly. She turned to leave and then stopped, swinging back around. “Oh, I almost forgot. I always keep my promises. Reason number three—I didn’t tell them anything because,” a little sob escaped her lips, “you were my friend.” She started walking away quickly.

Barriss felt a maelstrom of emotions. This time, she didn’t slam the door and instead let them fill her. Shame. Guilt. Loss. Emptiness. Inadequacy. An overwhelming need to reassure Ahsoka of… something. Barriss wanted to tell the girl that she wasn’t meaningless. That she had been the hardest sacrifice of Barriss’ life.  

_Don’t get attached._

_No._

_You know better._

_No!_

_Don't get—_

_I already am._

Barriss jumped up from her bench, dragging chains painfully behind her. “A-Ahsoka! Wait! Please!”

Ahsoka halted mid-step at the desperation in the call. She looked back in wary astonishment.

Rushing out the words, Barriss stuttered, “I-I didn’t want to—I lied when I said—I said it—” she choked back tears and plunged on, “it _was_ personal.”

The girl’s eyes widened, processing the underlying meaning of the words. When her eyes met Barriss’ again, she still looked sad, but Barriss thought she saw a glint of happiness or pleasure or... something good, anyway. Ahsoka gave her a small, weary smile, and walked out of Barriss’ life.

Barriss sunk to the hard, stone floor, chains wrapping around her, cold setting fully into her body, displaced bones screaming in pain. She barely flinched. She was trying to understand what just happened, what made Ahsoka come here, why Barriss needed to assure her that she cared, why she even cared about Ahsoka at all—now that she knew she did… _Why do I so desperately want her to come back?_

All of a sudden, she felt so very alone. She was always alone. Why did this feel so different? Barriss shuddered violently and threw her numb hands against the unmoving bars again and again, feeling some satisfaction in the excruciating pain shooting up her arms. _It doesn’t matter now. I’ve lost her. I threw her away, before I realized it mattered._

At least, the end was coming. _Finally._ This failure hurt so much more than the others. She deserved it.

_______

Plo Koon walked into the anteway of Ahsoka’s quarters. She looked up and felt happy for the first time in days. “Master Plo! I’m so glad to see you. I’ve missed you!” She grabbed the older man around the chest in a tight hug.

He laughed affectionately. “And, I you, little ‘soka. I’m sorry things have not been easy for you lately, though.”

Ahsoka pulled away quickly. “Oh, they aren’t so bad. I’ve got an awesome new cloak. And, I’ve been to loads of new places.”

Plo gazed at her. “You left out the part where you resigned your commission, ran away from home, wandered the forest like a nomad, were captured by bounty hunters, tortured by royal guards, and betrayed by someone you cared about… ” he trailed off softly.

Her face fell. She felt the tears coming. _Be strong._

He sighed, clearly knowing the look on her face. “Little one, you do not have to be strong all the time. I know you are hurting. I also know it will pass. You are strong, but that doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge the hurt.”

She held on for a few more moments. Then, she sank into the couch and felt Plo’s arm around her shoulders. Ahsoka leaned into him, feeling safe and loved. Something she hadn’t felt for a very long time, she suddenly realized.

“If it helps,” Plo murmured, “know that Barriss does care about you. In fact, I think you may be the _only_ person she cares about in this world.”

Ahsoka’s head jerked back in disbelief. “If that were true, she wouldn’t—wouldn’t have given me up so easily.”

He sighed heavily. “Ahsoka, I doubt it was easy. You have a tendency to idealize the people you care about. It's one of the beautiful things about you. You always see what people could be as reality. You see the best in them _as_ them. Unfortunately, it has a drawback. No one is perfect, which means their inevitable failures hurt you even more.

“Barriss is… troubled. I’m not sure she even understands her motives. She believed, wrongly or not, that this was her chance to make amends for every mistake she had made, every life she had ruined, every failure she had committed. Barriss thought the universe was demanding she give up all she had, before she could die. Barriss has probably wanted to end everything for a long time. But, she was held back from that goal by her guilt and feeling of duty. This was her chance to finally… be free. Unfortunately, the price was you.” He paused before continuing, “I can’t know what was in her head at the time, but I also suspect she thought she was protecting you.”

Ahsoka really couldn’t believe that one and her face showed it. Only respect for Plo prevented her from telling him, in no uncertain terms, the ridiculousness of that statement. “Master, I appreciate your opinion, but shooting me and selling me to bounty hunters, so that I can be beaten and possibly executed is not exactly the way you protect someone you care about.” _Well, she didn’t count on that last part happening, but the point is still valid._ Barriss had no idea what would happen to her.

Plo smiled affectionately. “Very true, little one. She made very bad choices. I meant, however, not that she was trying to protect you from others. But, that she was trying to protect you from something she thought was far worse.”

“What could be worse than a possible death sentence?”

“Herself.”

Ahsoka pondered that for a moment and then shook her head. _I really don’t understand her at all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, things will get better. Eventually.


	9. Interlude: Rite of Passage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choices are the hinges of destiny.  
> \--Edwin Markham
> 
> [Barriss Flashback]  
> [Barriss: Age 20]

“It's time, Barriss. Time for your final step.”

She looked at her master tentatively. “Yes, Master.”

“Your skills are complete. It is time to prove you are ready to take your place among the masters of our profession. This next mission requires nothing you do not already have. It is a test of discipline, not talent. I have been waiting for this moment for a long time, for someone worthy of succeeding me. You have the skill. Now, we will see if you have the discipline. Once you cross this threshold, you will become something new, something you were destined to be. Remember the lessons I've taught you and you will succeed. You will fulfill the potential I saw in you all those years ago.”

Barriss held on to the words. Her master almost sounded… proud. She nodded respectfully. “I will not fail you, Master.”

Her master's eyes were unreadable. “We will see.”

_______

Barriss stepped out of the dim alleyway, freshly attired in her pilfered cavalry armor, and pulled the helmet guard over her face. She didn't want to take any risks. Someone might recognize her. Well, one person might, if she was here. Barriss was taking no chances.

She felt unsettled. Barriss had never done… this. She had known she would have to some day. Still, it was different thing to be confronted with it.

Pushing the doubts away, Barriss tucked the stolen insignia of a Cardota soldier inside of her chest plate and headed toward the castle. She had chosen the plain sight approach. The castle was heavily guarded and, given the sensitive areas she was infiltrating, she needed more freedom of movement than the last time she was here. Her mind briefly flashed to a pit and a shining smile, before she strode through the gates confidently.

No one noted the cavalry officer striding across the square toward the side entrance. Until… a soldier with a shock of blonde hair and a captain's insignia looked at her curiously, as if he was about to speak. Barriss kept walking purposefully, pretending she didn't notice him. She was almost to the door. _Please._

Then, she heard a delighted yell, “Rex! Did you miss me?”

Barriss spun around as she neared the door and jumped quickly inside. She left it cracked slightly to confirm her suspicions. Yes, it was _her._ The girl ran up to the observant captain and grabbed him around the neck in a giant embrace. He laughed happily, returning the hug. Barriss felt annoyance flash into her mind. Why was she annoyed that the girl was friends with a fellow warrior? _It's not like I'm the only person she knows._

Watching the two of them interact, Barriss knew she need to move on quickly and not press her luck. But, she didn't. She remained unmoving, peering through the small crack in the door. The girl looked much the same as she had in Tatooine two years ago. Perhaps, a little taller and a little more muscled. Her eyes were still that incredible shade of blue. It looked like she had gotten another promotion, as well. _Impressive._ Her smile was still as bright and shining as Barriss remembered. _I was right all those years ago. She is beautiful._ Barriss jumped slightly as the thought flashed unbidden into her brain. _What is wrong with you?_

Suddenly, the girl turned and looked straight at the door, a confused expression in her face. Barriss sucked in a breath. There was no way the girl could see Barriss in her current position behind the door. Yet, there she was… staring.

Hurrying away from the door, Barriss cursed herself once again for letting the young warrior distract her. She had a mission to complete and a destiny to fulfill. There was no time for her usual mistakes.

_______

Barriss arrived at the door precisely on time. She pulled the Cardota insignia from her pocket, ready to lay the false evidence. Their client had been very specific about the manner of death and where the blame should lie. She entered the room stealthily, expecting a sleeping target. What she found was quite the opposite.

The Sovereign Master was sitting at his desk, motionless. Barriss might have thought he was already dead, except that he was moaning softly as he stared at the wall, his lekku slightly twitching. She crept up behind him, readying her sword. This needed to look like he had fought back, ripping the incriminating evidence from his attacker. She hesitated. _I have to do this._

As Barriss wrapped her sword around his body, she paused. He wasn’t moving. He didn’t react to her blade. No reaction at all to the impending death he must know was upon him.

“Well, are you going to do it or not?” His voice was impatient. “Would it be preferable if I was somewhere else? I can stand up, if it makes it easier.”

Barriss’ mouth gaped. She withdrew her sword and just stood, dumbfounded, behind him. His response was so unexpected she wasn’t sure what to do next. He wasn’t going to give her a fight. She needed a fight to make it convincing. Well, that was what she told herself, anyway.

He seemed to sense her thoughts. “Or, perhaps you need it to look like I fought back? I can do that, if you wish.” The man rose from his chair and turned to face her.

She readied her weapon. Perhaps, this was a ploy to put her off guard. Then, she saw his face. It was blank, uncaring. _He wants to die._

The man muttered to himself, “So, he finally decided to act. I suppose, he thinks he has him now.”

Barriss couldn’t help herself. “Who?”

Mild surprise appeared on his face. “Palpatine, of course. He did hire you, correct?”

She didn’t respond. Barriss didn’t know who had hired them.

He continued in a distant voice, “Palpatine wants my son. And, he will have him. He wants my daughter, too,” the man continued thoughtfully, “but, he won’t get her, I don’t think. She is too independent.”

Barriss didn’t know if he was delusional or she was. The man was making no sense. Still, he seemed to have information about Palpatine. And, information was always useful. “What do you mean he wants your son?”

“My son, the best warrior in the 47 kingdoms. He could be a great leader. But, he’s been twisted by Palpatine’s influence. I just… let it happen. It’s too late to do anything about it now. So, it’s time for me to go.”

Unexpected anger flared up inside her. “If you know this, why don’t you stop it?”

He stared vacantly behind her head. “There’s nothing I can do. It’s too late.”

“I don't understand. Don’t you care about him or your daughter?”

The Sovereign Master’s face flushed slightly. “Of course, I care about both of them. There’s nothing I can do now, though. I deserve to die. Maybe, my death will give them what they need to overcome it.”

Barriss didn’t know why she felt the need to continue this conversation. Why she felt the need to scream at him to do something. She should just kill him and be done with it. But, she didn’t. “If you truly cared, you would fight for them. You would go down with your last breath trying to fix your mistakes. You wouldn’t just… give up.”

He stared at her. “You are a very strange assassin. Are you sure this is the right line of work for you?”

She didn’t answer.

Her face must have betrayed uncertainty, because the ruler smiled weakly and said, “Perhaps, you should think about it. It’s not too late to change, you know. I’m a lost cause. You’re not.”

Barriss’ heart beat faster. “I wouldn’t know what else to do. This is my destiny.”

He gave her a look of such pity, she almost stabbed him. Something held her back.

He cocked his head slightly. “If I cooperate, so you can kill me in the way instructed, will you do me a favor? Will you, after you leave here, think about what you want? I mean what you, yourself, want—not what anyone else wants for you. You obviously have superior skills or you wouldn’t have been able to get this far. You could put those skills to use for the greater good.”

Barriss felt a shock run through her body at his words. _The greater good…_

The man shrugged. “It’s selfish, I suppose. I just thought if my death resulted in you helping others, maybe I wouldn’t be a complete failure. And, I think, something in you is…” he contemplated her before continuing, “special. The world is a terrible place. I think you could make it better. For yourself and for everyone else.”

His words awakened something in her, something she didn’t quite understand. It felt otherworldly and strange.

His eyes met hers, briefly flashing with intensity. “The decision, of course, is yours. It’s your life. Your choices are your own.” Then, his eyes reverted to their blank, distant stare. “I’m ready now. Let me know what you need me to do.”

Barriss stood frozen, roiling in turmoil, when a glimmer of clarity surfaced _. Your choices are your own._ She was standing on the edge of something. A choice. She didn't make her own choices. _But… I could._

All at once, thoughts tumbled rapidly through her mind. Thoughts that were always there, but never acknowledged. Until, now. _I can’t kill him. I don’t want to kill him. I don’t want to kill anyone. This is not the life I want. I can choose a different destiny._ She felt a release in her soul, as if she was waking for the first time.

Sheathing her sword, Barriss said firmly, “No. You don’t get off that easy. I’ll do as you ask. However, you must do something in return. Try to help your children. If you don't succeed, fine. But, if you care about them, at least… try. Go out with one last effort. After that, perhaps, you can die in peace.”

He locked gazes with her in silent consideration. Then, he raised his hands to his cheeks, crossing them twice, in a traditional Mirialan salute. “I will think on your request, young one.”

She was shocked he had known the obscure cultural gesture. Barriss returned it and moved to depart, halting briefly at the doorway. “Oh, tell your royal guard to be on the lookout for an older Mirialan with a tattooed chin, likely using a disguise. She may come to finish what I didn’t.”

Barriss Offee smiled and walked confidently out of the room, heading into a new life.

That night, the visions started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I'm glad she didn't go through with that one!


	10. The Price of Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the present where Barriss' visions are finally reality.
> 
> [Barriss: Age 23]  
> [Ahsoka: Age 21]

Barriss awoke thinking she was still in one of her nightmares. Then, the terrible truth crashed like waves upon her. It was happening. She felt her world spin and her visions danced before her eyes. Destruction. Death. Failure. _I failed._

Ahsoka! Had she left? Was she safe? Surely, she had left by now. There was no reason to stay anymore. Barriss took a steadying breath. _I’m sure she isn’t out there. Dying. No. She’s safe. I know it._

A terrible explosion rocked her cell and Barriss flew across the small space, feeling her chains rip out of the wall. She gazed up woozily and saw light streaming into her cell. The wall had been obliterated. She looked down at her hands and noted numbly that the binders attached to her chains had cracked. Barriss squirmed, squeezing and angling her hands, cutting herself on the jagged metal. Eventually, she was free. Blood oozed from her hands and face, and her arm burned painfully. _I probably look like death. Fitting._

Suddenly, Barriss became furious. She didn’t even get to die thinking she had helped. The gods were making her to watch the destruction happen before death took her—making her watch her failure unfold. _Not even a little mercy? Am I that terrible a person?_

She sighed and resigned herself to it. Barriss stepped outside the cell into… death. Fire was raining down from the heavens, as in her visions. People were screaming. Children were dying. _My fault. I deserve to die. For this, and for so much more._ She walked toward the open air, intending to face her end with no fear. She heard something whistling from the sky toward her. _Here it comes. Thank you._ Barriss closed her eyes.

Then, she felt her body crashing into a wall and something landing on top of her, protecting her. She opened her eyes. _Ahsoka._ She angrily struggled to push her off. Didn’t she know Barriss deserved to die by now? She raged against the girl, “What are you... _doing_?!”

Ahsoka gazed down at her in disbelief. “What am I doing? What are you doing? Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?!”

Barriss stopped struggling and was silent. _Yes._

The girl stared intensely at her with sudden fear and a hint of anger in her eyes. A loud, piercing scream of a child interrupted whatever Ahsoka was going to say and she launched off of Barriss, crouching low, trying to determine the source.

Barriss turned her head and saw a small girl standing alone in the middle of the open square. _She is going to die. They are all going to die._ Barriss laid unmoving on the scorched ground where Ahsoka had deposited her and murmured to herself _,_ “This is all my fault. I failed.”

Ahsoka jerked her head back to Barriss, full anger blossoming on her face now. “Fine, you can give up if you want. I plan on actually trying to save someone.”

She tried to respond but Barriss didn’t know how to make her understand that it was pointless. She had seen it all happen. There was— _Wait. She wasn’t. No._

The warrior launched herself away from the wall and toward the screaming child.

 _No._ Barriss sat up and watched, anxiety rising with every step the girl took.

Ahsoka scooped the child up from the square and kept moving, heading for a nearby shelter of debris, where a few others were huddled. Then, she hovered over the child like a protective shield—a shining, bright shield of light.

All of a sudden, Barriss knew. This was the place where death was headed. A remnant of her nightmare flashed, burning into her mind. _A small shelter. People huddled. The child. A fireball of death._

 _No!_ Barriss flew off the ground—running, waving, yelling. She saw the fire streaking from the sky. She knew this was it. Barriss felt… terror, true terror. She was going to be too late. Failure was coming for her, like an old friend who would never leave. And, she hated it. Fury rose up within her. _No. Not this time._

Something awakened inside her. Something she had never felt before. A sense of… awareness of the world around her. Barriss screamed once more. This time it felt like her mind, her voice, and her very soul was screaming, as well. Her body propelled itself faster than she thought possible.

Ahsoka’s head abruptly jerked up in awareness and she turned quickly toward Barriss. Somehow, she understood. Ahsoka shoved the others out of the way, as the world exploded into bright orange and blue hues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, this was a short one! Enjoy it while it lasts!


	11. Forgiveness is a Many-Splendored Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka recovers.  
> Barriss tries really hard.  
> Forgiveness begins.

Barriss brought her horse to a stop. Her body was crying out for relief and she had almost lost her grip on the reins. She flexed her fingers carefully. They were just numb and unfeeling, now. The burning in her arm was not so cooperative.

“Just a little bit longer,” she said softly to the figure propped against her chest. Barriss examined the unconscious girl and tried to gently adjust her position to protect her neck and head.

Her thoughts drifted to the frantic dive to pull Ahsoka from the wreckage. She remembered the overjoyed relief that she was still alive. She remembered the intense focus to stop the bleeding. She remembered the strong determination to get the survivors out of the city after it was over. But mostly, Barriss remembered the fear. The terrifying, visceral fear that had almost overcome her during all of it. Opening her eyes again, she stared blankly at Ahsoka. _Did I do the right thing?_

She could have let the survivors take the still unconscious girl to the nearest village. But, they didn’t want Barriss. They didn’t trust her. Unsurprising, given her reputation and the trauma they had just endured. They might have even blamed Ahsoka for Barriss’ actions, in their anger over everything they had lost. It was doubtful the villagers would have had the expertise to care for the badly wounded girl, anyway. Barriss did. So, she had ridden off with Ahsoka on the only horse she could find. Barriss gazed at the girl laying against her chest. _I couldn’t let you die._

A few more miles and they would be safely in the woods, where Barriss could treat her properly. Ahsoka was stabilized for now, but she had serious injuries requiring attention. They needed to get to a safe place first, though. And, the girl would need help even after she was treated. She suspected Ahsoka’s head wound would prevent her from balancing herself properly and the burns on her arms and legs would mean a great deal of pain for travelling—or running, if someone was chasing her—even after they were treated. _I think I did the right thing._

 _I guess I’ll find out when you wake up._ Barriss had an urge to stroke the girl’s cheek and tell her everything was going to be ok. _Get a grip, Barriss._ She adjusted her position again, carefully wrapping her arm around Ahsoka’s uninjured stomach, to ensure her head was supported. Then, they continued their journey to safety.  

_____

Ahsoka stirred groggily, feeling a great deal of pain, but also comfort. _Weird._ She raised her head in confusion, wincing sharply at the movement. Then, she felt an arm holding her tight, breath beating heavily against her neck, and the cantering movements of a horse. Shifting gingerly, Ahsoka looked up at the person who was holding her, as if their life depended on it. _Barriss._ Despite the physical pain and the uncertain emotions regarding the identity of her rescuer, she felt… _something_ in being embraced so tightly by the woman’s solid presence. Ahsoka couldn’t identify the feeling. It wasn’t bad. In fact, she was pretty sure she wanted to keep feeling it. _Also, weird._

A concerned voice spoke softly, “Hey there. Don’t move too much. We’re almost to a safe place where I can treat you. Then, you can rest properly. Just stay with me, ok?”

A rush of… whatever that feeling was flowed through Ahsoka. She smiled weakly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Barriss smiled back. It was a real smile, weary but genuine. She tightened her grip on Ahsoka’s waist, pulling her closer and supporting her screaming head.

Ahsoka relaxed into the embrace, leaning into Barriss’ chest, feeling somehow safe and content in her pain. _Definitely weird._ Then, she fell into a restful slumber.

_______

Barriss pursed her lips tentatively as she finished tying off the bandages around Ahsoka’s arm. “Are you upset that I didn’t send you with the others?” Barriss wanted to justify herself, but she wasn’t sure how. She knew the reasons she had thought of to justify her actions, but she wasn’t entirely sure they were the real reasons. Not to mention taking Ahsoka with her went against everything she had ever been taught about survival and attachments. Yet, she had done it anyway. She hadn’t thought about it. She’d just acted. Acted because Barriss knew she was Ahsoka’s best chance to survive. And, it didn’t bother her. But, she was afraid it might bother Ahsoka. _Did I do the right thing?_

“Why would I be upset? You saved my life. Why would I be angry about that?”

“Well, I mean, you might not have wanted to be stuck with me out here, in the middle of nowhere, dependent on my limited healing expertise.”

Frowning in pain or annoyance, Barriss couldn’t tell, Ahsoka said, “Barriss, you wanted to save my life. You obviously thought this was the best way to do it. Why would I be upset about a choice that was made to help me? And, as for your supposedly _limited_  expertise… I’m still alive aren’t I?”

Barriss considered the response. Logical. Reasonable. She felt herself smiling a little as she continued her work.

_______

Waking to the smell of food, Ahsoka realized she was starving. She looked over at Barriss, busily cooking in some kind of makeshift stick oven. _Where does she learn to do this stuff?_ Clearing her throat, Ahsoka commented, “Smells good. Is that fish? How did you catch them with no supplies?”

“Oh, I learned to hand catch them when I was younger.” The woman ducked her head, as if that sounded too much like boasting. “I’m not great at it, though.”

Ahsoka sent eyes skyward. _Ow. How can rolling my eyes possibly hurt?_ “Uh-huh. Not great, huh? What? You miss 1 out of 10 or something?”

“Well, I didn’t miss any.” Barriss frowned. “But, it took longer than it should have.”

 _For the love of…_ “Let me get this straight. You did a perfect job, caught every fish, in a manner that 99.9% of people can’t do, and you still don’t think you are ‘great at it’?”

Barriss stared at her silently, until eventually her lips curled into a half grin. “Maybe.”

Ahsoka exaggerated a sigh, rocking her head in overdone amazement, and then immediately wished she hadn’t. Everything started ringing and she felt like she was spinning in place. Ahsoka grabbed her head painfully. When it stopped, she realized Barriss was holding her head at a slight, right angle. It felt better—much better.

“Try to keep this angle and don’t move it too much for the next day or two,” Barriss admonished.

She suddenly noticed Barriss’ warm hands on her face and flushed hotly. The resulting pain made her wish she hadn’t. “Ok, that shouldn’t be too hard to remember, since I feel like my head is going to explode when I do.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of Barriss’ mouth. “Good.” Then, she removed her hands and sat back. 

Ahsoka felt… displaced. As if, those hands were providing some missing piece of her face and Barriss removing them made her feel incomplete. _What is wrong with me? Ugh. Head hurts to much to think about it now. Maybe, I have brain damage._

Barriss moved to continue cooking breakfast. “Can I ask you something?”

The injured girl started to nod and then remembered that wouldn’t be a good idea. “Well, you just did. But, if you’d like to ask me something else... I suppose I could handle it.” She added a snarky smile, testing out the limits of how wide she could stretch her lips without pain.

Barriss laughed lightly.

Ahsoka had to stop herself from turning her head sharply. _I still love that sound._

“I know you said you were fine with me saving your life,” Barriss paused for a moment and then continued in a nervous rush, “but, I’ve done that now. In a few days, you’ll be well enough to travel. And, I just want to make sure you’re alright, and take you wherever you need to go to be safe. So, what I’m saying is, I hope you are ok with me staying and… helping you.

“I figured, well, I have a lot to make up for. I know you don’t trust me. I don’t blame you. You shouldn’t. But, I want you to know that my intentions are exactly what I said and—” she stopped, eyes darting helplessly then swinging back. The blue hues were swirling intensely and alive with emotion. “I promise I will never hurt you again. Ever. I’m so sorry for... everything.” Barriss took a harsh, steadying breath. “That said, are you ok with me helping you?”

 _Wow._ Ahsoka closed her eyes for a moment, processing. _I do still trust her. Why do I? Doesn’t matter._ Ahsoka had never been one to analyze her feelings. She operated on instinct. And, right now, it was telling her Barriss was sincere. It didn’t really change what had happened, but it did make Ahsoka feel like she could move forward. As long as Barriss didn’t find another suicide mission in the meantime. _Or, maybe I’m her mission now?_ Ahsoka kind of liked that idea, but also hated it. _This girl really needs to learn how to have friends._ She opened her eyes to see Barriss watching her. In her face, there was… fear. _Fear of what exactly?_

Ahsoka carefully cleared her throat. “I know you are… everything you just said. And, I believe you. I don’t like what you did, but that’s in the past. I’m not big on holding grudges or refusing help from people who have saved my life—twice.” She flashed the best smile her head could handle.

Barriss’ eyes flickered with disbelief, as if what Ahsoka was saying wasn't possible.

“So, yeah,” Ahsoka pressed on with sudden inspiration. “let’s start over shall we? You work on earning my trust, as if you had never seen me before, and I’ll work on earning yours. Who knows, maybe we’ll even, I don’t know—shock and horror!—be friends again?” _Assuming you ever thought I was your friend in the first place. Don’t be bitter, Ahsoka. Starting over remember?_ “Is it a deal?” Ahsoka finished with what she hoped was a friendly smile, though she kind of felt like it might be more of a mangled embarrassed smirk.

Barriss looked at everything but Ahsoka. The fish. The trees. The dirt. Her hands. The fish again. Ahsoka waited, somewhat impatiently, feeling weirdly nervous. Eventually, the eyes traced a path to Ahsoka. They were hopeful.

Ahsoka took a risk and answered with the biggest smile she could conjure. _Ow._

Barriss tried a small smile in return, as she finally responded, “You’ve got a deal.”

“Excellent. Oh, and one more thing. Don't take care of me because of guilt, take care of me because—well—because you actually care. Please?”

Suddenly, Barriss’ smile turned brilliant. It transformed her usually pensive, worried face into something much, much… _more._

Ahsoka felt something jump in her chest.

“I can do that,” Barriss replied, “and, I’ll get you wherever you decide you want to go safely, I promise. Don’t worry.”

 _Huh._ Ahsoka realized, strangely, she wasn’t worried at all. The hurt from Barriss’ betrayal was still there. Yet, somehow, she felt safe with her. _Definitely, brain damage._ She decided to go with it and said sincerely, “I don’t. I’m with you.”

Barriss smiled even more brightly and Ahsoka noticed the lighter sapphire hues hiding behind the dark blue in her eyes. _Huh._

_______

“How many people do you think survived?”

Barriss visibly blanched at the question.

Ahsoka cursed under her breath. She shouldn’t have brought this up. Barriss might think she blamed her or some other nonsense.

The woman recovered quickly, though. Her voice was steady. “I’m not sure. There were the eight we left with and there were probably more scattered throughout the city. I wish… well, it's too late for wishing, I suppose.”

Ahsoka nodded, feeling relief that the movement didn’t hurt anymore. _I never realized how much I moved my head until the last few days._ “I—do you know if—” she gulped, “if Plo was… ” She couldn’t finish the sentence. Ahsoka had wanted to ask since she had first woken up, needing to know the answer but afraid of getting it.

A hand gripped her shoulder, warm and comforting. “I’m sorry, Ahsoka. I don’t know. I looked on our way out, as much as I could, for him specifically. I didn’t see him. He might have made it out or… ”

“Or not.” Ahsoka finished her sentence in a broken, raspy voice. She knew Plo wouldn’t have left his post when the city was under attack. The comforting pressure on her shoulder increased as fingers squeezed gently. The tears were threatening in her eyes. _Strong. Must be strong._ She forced them back and gazed distantly into the firelight, thinking of everything she had lost—everything she could still lose. _Anakin. Father. Rex._

Ahsoka had to know they were alright—had to tell them she loved them, despite everything. Even, if they didn’t want to hear it. Even, if there were consequences. She looked into the worried blue eyes watching her and asked, “Can you take me home?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult to write convincingly. Barriss' desire to make up for her betrayal was easy. She has nothing left at this point and has always had a compulsion to fix her mistakes. Ahsoka's forgiveness of the betrayal, not so much. I wanted to balance Ahsoka's still-present hurt with her natural tendency toward forgiving those she loves. She, perhaps, doesn't realize how badly she wants to hold on to the idealized version of Barriss in her head, and how willing that makes her to trust her again. Hopefully, Barriss will come through for her and none of this will matter. In fact, Ahsoka's faith in her may actually be the only thing Barriss can count on now...


	12. Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get really, really bad. But, somehow, there is light in the darkness.
> 
> “Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach.”  
> — J.R.R Tolkien

Ahsoka was falling apart. As she walked around the carnage that had once been her home, she felt the undeniable urge to scream, cry, kill, and… nothing. _Nothing._ It was all gone. _Everyone._ Dead bodies littered the pathways, the shops, the houses, the battlements. _Everywhere._ Nothing but death.  
  
She had found her father by the castle gates, looking peaceful in death. Maybe, he was glad to finally be joining his lost love. She was angry at him for dying and for looking so happy about it. _Hope you’re happy now, Dad. I’m still here you know. Always have been._ Ahsoka felt the rage building again. _Not yet. Not until I find Anakin._  
  
She barely noted Barriss staring strangely at her father. She had performed some kind of ritual touch of her hand to her tattoos. At least, that’s what it looked like. Ahsoka couldn’t spare the energy to ask. Conversation would only slow her down. She had to move. _I will bury him later._  
  
Where were her soldiers? She didn't see Rex. She saw some of her battalion, fallen near the civilian dwellings. One fell protecting… oh, the Vos boy. He was only seven years old—a child. She felt the rage build again. Her fists clenched and unclenched.

She saw Barriss watching her warily. _I don't care._ She needed to find her brother. _Where is he? Maybe, he's alive somewhere. In the debris of the castle battlements?_ Anakin would have been leading the battle from the front if they were attacked. The Hero with No Fear.

She ran to the battlements, frantically searching. Throwing debris away at a breakneck pace. She felt the panic building. _No one. No Anakin._ She kept going. _Keep moving._ He had to be here somewhere. He might still be alive under there. _Go. Go. Go. Don’t give up._ Ahsoka barely felt the cuts and bruises as she flew into pile after pile, throwing beams, supports, rocks, bodies... anything she found. _He’s not here. No. Don’t give up. No._

 _Too much._ It was too much. She couldn’t move it all. Panic overwhelmed her rage. Ahsoka fell to her knees in defeat and screamed helplessly. _Help me, please. Somebody. There’s no one to help. They’re all dead. They’ve left me. I’m alone._  
  
A hand touched her shoulder. It was solid, warm… comforting. She stiffened. The rage started to recede. She felt the panic die, her breath slow. _I’m not alone._ Ahsoka focused on the strong grip on her shoulder. _Be strong. He would want me to be strong._  
  
_How can I? I failed him. I failed Father. I failed Rex. I failed them all. My people. Why did I leave?_ Her strength was slipping away. She felt desperation and guilt flooding her soul. _I was selfish. They paid for it._  
  
The hand tightened its grip on her shoulder. Ahsoka drew strength from it. It was a lifeline in a sea of misery. _I’m not alone. I can do this. Be strong._  
  
Ahsoka rose slowly. “Let’s check inside.” She walked forward, ready to face the consequences her choices had wrought.  
  
_______  
  
Barriss was confused. She was also angry, sad, worried, fearful, and every other thing she could think of in the face of such death and destruction. She was also confused.  
  
There had been a battle—a massive one. Conventional weapons were involved, going by the wounds. But, there didn’t seem to be any enemy combatants. It was unbelievable that an enemy army could have attacked one of the mostly highly fortified castles, with the best warriors in the 47 kingdoms, and not lose a single soldier. Yet, as she surveyed the carnage she saw only one set of casualties.

It didn’t make any sense. Why would anyone carry away their dead? Were they trying to hide their identity? _Why do that?_ Defeating Shili would be something to proclaim, as a warning to others—a weapon for fear. Plus, there must have been massive troops involved. It would have been a resource-draining and time-heavy undertaking for such a questionable gain.

She doubted they would have had the time anyway. This battle was recent, maybe yesterday, or the day before at most. Any effort would have missed someone, given the level of chaos currently in view. There would have been no way to find them all. It didn’t make any sense. There was something else going on here. She would figure it out, for Ahsoka’s sake.  
  
She was jolted out of her analysis by Ahsoka’s lightning movement. The warrior was throwing debris from the battlements at a breakneck pace. Barriss didn’t know it was possible to move that fast. She was lifting huge pieces of rock with little strain. She had the look of a wounded animal. This wasn’t the girl she knew. This was someone else— _something_ else. Ahsoka was falling apart right in front of her. _What do I do?! Panic leads to fear. Fear leads to failure._ She was going to fail. She was going to fail Ahsoka. _Again._  
  
Barriss snapped her eyelids shut, trying to focus. Plo’s gentle voice drifted into her mind. _You lack faith in yourself._ She rubbed her fingers across her forehead and felt the panic fall away. _I can do this._

Her eyes floated open and refocused on Ahsoka’s mad movements through the battlement debris. _She’s trying to find someone. Her brother?_ Barriss moved closer, preparing to help her search, when Ahsoka fell to her knees.

There was a strangled scream, “P-P-Please—somebody help me!”  
  
Barriss moved quickly to her side. She wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. That, they could do this together. She didn’t know how to say it or if Ahsoka would even hear her. Instead, she laid a hand on her shoulder. She felt the girl stiffen. _Oh no. I did the wrong thing._  
  
Then, Ahsoka’s breathing turned from irregular frantic gulps into a simple, panting rhythm. Her shoulders rolled forward. They were still compressed and painfully tight. A slight tremble began to run across the girl’s body. Barriss tightened the grip, trying to reassure her.

After a minute, Ahsoka rose from the ground and lifted her head determinedly. “Let’s check inside.”  
  
_______  
  
They entered the great hall, searching through the wreckage. There were very few bodies here. Barriss thought again how wrong it all looked. Something in the corner caught her attention. There were two soldiers, wearing the same insignia, locked together. Almost, as if… a terrible possibility occurred to her. She shivered violently. _Oh please, no. It will kill her._ Barriss evaluated everything as they moved through the hall, trying to confirm or deny the theory that had come unwelcome to her mind. _Nothing._ She wasn’t sure if she was glad or not.  
  
Ahsoka circled the hall, gazing at the dead bodies blankly. “I should have been here. They needed me. You were right—what you said—that everyone rationalizes their actions. My rationalizing has killed my family, my people, everything.”  
  
Barriss couldn’t allow that—not Ahsoka. She grabbed the girl’s hand. “No! You would have been here if it wasn’t for me. You would have probably come back home if you hadn’t come with me. If I hadn’t sold you—if I hadn’t… This is my fault. I’m weak and I take everyone down with me—” Barriss heard her voice breaking. She dropped Ahsoka’s hand in shame. “The blame is mine. I am not someone… I’m not good. Don’t you understand? It’s my fault.”  
  
“Stop it!” Ahsoka rared back angrily. “Don't you dare say that ever again. I wouldn't be alive right now if you hadn't saved me. Besides, I wouldn't have come back here even if I'd never met you. I left for a reason…” Ahsoka’s voice softened, pleading with her, “Please... _please_ , stop staying everything is your fault. It's not your job to stop every bad thing people do in the world. You're not weak, you're strong. Please, just don't. This—” Ahsoka’s voice weakened then hardened, “this is not about you.”  
  
_This is not about you._ Barriss anchored to Ahsoka’s words. She felt the weight of them. _She’s right. Gods, I’m selfish. It doesn't matter if it's your fault or not right now._ Ahsoka didn’t need someone to blame. She didn’t need absolution. She needed someone to hold on to her as her world fell apart. _I can do that. I won’t fail this time. I swear._

Barriss moved closer to Ahsoka and did something she barely remembered doing. Perhaps, as a young child. There was a vague memory of warmth, light, comfort, safety... She grabbed Ahsoka’s shoulders, wrapped her arms around her, and held her tightly.  
  
Ahsoka jumped slightly at the embrace but didn’t pull away.

Barriss murmured softly, “You don’t have to be strong all the time. That’s what I’m here for—to make up the difference.”  
  
The girl collapsed into her arms, tears falling. Barriss felt the tears turn into waves of shaking sobs.  
_______  
  
They had finished searching the castle. It had taken hours and was dreary, depressing work. There were no survivors. Barriss knew Ahsoka was crushed by not finding her brother, alive or dead. She didn’t know how to make that better, so she opted for quietly helping her search and lending a comforting hand where needed.  
  
Barriss was distractedly concerned by the evidence she was slowly gathering in support of her initial theory. Her calculating mind had already figured the odds and they weren’t encouraging. The old Barriss might have accepted the truth easily and even been pleased at solving the mystery. This Barriss could only think of when she might one day have to share the solution with Ahsoka. _Not anytime soon._ She needed more data. She had to be certain. An 81% probability wasn’t enough to risk shaking Ahsoka’s world any further. Barriss secretly hoped she would never be called on to do it at all.  
  
Ahsoka headed down a hallway in the west wing, clearly knowing where she was headed. She entered a room they had briefly entered previously.

There was less destruction here. Barriss assumed this room was unoccupied at the time the battle broke out. She watched as Ahsoka tossed things aside and rummaged through belongings. Barriss wondered what she was looking for so intently.  
  
Ahsoka gritted her teeth, letting her eyes drift across the room. “This was my room. I never really felt at home here, you know. Not after my mother died. I always wanted to be somewhere else, having an adventure, meeting new people, just… away. Now that it's gone, I feel… wasteful. Like, I never appreciated it. But, I still don't think of it as home. Strange.” She swung her restless gaze toward Barriss. “You grew up in Coruscant, right? Did you have a place you thought of as home?”  
  
Barriss’ brows knitted into a frown, until she realized what she was doing. _Be supportive. She needs to focus on something else. It’s not like it can hurt to share. Well, only hurt you anyway, and what does that matter?_ Barriss said, “I never had a home, or a family. Not really. I sort of remember my mother. I don't know what happened to her. I guess, I was kind of raised by my master who was… less than reputable, let's say.” She smiled slightly, trying to keep it light, despite an increasingly intermittent urge to panic as she talked.  
  
“Wow, really? Tell me more. What was your master like?” Ahsoka looked enthralled at learning details of Barriss’ life, slightly appalled that anyone would be forced to grow up without a family, and oh so beautiful. _Woah. Where did that come from?_ Barriss shook her head at herself.  
  
Ahsoka misinterpreted the gesture. “Oh, I mean—sorry, don't mean to pry—you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I'm really sorry!!” Ahsoka’s voice was panicked, as if she had just ruined everything.

“No! It’s fine. I don't mind telling you.” Barriss could not stand the distressed face. “It's just kind of, um, difficult for me to think about that time in my life sometimes is all.” She smiled in what she hoped was an encouraging manner. “But, I _want_ to tell you about it.” She looked earnestly into the shining blue eyes, praying she would understand that she was special, that Barriss would tell her anything that was necessary to keep her from being as unhappy as she was a few short hours ago. She realized, after a few moments, they had both fallen silent and were continuing to stare into each other's eyes. Barriss wrenched herself away from the hypnotic gaze and gathered her thoughts. “Anyway, she was actually a master thief, spy, assassin, and other assorted unsavory skill sets.”  
  
“Come by it honestly, huh?” Ahsoka raised a snarky eyebrow.  
  
Barriss retaliated by sticking her tongue out in what, she later thought, was one of the most childish gestures she had ever performed.  
  
The girl looked delighted at the teasing gesture. “Don't stop on my account, I want to hear how you went from street urchin to master spy!”  
  
Barriss smiled indulgently and realized it was getting easier to talk. _Maybe opening up isn't so bad after all? Maybe I should go a little further?_ Talk about what she had done, what she had become... _Maybe not._ That was too heavy to lay on Ahsoka right now. But, it was the first time she had ever wanted to… with anyone. She filed that feeling away for later examination and continued, “Well, she was possibly the best in the business. She saw something in me at the very mature age of nine, I guess. She told me I might make it as her apprentice, if I worked hard and was disciplined. And, if I did, I would always have a warm bed, plenty of food, and money in my pocket. She said she could teach me to control the world around me. Anyway, to a child who had no one and wanted stability, that sounded like perfection.  
  
“She put me through intensive training the first few years. Eventually, she let me come on missions with her, until I proved myself worthy of working alone. Actually, my first solo mission was when we first met.” Barriss flashed a sentimental smile at the memory.  
  
Ahsoka’s irises dilated as she looked up from her search of a chest of drawers and beamed, evidently excited at being a milestone in Barriss’ career. “Really? Well, that didn't go exactly to plan! What did she say when you got back?”  
  
She cringed. _Why did I bring this up? That was stupid…_ This was getting terribly close to what Barriss had decided not to talk about. _Keep it light._ She changed tracks and tried to laugh it off. “Oh, you know, the usual. Anyway, now you know all about my apprenticeship as a master of espionage! I guess, you could say I am who I am today because of her.”  
  
Ahsoka had completely stopped her rummage through the drawers and was staring fixedly at her. “You didn't answer my question.”  
  
Barriss sighed. The girl did seem to notice things. “Well, she wasn't too happy at my failure but… you know.” She tried to shrug nonchalantly.  
  
“Failure?” Ahsoka frowned. “You didn't fail! You got us both out of a near death experience, adapted to every situation, saved the life of a very undisciplined princess, still got the evidence, and escaped with life and limb intact, with no one the wiser, ‘cept me. You were amazing!”  
  
Barriss blinked. “I guess I never really thought of it that way. It sounds good when you say it like that, I suppose.”  
  
“That’s because,” Ahsoka said, looking at her intently, “it was good. Not just good. Amazing. Incredible. The most impressive thing I've ever seen.” She frowned again. “What did your master say?”  
  
“Um, well she was always a bit... demanding of perfection. She was not happy and—and I did make several mistakes, starting with getting caught by you, and then the delay in the timeline, and of course, well… saving your life when I should have just used you to get out faster, and not abandoning you to your fate which would have tied up loose ends, and um…” Barriss trailed off, staring at the wall, not able to look at the reaction to this cold assessment.  
  
A hand touched the side of Barriss’ face, turning it to face fierce blue eyes. As Barriss focused, she didn't see judgement, anger, or even disbelief—just warmth and concern. It was quite… overwhelming.  
  
A sincere voice penetrated Barriss’ confusion. “Well I, for one, am certainly glad you didn't hit perfection on that particular day.”  
  
Barriss smiled shyly. “Me too.” And, she meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was depressing. Yet, somehow lovely. There is something wrong with me.


	13. I'm With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finish up in Shili and look to the future.

Ahsoka looked forlorn and desolate. “Let’s get out of here.”

Barriss wasn’t sure what to say, so she just nodded. A unwelcome thought occurred to her. She had gotten Ahsoka home, like she promised. Now what would happen? _She doesn’t really need me anymore._

For the first time, Barriss considered what she wanted. She had never thought to live past Cardota. With no master and no visions to obey, what happened next? Barriss, the planner, hadn't planned on living long enough to need a plan. Now, she realized she was going to live. _And… I’m ok with that. Huh._

She had changed somehow, since the destruction of Cardota. Perhaps, even since Ahsoka had visited her cell. Every choice since then had been on instinct—not objectively planned, not calculated. She had just done it. It was frightening… and freeing. Staying with Ahsoka would mean more of that. Leaving her… She shuddered at the thought. Barriss knew what she wanted. She didn’t want to be alone again. More specifically, she didn’t want to be alone without Ahsoka.

“Are you alright?”

Barriss jumped. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You just looked… far away.”

“I guess, I kind of was. Really though, I’m fine. It’s just been a long few weeks, I suppose.” Barriss smiled weakly.

Ahsoka nodded, still looking concerned. “Ok, just one more thing I need to do.” She rummaged around in her bag, digging deeply, and pulled out an exquisite ruby cape.

Barriss saw the royal emblem embroidered on the back as Ahsoka unfolded it. The cape suited her better than the cloak she wore now. The idea of Ahsoka wearing it, looking regal and elegant while leading an army seized Barriss’ mind. _I wish I could have seen her in it._

The girl folded the cape carefully and placed it on an undestroyed portion of the long table running through the great hall. She ran her hand along the royal crest a few times, before turning away.

“Ahsoka, wait! Don’t you want to—I mean—you are leaving it here? Are you sure you don’t want to keep it for…” she trailed off. It wasn’t really her business. _Think before you speak, Barriss._

“No,” she replied flatly, “that’s for the royalty of this kingdom. There is no kingdom anymore. Besides, it’s not who I am anymore. I’m not sure it ever was.”

Ahsoka walked away before Barriss could formulate a response. She saw the logic of it, but wasn't sure if that was the real reason Ahsoka was leaving it behind. _And, if anyone deserves it, it's her._ Barriss wavered for a moment. _Instinct Barriss, remember?_ Moving quickly to the table, she slipped the garment into her bag like the trained thief she was. She felt sure, one day, Ahsoka would want it again. Until then, Barriss would keep it safe.

_______

Ahsoka felt alternating waves of guilt, anger, grief, and numbness. Occasionally, a gentle hand from Barriss would give her relief. Otherwise, it was dreadful. She wanted to rip something apart. Or, tear her fingernails across the jagged pieces of the castle wall. Ahsoka knew it wouldn't help. She wanted to do it, anyway.

She couldn’t find it. The dagger from Anakin, _her_ Anakin—the Anakin from before everything had gone so wrong. He had given it to her when she had been awarded her warrior status, the youngest in the history of Shili. He had been shining with pride that day. It was the day she had first met Rex. Her father had actually looked at her that day. Ahsoka hadn’t taken it with her when she left. She had been so angry. She had left it, out of spite. Petulance. Selfishness.

Now, it was gone. It didn’t matter. It was just an object. Still, she had wanted one thing. One _something_ to prove that, once, she had people who loved her. Had a family. Had a purpose. Had a… life. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut for a moment.

When she opened them again, she focused on Barriss. The woman was impassively standing amid the destruction. This was probably like her nightmares come true. The ones Ahsoka had witnessed firsthand. They clearly had terrified her enough to send her spiraling into a path of death and betrayal. Yet, here she was—calm, steady, and still here. _With me._

Barriss had been tracking her with a watchful gaze, waiting for any sign that she was needed. Ahsoka was grateful for it. She was also annoyed by it. _Does she think I’m a child?_ To be fair, Ahsoka had broken down over a pile of rubble earlier. So, maybe.

 _How does she know what I need when I need it?_ The woman seemed so disconnected from her emotions and, yet, she could read Ahsoka so well. _Am I that shallow?_ Barriss was certainly trying hard to be whatever Ahsoka needed at the moment, anyway. _She’s just trying to make up for everything._ Ahsoka didn’t like that, either. She wanted Barriss to see her as _her_ —not a mission, a mistake to fix, or a child to protect. Just… Ahsoka.

 _She’s only here because she feels guilty, Ahsoka. She doesn’t want to stay forever._ Plo’s voice drifted through her mind's darkness... _you may be the only person she cares about._ He could have been wrong. Barriss needed someone deep and serious. _Not me. She doesn’t want to stay with you. Maybe. Maybe not._

Ahsoka continued hazily down the next hallway, dark emotions still swirling. Now, they mixed with something new. _Anxiety._ She didn’t want Barriss to leave. It hurt to think about. _Ask her. She’s not exactly the type to stick around if she doesn’t want to. Maybe._

_______

On their way out, Ahsoka saw the mantle display, half obscured by rocks and wood. _Her mother’s bow._ She had never been able to use it properly. A memory shined in Ahsoka’s mind of a pit, and a girl closing her eyes, bow melding into her arm like it belonged there, at peace with the world. _Oh. Perfect. It shouldn’t go to waste. It shouldn’t be left here to rot like everything else._

Ahsoka started digging through the debris, hoping it wasn’t damaged too badly. She could feel Barriss’ shock at her sudden movement. But, her _—friend?—_ yes, that felt right. Her friend didn’t say anything. She just moved closer and started helping.

 _Finally._ There it was, virtually undamaged, still in its protective casing—a small miracle. She pulled it the rest of the way out and removed it from the case, along with the accompanying quiver of arrows.

Barriss breathed, “Wow, that is… beautiful. Look at the lines and the material. Is that cypher wood?”

Ahsoka grinned excitedly. _She likes it._ “Yes, it was custom-made for my mother. My father spared no expense.”

“Your mother was an archer?” 

“Yes, she was a champion archer and hunter.” Ahsoka drifted away for a moment, remembering. She recited the lesson oft repeated for her wayward daughter to Barriss, “ _A bow is not a weapon or a tool. It is a part of you. It reflects the inner soul of the user. It requires balance, precision, discipline, strength, and calm. Become a great archer and, my dear, you can do anything.”_

“She sounds lovely, your mother.”

Ahsoka snapped back to reality, smiling fondly in remembrance. “Yes, she was. However, she would have been disappointed, as I never could master the skill. Neither could my brother. I guess, I kind of took after him and preferred the sword to the bow. She died when I was still very young, or I imagine I would have learned eventually. As it is now, I’m too aggressive and impatient for it. I tried again and again growing up, but couldn’t master it.” She smiled wistfully. Then, Ahsoka held the bow out. “I want you to have it.”

Barriss stared uncomprehendingly at the outstretched bow. “I-I can’t take this. It’s important to you. It was your mother’s. I don’t deserv—”

“If you dare say you don’t deserve it after saving my life and supporting me through possibly the worst day of my life, I’m going to—well, I don’t know what I’ll do. But, it won’t be pretty.” She continued in a more serious tone, “Please, I want you to have it. It shouldn’t go to waste. It should be appreciated by someone who… understands it.”

Barriss’ mouth was opening to formulate a response.

Ahsoka didn’t let her. Her voice became almost pleading, “Please _, please…_ take it.” Her friend gazed uncertainly at her, but Ahsoka didn’t waver. She stood fiercely, holding out the bow, not breaking eye contact for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally, without leaving Ahsoka’s eyes, Barriss spoke softly, “I would be honored to carry your mother’s bow.”

A rush of delight ran through Ahsoka.

Taking it almost reverently, Barriss ran her hand gently over the wood. She placed the quiver on her back and briefly tested the string tension. Then, the woman caressed the weapon like it was a small child.

There was an expression of complete and utter infatuation on her face that Ahsoka thought might be the best thing she had ever seen.

Finally, Barriss gazed up at her, glassy-eyed. “Thank you.”

Ahsoka wanted to laugh and cry. She couldn’t explain the feeling she had at that moment. All she knew was that she felt happy for the first time since they had entered the city. She coughed awkwardly. “Well then, ready to go?”

The happy expression dropped from Barriss’ face. She nodded tentatively.

Ahsoka’s happiness similarly vanished. _What did I say?_ “Um, everything ok?”

“Yeah, I just—” Barriss’ eyes flickered nervously. “I didn’t know if you wanted me to—I mean, I understand if you don’t want me to, um, stick around or you know…”

 _She wants to stay. With me._ Ahsoka’s heart soared. “No way I’m letting you out of my sight now. You’d be lost without me!” She puffed out her chest in a grandiose manner.

Barriss let out a small giggle.

Ahsoka's heart filled with happiness, once again. She grabbed Barriss’ arm. “Come on. I'm with you, remember?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise we'll roll some other characters into our story soon. Right now, though, these two are just adorable on their own and I can't help myself. I think I could write an entire story with just Barriss and Ahsoka talking to each other.


	14. Interlude: Who You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> … and they shall never depart from it.  
> \--Proverbs 22:6
> 
> [Ahsoka Flashback]  
> [Ahsoka: Age 9]

Ahsoka stood in her mother’s room trying to decide what to do. Since her mother had gone on to the Great Force, her father had been different. She wanted to fix it. She looked around for something to make him happy again. _Her dress? Those purple sandals she wore for her birthday? Maybe her favorite pillow?_ She picked up the pillow and considered.

An affectionate voice interrupted her, “Hmm… I can see we need to get you some of your own pillows, if you’ve taken to stealing Mom’s now.”

Turning with joy, Ahsoka lept into her brother’s arms, hugging him tightly.

Anakin laughed as he swung her around higher and higher.

She screamed in delight, until he slowly placed her back on the ground. Then, she smiled up at him. “Where have you been? I missed you!”

Anakin grinned affectionately and patted her tiny montrals. “I was on the front, fighting evil, you know—the usual.”

Ahsoka gazed at him adoringly. “You’re so brave. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fight like you do.”

He knelt down next to her. “Snips, you are going to be a great warrior. I can tell. I mean you are only nine and can already beat me up!”

She looked at him incredulously. “Don’t be silly. I can not.” Then she thought for a moment and followed up with a wicked grin. “But when _I’m_ sixteen, you’ll be totally ancient, so maybe I could then.”

Anakin laughed heartily, before saying, “Maybe so, my girl. You never know.”

Trying to look very serious, she continued, “Besides, you’ll be too busy running the kingdom by then and out of practice, you know."

Anakin’s expression faltered slightly, before he grinned again. “You, my girl, are too smart for your own good. I better watch out or you’re going to take my job!”

Ahsoka looked at him like he was a dim child. “Don’t be ridiculous, I can’t be the ‘hero with no fear’. I’m a heroine. Plus, I don't want to run a kingdom!"

Her brother laughed even harder this time. Then, his face turned serious. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, Snips. I’m sorry I missed Mom’s funeral. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you needed me.”

Ahsoka felt like crying but she didn’t. She wanted him to think she was strong. “It’s ok. I’m glad you’re here now. I need help with Dad.”

He seemed slightly uncomfortable. “What do you mean?”

“Well, since Mom died he’s been weird. I was looking for something to make him happy.”

Anakin scrunched up his face and hugged her tightly. Then, he held her out in front of him. “Snips, you can’t—I mean, Dad is going to miss Mom forever. It’s a nice thought, but I don’t know if it’s something you can fix.”

Ahsoka considered this and then said quietly, “Well, can’t I at least try?”

Her brother just gazed at her sadly, before plastering a doubtful grin on his face. “Sure… you can. Just, don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work. We’re warriors, not healers, after all.”

Ahsoka was about to argue that she wasn’t a warrior yet, and that she didn’t have to be a healer to help. But, she didn’t want him to think she was stupid.

Suddenly, Anakin picked her up and threw her on his back. “Buuuut, you’ll have to wait a bit for your brilliant plan. We have guests and you have to be the princess we both know you are.”

She made a terrible face. “What kind of guests? Boring ones?”

Anakin laughed as he carried her piggyback down the hallway. “Probably. But, you know how it is. As Mom used to say, ‘with great privilege, comes great boringness’."

Ahsoka shouted with delight as he ran faster down the hallway. She was so happy her brother was home. _Things were going to be ok, now._

_________

“Tell me, little one, how is your training going?”

“Great! I’m mastering the short sword now and—that is, I mean I hope to.” She glanced at General Plo tentatively. Ahsoka liked his gentle, kind eyes and the way he always listened to her when she talked. She didn’t want him to think she was boasting.

He chuckled. “I’m glad to hear it. Your brother tells me you plan to surpass him as a warrior one day.”

Ahsoka shot an evil look at her brother, who was smiling behind his hand. She looked seriously at Plo and recited, “I hope to one day be a credit to my kingdom and my family, Master.”

Plo laughed. “I think you already are, little ‘soka.”

She tried to look humble, but felt she was being unsuccessful, based on his suspiciously amused eyes.

“Yes, yes, don’t we all, Princess,” interrupted a Sovereign Master named Mundi that Ahsoka did not like at all. He reminded her of her first training instructor, who was always serious and acted like he was displeased with whatever she did.

“True, Master Mundi, but we are here to pay our respects to a truly great spirit who was a credit to all of our kingdoms.” Master Negotiator Kenobi nodded at her father respectfully. “Let us toast the memory of a truly wonderful light in our world, who has now passed on to the great force.”

There were several noises of agreement around the table as everyone raised their glasses. They all looked at her father who… seemed like he was somewhere else, staring off into the distance with no reaction.

Anakin reached over awkwardly and touched his arm. “Dad, we’re toasting Mom.”

Her father jumped a little at the touch and glanced around, realizing everyone was staring at him. “I do apologize. I was… distracted.” He picked up his glass and waited.

Ahsoka realized he had no idea what was going on. Anakin was turning red. The others were awkwardly waiting, glasses raised. _I can fix this._ Ahsoka picked up a glass, announcing in her best authoritative voice, “To the greatest mother in the whole world!” and quickly took a drink. Then promptly spit it out, holding her hand to her mouth. _What is that stuff?_

The others laughed loudly and all raised their glasses, repeating in unison, “To the greatest mother in the whole world!”

Ahsoka ducked her head in shame. She felt a gentle hand on her arm and looked up into Plo’s kind eyes.

He said softly, “Well done, little one. You are definitely already a credit to your kingdom and your family.”

She grinned sheepishly at him and leaned a bit closer. Her put his hand on hers and squeezed it gently. Ahsoka smiled brightly and returned the gesture.

_______

Ahsoka started to cry, throwing the bow on the ground and sitting beside it. _I’m never going to be able to do this without you, Mom. I’m sorry._

“Can I help, young one?”

She looked up and saw Obi-Wan Kenobi standing in front of her with concern on his face. Ahsoka mumbled, “No. Thank you for your concern, Master Kenobi. I’m sorry if I interrupted your walk.”

He walked over and sat on the ground beside her. “You didn’t interrupt anything at all. I’d much rather talk to you than wander around by myself anyway. Walking by oneself is quite dull, actually.”

Ahsoka looked at him suspiciously. _Was he making fun of her?_ She didn’t know him very well. They had met a few times, when she was younger. She had a vague feeling that she liked him. Everyone said he was a great negotiator, almost legendary in his ability to make deals between kingdoms. She had never been interested in being a negotiator, because it sounded like the most boring job ever invented. However, she was impressed with anyone who could do it. Especially one who could do it as well as Obi-Wan Kenobi. And, she knew her mother liked him very much, so he must be special.

He must have noticed her face, because he said gently, “I mean it, my dear. You remind me so much of your mother and she was very… special to me. It helps me to remember that she lives on in you.” He seemed sad, but then quickly refocused on her with an encouraging smile.

Ahsoka wasn’t sure that she was really anything like her mother. She couldn’t even master her bow. Still, she was curious and asked, “How long did you know my mom?”

He smiled, but his voice sounded strange. “A very long time. When we were young, we used to go hunting together.”

Ahsoka couldn’t quite believe this. “You were a hunter like my mom?”

Obi-Wan laughed at the disbelief in her voice. “Yes, young one, I was quite a good one too. Your mother and I won quite a few championships together. Does that surprise you?”

“Yes, a little. I mean I’ve always heard you were ‘The Great Negotiator’, not a hunter.”

He looked at her interestedly. “And, you think a person can only be one thing or the other?”

She considered before replying, “No, not exactly. I mean I could see being a warrior and a hunter. Or a sovereign and a negotiator. Or even a healer and a teacher.”

“Ah, you mean you don’t see the two things as compatible. I see. Tell me, your mother was a great hunter, a great warrior, a great leader, a great negotiator, and a great mother—or so I’ve heard.” He raised his eyebrow at her teasingly. “Do you think she would agree that a person should limit themselves to just one skill or profession?”

Ahsoka gazed thoughtfully at the bow, still laying where she’d tossed it. “No, I think she would want everyone to do everything they could possibly do. However, I don’t think I’m cut out to be some of those things.”

Obi-Wan nodded sympathetically. “That is what I thought when she suggested I try my hand at negotiation. I wanted to be a hunter—nothing but a hunter—my entire young life. Besides, negotiators seemed so boring and stuffy. Your mother saw something different. She thought I had an ability to understand what other people wanted and, if I combined that with a hunter’s confidence and tenacity, I could excel. It was because of her that I tried it at all.”

Now, it was her turn to look at him interestedly. “And, when you did, you found out you were good at it?”

He laughed. “Not at all. I was terrible at first. I couldn’t understand why people wouldn’t just agree to what I thought was a reasonable solution! However, over time, I became much better. When I became a Master Negotiator your mother never let me live it down,” he smiled sentimentally, “and she insisted on telling everyone that she had to force me into it. Of course, I also tried to be other things that didn't work out so well. Remind me to tell you about my time as a farmer.” He smiled sheepishly at her.

She grinned, trying to picture this formal, proper man—known for his prowess at a negotiation table—trying to herd banthas. Of course, she couldn’t picture him riding free, hunting and laughing through the forest like her mother, either. She finally said, “You’re trying to tell me something. This is always what adults do when they are trying to teach me a lesson without saying so.”

The man raised an amused eyebrow at her. “Perhaps. However, the point is not what I want you to learn, but what you take from the lesson. So, tell me, what did you take from of our conversation?”

Ahsoka examined him closely, looking for clues to the right answer in his face. He was impassive and unreadable, except for a small smile playing around his lips. She sighed.

Obi-Wan Kenobi wasn’t quite what she expected. She was used to people telling her what the correct answer was supposed to be. Plus, Ahsoka liked to be right. In this case, she especially wanted to impress him by getting it right. It looked like she was on her own.

She started thinking furiously and then her eye caught the bow laying on the ground. Ahsoka smiled and picked it up. “I think I might try this again. Even if I never master it, it doesn’t really hurt to try, does it? And, I guess, I'll never know what I can do until I try to do it?”

Obi-Wan smiled brightly. “Now, _that_ sounds like your mother.”

“Really?” Ahsoka was pleased to think that was true, but still doubtful.

“Absolutely. Do you know what she said to convince me to try negotiation, even if I failed?” His eyes unfocused as he repeated the words, _“You'll never know who you really are, until you know what you are not.”_

Ahsoka felt sad all of a sudden. _Mom, I miss you._

His eyes refocused on her with sincerity as he said, “I told you she lives on in you not because you might master her bow, or because you could become a great leader, or even because you have her fierce eyes. None of those things are who your mother actually was. Those are simply outward results of her choices and what was inside of her. You are like her because you have her adventurous spirit, her confident faith, and her compassionate soul. Those qualities may produce similar or different end results for you. You get to decide who you will be, after all. But, the underlying essence—who you really are—is the same.”

Ahsoka smiled, feeling special in some small way. She suddenly realized how much she liked that feeling. Then, she had a thought. “Master Obi-Wan, would you—I mean if you want to—would you give me some pointers? I don’t really have anyone who knows how to use this now that Mom is… gone. And, if you were a hunter…” Ahsoka looked at him nervously. She wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to ask or not, but it just felt right.

Obi-Wan Kenobi grinned like a school boy. “I’d love to, Ahsoka.”

Ahsoka grinned back happily as they set up a shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an Ahsoka flashback! Probably not the one you've been waiting for, but an important one all the same.  
> Also, it marks the entrance of my favorite Jedi Master, Obi-wan Kenobi into our story. And, of course, the return of our favorite "should have been Ahsoka's Dad" Plo Koon.  
> Obi-wan will return one day. Plo... um.


	15. Like a Jedi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to our regularly, scheduled timeline...  
> [6 months later]  
> Barriss and Ahsoka are still dealing with their own issues, a new Empire has risen, and a familiar character enters the mix.

“I'm not a child, Barriss.”

“Well, you're acting like one.”

Ahsoka glared at a nearby tree, refusing to acknowledge the comment. Whatever she said, Barriss would just claim it was childish and therefore proved her point. She’d probably say the same thing about pouting at inanimate objects. _I can’t win._

Barriss sighed. “Ahsoka, please. I know you can take care of yourself. I just don’t think you should have run off to infiltrate a heavily fortified kingdom, on the spur of the moment, without any backup, or even a _plan._ You could have at least told me what you were doing. It was dangerous and impulsive and… not worth it.”

 _This is why I didn’t tell you._ Ahsoka knew Barriss was waiting for a response—an acknowledgement, a counter argument, an apology, even a joke. She could feel the eyes drilling into the back of her head. Ahsoka wanted to answer her. She wanted to tell her how she was feeling, to tell her why she needed to do something. But, it would mean a fight. And, Ahsoka didn’t want a fight. So, she just sat in silence… glaring at trees.

“Ahsoka, _please._ Talk to me. I don't understand. And, I-I'm worried.”

Ahsoka winced. That hurt. But, she didn't know how to fix it without making it worse. She couldn't explain it. It always came out wrong. And, it always ended with Barriss walking away in exasperation. She was afraid—so afraid—one day it would end with Barriss walking away forever. Ahsoka could handle a lot, but not that. _Better to leave it alone. Don't talk until you know what to say._

“Fine. Sit there. Or, go get yourself killed. Whatever.” Barriss stalked off into the darkness.

A tear rolled down Ahsoka’s cheek.

_______

Barriss returned to camp and found Ahsoka already asleep. She felt weary and miserable as she sat in front of the fire. _What am I doing wrong?_

She didn’t know what to do. Ahsoka was becoming increasingly impulsive—doing dangerous things, things that made no sense to Barriss. Even worse, she refused to explain them. _She won’t talk to me._ Barriss rubbed her forehead, running possibilities endlessly through her mind.

The last several months had been the happiest of her life. Life with Ahsoka was unlike anything she had ever experienced. Having someone she could trust, having someone who cared about her, having a… friend was all new.

 _I must have done something wrong. Maybe, she’s tired of having me around? Maybe, she’s decided I’m not worth the effort? Maybe, she’s—stop._ This was exactly the kind of thinking Ahsoka had been trying to break her of. _I can’t even do that right. What if I lose her?_

Barriss felt an unwelcome feeling invade her mind, a feeling she thought she had put behind her. _Fear._

_______

Ahsoka surveyed the ruined village, houses still smoldering, and felt nothing but rage. She should be helping Barriss with the injured, or gathering supplies, or figuring out a plan for evacuating survivors. She didn't do any of it. Ahsoka couldn’t focus. She was angry—so angry—at herself, her choices, her helplessness. People were suffering and she did nothing, just cleaned up the wreckage.

It had all gone wrong somehow, and she couldn't do a thing about it. Ahsoka felt another surge of rage building _. Palpatine._ She hated him. After he had destroyed any kingdom that might reasonably oppose him, he had declared himself an Emperor and demanded tributes from the remaining kingdoms. One by one, they had fallen to his now superior forces or had bowed down in servitude. _Cowards._

Apparently, he'd now moved on to razing small villages. What had this village done to deserve this? Try to keep a meager share of their earnings? Refused to provide their children as slave labor?

There was an unexpected tug on her arm. She flipped around quickly, swords ready to attack, and saw a terrified teenaged boy. _Oh Gods. What is wrong with me?_

Ahsoka bent down slowly, placing her weapons on the ground, and stayed on one knee—trying to seem unthreatening.  She smiled up at him reassuringly. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry. What’s your name?”

The boy eyed her warily, before deciding she was safe enough. “I’m Caleb. Is that a real Mandalorian sword?”

Ahsoka grinned. “They both are. Would you like to see one?”

Caleb nodded excitedly and she held it perpendicular to the ground, so he could examine it. He ran his hand along the hilt and across the unusual metal, caressing it like it was a priceless artifact.

She realized the boy was not as young as she had initially thought. He was almost as tall as her, maybe fourteen or fifteen years old. Though, he had a still boyish face with untamed, brown hair and an eager smile. Ahsoka noticed an unusual shade of emerald blue in his eyes, as he traced the lines of the sword intently.

He finished his examination and grinned at her. “Cool. Are you are warrior? You look like a warrior, anyway. I’m going to be a warrior, once I finish my training.”

She smiled sadly. “I used to be. Now I’m—I don’t know what I am, I suppose. Why did you decide to be a warrior?” It was an unusual choice for a villager. They tended toward farming, trading, building, or local professions, unless they had a reason to leave home at a young age. Warriors rarely stayed and trained in their native village, for lack of opportunity. This was an unusual boy.

Caleb frowned. “To protect everyone, of course. But, I wasn't good enough yet. I couldn't keep the Dark Warrior from hurting them.” His eyes drifted to a point on the horizon, blank and distant. “I tried.”

Ahsoka felt something jump in her throat. His eyes reminded her of that terrible day in Shili, when she had realized she was truly alone. _But, I wasn't._ She stood up and massaged his arms supportively, trying to convey the same message.

He pulled back from her embrace, but his eyes refocused on her.

 _Don't overdo it, Ahsoka._ She asked, “The dark warrior?”

Caleb’s face held disbelief at her ignorance. “Yes. The one who burned our village. The one who—” the boy shuddered slightly, “the one who brings death.”

Ahsoka pondered this for a moment. This must be Palpatine’s enforcer she had heard about from other villages. She didn’t realize the locals had a name for him. Details about him had been elusive. “Did you see this person, Caleb? What did he look like?”

Shaking his head violently, he replied, “I don't want to talk about it.”

“It’s ok, you don’t have to tell me. I just thought, if I knew what he looked like, I might be able to…” she trailed off. What exactly would she be able to do? _I’m no one._

Sudden interest lit his face. “How did you get Mandalorian swords? I thought they didn’t share their special metal with non-Mandalorians?” His expression turned doubtful. “You don’t look Mandalorian.”

She laughed. “You’re right, I’m not. However, I helped a group of Mandalorians a long time ago.”

He gazed at her expectantly.

Ahsoka chuckled, deciding he needed a distraction. “Alright, you want the story, huh? Well, the Mandalorians were fighting against a powerful Dathomirian warrior. The warrior had usurped the throne, with the help of a group of rogue Mandalorians. My kingdom and Mandalore were allies, though they rarely called upon us for assistance. This time, they did. I took my battalion to help them regain control of their kingdom. After nearly two months of fighting, we drove the warrior out. Anyway, they were appreciative and gave me a special set of Mandalorian-crafted swords. Mandalorians are very formal and honor-bound, you know. The one I showed you, the short sword, is especially unique. Did you see the design on the hilt?”

The young man nodded, eyes glowing with anticipation, as if Ahsoka was about to share the secrets of the Force with him.

“Well, that design is from House Vizsla, one of the oldest and most respected leading families in Mandalore. This particular sword dates back to the founding of Mandalore itself!” She stroked the sword affectionately. “I feel honored to carry it.”

He stared reverently at the sword and then studied her thoughtfully. “Why did you stop being a warrior?”

Ahsoka was startled. A simple question without an easy answer. “Well, I had to leave my kingdom for a while. Then, when I came back it was—it had been destroyed.” She felt the tears welling up inside her and held them back. _Be strong._

Caleb’s eyes intensified a bit. “So, you lost your home too? Like me?”

Ahsoka nodded tightly.

“But, why does that make you not a warrior?”

“Well… I don’t know. I guess, because a warrior is supposed to have an army—a place to fight for, a people to protect, a kingdom to serve. I don’t really have any of that anymore. So…”

Caleb shook his head vehemently, clearly not accepting this answer. “I don’t think that makes you not a warrior. A warrior is just… a warrior. It doesn’t matter if they do it alone or with other warriors. They travel to where they are needed. They help people, defend them, do great things. You know, like the Jedi.”

Ahsoka gazed blankly at him. _Like the Jedi…_ “You know, Caleb, you may be right.”

He grinned cockily, his emerald blue eyes shimmering brightly. “I know I am.” He paused and then said diffidently, “You must be a great warrior, to earn a sword like that one.”

Ahsoka felt touched at the sentiment, but also a sad emptiness. Still, she smiled brightly at the boy. “Thanks.”

The teenager grinned bashfully and then paused for a long moment before saying, “He was tall and wore a heavy cloak. It was all black with a hood, and he had a mask. It was not—not right. It had eyes, but they were… not there. Like there was no one inside the mask. That was the worst part.” He glanced up at Ahsoka, shivering slightly.

Moving closer, she rested her hands lightly on his shoulders this time. He didn’t pull away. Ahsoka said gently, “Don’t think about it. It’s over now. I’m sorry I asked you to remember.”

“It’s ok. I don’t mind telling you. I think you might be able to… help,” he stated simply, gazing at her with child-like hope in his eyes.

She almost told him she was no one, that she couldn’t help anyone. But, she didn’t. Ahsoka wasn’t sure if it was because she couldn’t stand to ruin his hope or… something else. _Like the Jedi…_

“Oh!” The boy jumped, as if he had forgotten the most important part. “He was fast. I tried to fight him, but I couldn't even get in a good swing. He was so fast. If it hadn't been for my mom holding him off… she told me to run… h-he got her before she could even—could even—” He broke off in a suppressed sob.

Ahsoka paled, feeling unsteady on her feet. She grabbed him up in her arms completely this time. “Don’t worry, Caleb. I’ll do… something.” And, she meant it.

_______

Barriss finished healing the last of the injured with a satisfied smile. She enjoyed helping people like this, even if the circumstances were terrible. The world had always been a terrible place. This time, though, Barriss was making it better not worse. She was making a difference and it didn't involve spying, stealing, lying, or killing anyone. _I’m so happy. Well… almost._

She went to look for Ahsoka. Usually, the girl was nearby when Barriss was healing, providing comfort to the injured or organizing supplies. Sometimes, she watched Barriss work, trying to learn how to do the basics. This time, though, Ahsoka had disappeared and never returned. Barriss felt her anxiety increase when she didn't immediately locate her, afraid she'd run off to do something incredibly dangerous again.

 _Ah. Thank the Force._ Her friend was happily talking with a gangly, teenage boy. Barriss realized she hadn't seen Ahsoka smile like that in several days. The girl with the shining smile didn't smile anymore. _And, I have no idea what to do about it._

Suddenly, Ahsoka grabbed the boy and held him tightly, wobbling as she did so. Barriss recognized that body language. She was trying to comfort him while not breaking down herself. Eventually, the boy departed, waving brightly. Whatever Ahsoka had told him had made a difference.

Abruptly, the woman turned toward the ruined village and Barriss couldn’t see her face anymore. But, it didn’t matter. She saw the shoulders hunch forward and the fists clench at her sides. Ahsoka was in pain.

Barriss began to move, but then stopped uncertainly. _She might not want me. I'll just make another mistake..._ A ghost from the past suddenly flowed into her mind. _You lack faith in yourself._ The words echoed through her and steeled her resolve. _She needs me. Or, she doesn't. Either way, I'll be there._

She walked up behind Ahsoka, placing a hand on her shoulder. The girl jerked, but Barriss held her hand steady until she relaxed in the grip. Ahsoka’s hands unclenched and they stood silently for a few minutes.

Ahsoka eventually turned to face her. “I guess, I should finish unloading the supplies. Then, we can go. If you… want to?”

Barriss recognized the implied question. Her eyes wandered to Ahsoka's and she gave the most winning smile she was capable of performing. “With you? Always.”

Ahsoka's irises dilated slightly. Then, the girl's lips curved upward, full of her former confidence. She grabbed Barriss’ hand. “Come on. You're with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caleb is, of course, Kanan. And, he's lost his mother in Palpatine's purge of anyone who might oppose him. I like to think his mother was Depa, but feel free to imagine your own back story. The timeline is slightly different, since this is AU, but this won't be the last time we see him.
> 
> Also, if you were wondering, Barriss' fear has always been of a specific type. She's not afraid of everything, and actually is a pretty brave girl. She just has a deep-seated fear of... ?


	16. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Ahsoka and Barriss figure out a path to move forward?

“I want to form an army to take on Palpatine.”

Barriss just stared at her.

 _This is a good start._ “Ok, I know it sounds crazy when I say it like that. But, I need to _do_ something other than picking up the pieces. I’m a warrior, not a healer, or a rebuilder. As much as I’d like to be, I can’t be what I’m not… I can’t sit around and let evil harm innocents unopposed. I need—” Ahsoka stopped, trying to explain what she was feeling. “It’s—it’s killing me, Barriss. I get angrier and angrier everyday. If I don’t try to stop him, it’s like I’m failing everything I’ve ever believed in. I have to try. I have to protect people. I have to make all of this mean something.”

Ahsoka paused, trying to gather her thoughts. She wasn’t sure she was explaining properly, but she owed Barriss something. “I wasn’t trying to not communicate. It just seemed like everytime I started to, it came out all wrong and ended in an argument. And, I was afraid you—that you might get tired of all the fighting and maybe… tired of me.” Ahsoka couldn’t go on as tears formed in her eyes.

Barriss crossed the distance between them, sitting next to her. She sighed heavily, but her voice sounded conciliatory, “I may not always agree with you and I may wish you didn’t risk your life so recklessly. But, I will _never_ get tired of you. I’m sorry if I made it seem otherwise.” She went silent, clearly struggling for the right words. “I guess, I am afraid of... losing you. Everytime you run off and do something without me could be the time you don’t come back. And, I didn’t even understand _why._ ”

She saw Barriss was close to tears, as well. Ahsoka grabbed her hand and held on tightly. “I’m sorry. Some of the stuff I did was stupid. I know. I just feel so helpless. I need to do… _something._ ”

“You feel you have a mission,” Barriss said simply. Then she continued quickly, as if sensing Ahsoka’s strong disagreement with the implications of that statement, “I know you don’t think of it that way. What I’m trying to say is that—that I understand.”

“So, would you help me then?” Ahsoka gazed at her hopefully. “If I did something more… active against Palpatine?”

Barriss smiled weakly. “I’m with you, remember?” She squeezed Ahsoka’s hand one last time and crossed back to her bedroll.

“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to make you do anything that you—”

“Ahsoka, you clearly need to do this. The last few weeks have been… difficult. If this is what you need, that is what we’ll do. Together.” With that she laid down, looking very much like she wanted the conversation to end.

Ahsoka tried to take comfort in the response, but something about Barriss’ manner made her feel… wrong. _I’m not forcing this on her. She has a choice. Doesn’t she?_

As she laid down on her bedroll, Ahsoka considered Barriss’ characterization of her impulses. Was this her mission? Was she heading down the road Barriss had already traveled? What would she be willing sacrifice along the way if it meant destroying Palpatine? _Not Barriss._ She felt like that was true, anyway. But, a small doubt worked its way into her heart. If it meant saving the world as she knew it, fixing all of her past mistakes, mistakes that allowed this to happen in the first place… No, this was different. _Wasn’t it?_

_______

Barriss woke up screaming, images of death cemented into her mind. Ahsoka had fallen. A black-cloaked man was standing over her. A village was burning. Lifeless bodies were staring at her. There was terrible laughter. Someone was crying. A deep, heart-wrenching wail…

A strong hand gripped her arm, speaking words in her ear. She couldn’t process it, couldn’t understand the words. She felt tears on her cheeks and trembling down her body. _Please, no. Don’t let that be real. It was real. It is real. NO._

Panic overtook Barriss’ mind and she flailed her arms violently, striking out at whoever was holding them. “No!” Her lungs couldn’t get enough air and she gulped frantically, sending out stilted words, “Please—don’t fight—he—it is killing—have to stop—the fire is burning every-everyone like before—failed again. Ahsoka!” She felt screams mixed with sobs rising from her throat. “I c-c-c-couldn’t stop—couldn’t save—”

Familiar hands grabbed her face firmly. “Barriss! Barriss, please look at me. Focus on me. I’m right here. With you. _Please._ ”

The panic suddenly died as she obeyed the command. Barriss refocused on the eyes imploring her. They were full of fear. _Ahsoka._ She was alive. Reaching out a hand, she placed it on the girl’s cheek to verify reality. Her breathing regulated, filling her deprived lungs with air. She struggled to focus on Ahsoka, on the fearful blue eyes, on the strong hands gripping her face, on the bright face markings. Finally, the fog cleared and Barriss formed words carefully, with effort, “I’m ok. Don’t worry. I’m fine.” She saw the fear recede, replaced by worry, as Ahsoka released her grip.

“I-I’m sorry,” Ahsoka stuttered, “I m-must have done something wrong. Usually, I just sit here and it goes away. This time, I seemed to make it worse somehow. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what—”

Barriss caught her words belatedly, still processing slowly. “Usually you what? What are you talking about?”

Ahsoka’s face took on an embarrassed quality. “Well, sometimes you have what seem like nightmares. Not very often, anymore. But, when you do, I realized if I stayed with you and tried to… comfort you, then you would calm down and go back to sleep. This time it didn’t work. What I usually do didn’t work. You got worse. And, I didn’t know what to do.”

 _How long has she been doing this?_ Barriss had suspected, of course. There were mornings when she woke up exhausted and spent, but didn’t remember the dreams. She had never asked because she didn’t want to know the answer—didn’t want to know she was a burden. Now, she knew. And, she felt shame. “Ahsoka, it’s ok. I’m sorry I’ve been bothering you. I’m sorry you had to deal with it at all. None of this is your fault.” She realized her hand was still on Ahsoka’s cheek and removed it quickly.

Ahsoka’s eyes turned fierce. “You are not bothering me. I wanted to help. Besides, it helped me to feel useful. I just don’t know why this time was different. I touched your forehead,” Ahsoka’s face flushed slightly as she rushed on, “which I usually do, because it seems to help most. This time, though, it made it worse. I’m sorry.” She averted her face dejectedly.

Barriss couldn’t stand the helpless look. She pulled Ahsoka’s face back level with her own. “Thank you for helping me.” She flashed a grateful smile, holding Ahsoka’s eyes. “I wish they didn’t happen at all. At least, I’ve got you now. Before, when I was alone…” She flinched painfully, thinking of the past.

“You’re not alone anymore.” Ahsoka brought her hand up to cover Barriss’. “You never will be. And, don’t you forget it.”

Barriss’ chest expanded and something that felt like happiness filled her. In that moment, she almost forgot the dream altogether.

________

Ahsoka didn’t know what to do. Barriss’ nightmare, the first in weeks, had reinforced what she had secretly suspected. Barriss couldn’t deal with what Ahsoka wanted her to do. The idea of taking on Palpatine directly in a last ditch effort to save everyone was too much. It was hurting her. Yet, she was doing it anyway. Ahsoka didn’t know the why of the problem. Possibly, it reminded her of the single-minded obsession with the greater good that had twisted her into someone willing to sacrifice everything. Or, perhaps the failure that had happened in that quest. Or, maybe it was the idea of losing everything she had gained. Ahsoka couldn’t ask. She wasn’t sure if she didn’t want to know the answer, or was just afraid of Barriss breaking down again the way she had two nights ago.

Still, Ahsoka knew it was true. She also knew it was her fault. At the same time, Ahsoka didn’t know how to deal with her feelings of helplessness and anger if she didn’t do something, also a potential path to destruction for both of them. That left one option—doing it on her own. That would mean leaving Barriss and being alone again. Ahsoka couldn’t handle that either. She wanted to be who she was _and_ hold on to Barriss. Apparently, she couldn’t have both. There had to be a middle road. She just had to think. _Think!_

“What’s wrong?” Barriss had finished cooking dinner and was holding a plate in front of her. A plate Ahsoka had apparently been ignoring in her rambling thoughts.

She took it quickly. “Nothing, I was just thinking.”

“About?”

Ahsoka didn’t respond.

Barriss sighed and sat beside her. “Ahsoka, let’s not do this again, please. Something is bothering you. You’ve been distracted for hours. I don’t care how it comes out. Just tell me and I promise we won’t fight. I’ll just listen. Ok? Maybe we can figure out whatever is bothering you together?”

Ahsoka couldn’t help but smile affectionately at her. “You are possibly the most wonderful person I’ve ever met.”

The woman flushed, glancing away in embarrassment. “Well, that’s arguable, I suppose. But, don’t change the subject. You were about to tell me what you were thinking.” She shifted her gaze back to Ahsoka defiantly, clearly not accepting no for an answer.

 _I’m not going to get out of this one._ She briefly thought about lying, but couldn’t think of anything convincing enough. Truthfully, she really did want to talk about it. Barriss was amazing at solutions. Ahsoka exhaled in resignation. “Alright, well, here goes. And, please don’t get upset and let me finish first, ok? I think you might not… react well to some of this, but you did insist.”

Barriss nodded warily. “I promise to try my best.”

_______

An hour later, Ahsoka wished she had never started the conversation. “I just don’t see how that would help people?”

“What are you talking about? You don’t see how gathering information, forming alliances, and creating communication channels for a resistance would help defeat Palpatine?!”

“I mean, sure it would help for a long-term uprising. But, people are dying right now. We need to stop it right now.”

Barriss inhaled deeply, clearly trying to stay calm and make this a constructive discussion. “We don’t have the ability to defeat Palpatine _right now._ We need more before we can take any kind of fight to him.”

Ahsoka grimaced in frustration. Barriss’ suggestions on approaching the problem were sound, strategic, and probably correct. But, that wasn’t good enough. Ahsoka needed something… less spy, more warrior. “I know I’m being unreasonable,” she stated apologetically. “I can only tell you what I feel. I can’t do what you do. I’m terrible at it. Your ideas would probably work and you would be amazing doing them. But, I’m a warrior, a protector, a fighter. No matter how hard I try to be something else, I can’t do it.”

She paused, a memory from long ago surfacing in her mind. _You'll never know who you really are, until you know what you are not._ She locked eyes with Barriss determinedly. “I know who I really am now. I didn’t want to admit it for a long time. Without my army, my kingdom, my responsibilities, I felt like… no one. I didn’t realize none of those things mattered to who I actually am. I’m still me. And now, I feel like I have discovered my purpose. My purpose is to fight for those that can’t fight for themselves.” _Like a Jedi…_

Barriss didn’t look angry or frustrated, just thoughtful—like she was running calculations through her head, considering options. She finally met Ahsoka’s eyes with a slight smile. “Like Ashla, the legendary Jedi warrior.”

“Something like that.” Ahsoka laughed at the intuitive assessment.

The woman grinned. “Let me think a bit more. I’m sure we can figure something out.” Then, she continued more seriously, “Please, let me think of some options and we can go from there. Don’t run off and do anything until we make a decision. Whatever we end up deciding, we’ll do it together. And, it will make a difference. I promise.”

A heady happiness surged through Ahsoka. Instinctively, she reached her hand to Barriss’ face and rubbed her tattoos gently. “Together. It’s a deal.”

Barriss shivered slightly at the touch, an ethereal smile on her lips. “Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we just witnessed the birth of a rebellion or something.  
> And, I absolutely love these two. In case, you haven't noticed.  
> At this point, each one still has some emotional trauma and identity issues. Given time, though, they may understand who they are and what they want. Maybe, we need a time jump to see how they progress... Starting next chapter, maybe...


	17. Who I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [~8 months later...]  
> Barriss confronts who she was and who she is.  
> Ahsoka is amazing, as always. Well, almost always.

Ahsoka knelt by the fire trying to cook a late dinner. She was terrible at cooking. Still, she knew her friend would be exhausted and probably starving when she returned. Barriss never ate properly when on reconnaissance missions. And, it was Ahsoka’s fault she was on this one. Barriss was getting the location of the next village attack, so Ahsoka could fulfill her need to fight for the oppressed.

She smiled at her friend’s brilliance in figuring out a path for both of them to walk together. It was working. They had fended off several attacks, all while forming a network of communication channels, providing healing and help to any victims, and slowly disrupting Palpatine’s forces in various regions over the last several months. _I don’t deserve her._

Suddenly, a buzz of danger flashed through her mind and she whirled, sword drawn. She felt a prick of pain as something entered her arm. _Oh no. Not again._ Ahsoka knew she had just been shot with the same substance Barriss had used on her in Dantooine. Well, whoever this assassin was, he would have a surprise. Barriss had been teaching her how to resist the effects. The woman had been insistent. She didn’t want anyone to be able to take Ahsoka down the way she had.

 _Focus your mind. Slow the poison’s movement._ Ahsoka had scoffed at the idea of just thinking away the drug at first. But, Barriss had been patient and eventually Ahsoka had realized she could do it. She could hold out for several minutes with varying degrees of mobility.

A dark figure slinked out from the trees. “Impressive. First, you anticipate my attack, forcing me to use your arm as a target. Now, it appears you have a strong resistance to the drug. Most are out within fifteen seconds.” It was a woman’s voice, cold and unemotional.

She had to act quickly. She couldn’t hold on forever. Ahsoka swung her sword toward the figure, spinning and maneuvering to get a good opening, feeling dizzy as she did. But, the woman dodged and weaved out of Ahsoka’s grasp.

“Very impressive. I can see why Barriss is so enamored with you. I assume she taught you how to resist the effects of the drug. At least, I know all of my teaching wasn’t in vain.”

Ahsoka halted her attack, realizing the implication. “You’re Barriss’ master.”

The woman gave her a mock bow and lowered her hood. “Luminara Unduli, at your service. I’m gratified she has mentioned me. And, yes, I taught Barriss for many years. Until she betrayed me and threw away her destiny. I intend to ensure she learns from her mistakes. I’m afraid you won’t be around to see it, though.”

Ahsoka was losing the battle with herself. She could feel the drug spreading through her body and her legs were already feeling weak. Attempting one last attack before she became defenseless, Ahsoka swung suddenly from the right side and slid her sword to the left, trying a cross-cut maneuver. She was a hair too slow.

Unduli was taken off guard, but moved fast to avoid the blow. She spun herself around Ahsoka, slicing Ahsoka’s sword arm with a dagger as she did so.

Stumbling forward into the tree behind the woman, Ahsoka started to slide down. She kept her sword up and pointed toward her attacker, in case Unduli tried again.

The spymaster seemed content to observe from a distance, letting Ahsoka wear herself down. She continued on conversationally, as if Ahsoka wasn’t fading in front of her, “You know, I had some doubt that you were worth all of the effort Palpatine has put into hunting you down. Now, I can see why he wants you. You are a superior warrior with a determined spirit, a definite danger to him. You also represent hope to the populace. He can’t allow that. Though, you do seem to lack discipline. In any case, he must want you badly to hire the best. He also wanted you alive, a more expensive endeavor.” The woman paused thoughtfully. “He wanted both of you, you know. Perhaps, you can take comfort in the fact that I have no intention of giving Barriss to him. It's time for her to fulfill her destiny. I’m sure, once you have perished, she will see the folly of her choices.”

Ahsoka felt a little strength return. “It doesn’t matter what happens to me. She’ll never rejoin you. Barriss charts her own destiny now. If you try to take her, she will thrash you. I hope I will be alive to see it. Oh, and _she_ is the best. You don’t deserve to even exist in the same sentence with her.”

Cerulean eyes flashed. "You know, I usually don’t enjoy violence. However, I think I’ll ask the Emperor if I can watch whatever he has planned for you.”

Ahsoka glared darkly. “Barriss will never be yours. She never was.”

With a whoosh, a new figure landed beside Ahsoka, holding a sword and a determined expression. “Master, I think you should leave… _now._ ”

_______

“Barriss. I see you still remember some of my stealth training. Good. Though really, a sword? How crude.” Luminara sighed dismissively and drew a scimitar from under her long, flowing cloak.

Barriss bristled slightly. “You might be surprised how effective my sword can be, now that I've been training with the best.” She glanced quickly at Ahsoka, trying to ascertain her condition. “And, I remember enough of your training to know that I have no intention of ever returning to it.”

The woman shook her head sadly. “You are confused, Barriss. This girl has confused you with false promises of hope or some other sentimental nonsense. You have become attached. Did you listen to none of my lessons? People are tools. Emotions are tools. You have become dependent. Weak.”

 _Don’t listen to her. You are stronger now._ Barriss steadied her sword. “I’m giving you a chance to walk away, if you leave now.”

Her master looked disappointed.

It was the look Barriss hated most—the one that made her feel… worthless. Like a failure.

The spymaster sighed. “Once again, you have let your silly attachment to some sort of false morality impair your choices. Letting me walk away would be a mistake. I’d just keep hunting you. Tell me this, after you left me, did you succeed in your goals? Or, did you fail again and again?”

Barriss blanched but didn’t respond. _Panic leads to fear. Fear leads to failure._

“Yes, I thought not. You need me, Barriss. With my guidance you were strong. You could become stronger still. It’s all there. If you would only control your emotions better. If you’d only let go of your fear and do what needs to be done. Do you really think there is good or evil in this world? That’s a child’s notion. Surely you know we all live in shades of gray? The only way to properly evaluate and accomplish anything is to remain objective. You must see things as they truly are—not clouded by attachment or false notions of goodness. To truly see, you have to let go of everything that makes you blind. You know this. Why do you fight it?” The woman shook her head again. “I thought you had what it took to become truly great. I’m so… disappointed.”

Barriss was spinning. She was a young girl again, hanging on her master’s words, worried of displeasing her. But, desperately wanting to escape. _She’s right. All I do is make mistakes. I’m never going to be good enough. Not for Ahsoka. Not for anything. I’m going to lose her. All I do is make things worse._

Suddenly, a strained, fierce voice spoke, “Barriss, you-you’re not anything she says. You’re brilliant. Compassionate. Selfless. Strong. M-my best friend. You’re amazing. Not because of your abilities or your successes, but because you are _you_.” Ahsoka turned her wrath on Unduli, spitting the words in erratic exhales, “Life without attachments is not—not living. And, she is better for it. You will see… better than _you_.”

Mind soaking in the words, Barriss found unexpected strength in the unconditional faith they implied. She quit spinning. _I can do this._ She attacked.

Luminara was shocked, unprepared, and… fearful. Barriss saw it as she flew forward, pressing into her old master’s defenses. Luminara clearly hadn't counted on not convincing Barriss, sure of her total control over her former apprentice.

She recovered quickly, though, countering Barriss with ferocity. As they clashed swords, the woman gazed at her strangely. “Barriss, please. Don’t throw away your life. You could be so much more than this. Rid yourself of this weakness and let me help you. Come back with me.” She sounded not disappointed or critical, but upset. As if, her favorite child was making terrible choices and she didn’t know what to do about it.

Momentarily halting her attack, Barriss probed the opposing eyes. Yes, there was something there. Something she never expected to see. _Desperation._ She was desperate to get Barriss back.

A now very weak voice spoke from the ground, “Have faith, B-Barriss. I… believe in you.”

Barriss felt invincible. “Be careful, Master. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were attached. You really should learn to… let go.” She resumed her attack, driving her opponent into the trees and beyond—whirling, striking, feinting. Barriss knew she would win. She knew her master couldn’t hurt her anymore. Her mistakes were in the past. She had a future. A future she could make. She was… free. And, it felt amazing.

She slid the sword through Luminara’s defenses, striking her in the side. Her former master fell heavily, struggling to back away. Barriss raised her sword for the killing blow, feeling sudden rage from years of torment flare inside her. _No. You don’t want to do this. You are already free._ She lowered her blade. “You have a choice, Luminara Unduli. Leave while you still have a life, or stay and die. And, if you ever try to harm my friend again, you won’t have any choices left to make. I promise.”  Barriss paused, a newfound confidence filling her soul. She spoke calmly, decisively, _“This_ is who I am now. Who I was destined to be. You can accept it or not. Either way, you have no claim on me anymore.”

Luminara stared uncomprehendingly. _She’ll never understand._ However, one thing the spymaster did understand was when to retreat. She nodded, pulling herself upright, and limped away without another word to Barriss.

Barriss watched only long enough to ensure she was no longer a threat and ran back to her friend, who had long since passed out. Barriss felt completely spent, but she had to ensure Ahsoka was safe. She didn’t trust Luminara not to return while they were both incapacitated. She dug clumsily through her sachet and found the antidote. She quickly shot it into Ahsoka’s arm, sighing with relief. The woman would recover in a few minutes.

Feeling more and more sluggish, she examined Ahsoka for other injuries and found the wound on her arm. Barriss struggled to stop the bleeding and wrap the injury. As she finished, her friend stirred. When Ahsoka opened her eyes, Barriss let herself collapse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Barriss finally breaks free. And, poor Luminara just doesn't understand.  
> To be honest, this hurt a bit because I love Luminara. But, such is the price of creativity. I tried to imagine a version of what she could have become in this world, while still keeping the essence of her Jedi self. Though, honestly, I think the effect on Barriss might be the same. Whether it's convincing or not, I leave to you!


	18. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Barriss' defeat of her former master, both women realize some important truths.

Carefully moving Barriss over to the firelight, Ahsoka crumpled into the large rock nearby. She allowed herself a moment to relax into the stone support, before turning her attention to the woman beside her. Drawing Barriss gently into her lap, she ran her hands and eyes over the Mirialan, examining her for injuries. She could only find minor scrapes and bruises. Apparently, Barriss had just reached her exhaustion point. _Huh. Didn't know she had one._ Though, Ahsoka shouldn't have been surprised, given her friend probably hadn't eaten or slept in the last two days. Plus, ending the day by confronting the expert assassin who raised you to be an emotionally-challenged, perfection-obsessed murderer would push anyone over the edge.

Ahsoka gazed at the woman sleeping peacefully in her lap. Barriss had been amazing. _I wish I could have seen the end of the fight._ She didn’t know what had happened to Unduli, but clearly Barriss thought it was safe enough to deal with Ahsoka's injuries before falling over from exhaustion.

She began absentmindedly stroking Barriss’ forehead, enjoying the feel of her fingers on the soft skin. _Gods, she is beautiful… and brilliant, and thoughtful, and selfless, and everything I’m not._

_And, I love it... I love her._

Ahsoka was startled by the thought, but not surprised. It felt like something she'd instinctively known, yet never put into words. She’d always been mesmerized by the woman. Though, her younger self hadn’t realized what that feeling would become. Ahsoka wasn’t sure when it had turned from admiration to love, but guessed it was long before now. It all seemed to meld together in her head. Even when they went years without seeing each other, she had thought of Barriss in her worst moments. Ahsoka suspected, despite the setbacks in their relationship, she had loved Barriss in some fashion through it all.

Either way, Ahsoka knew it now—and, would continue to know it. She would know it everytime she managed to get a smile or a laugh from her… would know it everytime the delicate face took on a thoughtful expression to solve a problem… and, Ahsoka would definitely know it everytime she looked into the serious, piercing blue eyes.

She knew Barriss was unlikely to return her feelings. Ahsoka was—well, everything Barriss didn’t need—impulsive, emotional, selfish, reckless, playful when she should be serious, angry when she should be calm. _I probably scare her to death._ Yet, Ahsoka couldn’t help but hope a little. Barriss had stayed with her and clearly intended to keep doing just that.

Sighing heavily, Ahsoka laid her head against the cool rock and considered her swirling emotions. Her fingers continued to move automatically over Barriss’ forehead, trying to provide comfort, as she had done so many times before. Barriss had hurt her badly in Cardota. But, that was a distant memory. Ahsoka rarely thought of it anymore. When she did, the painful sting had been replaced by acceptance. She knew Barriss so well now that she easily understood how the woman had strayed so far in her downward spiral. Plo had seen it at the time. Ahsoka had taken much longer to understand her friend.

She realized, even when Barriss had been arguably selfish, the woman had expressed it in a way that had tried to serve others. And, unlike many in Ahsoka’s life, Barriss had recognized her mistakes and had worked hard to make up for them, through service and friendship. She had been there through some of the most difficult times—putting Ahsoka’s needs above her own.

Barriss was now her anchor, her place of safety. Her support was unlike anyone else’s. She didn’t demand anything from her, didn’t ignore her, didn’t place restrictions on her. She never asked for more than Ahsoka could give. Ahsoka wanted to give something back to her. _I wish she could see herself the way I see her._

Curious eyes traced the tattoos on the olive-skinned, elegant face, wanting to know how she felt. Suddenly, Ahsoka knew she couldn’t ask. She could never risk Barriss’ happiness to satisfy her own needs. And, surprising herself, Ahsoka realized—even if she never knew—she could live with it. Friends or… more, she still had Barriss in her life. That was more important than anything else.

Ahsoka rested her arm around Barriss’ stomach protectively, continuing to stroke her forehead, as she laid back and contemplated the possibilities.

_______

Barriss awoke to warmth and comfort. As she opened her eyes, she realized it was still night. She also realized she was in front of the fire, looking up. It was a beautiful night with stars dazzling brightly in a clear, black sky. Then, she realized something far more breathtaking. She was laying in Ahsoka’s lap. The woman’s hands were resting gently on her forehead and stomach. It felt… amazing.

She shifted her eyes to Ahsoka, who was dozing lightly against a rock. Apparently, she had fully recovered and moved both of them to the fire for the night. Barriss thoughtfully examined the woman who held her. Ahsoka looked peaceful and content. _Well, that makes two of us._ Barriss wondered if she should wake her. It couldn’t be comfortable for her to sleep in this position. _No, not yet._ It was selfish, but Barriss wanted to enjoy the feeling of contentment for a little longer.

Along with that feeling, there was something deeper. Barriss knew what it was. She had known it was there for several months now. She loved Ahsoka—loved her so much it hurt. Especially, because Barriss knew she would never be able to ask Ahsoka to love her that way. _I don’t deserve her._

This time though, the feeling felt slightly different. Before, she had been terrified of losing her—losing her lifeline to love and acceptance. Now, though, the fear seemed to occupy a back space in Barriss’ mind. What had changed? Barriss analyzed this new development and the conclusion flowed easily. _I know who I am now. I am me. And, I can live with me. Huh._

The next revelation was even more surprising. _I want Ahsoka more than anything. It would devastate me to lose her. But, if I did lose her, I would… survive._ Until this moment, she hadn’t realized how much she had depended on Ahsoka to make it through the day. She had wrapped her whole world into the young warrior with the endearing smile. No wonder she had been terrified of losing her, why she felt like her entire world was falling apart everytime Ahsoka went on a dangerous mission. It would have been like losing herself—losing her reality. Knowing she had a life apart from Ahsoka was freeing, but also something she never wanted to experience.

She stared adoringly at the shining, brave, magnificent woman holding her. _I will never leave you. I love you. But, if you have to leave me, I can… handle it. I promise I won’t raze any towns to the ground or become obsessed with suicidal missions. Still, I’d really, really prefer that you didn’t. Like ever. Please? Now, I’m talking to Ahsoka inside my head. Yeah, that’s normal._ Barriss giggled softly to herself.

Ahsoka stirred at the unexpected sound. Apparently, she wasn’t asleep after all.

Barriss gazed up at her and quirked an eyebrow. “So, that went well, huh?”

The woman stared at her for a moment and then she broke into a wide smile. “Just like we planned it, yep. Though, next time, let's skip the whole Ahsoka gets shot by a poison arrow thing. I really hate that.”

Laughingly, Barriss replied, “Request noted.”

Ahsoka’s eyes lit up with glee. “I love it when you laugh, you know.”

“Do you? I’ll have to do it more often then.” She waved her hand in a semi-imperious fashion. “Of course, you’ll need to earn it by doing something to amuse me.”

Captivating eyes never left Barriss’ face, as Ahsoka grinned mischievously. “I’ll work on it. I have a great joke about a Jedi and a Sith going into a bar I’ve been waiting to roll out.”

Barriss groaned. “Please, no. At least, make it a warrior and a spy or something.”

“Fine, fine.” Ahsoka couldn’t hold back the laughter, as she tried to respond with a straight face. “Anything to please you, my lady. I haven’t even gotten to my best stuff yet, though! Wait until you see my impressions. I can do an amazing Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“Better.” Barriss grinned snarkily and waved another imperious hand. “Your repertoire still needs some work, though. Have you considered slapstick? It only requires you to run into something, which I’ve noted you have a special talent for, especially when cloaked.”

Ahsoka produced the most eloquent expression of pseudo-wounded pride Barriss had ever seen. “Hey! Not all of us spent our childhood in ‘spy school’ learning how to see properly with a cloak covering our _entire_ face!”

Barriss actually convulsed with laughter this time, shaking both of them.

Ahsoka’s face filled with unrestrained delight. Then, as if unexpectedly noticing their relative positioning, she flushed deeply. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you want to get up? I just wanted to make sure you were ok and got some sleep. But, I can move.” She began to raise her hand from Barriss’ stomach.

Hastily grabbing Ahsoka’s hand, Barriss arrested its movement, placing it back on her stomach and leaving her own hand lying on top of it. “No, I want to stay here. If you’re… ok with that.”

The woman’s expression froze, eyes taking on a shining intensity Barriss had never seen before. “Absolutely. I’m very ok with that.”

Barriss smiled shyly and snuggled closer to Ahsoka’s stomach, closing her eyes in contentment. She felt Ahsoka’s hand running across her forehead in massaging circles and sighed happily. “Don’t stop.”

“Don’t worry, that’s never gonna happen.”

_Gods, I love her._ Barriss grinned and felt sleep overtake her once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, looks like we know where we stand now.  
> Barriss has finally accepted who she is. She may think that person doesn't deserve happiness, but she accepts that too. Philosophical note: It's hard to love someone unconditionally, if you depend on them to provide your self-worth.  
> Ahsoka would be thrilled to take things further, now that she realizes how she really feels. However, it sounds like Barriss will have to make the first move. Ahsoka, perhaps, is not as selfish and impulsive as she likes to believe. Or, maybe, all this time with Barriss is bringing out her best qualities?  
> In the end, does any of this really matter? Love is love. And, these two are definitely in love. :)


	19. Interlude: Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The fault… is not in our stars, but in ourselves.”  
> ―William Shakespeare
> 
> [Flashback Ahsoka]  
> [Ahsoka: Age 20]

Ahsoka closed her eyes, taking in the cool breeze against her face. When Anakin had suggested an outing, she had been thrilled. They hadn’t gone for a ride together in so long that Ahsoka couldn’t remember the last time it happened. It hadn’t lived up to the early promise, though.

They had spent the last hour making small talk about various battles and rumors. Anakin loved regaling her with unbelievable stories of spies, warriors, and bounty hunters. It used to be a game for them. Ahsoka would try to outdo him with the most audacious exploit she had heard. It seemed somehow hollow this time around, but they both still put in the effort. He’d told her a certainly exaggerated tale about a thief named Bearis handing victory to Windu by providing an incriminating letter from Dooku to his secret allies. She’d told him a story in return, about the notorious spy Offee ending Pong Krell’s reign of terror by miscommunicating key data at a critical point in the battle. That story had come from Rex, who enjoyed talking about Krell’s takedown. Rex hated Krell. Then, they both had fallen silent.

Anakin glanced at her nervously. “So, um, how are things?”

“Um, fine. How are things with you?”

“Oh, fine.”

Ahsoka raised her eyebrows. “Riiiiight.”

Anakin’s mouth curved into a brief smile, eyes twinkling. “Alright, you’ve got me. I had another reason for our ride today. I kind of wanted to… well, I’ve missed you first of all. You’ve been on the battlefield for months and I feel like I’ve barely seen you for the last year. Also, I’ve had an offer that concerns you that I wanted to tell you about. So, I thought maybe I’d try to, you know, take care of both things at once.”

Ahsoka laughed and put on a mock serious expression. “A true leader multi-tasks.”

Anakin chuckled. “Well, I’ve been _trying_ to teach you that. Unsuccessfully, I might add.”

“I'm a slow learner, what can I say? So, tell me about this ‘offer’.”

Anakin’s smile remain fixed, but had an anxious quality. “Well, ok. So, hear me out before you say anything, ok? You know we are close allies with Sovereign Master Palpatine, and—well, he has made an offer that would sort of consolidate that relationship and provide security and power for both of our kingdoms.”

Ahsoka’s heart froze in her chest. _Palpatine. Offer. Consolidate. Concerned her. No. No, that can’t be it. Anakin would never…_

Her brother continued quickly, perhaps seeing her expression, “He has offered to consolidate his legion with ours, tying our kingdoms together in all external endeavors. We will still maintain command of our own legions for internal matters. But, we would fight as one army otherwise and be managed as one. Aaaand… that kind of consolidation would require one Master General to lead both legions. It would be a higher position than mine. I mean it would be over the Master General of our kingdom's legion, not over the Sovereign Master. And—well—we both think it should be you.” He ended with a huge smile. “You would get to oversee the largest force of the best warriors in the 47 kingdoms and would be providing stability, safety, and power for our kingdom.”

Ahsoka stared at him, trying to process the words. It didn’t make sense. There were more experienced battalion commanders than her. And, she didn’t understand what Palpatine would get out of such an arrangement. It would mean putting his forces under the command of another kingdom’s royalty. Allies or not, it wasn’t a smart move. And, Palpatine was not a stupid man. “I don’t understand. Which ruler would I report to? What else is involved? Why me?”

“Well, some of those details still need to be worked out. I didn’t want to go further without talking to you about it first.”

Ahsoka felt a buzzing in the back of her mind. _This doesn’t feel right._ “What did Father say about this proposal?”

His eyes flashed with anger. “Your father hasn’t said anything. I haven’t discussed it with him.”

She gaped at him. “Anakin, Father is still the Sovereign Master of the kingdom. You can’t just—just give away our army without his approval.”

Anakin’s face turned furious. “I’m not _giving_ away our army. I’m consolidating our power and position in the kingdoms. Besides, our ‘Sovereign Master’ doesn’t have the right to say anything. _I’ve_ been running the kingdom. I’m the one who does all the work. I decide all of the strategies. I make all of the allies. He does _nothing._ I decide what’s best for the kingdom. _This_ is it.” His eyes were full of cold, unbending fury as they stared at her unblinkingly. His fists were clenched and his body was in an attack posture, hand hovering near his sword.

This was not her brother. Someone had taken his place. Someone terrible. _No._ She tried to speak, to tell him he was wrong, to ask him what he was so angry about, but she was afraid. Ahsoka was afraid of her own brother. _No._

Ahsoka stared in horror for another moment and then she panicked. She spurred her horse and rode erratically away from him at a breakneck pace, not stopping until she got back inside the castle gates. She dismounted before her steed had even halted, barely noting Rex trying to get her attention with a concerned expression. She kept running until she reached her chambers. Then, Ahsoka collapsed on her bed and let the tears finally flow.

________

Ahsoka ventured warily from her room after night fell. She needed to figure out what to do. The proposal Anakin had made was not unreasonable on its face. He was not out of line to expect her to accept, given her own inclinations and role as a member of the royal house. It just seemed… wrong. Somehow, Ahsoka knew she shouldn’t accept it. And, she still didn’t understand the benefit for Palpatine. Before making a decision, she needed to understand the motivation for him—and for Anakin. Anakin wasn’t exactly big on collaboration. And, why wouldn't he want to lead both legions himself? He was the current Master General of Shili, after all. This move didn’t make much sense for him either. Of course, the man she had seen today was nothing like the brother she knew. _Or, thought I knew._ She headed toward her father’s chambers. He probably wouldn’t care or help, but she had to try.

As she made her way down the hallway, she heard something that sounded like crying. She followed the sound and stumbled into an alcove and a beautiful woman crying. “Oh, I’m sorry Lady Amidala. I didn’t realize it was you. I just heard someone—are you alright?”

Padmé went quiet. Her face fluctuated between tears and impassivity. “Ahsoka. I-I’m sorry I disturbed you. I’m fine, don’t worry. I appreciate you asking.”

Ahsoka was fond of Padmé Amidala. Anakin was clearly in love with her and Ahsoka couldn’t blame him. But, Padmé was in an arranged marriage to one of Palpatine’s top aides. An arrogant, prick of a man Ahsoka seriously disliked. Padmé was wasted on such a man, so Ahsoka was more than willing to see her happy with her brother. Though, she often worried what would happen if anyone ever found out. Still, Ahsoka had always been inherently confident in everything working out for the best. At this moment though, she started to doubt her formerly positive outlook on their illicit relationship. “Are you sure, Padmé? Maybe, I can help?”

Padmé looked at her affectionately. “You are sweet. I can see why Anakin is so fond of you.”

Ahsoka’s heart revolted and she almost started crying again. “I’m not sure that’s true anymore, but… thanks for the thought.”

Padmé started with surprise. “What? Of course, he does. Don’t you doubt it, Ahsoka. He’s had—been going through a rough time lately. So, he may not have been there as much as he used to. But, please, believe me. He talks about you constantly—how proud he is of you, how amazing a warrior you are… he loves you very much. It makes me quite jealous sometimes. I don’t have siblings and I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like, if I had someone… well, had someone who understood me. If I had someone who was always there with me.”

Ahsoka tried to believe her. Was it possible all of this was just a horrible mistake? Had she read too much into his reaction today? Was he angry because of some unknown pain that he didn’t feel he could share with Ahsoka? Then, she remembered Anakin’s eyes. _I don’t know._

Suddenly, she realized Padmé had steered the conversation away from herself. “Padmé, you do have someone like that. I know you and Anakin are… discreet. But, I’m not stupid. I know my brother. I know he loves you. And, I’m happy for it. If you have him, well, then you have me. Won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

Padmé’s emotions ranged across her face and she seemed touched by Ahsoka’s declaration. “I… appreciate it. But, I don’t know if Anakin would want—I don’t—” Her hand abruptly grabbed her stomach. Then, as if realizing what she’d done, she glanced up with panic in her eyes.

Ahsoka’s eyes widened. _Oh Gods._ “Padmé, are you… pregnant?”

The woman’s shoulders slumped and she nodded miserably. “And, yes, it's Anakin's. My husband will know that it wasn’t him. We haven’t—we don’t… anyway, he will not be pleased.”

Unpleasant goosebumps rose along Ahsoka’s arms. “What will he do? What will you and Anakin do?”

“I don’t know!” Padmé started to break down again. Ahsoka quickly knelt beside her, placing a hand on her arm supportively. “M-my husband is powerful in Palpatine’s court. If I leave him, it could mean trouble between Coruscant and Shili. If I stay… he may try to ruin my career as a negotiator, or even try to force me t-to get rid—rid of—” she broke off with a sob.

_Oh, hell no. Anakin would never let any of that happen. And, neither will I._

_Oh. Now, I get it._ Anakin’s wish to consolidate power with Palpatine made sudden sense. He’s trying to gain leverage to protect Padmé, to protect his child. No wonder he was so invested in the plan. Palpatine would be more likely to intervene with his advisor’s marital situation, in order to appease a consolidated ally whose sister held power over his army. Choosing her as the Master General still made no sense from Palpatine’s perspective. Still, at least, she now had a reason for Anakin. Ahsoka squeezed the woman’s arm, meeting her eyes with intensity, “Don’t worry Padmé. We won’t let any of that happen.”

_______

Ahsoka headed back to her room to think, her earlier plans to visit her father forgotten. She couldn’t sacrifice Anakin’s happiness and his future child for nothing—nothing but an instinctual feeling buzzing in her head. Ahsoka didn’t particularly want the job. It would mean lots of paperwork and she would rarely see a battlefield. Still, she knew she could do it. Perhaps, even do it well. More than that, she knew Anakin needed her to do it. Maybe, if she did, he would go back to the brother she knew. The one she still idolized and loved more than anything. _I can fix this._ She could make him happy again.

The buzzing grew loud and insistent, moving from the back to the front of her mind. She repressed it, pushing it down, pretending it didn’t exist. _Stop it. You’re doing this. For Anakin._

There was an unexpected knock on her door. Anakin appeared tentatively in the doorway. “Snips? Are you asleep?”

“No, you can come in.”

Anakin walked in slowly, looking very apologetic. “I’m really sorry about earlier. I don’t know what came over me. I just… I’ve been having some problems lately. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” He hung his head miserably.

She quickly moved across the room and wrapped her brother in a tight hug. “I know. It’s ok. I understand.”

“You do?” His eyes looked hopeful as she pulled back from their embrace. Ahsoka left her hands on his shoulders, trying to convey support.

“Yes… I talked to Padmé. She wouldn’t tell me much, but I guessed what was going on and she confirmed it. I understand why you want to consolidate the kingdoms.”

Anakin’s face registered shock, then fear, and then hope again. “Oh. I see.”

She met his eyes fiercely. “I want you to know—I will do whatever I can to help protect her and my new favorite nephew or niece.”

A child-like, enthusiastic grin crept onto his face. “Thanks, Snips.”

His expression reminded Ahsoka of the boyish smile that had long since disappeared. _There’s my brother._ She pushed on. “I need you to explain something to me first, though. I understand why you want this to happen. I’m confused why Palpatine wants it. I don’t see the advantage for him in this new arrangement.”

The happy expression crashed from his face and he suddenly looked abashed.  A hint of shame and a good amount of fear passed through his eyes. “Well, you see, there is one other part of the deal that I didn’t get a chance to tell you earlier… I—well…” Anakin went silent, face conflicted. He was clearly struggling with what he was about to say. Then, his face cleared and his eyes turned serious. Whatever internal argument had happened, one side had clearly won out. “He wants to marry you.”

Ahsoka dropped her arms from Anakin’s shoulders as she recoiled in shock. “H-he what? You—you _agreed_ to—”

Anakin rushed out, “It would be in name only. You wouldn’t be expected to perform any, um, wifely duties. A marriage to you would simply be used to shore up his standing and influence with the other kingdoms. He strongly believes the kingdom and his army would follow you without question, especially if you had his royal status. He thinks both kingdoms need a hero to worship and he—we believe that could be you. You already have a formidable reputation as a warrior, which would only grow. And, this type of… relationship would make you highly respected in the other kingdoms.”

She couldn’t speak, feelings of anger and hurt flowing into her heart rapidly.

“Plus,” he continued quickly, “it would be a clear sign that our kingdoms were tied together and we would never be challenged again. In fact, we could do anything we wanted. Civilize the outer regions, create social programs, force the other kingdoms to fall in line. Think of how much good we—you could do with that kind of position. You’d be his queen, with all the power that went with it. You’d be protected and safe, like I’ve always wanted. And, you’d be the leader I always knew you could be. You’d be a legend.” His voice turned pleading. “Please, Snips, think about it. I know—I know it’s not what you had in mind. But, you could do it. You could be truly great and this is the path to greatness.”

Ahsoka’s very soul was sickened at hearing him call her by the formerly endearing nickname. She felt… betrayed. Her brother was selling her. Yes, selling her off—like a prized steed—to secure his own happiness and to gain more power. And, he thought he was doing her a favor. Ahsoka turned to the bed, so he couldn’t see the pain she knew was on her face. She tried to tell herself he was doing this for Padmé, for his unborn child, for Shili. Wasn’t it her duty to do what had to be done to secure her kingdom’s future? _I can’t. I can’t. I can’t._

Everything within her revolted at the idea. Ahsoka would become a prisoner. Forever. Trapped in a loveless marriage with a manipulative, untrustworthy, deceitful man, old enough to be her grandfather. And, once they were married, Palpatine could do anything he wanted to her. She didn’t trust Anakin to stop him. Her brother had chosen his sacrifice. _And, it’s me._

Sudden despair hit her, hopelessness filling her heart. Ahsoka realized she couldn’t refuse. _Anakin… Padmé… the child… the kingdom… her soldiers..._ The buzzing intensified painfully, overtaking all of her senses. She felt herself falling. As she faded into unconsciousness, all Ahsoka could hear was screaming danger.

_______

Ahsoka regained consciousness violently, jerking to a sitting position, ready for a fight.

A steadying hand grabbed her arm. “Commander, it’s ok. You’re safe.”

She focused on the man beside her. “Rex. It’s you. What are you doing here?”

His light blue eyes gazed at her with avid concern. “Your father asked me to come sit with you. I think he was worried. You’ve been unconscious for several hours.”

“Father was here?” Ahsoka asked in disbelief. “What about m-my brother?”

“Master General Skywalker had to visit with some dignitaries.” Rex frowned in a way that clearly indicated he didn’t feel this was a good enough reason to leave his sister in her current state.

“I see.” Ahsoka laid back on the bed. _What am I going to do?_

“Commander, is there anything I can do? I can tell you are in distress. I’d like to help, if I can.”

“Thanks, Rex.” Ahsoka smiled at him fondly. “But, unless you can figure out a way to make me someone else, I doubt you can do much.”

He flashed a small grin. “Well, I’d have to know the circumstances to come up with any options. Though, I have to say, I’d prefer you stay you.”

Ahsoka chuckled hollowly. “Well, tell me… if your brother decided the best way for you to serve the kingdom was to marry Palpatine to consolidate an army, what kind of strategy would you use?” She had kept her voice light, but it still hurt badly to say it out loud.

Rex recoiled angrily. “He didn’t. He wouldn’t. I don’t believe it.”

“Neither did I. But, it’s true,” she replied softly.

He fell silent, eyes furious. His brow furrowed and then his expression turned thoughtful. “Marry me.”

Ahsoka gaped at him. “Um, what?”

Rex looked at her excitedly. “If you were married to someone else, he couldn't force you to marry anyone. We could say we did it right before, in secret because you were a royal and… yeah, it could work.”

Ahsoka momentarily considered it. She loved Rex for offering. She knew he didn’t love her in a romantic way. Yet, here he was, willing to sacrifice his freedom for hers.

As if reading her thoughts, he quickly put in, “I know you don’t love me that way and vice versa. But, I do care about you deeply. I think we could be happy, even if it is just as… platonic life partners.”

She ran her fingers over the stubble on his chin affectionately. “I don’t deserve you.” If Ahsoka let him do this, she would be just like Anakin—asking someone else to sacrifice their future for hers.

Rex grabbed her hand tightly with a firm expression. “I won’t let you throw your life away. Not on Palpatine. That won’t be a life at all. It will… it would kill you. Everything that makes you exceptional would die. He would take it. He is not an honorable man,” he ended emphatically, making Ahsoka wonder what Palpatine had done to make Rex so adamantly sure of his opinion of the man.

Ahsoka sighed heavily. “Rex, I know you care and I love you for it. But, I have to decide how to deal with this. I have to be true to myself. We aren’t like Palpatine. We face things head on and fight through them. I won’t become… that.”

Now, it was Rex’s turn to sigh, as if he knew he was beaten. He pleaded, “Ahsoka, _please._ Whatever you do, don’t agree to this.”

Smiling wanly, she gripped his hand. “I’ll figure something out.”

“I already have.” The voice came from the doorway, strong and steady.

Ahsoka’s shocked face stared unwaveringly at the man standing at her door, a travel bag in his hand and a determined expression on his face. Her father was here. And, he looked… different. The man standing confidently in the doorway was a stranger. _First Anakin, now this? I’ve been transported to a different dimension._ “Um, Father?”

“Ahsoka, I haven’t been a father for a long time. It’s too late to do anything about that now. But, I won’t let you go down the same road. You are not going to marry Palpatine. Nor are you going to sacrifice your future for Anakin’s issues. You are going to leave. Now.”

She gazed uncomprehendingly at the stranger in front of her without responding.

“Listen to me. There isn’t much time. Anakin will be back soon and he will keep you under close watch. He’ll think he’s doing it for your own good. In reality, it will result in wearing you down and you’ll be unable to break away. I need you to leave now. I can’t protect you if you stay here. I’ll work on Anakin and send for you again, if I’m successful. If I’m not…” Her father shrugged. “Either way, at least I’ll know you’re safe.”

Ahsoka couldn’t believe this was happening—couldn’t believe this was her father… trying to protect her… looking at her. He was actually _looking_ at _her._ “Father, I don’t understand.”

He met her eyes intently. “Ahsoka, I let Palpatine gain control of your brother and did nothing to stop it. It may be too late for him and it may not. Either way, I’m going to try to remedy my mistakes.” His face floated away. “It took an encounter with an assassin to teach me that lesson…” Abruptly snapping back into reality, he continued with fierce determination, “I can’t do that if you’re offering him another way out. I also can’t ensure nothing happens to you in the meantime. I failed you both. Let me do this. Let me try. I don’t deserve it, but I still need you to trust me and do what I say.”

_I’m definitely in a different dimension._ She opened her mouth again, but he cut her off.

“No. No more arguments. You will obey me now. Get up. I’ve packed a bag of essentials and money for living. You need only to gather your armor, weapons, or anything else you want to take. And, you need to do it quickly.”

He turned to Rex. “Captain, can I trust you to escort my daughter safely from the city while I distract Anakin or anyone else interested in her whereabouts?”

Rex jumped to his feet and saluted with respect in eyes. “Yes, Sovereign Master. I swear, I will get her out safely.”

Ahsoka glanced between them, many things on the tip of her mind to say. Finally, she surrendered, smiling weakly. “Well, looks like I’m outvoted.”

Her father nodded. “Get your things together quickly.”

She saw him consulting with Rex quietly as she did so. Perhaps, planning a strategy for after she left.

Once Ahsoka was prepared, with Rex waiting to escort her, her father grabbed her shoulders. “Stay out of sight for a while. Anakin, or even Palpatine, may try to hunt you down. For whatever reason, Palpatine feels you are critical to his plans. It could still be dangerous for you, out there on your own. However, you’ve always been independent and I know you can take care of yourself. And, Ahsoka, your—your mother would be very proud of the woman you’ve become and… so am I.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. Ahsoka grabbed him around the waist, like she remembered doing as a child. _Why did he wait so long for this?_ She held on for dear life, her head buried in his chest. “Thanks, Dad. I-I love you.”

When she finally pulled back, he touched her cheek and gazed into her eyes with love. “Go now, my strong girl. Be safe.”

Ahsoka nodded tightly, taking one last, long look at him, and then headed out to a new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is. Why Ahsoka left Shili. Why she still feels the guilt of her choices. Why Rex is the greatest ever. Why Anakin is one messed up, yet strangely sympathetic, dude. Why Palpatine is brilliant. Either way, he wins.


	20. Truth and Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in the present, we rejoin Barriss and Ahsoka. Let's see how things are progressing, shall we? Also, we get hints of the still expanding rebellion in the background.
> 
> [~9 months later]

“Tell me about Rex.”

Ahsoka was stunned. “How do you know Rex?”

Barriss shrugged. “I ran into him once on a mission. He seemed smarter than the average soldier. I know he was your Captain, but you never talk about him. So, I was just curious.”

“A mission, huh? Rex was there and I wasn't?”

“I didn't say that,” the woman replied coyly.

Ahsoka grinned. Barriss was good. She knew she had a hook that Ahsoka wouldn't be able to resist now. “Fine. The price of admission is… ?”

“Rex… and you go with me to meet the contact in Naboo.”

“Oh, that's low. You know how much I hate that place!”

Barriss raised an eyebrow interrogatively. “Your point is… ?”

Ahsoka struggled to keep the smile off her face and failed miserably. “Alright, you win. Naboo here we come! Oh, but you get to handle any roaming Gungans.”

“Deal.” Barriss couldn't hide her self-satisfied smirk. “Why do you dislike Naboo anyway? Most people think it's idyllic.”

It was Ahsoka's turn to smirk. “Uh-huh, that wasn't part of the deal.”

Barriss glared back at her.

“Hey, you made up the rules of this game! Don't blame the messenger!”

Her friend shrugged nonchalantly. “It can wait. I'll get it eventually.”

Ahsoka was immediately suspicious. Barriss never gave up that easily. She was planning a trap. This time, though, Ahsoka intended to beat her at her own game. _I will get something extra out of her instead. I'm so going to win this time._ Then, she saw Barriss smiling gleefully while packing her bag. _Uh-oh. I have a bad feeling about this._

_______

“So, that was my first battle with Rex.”

They were laying in the cool night air, ready for bed hours ago. Ahsoka didn’t care. She was basking in the closeness, gazing happily at the woman beside her.

Barriss was still laughing. “You actually tried to pull rank on him at the age of fourteen?!”

Ahsoka smiled sheepishly. “Well, you know, I was the _commander._ That’s what they get for putting a fourteen-year old princess in charge of an entire squad of elite soldiers. Plus, he kept calling me ‘kid’. He kind of deserved it.”

“Hmm, still… I suppose it turned out rather well.” Barriss raised a teasing eyebrow.

“Yep, ‘course it did.” Ahsoka winked impishly. “Anyway, you now have heard many key Rex moments. I have fulfilled my end of the bargain. Which means tomorrow is _so_ your turn. Don't even think about making me wait a week again!”

“That was one time! And, we were kind of busy _running for our lives._ Let it go!”

“Nope.” Ahsoka grinned.

Barriss glared at her, but the corners of her mouth were twitching. “You are impossible.”

“Yep.”

The woman rolled her eyes. “Oh, I noticed you didn’t mention how handsome Rex is. Fortunately, I know that part for myself, having seen him up close.”

Ahsoka was startled but recovered swiftly. “Handsome, huh? Yes, yes he is—now that you mention it. He has a cute dimple when he smiles, gorgeous blue eyes, the short blonde locks of a God incarnate, and don’t get me started on his well-muscled chest. Whew, he is a something else.”

“You didn’t have to go into that much detail.” Barriss’ expression took on an annoyed quality.

“Well, you brought it up,” Ahsoka commented snarkily. _Why did she bring it up?_

Barriss was laying on her back, staring up at the sky, and looking introspective. She shifted slightly to face Ahsoka. “You and Rex seem close. I mean—that is—you seem quite fond of him.”

Raising her eyebrows in surprise, Ahsoka replied, “Yes, I am quite fond of him.” She never spoke of Rex in the past tense. She had to believe he was alive somewhere out there. Rex was a survivor.

“I mean that you both—” Barriss said tentatively, “well, you care a lot about him obviously, and he sounds wonderful. Perfect for you. So, I mean, did you both ever—well…”

Ahsoka smirked, knowing exactly where Barriss was going with this. It was going to play into Ahsoka’s hands. She still had her ace in the hole. And, she was saving it for a specific move. “Did we ever what?” she asked innocently.

Barriss glared. “You know what I’m asking.”

“Ohhh, you mean _that._ Well, hmm, I don’t know. Do you count the time he asked me to marry him?” _Bam. Card played. I’m so going to win this time._

“H-he proposed?! What, um, what did you say?”

“Nope. Sorry. That’s a different story.”

Barriss briefly looked murderous. Then, her eyes pulsed energetically.

Ahsoka could practically see the calculations running in her head.

“Well, I mean,” Barriss raised her hand in a pleading gesture, speaking persuasively, “technically it is a Rex story. I think it should be covered by our earlier deal, right? I mean it—” She stopped abruptly as Ahsoka grabbed her hand mid-air, interweaving their fingers.

Ahsoka let their hands drift to Barriss’ stomach, intertwined comfortably, as she said cheekily, “Sorry, it’s actually a ‘me’ story that is much more involved than just Rex. So, I can’t in good conscience throw it in.” She grinned wickedly. “However, just so you know I play fair, if you’d like me to tell you the part that involves Rex, I can do that… He asked me to marry him. We talked about it. We decided it wasn’t the best idea at the time. The end.” Ahsoka continued more seriously, “The rest of story involves—well, it’s why I left Shili in the first place.”

Barriss’ cobalt eyes lit up with eager curiosity.

 _Oh, I’m getting good._ Ahsoka knew she had given her friend just enough to cue more questions. She also knew she was offering perhaps her biggest trump card. She watched the Mirialan struggle indecisively, weighing the options, looking for another way in, eyes darting to and fro.

Finally, Barriss exhaled in defeat. “Alright, you win. What’s the trade?”

 _Yes!_ _Got ya._ Ahsoka’s mouth curved into a satisfied smirk. Then, she let her smile drop. This request was special. Ahsoka wanted Barriss to know that she realized what she was asking. She tightened her grip, stroking the girl’s thumb with her own. _She smells like wildflowers after the summer rains. I wonder why I never noticed that before._ Ahsoka leaned closer, feeling her companion’s breath hitting her face, and said gently, “I want to know about your nightmares—your visions. I want to know how they started. Maybe even what you see, if you feel comfortable telling me.”

Inhaling a swift breath, Barriss turned her head back to the night sky.

Ahsoka waited patiently. She had known this one was going to be difficult. When Barriss had first suggested this method of telling each other about their pasts, Ahsoka had been doubtful. But, it had worked. Making it into a game had tempered the awkwardness and angst involved in talking about sometimes unpleasant memories. That was especially true for Barriss, who had many more of those than Ahsoka did. Ahsoka had added the rule that they were allowed to include as much or as little as they felt comfortable saying. She had thrown it in more for Barriss than herself, but she found it freeing as well. She didn’t feel trapped into revealing a play by play that might overwhelm her. However, Ahsoka increasingly found she didn’t mind doing so, no matter how dreadful the tale was.

 _I hope she feels the same way._ She mentally crossed her fingers that she had chosen her timing wisely. Ahsoka knew long ago that she wouldn’t mind telling her friend about the events that had led to her leaving everything she knew. But, she had waited for the right opportunity. Ahsoka wanted Barriss to feel she was getting something important in return for answering this particular question.

Barriss twisted her head back to Ahsoka. Her voice was firm, yet full of emotion. “Alright. You’ve got a deal.”

 _I did it. I actually did it._ She stared excitedly into her companion’s eyes.

Suddenly, Barriss’ free hand reached up, feathering fingers over Ahsoka’s face tentatively. As if, Barriss had performed it on instinct, but wasn’t sure if that instinct was correct.

Ahsoka closed her eyes at the touch and smiled happily. She wanted Barriss to know she enjoyed it. Her eyes drifted open a few moments later to see intense, blue eyes gazing back at her.

Barriss spoke quickly, tracing two fingers along Ahsoka’s face markings, “The mission that involved Rex is somewhat connected to your question. So, I’ll just tell you both at once. One big story. Tomorrow. Just for you,” she ended softly.

Her chest pulsed with exhilaration. Ahsoka wasn’t sure if it was due to her long-awaited victory or the fact that Barriss’ touch was creating goosebumps. Either way, she reveled in it.

Barriss smiled affectionately and pivoted her entire body, crooking her face into Ahsoka's neck without releasing the hand still interlocked with her own. She sighed happily as she snuggled into Ahsoka’s warmth.

Ahsoka was surprised at the bold movement, but not at all displeased. _How does she feel about me?_ She knew Barriss had experienced very little affection in her life. She probably hadn’t been touched physically by someone who cared about her—well, pretty much ever. _She’s probably just making up for lost time._ Still, Ahsoka hoped it was more than that. Either way, as always, she intended to give Barriss as much affection as she could handle. Pulling her free arm from under her neck, Ahsoka curled it around the woman’s head, running her fingers through the soft, coal black strands of hair. “Tomorrow it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I love them. Ahsoka shows an instinctive understanding of Barriss now, that I find adorable. And, Barriss seems willing to share almost anything with her these days. Which to me, says way more than anything else.


	21. Fulcrum Rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fulcrum expands the rebellion, while Barriss fulfills her end of the bargain.

Barriss observed the figure moving stealthily down the alleyway. This one was different than contacts she had made previously. He had the posture of a trained warrior, but moved like an intelligence operative. However, his clothing and aura suggested wealth and privilege. _How odd._ The man didn’t make sense. Barriss didn’t like things that didn’t make sense. She quietly removed her bow from under her cloak, just in case she needed to incapacitate him quickly.

Human by the look of him, he was mid-20’s, with wavy, ash brown hair and azure eyes. He would have been handsome, if not for the sunken cheekbones and sickly pallor pervading his face.

Suddenly, another man approached. This one did make sense. He was a soldier, a fighter. His hazel eyes, set on a cool, sepia-colored face, held a determined expression. The scars marking his body testified louder than any words to a life of violence. He was roughly the same age as the other man, but exuded an intensity of presence lacking in the other. Everything about him screamed rebel. Barriss wondered how he had managed to survive thus far.

She watched as the two nodded at each other. Finally, the newest arrival spoke, “You think he’s going to show?”

The pale man seemed surprised. “He? You think it’s a ‘he’ then?”

“Yeah, don’t you?”

“I don’t know. I always kind of fancied Fulcrum was a woman, actually.”

The soldier snorted. “You would, Lux. You have a singular obsession with the opposite sex.”

The one named Lux retorted, “Oh, and I’m the only one? Saw, you spend your downtime hanging out in the most disreputable establishments available, solely for that purpose.”

Saw gave him a wicked grin. “You should try it sometime. It might help your outlook. Besides, that's for fun, not a relationship. We don't have the luxury for those. It's just another distraction. I told you, winning requires sacrifice.” He examined his companion critically. “Speaking of, you don’t look so good. Have you actually been eating?”

Lux grimaced painfully and then shrugged. “You try living a life of lies and deception sometime and see how you look. And, by the way, some might say the cause is meaningless, if you sacrifice what makes it worth winning.”

Barriss smiled to herself, thinking of a shining girl with a similar philosophy.

Saw glanced at him dismissively. “Definitely not me. Attachments are a weakness for the enemy to exploit. And, a distraction.” He smirked. “I would think an accomplished spy would understand the principle.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, buddy. You’re all heart and sunshine. I'll let you know if I die in my quest for true love.”

The soldier snorted and surveyed the area alertly. “This isn’t looking good. He should have been here by now.”

“Do you think it's a trap?”

“Doubt it. I did a complete check on the way in and there was nothing and nobody around. It’s more likely something happened to Fulcrum.”

“Or, it’s possible _she’s_ just delayed. We should give it a few more minutes.”

Saw snorted again. “You just can’t let it go.”

The pale spy smirked slightly. “I’ll stay and wait, if you need to head back. I’m not due back at the council chambers for a few hours.”

“I don’t know.” Saw considered thoughtfully. “Maybe. I don’t like leaving you unprotected.”

Lux snorted this time. “Saw, I’m unprotected everyday of my life. Standing in an alleyway is no more dangerous. Besides, I think that’s just an excuse so you can wait and see if I’m right or not.”

The man smiled sheepishly at him. Barriss assumed that didn’t happen very often, based on Lux’s startled expression. Saw said innocently, “Well… it did cross my mind that when we find out I’m right, I can hold it over your head pretty much forever.”

Lux grinned boyishly and it transformed his worn face into something more pleasant. “That’s only if you are right. And, you’re not. You’ll see. _She_ will tell you herself.

Saw shook his head amusedly.

Barriss had seen enough. It was clear these two were exactly what they purported to be. She slipped stealthily into the dim lighting of the alleyway, her lush emerald cloak swishing lightly, and then cleared her throat.

The men whipped around with stunned expressions.

“Not to worry, boys… _She_ has arrived.”

Barriss got no small satisfaction out of the reactions. There was one stupefied, disbelieving stare and one boyish, triumphant grin. _I kind of like these two._

_______ 

Ahsoka gazed despairingly at the statue, feeling guilt and grief in equal measure. _Padmé, I’m sorry. I should have done something. I promised to do something._ She wondered again how the young woman had died—had wondered since first discovering her death. Ahsoka also wondered if she really wanted to know. Apparently, the woman didn't die in shame and disgrace, or they wouldn’t have erected a statue in her honor. _That’s something, I guess._ A tear fell on the inner lining of her cloak and Ahsoka was suddenly overwhelmed with being here, in this city, and with… memories.

A gentle hand touched her shoulder. _How does she always know when I need her?_

“Who was she?” Barriss asked softly.

Ahsoka swallowed tightly, pushing back the tears. “Someone I used to know. A friend from… before. Before everything.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, so am I.” She tried to shake off the emotions and refocused on Barriss. “So, how did it go? Good contact?”

“Yes, I think so. I set them up with the communication process and went over the basic organization. There were two of them, actually. One was clearly a warrior type and the other more of a spy.” Barriss chuckled lightly.

Ahsoka smiled under her hood. “It’s a winning combination, apparently.”

“You bet it is. Anyway, I think we are done here. We can go.” Barriss paused and then asked gently, “Unless, you have something else you need to do?”

Returning her gaze to the statue, Ahsoka exhaled a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut. _I can’t fix the past._ Slowly, she lifted her eyelids open to take one last look at Padmé’s memorial. Then, she turned away. “No. It’s time to move on.”

_______

“Are you angry with me?”

“For what? _Not_ killing my father? No, I can’t say I’m upset about that.” They were arranged comfortably next to the fire, leftover dinner remnants piled beside them. Ahsoka leaned further back against a tree, Barriss’ head resting lightly on her shoulder.

The woman sipped the Chandrilan leaf tea Ahsoka had bought for her in Naboo without responding. Her face was relaxing, but there was still tightness in the body language.

Ahsoka added softly, “Hey, that’s in the past. If anything, it shows me how strong you were before you even knew it.”

Barriss immediately jerked up and stared at her, before dropping her gaze to the ground. Trembling fingers shook the tea cup.

Sitting up, Ahsoka took the cup from her hands and gripped the woman's face. “Look at me. Please.”

The deep, blue eyes reluctantly shifted to Ahsoka’s.

Holding her eyes intently, Ahsoka said, “The only thing you knew at the time was the life you had. The woman who raised you for a single purpose sent you to fulfill that destiny. The fact that you had any doubts at all during the mission is incredible. Then, not only did you decide to pull back at the finish line, you completely went the other way.” Rubbing reassuring thumbs over the diamond-shaped tattoos, she continued earnestly, “You walked away from the only home you ever had, and the only person who had ever given you any attention. All because something inside you told you it was wrong, or not for you, or—I don’t even know what. I really can’t comprehend how it happened. How you were strong enough to resist years of single-minded indoctrination to make a split-second, life-changing decision is a mystery. So, _yes,_ you are literally the strongest, most amazing person I know.”

Barriss began to cry.

“Come here.” Ahsoka drew the woman into her arms. “You should believe me, Barriss. Everything I said is true, both objectively and subjectively.”

Choking a laugh mixed with tears into Ahsoka’s chest, Barriss murmured softly, “Thanks.”

Ahsoka smiled to herself, not letting go of the weeping woman tucked against her chest. She thought of her father’s words, finally understanding them. _It took an encounter with an assassin to teach me that lesson…_ Barriss had not just spared her father. She had saved him. Probably, Ahsoka too. And, she didn’t even know it. Ahsoka was going to make sure she knew it—knew how special she was and that she had made a difference. But, that story was for another day. Tonight, Ahsoka intended to do nothing but keep Barriss in her arms for as long as possible. _Forever, if I can manage it._

_______

Barriss awoke to the early morning light streaming through the trees. She gazed lovingly at the sleeping woman still holding her tightly. Lying contentedly in Ahsoka’s arms, Barriss embraced the light radiating through her. _I’m so happy._ And, for once, she didn’t immediately think about how she didn’t deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the last time we'll see Lux.  
> Fulcrum is a persona, not a person. However, that doesn't mean Ahsoka doesn't become Fulcrum on occasion. I've always been interested in the idea of Ahsoka being the face of Fulcrum, while anyone could be behind the mask, so to speak.


	22. Return of the King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old friend returns.
> 
> [~1.5 years later]

Barriss was surrounded. It was not a new situation, but it was an annoying one. She really wanted to be home. She hadn’t seen Ahsoka in nearly two weeks and she was very, very tired.

“Well, well… looks like we have little lady who’s lost. Can we help you, little lady? I know a nice place where you can stay for the night.” The soldier leered at her.

She examined her options, assessing the best strategy. There were ten of them, most with close combat equipment. Barriss was unlikely to get a ranged shot with her bow, though she could use it as a melee weapon in a pinch. Still, their numbers and positions made her sword a smarter choice. She did so hate the deadliness of the sword, though. _Get over it, Barriss._ “I doubt any place you know could be defined as ‘nice’,” she responded coldly.

The soldier’s face turned furious. “How dare you! Do you know who we are? Palpatine’s elite squad. You best show some respect. Or, I’ll teach you to do it myself.”

The other soldiers guffawed at their lieutenant's words.

Barriss laughed mirthlessly. “If you could teach me anything, it would be how to say the stupidest thing possible and act like it is actually threatening. While we are on the topic, I appreciate you telling me who you are. It saves me the trouble of hunting you down later and I can mark one more elite squad off my list. This is turning into a lovely day, wouldn’t you say?”

The lieutenant stared in open disbelief. His soldiers stirred restlessly, perhaps realizing this wasn't going to be a standard conquest.

Barriss rolled her eyes. For elite soldiers, they weren’t very quick on the uptake. She decided to help them along. _I want to be home._ In one fluid motion, Barriss removed her cloak and crouched into an attack position, sword at the ready. She was on them before most had even raised their swords, taking out the three with ranged weapons in quick succession.

Their lieutenant was now yelling orders frantically as his squad tried to regroup.

She spun around, slicing another through the chest and the next one through the legs. He went down screaming. Barriss winced. She didn’t like to cause pain, but there was no help for it at the moment. Halting her attack, she quickly assessed the survivors.

The five remaining soldiers had their weapons drawn and were looking murderous, when a sudden whoop came from the trees behind them. The soldiers swung around to meet whatever new enemy was coming their way. Barriss didn’t try to ascertain the whereabouts of the voice and immediately attacked. The soldiers pivoted back at her movement, but it was too late.

Only the lieutenant was left standing. His face became panic-stricken and he dashed into the trees. Barriss couldn’t allow that. She wanted no one reporting her presence in the area to Palpatine. It could mean death for the villagers who had given her shelter. She began to chase him, but before stepping more than a few feet into the treeline, there was a clash of swords and a scream.

Taking a few more wary steps, she came upon a man standing over the now dead lieutenant—matching short swords in his hands and a grim expression on his face. “That’s what happens when you don’t treat a lady with respect.”

Barriss paused a few feet from her unexpected ally.

He lifted his head and gave her a tight smile. “Hello. I know you didn’t really need any help, but I couldn’t resist. Those goons were just asking for it.”

She froze. _It can’t be._ The man in front of her looked the same as he had years ago, when he had spotted her infiltrating the castle gates. _Rex._

_________

“I guess I know who the rumors were about now, huh?” Rex seemed to be fighting disappointment. He had accompanied her back to the clearing, where she had left her cloak and travel pack.  
  
She finished wrapping herself in the cloak and glanced at him curiously. “What do you mean?”

He replied sadly, “Well, I came here because I heard there was a female warrior fighting Palpatine, protecting the innocent and oppressed. The locals call her the ‘Lady Jedi’. Unless there are two of you, I have to assume you are the one I’ve been looking for.”

Barriss regarded him thoughtfully. “You seem disappointed.”

“No, not exactly disappointed—well, maybe a little.” He grinned, dimple showing. “But, not because of you. You were incredible. I meant it when I said you didn’t need help. That was amazing stuff. Not a typical warrior form of combat, but… effective. I can see why the rumors have been circulating. Usually, the truth is nowhere close to the stories. In this case, I have to say I’m pleasantly surprised to be wrong.”

Remaining impassive, Barriss tried to assess his intentions. “Yet… you’re still disappointed?”

Rex winced a little. “It’s just that—you see—I lost someone a long time ago. A great warrior, like yourself. I’ve been searching for her for a long time. When I heard the stories, I guess I let myself hope a bit too much.” The soldier hung his head, looking a bit crushed.

She wanted to tell him he wasn’t wrong and drag him back to Ahsoka right now. But, she had to be sure first. Despite Ahsoka’s complete trust in the man, Barriss didn’t know what part he had played in his kingdom’s downfall or what he had been doing since then. She asked slowly, “You were a captain in the Shili 501st, were you not?”

His head jerked abruptly to her face, mouth hanging open. “How would you know that? Do I know you?”

“Not important. I just thought I recognized you from an… old assignment with the Shili military. I don't think we ever met, though.”

He seemed like he wanted to follow-up with more questions, but instead said, “Yes, I used to be a battalion captain before… well, before.”

Barriss nodded understandingly. “What are your plans now, Captain? Are you going to continue your search or something else?”

Rex considered thoughtfully, before saying, “I’m not really sure. I’ve been looking on and off for her, but I’ve also been doing some work with the rebellion—which you’re clearly a part of, as well. I might go back to that for a while. This was the best lead I had gotten in several weeks. Until another one pops up, I don’t really have anywhere else to be.”

“In that case, would you be interested in helping me with a mission? Your skills would be a great asset and, if successful, the outcome would make a real difference in our fight. It would probably require several weeks, however, and I would need you totally focused. Not running off on a whim because of a new rumor you heard. If you stayed, I’d need your word that you’d follow through, whatever the cost… even to your lost friend.” Barriss observed his reaction closely.

The man didn’t seem offended by her directness and she could see his mind contemplating the possibilities. He finally responded, “I’m not sure I can. That’s actually the best offer I’ve gotten in a while. It would be a pleasure to work with an exceptional warrior again. However, if the rumor I heard suggested the lady I’m looking for was in any kind of danger or needed me… yeah, I guess, I couldn’t keep my end of the agreement. I don’t give my word lightly and I can’t give it now in good faith.” Rex seemed truly disappointed about the conclusion. Then, he looked her straight in the eyes with no apology. “My first loyalty is to her and always will be.”

Barriss had very little doubt now. His earlier comments and body language had suggested honesty. Ahsoka's portrait of the man had also added weight in her evaluation. However, this last response truly showed his loyalties. If he was a spy for Palpatine, he would have joined her immediately, promising anything she needed, and probably even given a speech about the greater good. His steadfast loyalty touched Barriss deeply. She was positive he would give up his entire world to protect Ahsoka, if necessary. “I respect your loyalty. In fact, I applaud it. If I had another mission for you that didn’t require that kind of commitment, would you be interested?”

Rex needed no time to decide. “Absolutely, my lady.”

Barriss smiled for the first time since she had encountered Ahsoka’s Captain. “No need for that. I'm just plain Barriss. Barriss Offee.”

He froze mid-smile. “ _The_ Barriss Offee? As in, the spy who took down Pong Krell? The mastermind behind Dooku’s defeat? The—the mad bomber of Cardota who tried to stop Palpatine’s attack?”

Quirking her eyebrow at the colorful descriptors, she calmly nodded confirmation. _Strange. A year ago this conversation would have sent me into a breakdown._ Now, it was barely a blip on her emotional spectrum. Rex would hate her or he wouldn't. It made no difference to Barriss. It was his choice. Just as her choices had been her own. She had to live with them. And, she was.

Rex was staring in unblinking amazement, like he’d just met his favorite hero of legend and couldn’t believe his luck. “I-I’ve always wanted to meet you. For some reason… well, I just always thought you were a man. Not that I’m disappointed or anything, of course. You look _way_ better than the sketchy, pale, middle-aged spy I pictured in my head.”

She smiled amusedly _. I suppose that’s a positive endorsement?_

The man recovered himself and stood to attention, flashing a military salute with a grin. “Captain Rex, formerly of the Shili 501st, at your service. But, just plain Rex will do.”

Barriss grinned in return and then pressed on with her last question, “Cap—Rex, I’m glad to have your assistance. I do need to ask you one final question. This will likely seem strange, but know that I have a reason. Also, I do not require the details. I only need to know… were you present for the destruction of your kingdom? And, do you know what happened?”

Rex’s happy expression crashed from his face and he looked away at the treeline. It was a long time before he answered her. “Yes ma’am, I was there. It’s not something I talk about. I’d prefer you never ask me the details.” He returned his gaze to Barriss with determination.

She nodded sympathetically. “I know, Captain. I saw what happened. At least, I saw the aftermath. Unfortunately, I think you will be doing exactly what you most wish to avoid very soon.”

He gave her a confused look. “You were there? I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

Barriss sighed deeply. Then, she fixed Rex with a pained look before saying, “Captain, I’m about to take you to someone who will want—will need—to hear those details. And, I’m very afraid that the truth will shatter her world once again.”

Rex stared uncomprehendingly for a moment, putting the pieces together, a realization dawning in his mind that his heart couldn’t quite grasp. His face was jubilant, wary, and doubting all at once. He tried to speak, “You mean—you are saying that—you—that she is alive—and you… Ahsoka?”

Barriss smiled reassuringly. “Ahsoka.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Rex is back!  
> I'm a little afraid of what this means for Ahsoka's mental health, however.


	23. Truth in Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rex and Ahsoka reunite and she finally learns the truth about Shili.

Ahsoka heard Barriss approaching. Her heart leapt with joy. _It’s about time._ She hadn’t seen her in two weeks and, on the whole, had been miserable without her. _No more long solo missions. I mean it this time, Barriss._ Ahsoka had practiced this routine several times while waiting impatiently for her return. Granted, she had kept busy by rescuing villagers, moving supplies, and generally causing havoc along Palpatine’s entire outer line of forces. It just didn’t seem quite as fulfilling without Barriss by her side.

She cocked her head slightly at an unexpected noise. Barriss had brought someone back with her. Ahsoka didn’t remember that ever happening and it immediately put her on guard. She grabbed her sword and crouched behind the trees surrounding their camp.

Eventually, Barriss appeared… alone. Ahsoka’s consternation increased. She knew she didn’t mishear an entire person. Still, everything seemed fine. Barriss didn't show distress or initiate any of their pre-planned codes for duress. The woman looked just as calm and… mesmerizing, as usual.

Barriss glanced around in confusion. “Ahsoka? I know you’re here. I can smell your attempt at cooking.” She wrinkled her nose at the stew boiling over the fire.

Ahsoka laughed and jumped out from behind the trees. “Hey now, it’s not that bad! Here I am trying to make a nice dinner for us to celebrate your return and the first thing out of your mouth is to disparage all of my efforts. I slaved over this meal, I’ll have you know!”

Barriss grinned at her adoringly. “I missed you.”

She grinned back happily. “That makes two of us. Now, um, tell me how you managed to lose your companion in the last ten feet before you arrived?”

The woman sighed in an annoyed tone. “I sometimes forget how good your hearing is. I was trying to surprise you, and you just go and ruin it!”

“Huh?” Ahsoka stared at her blankly.

Barriss beamed with undisguised joy and raised her voice, “Alright, it’s your cue! March, Soldier!”

Ahsoka’s confusion at this cryptic statement didn’t get a chance to surface before a man strolled out of the trees behind Barriss, smiling as if his life depended on it. She gasped with astonishment, which quickly turned into ecstatic excitement as she pelted across the short distance. Ahsoka stopped directly in front of him, looking him up and down to verify what her eyes were seeing. “It’s not—not possible… Rex?”

He winked at her. “Last time I checked. Did you miss me?”

Ahsoka barreled into him, drawing him into a gigantic hug. Then, she realized she was crying—tears of joy and pain. _Rex is alive._

_______

Ahsoka listened in rapt attention to Rex’s story about storming one of the Emperor’s strongholds in Ryloth. “Then, where did you go?”

He laughed. “To look for you in Tatooine. One of my contacts heard a rumor about a woman warrior saving a family of farmers from a hit squad and, you never know, so I went.”

“But, that actually was us! Barriss identified the target and we got the family out right before they arrived. Then, I—well, let’s just say I was ready to welcome them.”

Rex chuckled with delight. “I wish I could have seen that.”

She frowned. “I’m sorry we missed you. We had to evacuate the family to a new location, so we weren’t there long.”

“Don’t be. Saving innocent people is more important. Besides, I found you eventually, didn’t I?”

“I never doubted it.” Ahsoka grinned. “And, of all people, you ran into Barriss! I’m surprised she even brought you back. She doesn’t really trust very many people. You must have impressed her.” She made a mental note to ask Barriss about it. Her friend had left after dinner, saying she was going scouting. Ahsoka knew she was just trying to give her and Rex time to catch up. _I really don't deserve her._

Rex seemed thoughtful and then commented, “Yeah, I can see now that all of her many questions were tests for me. I was mostly just blown away by how quickly she took down that elite squad.”

Ahsoka’s smile disappeared. “What elite squad?”

“The one she was fighting when I found her. There were ten of them. She took them out like they were untrained whelps. Well, I got the last one. But, she would have had him too. I just wanted to help, so I kind of jumped in.”

“How in the world did she run into an elite squad in the middle of the forest? She’s supposed to be gathering intel, not fighting her way through enemy lines.” Ahsoka didn't know why she was so upset. It wasn't like Barriss couldn't handle herself, or her missions weren't already dangerous. Still, the idea of her all alone with an elite squad bearing down on her scared Ahsoka. _I can't lose her._

Rex gazed at her curiously, silently contemplating. Then, he said, “I’m sure it was just an accidental meeting. She was certainly in a hurry to get rid of them. Probably, wanted to get home to you.” He flashed her a shrewd grin.

_To me. What does that mean? What exactly did they talk about on the way here?_ Ahsoka ignored the swirling emotions his wording had given rise to and said, “You’re probably right. I just worry sometimes, I guess. I don’t—I don’t have very many people left…”

He paled slightly. “Yeah, I know that feeling. But, hey, at least we found each other, right? Now, you’ve got one more person you can worry about!”

She raised her eyebrows teasingly. “What makes you think I’ll worry about your silly face, anyway? Now, _you_ on the other hand, can feel free to worry about _me._ ”

Rex smiled widely and then sobered. “I did, you know. I was worried about you. I’m glad you're ok.”

Ahsoka grabbed his hand tightly. “Hey… it takes more than Palpatine to stop us.”

They fell silent for a moment and Ahsoka knew what they both were thinking. She just wasn’t sure she wanted to ask. But, she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep if she didn’t. _Where is Barriss, anyway?_ She wasn’t sure why, but Ahsoka felt like she needed her for this conversation.

Finally, she broached the topic. “Rex, I need you to tell me what happened, you know.”

Rex exhaled heavily, not looking at her. His voice sounded hollow and miserable, “I know. I just don’t know how to do it. I’m not sure you’ll even believe me.”

Ahsoka stared in bewilderment. “What do you mean? I don’t understand. I mean, I do understand that it is probably hard for you to talk about. You don’t have to go into detail. I wouldn’t ask you to at all, except that I have a… hole in my heart and I can’t seem to fill it. I don’t think I can, until I have somewhere to start. And, to do that, I need to know what happened in the first place.”

He nodded sadly. “I just—I don’t know if what I tell you will help with that, or make it worse.”

“I've gotta start somewhere.”

“I know.” He glanced around quickly. “Maybe, we should wait for Barriss to get back, though.”

Ahsoka was annoyed, despite having the same thought herself a few moments ago. “Why? It's not like it’s her home you're telling me about. I don't need someone to hold my hand, you know. I'm not a child, Rex.”

He gave a start of surprise at her tone. “Sorry, didn't mean it that way. Just that she might be able to—oh, nevermind. I just don't want to do this wrong.”

She took his hand in hers, voice breaking, “You won't. Just… tell me the facts, if it's easier. Like you're reporting in after an assignment. And, we—we’ll go from there, ok? _Please,_ Rex.”

Rex squeezed her hands in return. Then, straightening up determinedly, he focused on a point above her head and spoke in a clipped, monotone voice, “Commander, your brother overthrew the Sovereign Master, killing both him and his personal guard. He proclaimed himself the new Sovereign Master and announced his intention to consolidate with Palpatine, in order to make Shili a reigning power over other kingdoms. When he demanded everyone pledge their loyalty to him, some civilians and soldiers alike refused and—”

His voice suddenly lost its monotone, breaking harshly, and his eyes became unfocused. “He became enraged and he—I’ve never seen—It was like h-he wasn’t really there… When—after it was over, he ordered the remaining troops and any s-s-surviving civilians to Coruscant to serve Palpatine.”

Rex crumpled under the weight of his words and apparently his memories, sliding down from his seat on the log, tucking his head into his knees.

Ahsoka stared at him vacantly. _What is wrong with him? He seems like he actually believes that story. Even though, it's completely crazy. No one would believe my brother w-w-would—I mean, it was our father for pity’s sake. Children were killed! Anakin would never—would never—Anakin would never do that._ She cleared her throat. “Rex, are you feeling alright?”

He jerked his head up. “Am I—Am I what?” He kept staring, as if she were someone else, and spoke frantically, “I just told you that your brother reigned terror on the kingdom, killed innocent people as well as your father, and basically destroyed our world as we knew it and—and, you’re acting like I’m looking peaky!” His voice turned worried, “Ahsoka, did you hear what I said? Are you… ok?”

She addressed him like a small child, “I heard you, Rex. But, we both know that can’t possibly be true. You must be mistaken.”

Rex stared uncomprehendingly. Then, he became panic-stricken. “Oh Gods. You don’t just not believe me. You are—are not even—Oh Gods…” He grabbed her by the shoulders, meeting her eyes with intensity. “Ahsoka, listen to me. Everything I just said happened. _I was there._ ”

Ahsoka felt a flash of fury and recoiled from his grasp, standing over him. “Rex, I love you and all, but this is getting ridiculous. Think about what you are saying. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s not possible. Do you think, maybe, you were infected with something in your travels? Or, just need some sleep? I believe that you believe it, and that scares me. Let me help you.”

He began laughing uncontrollably. “This is a nightmare. I’m in a nightmare.” Suddenly, he seemed to refocus. His eyes darted around, like he was desperately searching for something. Then, he hung his head, whispering, “What do I do?”

_What is wrong with him?_ Ahsoka was really getting worried now. She knelt next to him, not sure what to do. A familiar hand grabbed her shoulder and Ahsoka felt intense relief.

Barriss guided her out of the way, as she knelt beside Rex.

Rex gazed at Barriss as if she was a gift from the heavens and mumbled, “She doesn’t believe me. She thinks I’m crazy, or sick, or something. I didn’t know what to do. Help her. Please. She doesn’t—”

Barriss shushed him and steadied his shaking hands. “I know, Rex. I understand. Why don’t you get some sleep now? You’ve done your part. I’ll take it from here.”

He nodded weakly and let Barriss guide him to a bedroll.

She pulled some medicine out of her bag and said, “This will help you sleep without the nightmares tonight. Ok?”

Rex smiled gratefully. “Thank you.”

Her mouth formed a reassuring smile as she shot him in the arm with the concoction. She spread a blanket over him and ran a tender hand over his head. Ahsoka heard her say, “You were very brave, soldier.”

Ahsoka had watched all of this in silence. She was glad Barriss was here to help Rex. But, she certainly seemed to be overdoing it a bit. _I mean, they just met! And, she’s not even telling him what is wrong with him or how wrong he is about Anakin!_ She felt herself getting angrier and angrier without understanding why. By the time Barriss walked back over to her, she was downright furious. “Well, are you finally done then? Anything else you’d like to do for him? Maybe sing him a song or read him a story? Or, maybe you’d just like some privacy? I can leave, you know. I mean, don’t stop on my account. I’m just standing here.”

Barriss gazed at her impassively and didn’t respond.

Ahsoka hated that look. The look that said, ‘you’re too angry for me to tell you that you’re wrong right now, so I’m waiting for you to realize it’. Ahsoka wanted to wipe that look off her face. “What? No witty repartee? No ‘Ahsoka you’re acting like a child’? Not even a hurt expression to make me feel guilty? Nothing? You’ve got nothing for me?”

“Ahsoka, please.” Barriss moved toward her, reaching out a hand. “Let me—”

“Don't do that!” Ahsoka slapped the hand away. She was shouting now, “Don’t try to be comforting and supportive to poor little Ahsoka. I know what you’re thinking. You think he’s right. That what he said was true. And, you are pitying me! Trying to protect me or some other nonsense, like everyone else. You’re just like everyone else! Well, I don’t need protecting and I don’t need you!”

Barriss winced but offered her hand again.

Picking up on the wince, Ahsoka pressed her attack. She hit the hand away harder this time. “No! You don’t get to try to make this better. For some reason, you’ve decided to believe the man you just met over me. Well, let me tell you Barriss Offee, it's impossible—impossible! My brother would never do that. He would never destroy his own kingdom to serve evil incarnate. He would never force his own soldiers to fight each other. He would never kill innocent civilians. He would never slaughter _children._ Never. And, if you don’t believe me, then you aren’t my friend. Maybe you never have been!”

Barriss looked truly upset now, but she still didn’t respond.

The hand started to reach out again, and Ahsoka felt cold fury envelop her. “You _listen_ to me. Anakin would never, ever do what Rex is saying. Just because you grew up with liars and killers and can betray the people you love on a whim, doesn’t mean everyone else is the same. Anakin’s not like _you._ He’s a good person—” She froze in horror at her words.

Barriss now had tears rolling down her cheeks. But, she was still standing there… her hand out.

_What have I done?_ Ahsoka felt weak… helpless… tired. _I’m so tired. I can’t do this anymore._ Her legs began giving out and her head spun wildly. She focused on Barriss standing solidly in front of her.

Abruptly, like waking from a dream, her mind cleared and she entered a nightmare. _It’s true. Oh Gods. It’s all true._

_Please, no. No... Why, Anakin, why? How could you? What happened to my brother? What happened to us?_ Waves of pain racked her body.

_Rex. Oh Rex, I'm sorry._ She doubled over in excruciating agony. Ahsoka gritted through the pain and felt herself fading into some kind of oblivion. _Let go. Let it take you… No. I won’t give up. You can’t get rid of me that easily, Palpatine._ The defiant anger fueled her as she looked up again to Barriss—beautiful, wonderful, brilliant Barriss.

Slowly, Ahsoka reached for the outstretched hand before her. _Barriss, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t. Oh Gods. I’ve lost her. Like everyone else. What have I done?_

Barriss’ hand grasped hers firmly and pulled her into a supportive embrace, before oblivion finally took her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that could have gone better.


	24. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss and Rex wait for Ahsoka to wake up in the aftermath of her collapse.

Barriss sat cross-legged in front of the dying fire, staring into the orange and blue embers. They were dancing and crackling with energy, oblivious to the death around them. She thought, not for the first time, how predictable and yet uncontrollable fire could be. It mesmerized and scared her simultaneously. _Well, I’m the life of the party, aren’t I?_ She shifted slightly, focusing on Ahsoka instead of her maudlin ramblings.

The girl seemed to be sleeping soundly, but it was hard to tell. Barriss had given her something to keep her that way for several hours. She knew Ahsoka needed sleep, if she was going to deal with the aftermath of yesterday. Barriss rubbed her fingers across her own forehead, shivering slightly in the cold morning air, and tried to remain focused.

One of Ahsoka’s arms had worked itself from under the blankets Barriss had piled on top of her. She worked to tuck it back in, lingering on the girl’s fingers, massaging them gently before letting go. She sat motionless, wondering what would happen when Ahsoka did wake up.

She knew Ahsoka hadn’t meant the things she had said. She had been trapped inside her own mind, which hadn’t been able to reconcile her internal reality with cold truth. Barriss was familiar with the feeling. Still, it had hurt. It had hurt badly. For a moment, Barriss had almost—almost walked away. From fear, from hurt, from Ahsoka. Something had stopped her. Love, commitment, understanding, the need for redemption—she had no idea. Whatever it was, Barriss was still here and she was glad. She wasn’t sure if Ahsoka would be, though.

“How is she?” Rex’s voice came from behind her.

Barriss jumped. She hadn’t even heard him stir from his slumber. _I must be even more tired than I thought._ She examined him as he walked over. He looked better than yesterday, rested and stronger. “I don’t know, but I think better than before. I gave her something to sleep for a while. She did eventually accept what you told her, by the way.” Barriss felt a sudden warmth envelop her and realized Rex had wrapped his large captain’s cape around her.

She smiled gratefully, as he sat down next to her.

He said miserably, “I should have waited for you to come back. I didn’t… do it right. I should have—”

“No. You did fine. It wouldn’t have mattered how you told her or who told her. Her reaction was always going to be… what it was.”

“You don’t understand. You didn’t hear me. I just _recited_ it to her like I was reading a report. ‘Oh, and then your brother murdered your father and several children and, by the way, everything you knew died’.”

Barriss grabbed his hand. “I did hear you. I arrived right after you started telling her. If I had been there, it wouldn’t have made a difference. Except, she would have thought we were both crazy. It’s like in battle. You were the first wave and I was the second.”

He laughed at the metaphor. “Well, the first wave usually gets slaughtered!”

She chuckled. “That doesn’t change their bravery. Anyway, what I’m telling you is that it wouldn’t have mattered how you said it, how many details you gave, or whether I was there. Her mind couldn’t process it.”

Rex didn’t look convinced, but he squeezed her hand and held on to it. “I’m not so sure. You—she—well, I know Ahsoka and I can tell when there's someone… oh, nevermind.”

Barriss stared at him. _What?_

He spat out bitterly, “I hate Anakin Skywalker.”

She was taken aback at the sudden declaration, but responded, “Well, I guess that’s understandable, after what he did.”

“No, you don’t understand.” Rex shook his head. “It's not just that. Even if he hadn’t been a selfish, arrogant bastard, he never treated her right. She was an amazing warrior, an incredible leader in her own right, and she idolized him. And, he—it was like she was a… possession. Something that belonged to him that he didn’t want to lose. Yet, he never took the time to see who she truly was. It hurt her, though she would never admit it. He did love her. I’ll give him that. The problem is loving someone doesn’t mean they are yours to do with as you please.

“His father can blame himself and Palpatine all he wants. And, maybe, if the two had never met, or if the Sovereign Master had been a better parent, or if their mother was still alive to temper him… I don’t know, maybe things would have been different. Still, that doesn’t absolve him. Ahsoka had the same home, the same losses, and was practically raised by that same brother. She chose a different path.”

Barriss was tempted to agree with him, but felt compelled to try to make sense of it. “Ahsoka told me why she had to leave Shili. I can’t say I blame you for feeling that way. I’m not sure I disagree. It’s just that sometimes children who feel alone—I don’t know—Ahsoka is… special. Somehow, she came out the other side stronger, better and,” she broke off for a moment before continuing softly, “shining.”

She paused, trying to come up with a solution, an explanation, something. “Maybe having an older brother to lean on, and people like you in her life, gave her a foundation her brother didn’t have. Maybe, there was just something inside her that couldn’t be denied. I’m not trying to absolve him of guilt. He made his own choices, like we all do. It’s just that sometimes children who feel lost and unloved turn into—do things—well, they become something they might never have otherwise become.”

Rex gazed at her intently. “Speaking from personal experience?”

“You might say that.” Barriss smiled wanly. “I just know, if it hadn’t been for Ahsoka… well, I was heading down a very different path.”

“Perhaps. Or, perhaps you underestimate yourself. From what Ahsoka’s father told me, you were already making good choices back when you met him.”

Her mouth dropped open. “How do you—how did you know that was me?”

He grinned mischievously. “I didn’t, until now. But, I suspected. The Sovereign Master told me it was a young Mirialan assassin with diamond tattoos that visited him. So, it wasn’t a big leap. You saved what was left of him, you know.”

Barriss felt awkward at the gratitude in his voice. “I don’t think not killing a man deserves thanks. However, I’m glad some good came from it. Anyway, we’re not talking about me right now, remember? Besides,” she added with a grin, “I had already met Ahsoka by then. So, my point is still valid.”

His eyes widened at this revelation. “Well, well. I look forward to getting the whole story out of both of you in the near future.”

She smirked and then said tentatively, “Rex, there is one thing I’m curious about. When we were there, after it happened… Well, I could tell it had been an internal battle, especially since the Sovereign Master was dead and we couldn’t find the Master General anywhere—despite Ahsoka’s desperate searching. However, I was surprised that it happened at all. Usually, transitions of power led by the Master General are fairly bloodless. Presumably, because the leader of the military holds the loyalty of the legion. Why wasn’t this one?”

Rex looked like he wanted to be somewhere else. When he spoke, his voice broke slightly, “It’s my fault.” He swallowed with some difficulty, before continuing, “By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late for the Sovereign Master. I also saw the other two battalions were intending to follow him. My blood was boiling, but I also didn’t want to start a civil war.”

She squeezed his hand supportively. He looked like he was coping with the memories for now, but she remembered his traumatized face from the previous evening and wanted to tread carefully.

“It might have stayed like that,” he said sadly, “except, then Skywalker made a public speech about how evil the Sovereign Master had been, how he had saved them all, and how they would become respected by everyone once they consolidated with Palpatine. But, there were many in the city who remembered the old days and still loved Ahsoka’s father. And, many in the royal court who felt Palpatine was growing too powerful and feared his influence. Plus, it had been a while since Skywalker was leading troops on the battlefield directly. Ahsoka, their brave princess—their ‘Lady Jedi’—had stolen their hearts and there were rumors she had left because of her brother and Palpatine. So, you could say, he didn’t exactly have the most favorable crowd for such a speech.”

Barriss got no small satisfaction from that. _I wonder if Ahsoka knows her people loved her._

Rex’s voice now filled with emotion, “One man, a city elder, spoke out, objecting to the way Skywalker had stolen the throne. It was as if another person ripped Anakin Skywalker out of his body and r-re-replaced him. He had the man executed on the spot. When others objected in fear and shock, he ordered his army to do the same to them.

“I-I couldn’t allow it. I refused and ordered my battalion to protect the civilians. Instead of realizing what he was doing, Skywalker became—his eyes—they were… it was like watching a dead man walking. I don’t know how else to explain it. He cut through everyone in his path like they were vermin to be wiped out—women, children, everyone. They pushed us to the edge of the city, and what was left of m-my battalion had to retreat to protect the people we had saved. It was… a terrible day.” He drew in a ragged breath.

Barriss was horrified. No wonder he had nightmares. She quickly steered them in another direction. “Rex, why haven't we heard anything about this? You'd think all of this would be common knowledge or, at least, rumor. Especially, given Palpatine’s rise and, presumably, Skywalker's subsequent military conquests.”

He nodded. “I thought that was odd, as well, and I did some digging the last time I was in Coruscant. Apparently, Skywalker disappeared once he arrived there, never to be heard of again. So, Shili remained just one of many places thought to be destroyed by the new Emperor in those early days. I never did find out what happened to him. My bet would be good old Palpy didn't want to have an unpredictable general who'd already shown a proclivity for overthrowing sovereigns. He had already served his purpose. So, he was quietly disposed of, and what was left of his army integrated.” He shrugged. “But, I don't really know.”

Barriss sighed. One more burden for Ahsoka to bear.

Rex added softly, “I suppose I should feel sorry for him… except, I don't. I watched children die by his hand. He deserved much worse.”

“That’s all I need.” Barriss could tell his strength was waning and tightened her grip on his hand. “I’m sorry for making you relive it. I just thought if I could understand what happened it might help when…” she trailed off, waving a tired hand in Ahsoka’s direction.

“It’s ok.” He gave her a weak grin. “I think it might be good for me to talk about it. It feels better, now that I have. Though, I feel exhausted again.”

“I know the feeling.”

Rex eyed her critically. “You do look terrible.”

Barriss snorted. “Thanks, Rex. You really know how to make a girl feel good.”

He winked. “That’s what they tell me.”

She raised an amused eyebrow. “I’m sorry I can’t look ravishingly beautiful for you this morning, but it’s been a bit of a rough night.”

Rex laughed heartily, before his expression turned serious. “How long has it been since you slept?”

“Um, I don’t know. Before we got back sometime. I was on a reconnaissance mission and I don’t have the luxury of much sleep on those.”

“As I thought. You should get some rest.”

Barriss opened her mouth to object when Rex held out a hand to stop her. “Nope, no arguments. I’m here and can sit with Ahsoka, in case she needs anything. You’ve already said she’ll be out for a while longer. Once she’s awake, she’s going to need you. And, you can’t be there for her if you’re struggling to stay conscious. Plus, you’ll look way more attractive when you’re well-rested and I definitely could use something to look forward to right now. So, denying yourself sleep will hurt both me _and_ Ahsoka.” He ended with a wicked grin and twinkling blue eyes.

She stared at him for a moment before starting to chuckle, which soon turned into a long fit of laughing. Rex joined her and they had a brief respite from the pain that surrounded them.

Barriss finally regained control and said, “Alright. You win. I can’t argue with your logic. I’ll take a short nap to take the edge off. But, you better wake me if it looks like she’s stirring at all. Got it?”

Rex flashed her a confident grin. “Don’t worry, I can handle it!”

She quirked an eyebrow at him.

He crossed his heart in feigned seriousness. “Promise.”

As Barriss laid down on her bedroll, realizing she was actually beyond exhausted, she heard Rex clear his throat lightly.

“Do you think when she wakes up, she will still… believe?” He was staring at Ahsoka with a helpless look on his face.

She replied honestly, “I don’t know. I think so. I don’t know what will happen when she wakes up.” She added firmly, “But, I do know what we will do. You and I will make damn sure that she makes it through this, either way.”

Rex’s smiled, confidence returning to his eyes. “Deal.”

Barriss returned the smile and felt her eyes scream with relief as she closed them. Her last thoughts before sleep overtook her were of doubt and hope. _Please, let what I said be true._

_________

Ahsoka woke up with the worst headache she had ever experienced and refused to open her eyes. She could feel the too bright, mid-day sun beating down on her face. She also didn’t want to face what she might see. Her thoughts were confused and foggy. But, Ahsoka remembered… everything. It was painfully etched into images, floating through her mind. She had to keep herself from physically curling away from them. _Anakin killing. Father dying. Palpatine cackling. Children screaming. Barriss crying. Rex horrified. Anakin killing. Anakin…_

She knew she would have to face the world, eventually. She just couldn’t do it now. Ahsoka tried to listen to what was around her, to focus on something other than the images flashing across her mind. She didn’t hear anything at first. What if there was no one when she opened her eyes? What if she had lost them both? What if she was alone? Ahsoka listened more desperately. She heard breathing and then rustling movement. Sharp relief flowed through her. _I'm not alone._ Then, she felt guilt for the relief. _I deserve to be alone._

A deep voice started humming a melancholy tune, an old soldier's hymn. _Rex._ He had stayed with her. She kept listening for another voice. There was nothing. Every sound she heard was coming from Rex. Barriss was not there. _I’ve lost her. No._

Suddenly, there was movement and another voice spoke, “I told you I only wanted to take a short nap! You were supposed to wake me ages ago!” Ahsoka’s heart leapt in stark relief and pain. Barriss was here. She hadn’t lost her. _Not yet._

“Hey, you didn’t define ‘short’. Besides, you haven’t slept in days. I promised I’d wake you the minute it looked like Ahsoka was awake, didn’t I? Well, she’s not awake yet. So, I didn’t wake you.”

Ahsoka could hear the smirk in Rex’s voice. The annoyance in Barriss’. For a moment, she was happy. Then, she remembered. _Everything._

Barriss retorted, “Ugh. I think I may hate you. And, your—your logical arguments.”

Rex laughed so loudly it hurt Ahsoka’s montrals and she flinched. _Oh no._

She heard them clambering around her and  sighed in defeat. She had to face what her choices had wrought now. All of it. Ahsoka opened her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so it is possible I may ship Barriss and Rex *almost* as much as Ahsoka and Barriss. Which is not something I ever even considered, until I wrote this chapter. It just... happened. This is a heavy chapter, and needed a lot of exposition, but they made it enjoyable to write. 
> 
> Also, note that Rex seems to be much more of a lady's man in this world. Probably because he isn't a clone and has had a whole life to develop here. I like to imagine this is how Rex would be in the SW universe, if he had been allowed to develop naturally and not bred for a single purpose. The loyalty, discipline, bravery, chivalry, and compassion are still there, just tinged with a little "man of the world" flair and slightly more independent thinking. Still, it would take a special woman to attract his long-term attention, I think, either way.


	25. Where I've Always Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note the chapter title and draw your own conclusions.
> 
> "I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."  
>  \--Sarah Williams

Barriss rubbed Ahsoka’s arms vigorously, trying to provide some warmth. The girl was shivering violently. She had woken up hours ago and said very little since. She had eaten the food offered in silence and had only nodded to any questions put to her. Night had fallen and Barriss was feeling desperate. She looked into Ahsoka’s normally shining blue eyes and saw a dullness in them. They seemed far away and Barriss didn’t know what to do, other than sit beside her and occasionally provide some comfort.

Rex had put a blanket around the girl’s shoulders and kissed the top of her montrals, before heading out to scout the surrounding area nearly an hour ago. Barriss knew he was trying to give Ahsoka some space and hoping Barriss could do something while he was gone. She didn’t blame him. He had been through a lot in the last two days, as well. Unfortunately, Barriss was not making very much progress in his absence.

She again thought of their conversation before he had left. _You love her, don’t you? I can tell. You should tell her that. It might… help._ Barriss banished the idea for the 17th time. As she did, she glanced into the night sky and was struck with sudden inspiration. Pointing to a bright star, Barriss turned to the motionless girl beside her. “Do you remember when we first met and were in that trap? I spent most of the night staring at the sky. Probably, fluctuating between a meltdown and feeling happy, because I was with you.”

Ahsoka snorted lightly, the first thing that sounded like her friend.

Encouraged, Barriss continued, “Well, I kept focusing on that star, the one right there.” She saw Ahsoka’s head turn in the direction she was pointing. “I was thinking about how different you were from anyone else I had ever met. The only adjective I could think of to describe you was ‘shining’.”

The girl was looking at her now, some interest in her face for the first time.

“Anyway,” Barriss smiled warmly at her, “during all the years after, especially when things were bad, I would stare up into the sky and see that star. And, I would think of the shining girl I left behind. That girl and her shining star would guide me through. So, you might say, you’ve always been with me.”

Gazing back up at the night sky, Ahsoka smiled weakly at the star, seeming happy for a moment. Then, her face dropped and she finally spoke, “W-W-hy are you here?” Her voice was hoarse and pained.

“What do you mean?” Barriss questioned anxiously, “Ahsoka, do you know who I am? Do you remember what happened?”

“Remember, oh yes, I remember… everything.” Ahsoka turned toward her, eyes focusing for the first time. “I—why are—why did you… stay? I said horrible things to you. I didn’t believe you. Why would you still want to be here?”

 _Oh._ Barriss considered her answer, unsure of the best approach. She examined the woman carefully. The fierce blue eyes were alive again and held an open expression of confusion. They were the eyes Barriss knew, the eyes she loved. It was definitely Ahsoka. She was back—in pain, but there.

Suddenly, the eyes flashed with sad resignation. “It’s ok. You don’t have to tell me. I know. You think it's your duty. I’m your mission and you can’t leave until it’s complete.”

 _No._ Barriss recoiled in horror. _She can’t think that._ Then, she did something she never thought she would do. It was instinct. It somehow felt right. She grabbed Ahsoka’s face and kissed her.

Barriss forced herself to keep the touch light, lips barely brushing Ahsoka’s. Heart beating frantically, she struggled to stay calm and form words. She leaned in, touching her forehead to Ahsoka’s, and said softly, “I’m here because… I love you.”

_______

Ahsoka couldn’t process the words. _It’s not possible. Why would she?_ At the same time, hope was springing within her. _She loves me. Loves me._ She slowly brought her hands up to Barriss’ face, pulling the woman back so she could see her eyes.

The piercing blue fluctuated wildly, emotions flying through them too fast to make out. Ahsoka tried to speak, tried to say something intelligible, but couldn’t seem to form any words. Then, she saw Barriss biting her lip anxiously. _She’s afraid. Afraid of what I’m going to say. Afraid that I don’t feel the same way. Afraid that she’s just made things worse for me._

Fear was an emotion Ahsoka could handle. She felt her brain kickstart, as if it was finally waking from a dream. The terrible images that had been playing across her mind stopped completely. She was ready now, ready to face the world again—whatever the results.

Ahsoka completely focused on the woman in front of her, happiness creeping into her heart, until it was filling her completely. Still, no words would come, so she placed gentle fingers on Barriss’ lip, trying to stop the anxiety. Enjoying the softness beneath her fingertips, she ran her hand tenderly over the trembling mouth.

Finally, Ahsoka managed to get a word out. “Good.”

She leaned in and pressed her lips against Barriss’, holding on tightly, refusing to let go. Ahsoka's mouth became even more longing. She deepened the kiss and Barriss responded with intensity. There was a heady rush of emotion as Ahsoka lost herself in the moment. It felt nothing like her dreams. It was so much better, so much _more._ She wanted to be closer, to never let Barriss go, to keep her safe in her arms forever.

Pulling her in, Ahsoka wrapped herself around the other woman as she desperately clung to her mouth. She felt Barriss’ hands running down her face and then pressing against her shoulders, drawing them both more tightly into the embrace. Everything seemed to stand still in the perfection of the moment.

Until, Ahsoka gasped violently, suddenly overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions running through her.

Barriss broke away quickly, leaning back to observe her with concern.

 _No. Come back._ Ahsoka felt incomplete. Now that she knew what it felt like, she didn’t think she could let it go. Panicked thoughts flowed through her mind. _What if she realizes she made a mistake? What if she’s changed her mind?_ Ahsoka struggled to reign in her emotions and speak. She tried to tell Barriss that she needed her, that she loved her, that she never wanted her to go. It came out in a strangled croak.

A gentle hand reached out and stroked Ahsoka’s cheek, lightly caressing it with warm fingers, as a thumb rubbed tenderly over her bottom lip. Barriss spoke softly, “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. I am exactly where I’ve always been. Where I was always meant to be. With you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's done. Only took 25 chapters. Though, honestly, there is so much more. A declaration does not a love story make, you know.


	26. Impressing the Ladies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes on and relationships solidify.
> 
> [1 month later]

“After you, my lady.”

Barriss smiled sweetly at Rex as she walked down the path he had cleared through the thick, jungle-like undergrowth obstructing them.

Ahsoka shook her head in amusement and commented, “Hey, what about me?”

Rex just stared at her. “What _about_ you? I was trying to impress a beautiful lady here, if you don’t mind. You’re cramping my style.”

“Well, I guess I know where I stand!”

“Yep.” The corners of his mouth were twitching slightly as he spun around to follow Barriss down the path.

She chuckled as she trailed behind them. It was clear Rex had found his purpose in life, and it was treating Barriss like a goddess on earth. His courtly behavior to her had become so standard, it was hardly comment-worthy anymore. Of course, none of this surprised Ahsoka. Rex had always been very formal and chivalrous. It made him well-loved by many a woman. However, he did seem to have a special place in his heart for Barriss. As if, he recognized she had never been given that kind of attention her entire life and he was making up for lost time. Ahsoka couldn’t blame him, given her own enchantment with the lady in question.

The more surprising thing had been Barriss’ reaction. She liked it. Not just liked it, _loved_ it. Ahsoka could tell. One of most effective master spies of all time, renowned for her stoic manner, logistical brilliance, and calculating mind, loved being treated like a princess. _Maybe, I should give it a go?_ She smiled wickedly at the thought of giving Rex some competition for the most chivalrous. _Besides, he’s not the only one who can impress a beautiful lady._

As they approached a shallow stream, Ahsoka was struck with sudden inspiration. She stepped in front of Rex and said, “Nope, stand down, soldier. I’ve got this.”

Walking up to Barriss, she put out her hand and bowed in her best pseudo-Rex impression. “My lady, mayest I escorteth you across this small body of water so that thou dost not wetten thy glorious feet?”

Rex snorted. “That really needs some work.”

Ahsoka shot him a death glare and looked back to Barriss, who was desperately trying not to laugh.

The woman finally replied, matching Ahsoka’s tone, “Why, yes, good warrior. I would be honored by your service.”

Rex let out an exaggerated sigh and looked at Ahsoka with disappointment. “I can see I have a lot of teaching to do.” He gave a courtly salute to Barriss and headed quickly across the stream and over the hill, probably to clear out the next obstacle for Barriss and reclaim his top position.

Barriss laughed. “You really shouldn’t do that to him, you know. He thinks it's his job to take care of us both.”

“I couldn’t resist.” Ahsoka smirked. “Besides, I just wanted an excuse to do this—” She grabbed Barriss and lifted her into her arms, cradling her gently.

The woman gasped at the sudden movement, before smiling adoringly and putting her arms around Ahsoka’s neck. “Well, in that case, feel free to do it anytime you want.”

“Wait, I've forgotten something. What was it? Oh, I know. This.” Ahsoka leaned down and kissed her deeply, feeling Barriss pull herself more tightly around her neck as she responded. After a minute of what felt like bliss, Ahsoka reluctantly pulled away, sighing regretfully, and made her way into the stream. It was shallow but wide, and she realized her arms were getting tired already. Rex made this look so easy. _Come on Ahsoka, focus._  

Barriss tucked her head into Ahsoka's neck, kissing it lightly.

Meanwhile, Ahsoka tried to concentrate on crossing the uneven streambed without being able to see it. Something that was becoming increasingly difficult with each press of Barriss’ lips to her skin. Suddenly, Ahsoka felt a playful tongue mixed with the caressing mouth moving up her jawline and she lost all concentration. Her foot slipped on an unexpected rock, tipping her off balance. She tried to recover, to no avail, as they both crashed inelegantly into the cold stream.

Barriss sat unmoving in wet shock, while Ahsoka cursed loudly.

An amused voice came from the bank, “Yep, looks like I definitely have my work cut out for me.” Rex strode into the stream, retrieved Barriss in one smooth motion and carried her swiftly to dry land, wrapping his cape over her drenched body. Then, he looked pityingly at Ahsoka, who was still fuming at herself in the water. “Don't worry, not everyone can be a master on the first try. I'm sure you'll improve. Eventually.”

Ahsoka now felt murderous, Barriss looked torn between guilt and amusement, and Rex evoked the image of a champion fighter who'd just won the title.

He said in a more sympathetic tone, “Come on, Princess. Time to go.”

She trudged out of the water miserably.

Barriss walked up to her, smiled softly, and planted a kiss on her cheek. “Don't worry, it was still… mostly impressive.” Then, she turned and walked up the hill.

Ahsoka was soaring in warmth and delight, despite being soaking wet. She smiled like an idiot as she looked at Rex.

He winked at her, looking impressed. “Maybe there's hope for you yet, Princess.”

_______

“Ahsoka…” Barriss breathed.

A throaty chuckle was the only response, as Ahsoka’s hands continued caressing her bare skin.

Barriss tightly squeezed the soft blanket lying under her, inhaling the scent of pine and wild grass, as her skin rippled hotly from Ahsoka's touch. Her body arched up sharply, as Ahsoka scraped tongue and teeth across her neck, gently teasing her throat and chin.

The teasing mouth drifted up to her ear and murmured, “I love you, Barriss Offee. Don't you forget it.”

A sheer sense of overwhelming elation filled Barriss’ soul. She smiled softly and then quirked an enticing eyebrow. “Good.”

Ahsoka grinned slyly, shifted over her, and attacked her mouth with ferocity. Their tongues met, sending tingling chills through Barriss’ body. She lightly gripped the lekku moving rhythmically over her, until Ahsoka broke the contact, pulling at Barriss’ lip with her teeth.

Barriss lifted her head, wanting more intensity, more of Ahsoka. She grabbed the woman's face, clinging to her lips, refusing to let go. Strong hands slid under her head, drawing it more tightly into the powerful embrace. Barriss had never felt something so intensely excruciating and exquisite.

Then, a hungry mouth was sliding down the side of Barriss’ face to her neckline. A slight groan Barriss couldn't hold back escaped her lips, as Ahsoka’s mouth warmly caressed her skin in massaging circles. Her body shivered with anticipation as Ahsoka worked her way down to her chest, touching every inch of bare skin with her full lips.

Barriss felt a desperate need to experience each piece of Ahsoka and ran her hands over the woman's radiant form rapidly, still longing for more. She wrapped her hands around the back of the woman’s neck, sinking her fingers deeply into the pulsating muscles, enjoying the feel of the oscillating, hot skin beneath her touch. Her hands continued to move, erratically tracing a path down Ahsoka’s back, until she was gripping the strong, arching shoulder blades.

Suddenly, something nipped lightly into Barriss’ breast. She gasped and dug her fingernails into Ahsoka’s soft skin. She was rewarded with a brief moan and an increase in pressure on her tingling chest. She ran her hands along Ahsoka’s bare neck and back, pulling her closer, trying to fill the desperate need roiling across her body.

Her fingers slid around Ahsoka's stomach. Instinctively, she wrapped her thumbs under Ahsoka’s waistband, pressing tightly. She heard a delighted whimper as the ministrations to her body intensified, flowing over her breasts and making Barriss shudder at every excruciatingly short touch of Ahsoka’s mouth to her throbbing skin.

Tightening her grip on the well-muscled stomach, Barriss pushed her thumbs further down. The resulting pressure on her chest increased exponentially, as Ahsoka attacked it with ferocious abandon. Sharp teeth and massaging lips dug deeper into her breast, sending her into a new level of ecstasy.

Barriss moaned wildly, breath coming in furious gasps, “Ah-soka… don’t—don’t stop.”

Abruptly, the incredible pressure disappeared and Barriss sucked in an exhale of violent disappointment. She flicked her eyelids open to see fierce, blue eyes shining with fervor.

Ahsoka gave her a devilish grin. “Don’t worry. That’s never gonna happen.”

Barriss’ laugh changed into another desperate gasp as Ahsoka’s mouth re-engaged her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't tell you how many re-writes I had to do of this chapter. It was... too many. How one of the shortest chapters required so much time is a mystery to me. Speaking of, do you know how many ways to say the word 'gasp' there are? Not enough. I don't know how people write sex scenes on a regular basis. Sigh.


	27. Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka has to finally deal with everything she has lost, as she settles into her changed life with Barriss. Rex continues to be "the best".
> 
> [9 months later]

“Ahsoka, we really have to get up now.”

Mumbling a negative, Ahsoka tightened her arms around Barriss.

“Ahsoka.”

“Nope.”

Ahsoka heard an annoyed sigh and then felt a hand stroking her jawline. “Don't make me resort to desperate measures.”

She smirked and opened her eyes, looking down at the woman arranged beautifully on her chest. “Sorry, you'll have to do better than that.”

Barriss quirked a trademark eyebrow and slid up Ahsoka's body, until she was eye to eye with her. “Oh, I can do much, _much_ better than that. Unfortunately, we have to get up now.”

“No, it’s not fair.” Ahsoka assumed the most pitiful expression of misery she could manage. “Can't someone else save the world for just one day?”

“Says the girl who once decided to infiltrate a fortified enemy castle, alone, without telling me where she was going, nearly died, and then wouldn't even explain herself, because she needed to ‘do something’.”

Ahsoka blinked. “Yeah. But, that was before.”

“Before what?”

She gazed into the cobalt eyes holding her own. “Before I realized I only needed you.”

Barriss smiled, but there was something hesitant in her eyes.

It caught Ahsoka's attention. “You don't believe me.”

“No, I do. I just think you overestimate my importance.”

Ahsoka stared at her. “Um, no, I really don't.”

Barriss sighed. “Ahsoka, don't—you were brave, compassionate, smart, heroic, and… _you,_ long before you met me. Even if I wasn't here, you'd still be amazing. And, you'd still need to make a difference.”

She gazed at her, about to argue, but stopped when she saw Barriss’ concerned expression. _She’s serious about this._ Ahsoka considered for a moment, before grinning. “Maybe. But, I’m a much better _me_ when I’m with you.”

Ahsoka was rewarded with a spectacular smile from Barriss. “Now, that I’ll accept.”

“Mmm, good.” Ahsoka tightened her embrace around Barriss. “Now, about this getting up nonsense…”

The woman’s expression changed to what Ahsoka termed her ‘I'm serious face’ and she said, “We don’t want to be late. We have to meet Rex, remember?”

“Barriss. That is midday. It’s morning. It will take less than an hour to get there. Unless you think we’ve been inexplicably infected with a rare and terrible illness that has removed our ability to walk, I’m not seeing the pressing need to let go of you.”

Ignoring the sarcasm, Barriss replied earnestly, “But, we could be delayed by any number of issues. Soldiers. An obstruction. A detour. Getting lost. Weather. Unknown… things. Plus, we still have to get dressed.”

Ahsoka removed an arm from her grip to lightly massage the worry lines from Barriss’ forehead. “You are impossible. Besides, you getting dressed is exactly what I’m trying to avoid.”

Barriss ducked her head, but then glanced up with a shy grin playing around her lips. “Well, I suppose we could afford to lose… 27 minutes or so.”

“27 minutes?! No, no, at least make it 30!”

Barriss giggled.

Grinning wolfishly, Ahsoka rolled on top of her to begin again.

_______

As they made their way to the rendezvous point, Ahsoka found her mind returning to their morning conversation. Barriss had seemed so concerned, almost yearning for confirmation that Ahsoka didn’t need her as much as she insisted. _Why would she not want me to need her?_ She frowned, trying to tease out the underlying meaning.

“What are you thinking about?”

Ahsoka shifted back to reality. “Oh, just stray thoughts. Like, how amazing you are, and how much I love you, and how… early we are going to be.”

Barriss giggled. “Well, how was I supposed to know there would be no delays? There could have been.”

“Yes, there could have been.” Ahsoka grabbed her around the waist, arresting any forward movement with a devilish air. “But, there weren't. Now, we have to figure out what to do with over an hour of our time.”

“Hmm, yes, I suppose we do. We can start with what you were thinking about on the way here?”

She sighed in exasperation. “You never let it go, do you?”

Barriss smirked. “It’s a bad habit of mine, or so I’ve been told.”

Ahsoka tightened her embrace, pulling Barriss close, and taking in the aroma of wildflowers she so loved. “I don’t really know how to explain what I was thinking. It’s kind of muddled.”

“Try me.” Barriss rested her head against Ahsoka’s neck and murmured, “I think I can handle it.”

She propped her chin on the top of Barriss’ head. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Hmm, that’s supposed to be my line. And, stop stalling.”

Ahsoka laughed. “Alright, you win. Earlier, you seemed concerned that I might… need you. And, I guess, I don’t understand why? I mean, isn’t that kind of the definition of love?”

Barriss drew her head back and started biting her lip. “I just… it’s not needing me exactly. It’s needing me to always be here. No wait, bad choice of words. Needing me to… be able to be you? I guess? I’m not explaining this well, at all. It’s that, if anything ever changed and I wasn’t with you anymore—” She broke off with a grimace and shook her head in frustration.

Suddenly, Ahsoka couldn’t breathe. “W-what are you trying to say? You don't—don't want to be—” She stopped abruptly as Barriss kissed her deeply and felt the momentary panic drift away.

The woman reached up and pulled Ahsoka’s forehead into her own tightly. “I'm not saying anything like that. I never, ever want to be away from you. I love you.”  
  
Ahsoka's heart soared with relief. “Then, I'm really confused.”  
  
Barriss released her hold on Ahsoka's forehead, and gazed into her eyes uncertainly. “I just want to make sure if something ever happened to me that you would be ok. That, you would be able to keep being who you are, the woman I fell in love with. The idea that loving me might harm you in the long run… scares me a little.”

A physical shudder coursed through Ahsoka’s body, her mind revolting at the thought. Righteous fury welled up inside her. _I would never let anything happen to you. I would do whatever it took to protect you. Anything. Hasn’t the world taken enough from me? It owes me this. I can't lose you. I won’t lose you. No matter the cost._ Then, with horror, Ahsoka realized what she was thinking. _Oh Gods. Anakin. No._ She dropped her grip on Barriss and stumbled back slightly, feeling physical pain coursing through her body.

“Ahsoka!” Barriss leapt forward, gripping her arm, looking slightly panicked. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Focus on me.”

She gazed into Barriss’ piercing, intense eyes and immediately felt everything come into focus again. The pain receded, and her mind started to clear. _No. I can’t. This is exactly the problem. This is what scares her._ She jerked away from the grip and backed away, feeling the pain return, along with a deep emptiness inside her. “N-no. Please. Don’t. I need to… I can’t.”

Barriss stepped back in shock, tears forming in her eyes.

Ahsoka couldn’t take it. She turned and ran.

_________

Barriss paced frantically along the hilltop. _What have I done? This is my fault. Why did I even bring it up? What do I do now? What if she doesn’t come back?_ She felt panic starting to well up inside of her. _Panic leads to—No. That’s not me anymore._ She resisted the urge to repeat words she hadn’t thought in almost two years. Barriss abruptly stopped pacing and tried to calm her mind. She felt the panic recede, but the anxiety remained. That felt more normal—normal for her, anyway.

“Hey, where’s Ahsoka?” Rex’s voice was a palliative to Barriss’ troubled mind.

She spun quickly to face him and saw his face grow immediately concerned.

He walked swiftly up to her and gripped her shoulders. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

Barriss tried to speak, “I don’t know. A-Ahsoka, we were talking—s-s-she panicked—ran—I don’t know what—” The tears came. She couldn’t stop them.

Rex pulled her into a warm hug. “Hey, it’s ok. Whatever is going on, we’ll fix it. Don’t worry. You and me, we’re a team. Team Ahsoka, remember? We got this.”

She laughed into his chest. Barriss felt strengthened by his words and his presence. She leaned back and nodded as he wiped the tears from her face.

He spoke confidently, “Now, just tell me what happened. Then, we’ll figure out an attack strategy.”

Barriss felt hope at the words. _We can do this._

_________

_No. It’s not true. I wouldn’t sell my soul. Destroy my home. Kill innocent people. People I loved. Children. Not to save one person. Even if that person was Barriss. Would I?_ Ahsoka felt her insides turn violent at the thought of not having Barriss. Had she become so dependent on Barriss that she no longer functioned without her? She tried to imagine what her life would be like without Barriss and couldn’t get past the first sentence.

She lay in an open field, feeling like she was running in circles. The earlier waves of pain had stopped, but the yawning emptiness was still inside her. She realized now, it had always been there. She had just filled it with Barriss. Without her, it’s blackness was a painful void. Whatever had been there before had died. _Did it die before Barriss or did I kill it to make room for her?_

This was getting her nowhere. She thumped her fists on the ground in anger. She wasn’t good at this stuff. This was Barriss’ area of expertise. She depended on her to figure out why she felt like she did. _Is that part of the problem?_ She banged the ground again and released a strangled scream.

“Well, this is new,” a solid voice remarked casually.

Ahsoka rolled up quickly and then sagged back onto the ground with relief. “Rex, it’s you. I didn’t hear you.”

“Probably, because you were too busy screaming like a mynock.”

She smiled weakly. “Possibly.”

He plopped down beside her. “So, I’m here to talk about things. You won’t want to talk about things. I will try to get you to talk about things. Then, you’ll become more stubborn and insist you don’t want to talk about things. So, I’ll give you a few speeches about talking about things. Then, we’ll fight about talking about things. Finally, after two days of moping, we’ll talk about things. What do you say we skip all that and just go to the talking part?”

Ahsoka couldn’t help a small snort. “You are singularly gifted at being the most charmingly, annoying friend in existence.”

“Well, I’d like to think so. Though, to be honest, I think you might hold the title.”

She glared briefly at him and then said slowly, “I suppose Barriss sent you?”

“You might say that. Or, you might say, I took one look at her and sent myself. Command decision.”

Ahsoka cringed. “I didn’t mean to—Gods, I’ve messed up. And, I don’t know what to do about it.”

Rex grinned engagingly. “Um, that’s what I’m here for, remember? But, to do that, we have to talk about it.”

It was probably her best option. She was getting nowhere on her own. “Ok. So, I assume Barriss told you about our conversation?”

He nodded.

“Yeah. So, I realized she was right. When I thought about losing her… I lost it, Rex. I thought terrible things. Things I would do to keep her safe. Things I would sacrifice. Even people I would—” she broke off to regain control and then continued, “the thought of not having her was like—it was like I was dying. I couldn’t breathe without terrible pain and it felt like my reality was slipping away.”

Rex contemplated for a moment, before saying, “And, you think that means that you are so dependent on Barriss that you have lost who you really are? And, if something happened to her, you would lose yourself completely. Potentially, turning into something else… like your brother.”

Ahsoka stared at him in astonishment. He had put into words exactly what she had been trying to understand after hours of pain. “Yes.”

He looked at her thoughtfully. “I don’t think that’s true. I’m not saying you don’t have things you need to work through, and maybe, you're using Barriss to shield yourself from doing so. But, I think, now that you’re aware of it, you can start to mend that part of yourself. You can’t deny it exists anymore and, now that you know, substituting Barriss for whatever you need to deal with won’t… feel right.”

She considered the idea. It sounded reasonable, but she was far from reasonable right now.

After a sustained silence, Rex continued, “As for the other part of it, that was never going to be true. No matter what. You are fundamentally different than your brother. I have known you both for a long time. The difference between you was always obvious to me, but I’m not sure I can explain it. I'm not as good at this stuff as Barriss is but, it’s like… when he experienced losses, he didn't accept them or he blamed others. He lashed out. You, on the other hand, always turned that stuff inward, sometimes at the cost of yourself, but mostly gaining strength from it.

“I guess, what I’m saying is that if you did lose someone you loved deeply, like Barriss, I can well imagine you shutting down or collapsing in on yourself. But, not striking out against innocents or tearing down everything you hold dear. And, I mean, you might change outwardly as a result, but you’d still be… you.”

Ahsoka gazed at him uncertainly. She wanted to believe everything he was saying. But, she still felt the gaping blackness inside her, clawing at her soul.

Rex noticed her expression. “I know you probably don’t believe me, because you’re _you,_ and you’ve always underestimated how special you are. I’m afraid you’ll just have to trust me on this one.” He grinned affectionately and then continued more softly, “And, if you need an example, think about what happened when I told you about the destruction of Shili. That was when you truly lost your brother. And, in the most terrible way possible…”

Ahsoka realized tears were falling and she drew her knees to her chin as they turned into quiet sobs.

Scooting closer, he put his arm around her, still speaking softly, “You were disbelieving, you were angry, you were even a little mean,” he chuckled lightly, “but you were… you. Then, when you realized the truth, you were devastated and lost. But, you recovered. You latched on to love and friendship, instead of hate and revenge. And, in the meantime, you didn’t kill us all, burn down the camp, or go on a rampage throughout the kingdoms.”

She felt the sobs increase in intensity, but she also felt a surge of something else. _Belief._ She recognized the truth in his words and held on to them. Pushing them into the dark, empty space inside her.

_I lost Anakin. I can’t fix anything that happened now. And, I can… handle that._

_________

Barriss was pacing agitatedly in the makeshift camp she had set-up in Rex’s absence. She had started the fire and tried to stay busy, but it had been hours and twilight was falling. She shouldn’t have let him go alone. _Why did I let him talk me into it?_

She stopped pacing and tried to make dinner, to keep her hopes alive for hungry arrivals. But, she couldn’t focus. Tears rolled down her face once again and she wiped them away.

Suddenly, there was a quiet voice. “Um, what’s for dinner then?”

Her heart leapt in relief and joy as she turned to see Ahsoka standing awkwardly at the edge of the camp, a crooked grin on her face, with Rex smiling widely behind her. Barriss sprinted over to her and clung to her neck, tears falling once more.

Ahsoka wrapped her arms around her and kissed her hair gently. “Sorry. Don’t worry. Everything is ok now. Or, it will be. I promise.”

Barriss gazed up happily through her tears. “In that case, _you_ can make dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka never really fully accepted Anakin and Shili, as she shifted so quickly into Barriss in the aftermath. Now, she has to learn how to deal with that terrible reality, including the fact that she can't fix things. Perhaps, mirroring the Ahsoka-dependent Barriss before she confronted Luminara (Remember that Barriss? Seems so long ago...). Can this mean we've got them both emotionally stable, now?
> 
> Oh, once again, Barriss and Rex show a unique bond that I find endearing.


	28. Faith and Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asajj returns to the scene.
> 
> [3 months later]

“How does he know her, anyway?” Barriss’ tone was annoyed.

“I don’t know.” Ahsoka glanced at her curiously. “You’d have to ask him. I do know they’ve been friends for a long time.”

“Friends. Right. Friendship was never Asajj’s strong suit.”

Ahsoka’s interest increased. “I take it you two have a history, then?”

Barriss didn’t respond. Her hood remained fixed on the corner of the bar where Asajj and Rex were laughing together, probably with an equally fixed glare beneath it.

She wasn’t sure why Barriss was so upset. Rex certainly knew how to take care of himself. He could make his own choices about who his friends were. Ahsoka tried again. “Um, Barriss, you seem really annoyed about this…”

“I’m not annoyed. I’m worried.”

Ahsoka pursed her lips, about to inquire further when the object of conversation strolled over. Ahsoka didn’t see where Rex had gone, but Asajj had clearly taken the opportunity.

The woman seemed to be focused on Barriss, peering closely at her cloaked head. Then, she smirked slightly. “Well, well, if it isn’t Barriss Offee. I thought you were under death threat in Coruscant, not hanging out at a bar in Nal Hutta.”

Barriss lowered her hood and Ahsoka saw her eyes were full of fire and ice. “And, I thought you were collecting bounties for Palpatine or some other undeserving crime lord.”

Asajj’s expression turned frigid. “I don’t do anything for Palpatine, anymore. Not that you’d believe that. Though, I might make an exception for you. I hear the bounty on your head is quite large.”

Ahsoka became wary and reached for her sword.

Noting the movement, Asajj’s snarky smirk returned. “And, who do we have here? A _friend,_ Barriss?” She placed her hand over her heart in feigned shock. “I didn’t think you believed in those.”

Barriss stared unflinchingly at the woman until Asajj looked away.

After an uncomfortable silence, the woman met Barriss’ eyes again. “Don’t worry. I told you, I don’t work for Palpatine anymore… just like you.” The last was said softly, perhaps trying to remind Barriss that she had a history, as well.

Rex walked up at that moment, grinning warily. “Asajj, I thought I said _not_ to introduce yourself to my companions?”

“You did. And, I didn’t. Barriss and I are old… acquaintances. And, I promise I didn’t introduce myself to whoever that one is.” She waved toward Ahsoka.

He shook his head affectionately. “You are impossible.”

Asajj flashed a smile at him. It was an open, real smile, not the smirk Ahsoka imagined usually graced her face. Ahsoka realized she was quite beautiful when she did so. Her form was thin and graceful, her hair an unusual silver-white coloring, complimenting her silvery blue eyes. However, her most striking feature was the purple tattoos accenting the stark lines of her face, enhanced by the smile. It was an unusual beauty that was almost sensual and vulnerable at the same time. Ahsoka wasn’t surprised at Rex’s long-term interest, if she smiled like that at him.

Suddenly, Barriss interjected, her voice hard, “Asajj, can I speak to you privately? Now.” Barriss rose from her seat and headed to the door.

Ahsoka saw Asajj’s surprise was as great as her own. But, the woman warily followed Barriss out the door of the bar.

As Rex sat down in Barriss’ vacated seat, Ahsoka whistled softly, “Um, what was that all about?”

He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “Don’t ask me. Asajj is a complicated person. And, explaining Barriss is all you.”

“Whatever. Asajj is your friend. Did you know she knew Barriss?”

“Well, sort of… I mean, where do you think all the spy stories I told you came from? Asajj always seemed to know what Barriss was doing all the time. Of course, I didn’t know who Barriss was at the time, but I did notice most of the tales were about the same spy. Asajj has always been fascinated by Barriss, I guess?”

Ahsoka straightened up from her slouch. “Has she?”

“Oh, yeah.” Rex grinned mischievously. “Totally infatuated.”

She shot him a death glare from under her hood.

He sobered slightly. “Seriously, I don’t know. Why don’t you just ask Barriss?”

“I did. She didn’t answer.”

His face turned thoughtful. “Well, they probably ran in some of the same circles. It wouldn’t be unusual for bounty hunters and spies to work together on occasion.”

“Maybe.”

He grinned again. “Do you want me to go outside and make sure they aren’t locked in a struggle to the death? Or… something else?” His grin turned positively evil.

Ahsoka stuck her tongue out at him and then remembered he wouldn't see it under her hood. She sighed. _I’m acting like a child._ Ahsoka didn’t usually bother teasing out her own emotions. She operated on instinct and had confidence in everything working itself out eventually. Still, she made a brief effort. She felt secure in Barriss’ affections, so it wasn’t jealousy. It wasn’t worry or concern. It wasn’t even curiosity. It was… _I’m annoyed. Yes, annoyed._ Why? _She’s never mentioned her._ All the stories, all the confessions, painful or otherwise—not even a cursory mention of this woman who clearly was important to Barriss’ life in some way. She finally replied, “No, you’re right. It’s just… I thought Barriss had told me about everyone important from her past.”

“Well, maybe Asajj wasn’t important enough to talk about.”

“No. She’s important.”

“How do you know?”

Ahsoka gazed at the door. “I just know.” She shifted back to him. “Tell me more about her.”

Rex looked surprised, but complied with enthusiasm. “Well, she’s a bounty hunter, a damn good one. She’s hard to describe, really. Sometimes she’s cold and hard and other times soft and vulnerable. Actually, she reminds me a lot of Barriss. Someone who grew up fending for herself, not able to trust anyone, but desperately wanting love and acceptance… became something she never wanted and felt trapped in a destiny she can’t escape. I don’t know. She’s… complicated. ” He smiled wanly. “I’m starting to sound like Barriss, now. Trying to understand and explain everyone. It’s hurting my head!”

She laughed at his expression of frustration. “But, you clearly care about her.”

He looked suddenly awkward, pointing his eyes above Ahsoka’s head without responding.

_Well, that’s something new._ Ahsoka said gently, “It’s kind of obvious, Rex, and unsurprising. She’s very beautiful, and you clearly have a long-standing relationship, and know her well. No reason to be… embarrassed or anything.”

Taking a deep breath, Rex replied slowly, “It’s not—I’m not embarrassed. I guess, I don’t know if she'll ever be able to let herself feel—I just don’t want to… hope.”

She placed a hand on his. “Now, that is something I definitely understand.”

Rex smiled gratefully at her. “Yeah. Speaking of, you have yet to tell me the full story of how you and Barriss met. I know about all the traumatic experiences but not the fun stuff! That’s just plain unfair. Vaguely saying, ‘we fell into a pit together’ does not a story make, you know.”

Ahsoka leaned back in her chair serenely. “Oh, I know. But, it’s so much more fun to tell you bits at a time.”

He glared at her in annoyance.

“Anyway, we were talking about you and Asajj. Don’t change the subject. How did you two meet?”

Rex’s eyes glinted. “Oh, well, we fell into a pit together.”

Ahsoka snorted. “I should have seen that one coming.”

“Yep. Though, I will tell you this. She saved my life when she didn’t have to. Actually, she almost died doing it. That’s how I know what she is truly capable of, no matter what she pretends. I see the real her. It’s in there… if she’d just let it out,” he ended dejectedly.

A pang passed through Ahsoka’s heart at the familiarity of that wish and she took Rex’s hand again. “You know, Barriss told me the idea that I had complete faith in her helped her do things that she didn’t think she could do. It gave her hope for herself. I don’t know if that’s actually true. I think she did most of it herself. Still, that’s what she believes. So, maybe just… being there and believing is enough? Asajj has to choose her own path, of course. Still, if it works,” she added blissfully, “the results are… amazing.”

________

“Well, what is it then? Such a very dramatic exit. I’m sure the conversation inside is buzzing.”

Ignoring the sarcasm, Barriss decided to get directly to the point. “What exactly are your intentions toward Rex?”

Asajj recoiled in shock. Whatever she had expected, it wasn’t this. “Um, you’re joking, right? What are you, his mother?”

Barriss didn’t flinch. She maintained an impassive expression and waited.

Once Asajj realized she wasn’t going to expand her question, she sighed. “Is this about the Corellian job? I mean, that was five years ago! Look, I’m sorry I cut out early. I assumed you were going to be fine.”

“This is not about Corellia. I had already planned for you to abandon me there and had an alternative route out.”

The bounty hunter looked impressed. “You always were a planner. But, I don’t understand then? Why—” her voice grew more indignant, “what business of yours is my relationship with Rex anyway?”

She winced slightly. It wasn’t really. Barriss couldn’t explain why, but she needed to do something about it. The idea of Rex being hurt was too much.

Asajj gazed at her with a suddenly thoughtful expression. “You’ve changed, you know. I can see it. Your glare isn’t quite as scary as it used to be. And, you’re… softer,” she rushed on quickly, “not like weak—just softer, or something.”

Barriss was startled and didn’t immediately respond.

Pausing for a moment, Asajj seemed to be contemplating. She said tentatively, “The fact that you’re going out of your way to ask me about Rex suggests you care about him and are taking on responsibility to ensure he isn’t hurt. That’s not the Barriss I know. The Barriss who didn’t believe in attachments, or emotions, or… friends.” Asajj ended almost regretfully.

Confusion flooded Barriss’ mind. Asajj had evidently spent more time observing her than Barriss would have ever suspected. And, to bring it up at all, without a hint of scorn or snarkiness, was just not… Asajj. _She’s changed._ The thought struck her suddenly. She examined the woman in front of her and saw the tired eyes, the quivering jaw, the defeated posture. _Why didn’t I notice that before?_ Finally, Barriss spoke in a conciliatory tone, “Asajj, I only wanted to make sure Rex wasn’t part of some master plan, and you weren’t using him for your own ends. I worry about him sometimes. He has an open heart and I didn’t want—but, I can see that isn’t the case. I’m not the only one who has changed, apparently.”

Asajj started, disbelief on her face. Then, she swallowed tightly. “Even if I have, why would you trust me with someone you care about? You know how I work. How I’ve… always worked. I probably will abandon him to the wolves like everyone else one day.”

“Maybe or maybe not. We all have to start somewhere.” Barriss tried a tentative smile before continuing, “I found someone that made me want to try harder—to have faith, I guess. Trusting someone was terrifying, but it was the first time I ever felt… free. As if, I had finally figured out who I was. I still made a lot of mistakes. If I didn’t have people who forgave me along the way, I never would have made it this far. I think you might be, maybe, like me. And, if you are, I want you to know… I forgive you.”

The woman blanched and looked away.

Barriss couldn’t focus all of a sudden. She knew she should say something encouraging, but no words would come. Finally, she said lightly, “So, I guess we should go back in now? Rex has probably sent himself into a tailspin trying to figure out what we are talking about by this point.” Barriss secretly thought Ahsoka was more likely to fit that description, but she wanted Asajj to be reminded of their mutual friend as a starting point.

Asajj smiled slightly and then met Barriss’ eyes. “Alright, I’ll… think about your advice. You always were brilliant. Even—” She stopped, with true guilt in her eyes. “Barriss, I want you to know it wasn’t easy, leaving you behind that day. Not knowing what that assassin was going to do to you—what she _did_ do to you. You trusted me to protect you and I… failed you. I regretted it. I still do.”

Strangely, Barriss felt nothing. The deep hurt that always surfaced when she thought about that day didn't come. Then, she realized she did feel something. It was a sliver of happiness. Asajj did care about her, always had. _Huh._ Apparently, the forgiveness she had given for Asajj’s benefit had given her something, as well. She smiled warmly. “Thanks. But, if you want to make it up to me, don't worry about it anymore. That’s in the past. Now, we only think about the future. And, the future starts right inside that door.” She paused and then reached out on instinct, holding out her hand invitingly. “Ready?”  

Uncertain eyes fluctuated between hope and doubt. Eventually, Asajj squared her shoulders and took Barriss’ hand firmly. “Alright, we’ll try this your way, kid. Never know. Stranger things have happened.”

Barriss grinned. “Believe me, you have no idea.”

_______

“I know you're upset. Pretending you're not doesn't change our situation, you know,” Barriss stated evenly.

Ahsoka sighed in annoyance. “I really hate it when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Give me logic when I'm upset. Sometimes people just get upset and they also don't want to talk about it. Telling them sensible reasons for why they shouldn't be feeling the way they're feeling is annoying.”

Barriss studied her impassively.

“Oh Gods, not that look too! Will you just quit it already? I don't want to talk about it. End of story.”

“Fine. Sit around moping for another two days. Let me know when you're feeling less irrationally-inclined.”

She groaned in frustration. “You're not exactly making it easy, you know. It's hard to communicate with someone who tells you you're being irrationally-inclined.”

Barriss lowered her eyes. “Alright, I'm sorry. I don't like it when you're upset. I really don't like it when I don't know why you're upset. So, I suppose, I… overcompensate.”

Ahsoka stared at her in surprise. “That may be the best apology for being secretly irrationally-inclined to a person who's not so secretly irrationally-inclined that I've ever heard.”

Barriss rolled her eyes, but her mouth was twitching. “You are impossible.”

“That's the goal. To remind you how amazing you really are for putting up with me.”

This time Barriss couldn't hide the smile. She crossed from the other side of the fire and sat next to Ahsoka.

Ahsoka grinned, leaning back against a log, and put her arms out to Barriss.

“Uh-huh. You don't get off that easy. I've been walking on eggshells for two days!”

She felt petulant now. “Well, that happens when you forget to mention a major relationship to the woman you love, and then get annoyed at her for being annoyed about it.”

Barriss exhaled deeply. “This is about Asajj. Fine. What do you want to know?”

“Nothing! Well, anything you want to tell me, but that's not what I'm upset about. I just don't know why you never mentioned her, not even in passing. She's clearly important to you. And, we've talked about everything important to us. At least, I did. I thought you—thought we—Oh, nevermind. You're right, I'm being irrational.” Ahsoka was annoyed at herself for still feeling annoyed now.  
  
An unreadable expression appeared in Barriss’ eyes. Then, she laid her head on Ahsoka's chest and took one of her hands, weaving their fingers together.   
  
Ahsoka stiffened in surprise at the abrupt change, but quickly wrapped her arm around Barriss, rubbing her shoulder gently.   
  
"Ahsoka, I don’t—" Barriss paused, stroking her thumb over their interlocked fingers before continuing, “you're right. I should have told you about her. I don't know why I didn't. She was—she is important to my life. I guess, I was pretending Asajj didn't exist. She hurt me a very long time ago, the real me. And, she reminds me of how I was… before. Maybe, even what I turned into after. I don't really know. I just wanted to forget. I almost had, until I saw her again the other day. I'm sorry.”   
  
The sad, penitent blue eyes gazed into hers and Ahsoka’s annoyance vanished. “Hmm, guess you were right about that whole ‘talking about it’ thing. Perhaps, you should try it sometime. There's nothing like communication to combat irrationality. I feel better already.” She lifted one eyebrow in a fair imitation of Barriss.   
  
The eyebrow in question rose in semi-exasperation, but Barriss snuggled closer. “You are so… endearing. I can't believe I've put up with it for so long.” She sighed happily.   
  
Ahsoka grinned and tightened her embrace. “You have amazing fortitude in the face of such difficult circumstances. But, it could be worse. You could be me and have to somehow stay mad at you for two days, while you parade around camp looking mesmerizing.”   
  
A small chuckle came from the woman on her chest. “Such a tough life you lead. I'll try to make myself less distracting next time.”   
  
She kissed the top of Barriss’ head. “Absolutely not.”   
  
Barriss snuggled even closer. “So, let me tell you a story—about a girl, a gang, and a lock.”   
  
Ahsoka smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think Barriss is just as much a motivator to Asajj as Rex is. Perhaps, Barriss having faith in her will give her the foundation she needs. I guess we will see. I hope so, for Rex's sake. 
> 
> Also, Ahsoka and Barriss are cute even when they fight. Has anyone else noticed this? ;-)


	29. Resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We rejoin our heroines two years later to see how the rebellion is progressing.  
> One old friend and one new friend make an appearance.
> 
> [2 years later]

Ahsoka found Barriss sleeping on her desk, papers strewn haphazardly, a quill still in her hand. Putting down the cup of Chandrilan leaf tea she had made for her, Ahsoka gently touched the woman’s shoulder. It turned into a firm grip as Barriss nearly jumped out of the chair. “It’s just me.”

She slumped back into her seat. “Oh. What do you need?”

“I need you.” Ahsoka smiled invitingly.

Barriss seemed to miss the implied offer. “Can it wait? I’ve still got a lot to do before I have to go to Naboo in the morning.”

Ahsoka's brows furrowed. “Barriss, you have been working non-stop. You have to take a break. I just found you asleep on a desk! And, don’t give me some nonsense about having drifted off for a minute. This is me you’re talking to. I know what it takes for you to pass out from exhaustion.”

“I’ll rest later,” Barriss replied vacantly, “I told you. I have a lot to do.”

“No. You’ll rest now.” Ahsoka plucked the quill from Barriss’ hand and tossed it across the room.

Eyes flashed with anger as Barriss flew to her feet, face hardening with every word. “It’s not like I’m doing this for fun, you know! If I don’t get these out, our people won’t know what to do for the next operation. If they don’t know what to do, our communication channels may be disrupted. If they get disrupted, people will die. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand,” Ahsoka stated fiercely, “what I understand is that you can’t do everything. We have other people who can do some of these things. You just don’t trust them to do it. So, you stay up all night and work through the day, passing out at your desk when you can’t go on. Now tell me, Barriss Offee, master strategist, does that sound like an efficient and effective long-term plan? Why don’t you calculate the odds on what will happen when you literally can’t function anymore and the rest of us have no idea what is going on?”

The woman opened her mouth to argue, but Ahsoka could see her mind calculating. She couldn’t resist, apparently. Barriss closed her mouth tightly as she slumped back into her chair.

“Please, Barriss.” Ahsoka moved behind her and started massaging her shoulders. "Come to bed. Take a break. Rest for a while. _Please._ ”

Barriss exhaled tiredly and leaned back into the massaging motion of Ahsoka’s arms. “Ok, I will try to do better. But, I can’t tonight. There is no time to show anyone else how to do these particular communications before I have to leave.”

 _Got ya._ Ahsoka smiled happily. She draped her arms over Barriss’ shoulders and leaned over, kissing her temple gently. Then, she whispered, “You can show them tomorrow, because I’m going to Naboo.”

“You’re what?” Barriss jerked her head sideways to look into her eyes.

Ahsoka circled to the front of the chair and pulled Barriss to a standing position. She wrapped her arms around her, speaking firmly, “I’m going. You’re staying here. You have work to do and people to train. I’ll meet the contact, while you do that. It’s not like I haven’t been Fulcrum before, you know.”

“I know. But, you hate doing it.” Barriss probed her eyes searchingly. “And, you hate Naboo.”

“My dear,” Ahsoka replied with a wicked grin, “I’d go to worse places than Naboo, if it meant you’d come to bed right now.”

The Mirialan gave a shy smile in return, before her expression turned serious again. “I don’t know. You don’t know the contact. It could be awkward. He’s a bit skittish.”

Ahsoka cupped a hand on Barriss’ cheek, rubbing her thumb across the diamond tattoos. “Don’t worry, I’ll give him my best princess charm. It will be fine. Just tell me the name, rendezvous point, and the signal. I can handle the rest. I promise.”

A defeated grin crept onto Barriss’ face. “Alright. You win again. His name is Lux and the—”

“Lux Bonteri?!” Ahsoka dropped her hands from Barriss in shock.

“Yes… I take it you actually _do_ know him?”

 _Lux. Lux is alive. And, a spy for the rebellion._ Ahsoka smiled softly.

Barriss was staring intently at her. “Ahsoka? Do you know him?”

She nodded with a happy smile, distant memories floating through her mind.

“Um, you know him well, then?” Barriss’ voice sounded slightly annoyed.

Ahsoka refocused on her and grinned shrewdly. “Maybe, I don’t know. Depends on how you define ‘well’.”

Intense eyes flashed. “How do _you_ define ‘well’?”

Sudden inspiration struck her and Ahsoka replied, “Hmm, I guess I’d say I know him well. I mean, he did ask me to marry him.”

A look of utter shock, disbelief, and annoyance permeated Barriss’ face. “Is that right? And, yet, you’ve never mentioned him.”

Ahsoka tried to look abashed and said innocently, “Well, it was a long time ago. I had almost forgotten about it.”

Barriss’ expression clearly indicated that this was not an acceptable answer.

“I could tell you the story, I suppose, _if_ you come to bed.” She leaned in and pressed her lips against Barriss’, but felt resistance. Ahsoka pulled her closer, speaking apologetically, “It really was a long time ago. And, it didn’t mean much, so I didn’t ever think about telling you the story. But, I will now. Ok?” Ahsoka kissed her forehead gently, and massaged the arms she was holding.

Barriss sighed. “Ok, you’re three for three tonight, I guess.” She reached out a hand, tracing her fingers over the white face markings. Piercing, beckoning blue eyes drifted to Ahsoka’s own and Barriss smiled shyly. “Let’s go to bed.”

_______

Ahsoka scanned the surrounding area and saw nothing. She was worried. Lux was late—very late. Ahsoka wasn’t sure what to do. In theory, she should just leave and assume he was unavoidably detained. Then, they would try to make contact again through another channel. However, there was a buzzing in the back of her mind pushing her to do the exact opposite of the protocol.

She decided to wait a few minutes longer. If there was still no Lux, she would do some small investigation in the city, starting with the council building. Then, head to common rebel meeting points. If that didn’t work, she would try to make contact with one of the other cell members. It wasn’t much of a plan by Barriss standards, but it was a pretty extensive for Ahsoka. _Huh. I think I’m getting better at this._

Suddenly, a figure came running down the alleyway, searching frantically. It wasn’t Lux, though. Ahsoka thought the figure was girlish, either a small species or a young human based on size. However, the most notable feature was the Mandalorian armor. Mandalorians were a kingdom all their own and had mostly stayed neutral during the reign of Palpatine. They were too busy fighting internal wars to worry about other kingdoms. As a result, Palpatine had left them to destroy themselves. Though, Barriss had said they still paid him a tribute for the privilege of wiping themselves out. Seeing a Mandalorian outside of their kingdom’s borders was unusual. Even more unusual was the armor itself, which was painted in a loud, decorative style. _Well, that’s… different._

The Mandalorian was still moving swiftly down the alley, scanning every nook and cranny. This was either a rebel looking for her or a random criminal who just happened to have chosen the same meeting place. She discounted the idea of a spy from Palpatine. His spies weren’t creative enough to try this unique of an approach. _Only one way to find out._ Ahsoka stepped out of the shadows in Barriss’ emerald cloak and stood in plain view.

The frantic searching stopped as the figure looked at her tentatively. “Are you Fulcrum?”

It was a girl, a young one. Ahsoka nodded.

“Thank goodness, I need your help. Please. They’ve arrested L—the contact. He’s been taken to the detention center in the city. They’ll execute him once they finish interrogating him.” The girl’s voice was steady but worried. 

Ahsoka felt a pang in her heart. She considered briefly. Lux didn’t have any information about the wider rebellion. He could probably betray some people in Naboo under interrogation, but not jeopardize the larger mission. On the other hand, Ahsoka could bring down everything if she were captured and broken. Plus, any action taken to rescue Lux would likely cause increased pressure on rebels in Naboo. Objectively, she knew what she should do. She knew what Barriss would want her to do. She also knew what Ahsoka Tano had to do. “I’ll help, if I can. Who are you?”

The girl removed her helmet, revealing hair as unique as her armor and an even younger face than expected. “My name is Sabine.”

_______

“When was Lux taken?”

Sabine stared at her as they moved through the city streets. “You know his name?”

Ahsoka nodded a hooded head.

The young Mandalorian looked suspicious, but answered the question. “This morning when he arrived at the council chambers. I don't know how they figured out he was a rebel. One of our informants saw it happen and got a message to us. I went to the detention center to confirm.”

“How did you confirm it?”

The girl grinned. “I infiltrated the center from the roof. Then, I crawled through a few support shafts, waited until the central office was empty, and accessed the prisoner records.”

 _Wow._ “Well, that's… impressive. Who else is available for a potential rescue mission?”

“Maybe, two people on short notice. We're spread thin, because there are two other operations ongoing on the other side of the city and one out in the countryside protecting some villages.”

Ahsoka sighed and then brightened. “Looks like I get to be creative today.”

Sabine stared at her strangely, as if she wasn't sure if Ahsoka was joking or serious. Then, she stopped walking and faced her. “No offense, but how do I know I can trust you? For all I know, you killed Fulcrum and took her place. They found out about Lux. What's to say they didn't get Fulcrum, as well? I don't know the pre-planned codes you and Lux had to test you, either.”

“Well, we didn't have any actually,” Ahsoka replied, “the location and the color of my cloak was the signal, since we've made contact previously. However, the rest of what you said is true. I can tell you that I _am_ who I say I am. But, that's what an imposter would say, isn't it? I guess you don't really have much of a choice at the moment. Hmm… how about you take me to a minor safehouse, where no one will be in danger? Then, we'll talk it over when you can see my face and decide for yourself.”

After considering for a moment, the girl replied, “Alright, we'll try it your way. But, if you betray us, you won't live to regret it.”

“Fair enough.” Ahsoka kind of liked this one. She could only be thirteen at most and was already capable, smart, and suspicious. A perfect rebel, Barriss would say. Still, something simmering beneath the surface made Ahsoka suspect there was much more to this girl than flashy armor and infiltration abilities. She wanted to find out what.

They finally reached a small, nondescript building that was, presumably, a rebel safehouse. No one else was inside. Sabine led her to an inner room and gazed at her expectantly.

Ahsoka removed not just her hood, but her entire cloak. She stood in her full battle armor, Mandalorian swords at her sides, and a grin on her face. “Well?”

Sabine’s mouth dropped open, eyes immediately drawn to the swords, followed quickly by a scan of her Togruta features. “You—you're… You're not her? Are you?”

“I don’t know.” Ahsoka grinned again. “You'll have to be more specific. I am many things.”

The girl glared and held out her hand. “Your short sword, please?”

Ahsoka flipped it expertly around in her hand and held it out, hilt facing her inquisitor.

Sabine took it, examined it carefully, and then looked up with awe in her face. “You are her.”

“Indeed. Though, I’d prefer if you’d just call me Ahsoka. If you keep calling me ‘her’, we’re going to have issues communicating.”

The girl grinned slightly and handed the sword back, a hint of amazement in her eyes.

Ahsoka smiled encouragingly. “Well, my Mandalorian friend—if I've passed inspection—I think it's time you and I figure out how to save the day.”

Sabine’s face lit up excitedly, for once looking like the young girl she was. “We're so going to win.”

_______

“Lux! Wake up!” Sabine’s young voice echoed around the small room of the safehouse.

He opened his eyes groggily and then winced.

Ahsoka placed a restraining arm on his chest. “Don’t move too much. You have quite a few injuries, courtesy of your friendly, neighborhood interrogators.”

Lux jerked his head toward her and squinted in the dim lighting. “A-A-Ahsoka? No. Can’t be. I’m hallucinating now.”

She grinned. “Well, I do hope it’s a good hallucination, at least.”

He continued to stare at her with no response.

Sabine piped up from his other side. “Um, Lux, we’re not hallucinations. We just rescued you. You could at least say thank you or something.”

Lux turned his head toward her and smiled weakly. “Sorry, Sabine. But, you do realize that we are talking to a dead woman?”

Ahsoka laughed and produced a mock-hurt expression. “I’ve been called many things in my life, Lux Bonteri, but never that. You really know how to impress a girl, huh?”

He gazed unblinkingly at her. “I don’t understand. How did you get here? Why are you here? How did you survive the destruction of Shili? Where have you been? How did—”

She placed a hand on his mouth. “I’ll fill you in later. Right now, we need to get you walking. We’re not out of the woods yet.”

Releasing a painful breath, he nodded. Then, he gave a sudden start. “Wait a minute, that cloak you’re wearing… you’re not Fulcrum. I would have recognized your voice. Plus, you’re not exactly the “spymaster” type.”

Sabine turned her head sharply, observing Ahsoka carefully.

Ahsoka’s eyebrows raised amusedly. “You know me that well, huh? But, you’re wrong, you know. I am Fulcrum. I’ve never been Fulcrum for you, true. At least, not until now.”

Lux’s confusion cleared. “Ah, of course, that makes sense. Fulcrum is more than one person. The Fulcrum I’ve met is a different woman.”

She continued to apply pressure to his leg, as she wrapped it tightly. “See, I always thought you were smarter than you looked.”

He shot her a dirty look and then said dryly, “Well, I’m personally offended you chose someone else to expend your Fulcrum energies on.”

Ahsoka smiled as she worked on cleaning the burns on his arm, trying to be as gentle as possible. “Well, if I had known the super-secret, super-brave, super-reckless rebel spy was you before last week, I totally would have volunteered to come and tell you off before now.”

Sabine snorted.

Lux flashed a grin that quickly turned into a grimace at her ministrations. Then, his lips curved up into a half-smile. “Well, that’s actually a relief. I have a strong feeling Fulcrum is my soulmate, you know. And, since I know you’re not her, I still have a chance.”

Ahsoka stared at him. “Um, sure, Lux. Whatever makes you happy. Just, um, don’t make any long-term plans, k?”

He eyed her carefully. “Hmm… you’re trying to tell me something. Let me guess. You’ve already stolen her away from me, haven’t you? Ugh, not again!”

She was startled at his insightful guess and then exasperated. “Would you get over that already? I didn’t steal Talia away from you! She wasn’t serious about either of us and you know it! Besides, she got really weird. You should be thanking me.”

Lux started to chuckle, until a swift tug from Ahsoka’s hands on his freshly bandaged arm turned it into a pained whimper.

Ahsoka cringed. “I’m sorry. I’m going quickly and I’m not an expert healer.”

“Since when did you become any kind of healer, anyway?”

“Oh ye of little faith! I’ll have you know I have many skills, Lux Bonteri!”

That got a real smile from him. “I knew I wanted to marry you for a reason.”

Sabine glanced between them in disbelief. “Um, you were… going to…?”

Ahsoka chuckled. “Sorry, that’s a story for another time. We need to get Lux out of here. Let’s see if he can stand.”  

They helped him into a standing position. He was able to stand unsupported, but his walking was less steady.

“Hmm, we may have to adapt on the fly. Tell me if you feel like you might trip over your feet,” Ahsoka said.

Lux grinned. “Well, I don’t usually know it's happening until it does, you know. Remember your father’s art display? My mother insisted on sending him multiple replacement sculptures for years afterward.”

She grinned happily at the memory. “Actually, that was the best thing that happened all week! That was the most boring trade council in the history of trade councils!”

They both laughed as Sabine glared at them in annoyance. “You know, it’s not really all that interesting listening to you two talk when I have no idea what you’re talking about and, oh, soldiers of death might hunt us down at any moment.”

Lux laughed again. “Point acknowledged, Sabine. Let’s go.”

As she wrapped a cloak around his body, Ahsoka spoke tentatively, “Lux… I’m glad you’re ok. I thought you’d been killed when Onderon fell. Then, to find out you survived and were working as a rebellion spy… I’m just very glad I was wrong.”

He leaned on her shoulder unsteadily, smiling happily. “Me too. About you, I mean. And, I wouldn’t be here to talk about it, if it hadn’t been for you and Sabine. Thank you.”

Ahsoka smiled at him warmly as she flipped up the thin hood to hide his identity. “Sabine, you take point. I’ll stay near Lux, in case we need to improvise his walking.”

The girl nodded and moved stealthily out the door.

As they exited the safehouse, following Sabine’s brightly-colored helmet, Lux said softly, “Ahsoka, I am grateful for the rescue but you really shouldn’t have, you know. It was dangerous and, if you had been caught, it would have endangered everything.”

“I know. Your Fulcrum will be very unhappy with me when I get back, least of all because I’m now two days overdue now.” She laughed tightly. “But, I couldn’t just… let you die. I don’t have very many people left. And, I had just found out you were alive. To lose you again was… too much. I couldn’t deal with losing someone else, not when I could do something about it.”

Lux sighed. “I understand. I probably would have made the same choice for you.”

She smiled under her hood and moved closer to him, taking his hand.

He squeezed it and then chuckled dryly. “We sure are a couple of messed up kids, aren’t we? Though, if you and Fulcrum ever decide to call it quits, remember I’m still available for true love. Only a few kingdoms away and all.”

Ahsoka laughed and squeezed back. “Well, I’m pretty committed, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

Lux snorted. “I meant _her._ ”

_______

The worried chaos in Barriss’ mind receded as Ahsoka walked into their room, looking sheepish.

“Um, hey. So, I can explain—”

Barriss didn’t let her finish. She threw herself into Ahsoka’s arms, wrapping her hands around her neck, and kissed her desperately, not letting go.

Ahsoka smiled through the kiss, picked her up, and carried her to the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like the rebellion is really taking off. Give it another few years and we'll see where we are!  
> I hope I've made it clear that this world's rebellion would never have worked without both Barriss and Ahsoka. One balances the other. You need both skill sets/outlooks to make things work.  
> Oh, Sabine will return. I think.


	30. Negotiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A stranger wanders into rebel headquarters.
> 
> [~3 years later]

“Well, looks like I'm in the right place.”

Barriss raised an eyebrow, assessing the robed figure. “I suppose it depends on your point of view. For me, it seems like you're very much in the wrong place.”

A small chuckle came from the opposing hood. He reached up slowly, wary swords surrounding him, and pushed his hood away. The stranger was a middle-aged human with features that looked worn by time and worry. Despite this, his intelligent brown eyes still contained strength and surety. He was probably quite handsome at one time, though now seemed verging on distinguished.

He gazed at her with expectation, waiting for a quid pro quo.

She considered for a moment. The strange intruder radiated an earnestness of manner that inspired trust. Besides, there was very little risk involved. If he was an enemy, he would never be allowed to leave the base with the knowledge of its location. If he was a friend, starting off on the right foot never hurt. Barriss not only removed her hood, but her entire cloak and stood in her form-fitting dark blue tunic, arrayed with weapons and tools for his inspection.

His eyes widened at the action and it's result. Suddenly, they narrowed in anger.

Barriss was taken aback. _Does he know me?_ Then, she realized his eyes were focused slightly above and behind her head, on the bow still slung over her body.

He spoke evenly but with force, “That does not belong to you.”

 _He knows the bow. Interesting._ She replied calmly, “Actually, it does.”

“Stealing it from the ruins of the dead does not make it yours.” His voice was hard.

“I didn't.”

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “That bow belongs to the royal house of Shili. The original owner died long ago. Her line was destroyed with Shili. Tell me, then, how did you manage to obtain it? Whether you stole it directly or not is irrelevant.”

Barriss studied him impassively. He certainly seemed affected by the loss and the bow. “It belongs to me not because I stole it, or because I found it, or whatever you may imagine. It belongs to me because it was given to me… by it's rightful owner.” She spoke firmly, meeting his eyes directly.

Now, he seemed uncertain. “If what you say is true, it means a member of the royal house survived, at least long enough to bequeath a deeply personal and valued heirloom to you. And, that suggests two questions. One, is she still alive? And, two, who are you?” His face was as unreadable as stone now.

“And, you think you deserve to know the answer to both of those questions?” Barriss said dryly, “after infiltrating our base and promptly calling me a grave robber?”

He winced slightly, acknowledging her points. “I do not know what any of us deserve, but I do… wish to know.” Then, he smiled wanly. “As for your base, I only snuck in because I have been unable to secure a meeting with your leadership, despite multiple efforts. I decided, why bother with formalities?” He ended with a snarky grin, a quirked eyebrow, and a mischievous twinkle in his brown eyes.

It suddenly hit her. The knowledge of the bow, the snarky expression, the dignified demeanor… she knew exactly who this man was. Barriss had underrated Ahsoka's impressions, apparently. She was talking to Obi-Wan Kenobi.

_______

She guided him into the small anteroom she was using as a makeshift office and gestured him to a seat.

The man examined Barriss’ face for a moment, before taking the chair furthest from the door, against the back wall. It was a gesture of trust to place himself well away from the nearest escape route. It was also a challenge. He wanted to see if she would reciprocate.

Barriss chose the middle road. She placed her sword and bow on the desk and moved her chair nearer to him than the weapons, still ensuring he was not between her and the desk. Then, she shifted the chair slightly to avoid blocking his view of the door to add an extra measure of trust. And, to see if he noticed.

He did and the corners of his mouth lifted slightly. “You are an interesting rebel. Not quite what I imagined a leader of a rebellion to be. Not that I’m disappointed—quite the opposite actually. Tell me, what was your profession before you started an armed resistance movement?”

“I was many things.”

Kenobi raised his eyebrows in interest. “Such as… ?”

Barriss smiled slightly. She found herself immediately liking him, in spite of herself. Still, she needed answers at the current moment. “I will answer your question, if you answer one of mine first.”

One side of his mouth curved into a brief smile. “You want to know what I’m doing here? And, how I found you, I imagine?”

“Well, it’s not everyday Obi-Wan Kenobi wanders into rebel headquarters. So, call me curious.”

The negotiator’s eyes widened. “You know who I am. Also, interesting. I’ll add that question to my list for later. Alright… how I found you is easier to answer. You don’t have to worry about leaks or spies. I simply got in touch with a friend of mine in Naboo, who is part of one of your underground cells. He wouldn’t tell me anything directly, but he did point me in the direction of a tavern. That tavern turned out to be a stopping point for some of your group. So, I simply waited for the right moment and followed one of your people.”

Barriss was annoyed. _Who would be so foolish? First, to tip someone off to the stopover and then to be followed in?_

Kenobi must have seen the anger in her eyes and quickly added, “Before you are too harsh on your compatriots, the friend in Naboo is a long-standing one who trusts me implicitly, even considers me family. The fact that the best I could get from him was the related location is a testament to his loyalty.

“As to your soldier, well, she did her best. It did take an effort on my part to track her. I was a championship hunter in my youth, you know. I doubt any lackey of Palpatine’s would be able to repeat this series of events.”

Some of her annoyance fell away. He had a point. Still, she would talk to her people about covering their entries and exits better. Barriss refocused on Kenobi. “Thank you. It is important to know where our weaknesses are so we can ensure someone less honorable doesn’t exploit them.”

He smiled wryly. “Well, don’t give me too much credit. I did sneak in after all. Though, your soldiers captured me fairly quickly once I was inside. And, in all modesty, I’m pretty good at staying hidden. So, I can’t say security was lacking.”

She flashed him a small grin and accepted the compliment. “So, what burning question would you like answered?”

Kenobi’s eyes drifted as he considered.

Barriss could see the wheels turning. She knew what he wanted to ask as his eyes touched on the bow, but she wondered if he would surprise her.

“Who are you?”

She grinned, impressed. He was gambling on getting information that told him not just about her, but also her possible connection to the bow, and potentially fostering a positive relationship, all in one. “Well, that’s quite a question. Perhaps, my name would be the best answer… I am Barriss Offee.”

This time, his mouth gaped open in surprise. “Well then. Yes, that does tell me quite a lot.” His expression turned thoughtful, curiosity in his eyes.

Barriss observed him carefully. She was never sure how people would react to her. She had gotten everything ranging from hero worship to bitter hatred. In the years since Palpatine’s rise, she had become much more well known. Not quite on the level of ‘The Lady Jedi’ but her exploits before and after the Emperor seemed to be widely circulated. The notoriety sometimes frustrated her, but it occasionally served as an advantage. Especially, since no one ever thought to connect notorious spymaster Barriss Offee and a random Rebellion leader together.

Of course, if she was still a spy, Barriss would likely be out of business. Luckily, she rarely needed to function as that anymore. Since helping to establish the fully-formed rebellion and its various bases, she spent most of her time on logistics, organization, and training. She found the work fulfilling and rarely missed the old days of reconnaissance and infiltration. Though, Barriss did miss those days with Ahsoka. Terribly.

Kenobi eventually nodded. “Now, I suppose you want to know why I’m here. Unfortunately, I can only partially answer your question. I’m sorry to be mysterious. I know I have no right to be, since I did brazenly infiltrate your headquarters. However, I only did so to search for a specific person. He holds a leadership position in your rebellion, assuming my information is accurate. I will only share my purpose with him. I’m afraid that is the best I can do at the present moment.” He shrugged apologetically.

She didn’t sense deceit, just open sincerity in his response. _Interesting._ “Well, in that case, we had better find the person you’re looking for, hadn’t we?”

He smiled gratefully. “Thank you. He was a battalion captain from Shili and his—”

Barriss blurted out, “You’re looking for Rex?!”

The man halted in surprise. “Um, I guess that means he is here, then?”

She shook her head. “Not at the moment. He is on an assignment. It could be several days, even weeks, before they return.”

“Oh.” Kenobi couldn’t mask his disappointment. His expression turned desperate and he looked at her pleadingly, “I know you have no reason to trust me. But, I need to talk to him. It’s urgent. It’s taken me so long to find you that time is short if we are to—” He broke off abruptly, taking a deep breath. “Please, it’s a… matter of life and death to someone very important to the future of Shili, if it is ever to have one again. Please.”

Barriss ran the words through her head. For a brief moment, a futile hope sprung up in her soul that she knew couldn’t be true. She pushed it away with bitterness and examined the man in front of her. He was distressed and clearly believed what he was saying. Barriss sighed. There was no other choice for her, really. “If it’s important to the future of Shili, it’s important to me. We may not be able to reach Rex in enough time. I have to know the situation to decide the best course of action. Either way, I promise, you will have my help. What will it take for you to trust me?”

He sat in silence, contemplating her, clearly wavering between desperate trust and uncertain doubt.

“Master Kenobi,” Barriss reached over and placed a hand on his, speaking earnestly, “you asked about my bow. It was given to me by a shining girl with a warrior spirit, who told me she had never been able to master it, despite expert lessons from her mother and a very wise Master Negotiator. She said she wanted it to live on and be appreciated by someone who… understood it. I have treasured it for many years. It is not a weapon. It is a covenant, a symbol of unbreakable friendship and trust.” She stood up, retrieving the bow, and placed it in his hands. “I am offering mine to you.”

He gazed at the bow in his hands for a long moment. Then, he squared his shoulders and looked directly into her eyes with intensity. “Let’s talk, Barriss Offee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, Obi-wan, how we've missed you.


	31. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss and Obi-Wan find an old friend, and Obi-Wan finally gets answers.

“You should have this back.” Obi-Wan Kenobi handed her the bow.

Barriss took it gratefully, running her hand along the wood reverently, feeling relief. She had felt incomplete without it.

Kenobi observed her reaction and commented, “That was quite a sacrifice, giving it to me, not knowing if I would return it. All for a stranger, with an even stranger story.”

She smiled wanly. “It was imperative I convince you to let me help you. If what you were saying was true, I would have given up more than this to gain your trust. And, now that I know the full story, I don’t regret it.”

The man nodded in both understanding and curiosity.

She could tell he had questions—questions Barriss wasn't sure she wanted to answer, though she would have to eventually. “In any case, I am grateful to have it back.” Rising from her desk, she reset the bow on her back. "Are you sure you wouldn't like some refreshment? I'm going to make myself some Chandrilan leaf tea."

He was about to answer when a young man, with a shock of thick brown hair that looked like it had just been frantically and ineffectively brushed down by hand, rushed into the room.

The new arrival bowed slightly to her and said, “My lady, you called for me?”

Barriss pursed her lips. “Caleb, why do you insist on calling me that lately? It’s not like you haven’t called me Barriss for years.”

His emerald blue eyes shined with feigned innocence. “Rex said I was to ‘treat you like the goddess on earth that you are’ while he was gone. And, he calls you that all the time.”

She saw Kenobi raise his eyebrows in amusement. Barriss sighed. “Well, it really isn’t necessary. I’m sure Rex was joking.”

Caleb’s face took on a stubborn determination, which reminded her of the boy he had once been. “No, he was very clear. He gave me a direct order. Besides, I always like to practice my charm on beautiful ladies,” he ended with a cheeky grin.

Barriss tried not to laugh. “Fine, if it makes you happy. Anyway, I have a mission for you.”

His boyish grin turned into the confident smile of a man who was ready for action. “Reporting for duty, my lady.”

Barriss handed him a parchment filled with words she hoped were inscrutable. He reviewed it carefully and then closed his eyes. Once he opened them again, she continued, “I want you to take this message to Rex in Coruscant. He’s in a highly populated zone, so you should be able to slip in and out without attracting too much attention. You are to give the message to no one but Rex, understood?”

He handed the parchment back to her. “Understood. Don’t worry, you can count on me.”

“I know I can. Oh, take Sabine with you. She’s been going stir-crazy lately.”

Caleb grinned mischievously. “I don’t know. I was kind of hoping she’d make it to painting your office today. I think it was next on the list.”

Barriss shook her head in exasperation. “You are definitely taking her.”

He grinned again. “Your wish is my command.”

She couldn’t help a small smile this time. “Alright, let’s make sure your skills haven’t gotten rusty. The message?”

Caleb closed his eyes, picturing the words he’d just memorized. “Snips nephew alive. In danger. Old hunter friend negotiated location. Headed to city of regret. Use best judgement. Go team.” He opened his eyes expectantly.

Barriss smiled fondly at him. “You really are brilliant, you know that?”

His posture straightened as he smiled sincerely at her. “I had a good teacher.”

She walked up to him and placed an affectionate hand on his face. “Be careful. No hot shot stuff, ok?” 

Caleb's eyes glinted impishly as he held his hand to his heart. “Hey, it’s me.”

She rolled her eyes amusedly and pushed him toward the door. “I want you back here in one piece.”

The man grabbed her hand, kissed it in a courtly manner, and said, “As you wish, my lady.” Then, with one last confident grin, he was gone.

Kenobi chuckled. “He’s got spirit, that one.”

Barriss chuckled and moved back to her desk. “Yes, quite a lot of it.” She vacantly adjusted the position of a dagger, lying haphazardly in the middle of her desk, as she continued, “His village was destroyed almost ten years ago now. At the time, my… companion and I were providing healing, supplies, and relocation to anyone suffering under Palpatine’s rule. We were picking up the pieces, so to speak.

“It was a conversation with him that led us down the road you see now. He had just lost his home, his mother, his world. Yet, he still had hope for the future. You might say the rebellion, as we know it, started with the innocent faith of a determined boy.” _And, the unbreakable spirit of a shining girl._ Barriss felt the memories starting to overwhelm her and pushed them away.

The negotiator was again contemplating her curiously, but must have decided a change of topic was in order. “That message was clever. I doubt anyone would take its full meaning—except, I presume, for Rex. The ‘city of regret’ is Dantooine?”

Barriss considered his questioning, sympathetic gaze for a moment before opting for honesty. “Yes, it's where I betrayed… someone I loved deeply for reasons I thought were just and right at the time. I thought I had a greater duty and could not fail in my pursuit of it. I still hate going there because it reminds me of failure—my failure to recognize what true failure actually was.”

Kenobi studied her carefully and then shook his head. “I think you may be looking at it the wrong way. It sounds to me as if it was a place where you made a choice that set you on a new path. Sometimes our choices, even unwise ones, are necessary steps on the way to achieving what we are meant to be. Perhaps, you should think of Dantooine as a place where your old life ended and a new one began?”

Her first reaction was to argue. Then, she stopped, absentmindedly fingering the dagger on her desk, and rolled the idea over her mind. She shrugged. “Perhaps. In any case, if we succeed in our quest, maybe it will take on a new meaning altogether… for both of us.”

His face transformed into a genuine, open smile. “Either way, Barriss Offee, I’m honored to have you with me on the journey.”

She returned the smile warmly and said, “Well, ready to go Master Negotiator? I need to give final orders to the team who will meet us there. After that, we should get going.”

He replied with some confusion, “I thought we planned to rendezvous in 72 hours? It should only take a day or so to get there. The longer we are there, the more risk of attracting attention.”

Barriss said wryly, “You are correct. We won’t arrive until closer to the target window. However, you and I have a stop to make first. We have to pick up an old friend on the way.”

_________

Barriss pointed toward the encampment, motioning him to approach from the other side.

Kenobi nodded and started moving stealthily among the trees.

She had been impressed with his ability to stay hidden. He hadn’t been exaggerating his skill. Despite him seeming to have a noticeable, authoritative presence when standing in a room, his form had a natural subtlety to it that seemed to blend into the background when he was on the move. Probably, what had made him a master hunter in his younger days. _And, maybe, even a master negotiator in his later ones._

She crept through the brush carefully, trying to ascertain the camp’s inhabitants.

An amused voice drifted in from her left, “Not quite what I expected. I think you’ve gotten rusty.”

Barriss spun around, a grin lighting her face. “Well, I didn’t want to scare you.”

Asajj Ventress stood a few feet away, sword drawn but hanging limply by her side. She had a rich, purple cloak over her stylish black, leather outfit and looked positively radiant. “Likely story. Though, I did lose track of your friend. Where did he run off to?”

A deep voice came from behind her, “He’s not too far away.”

It was Asajj’s turn to spin around in surprise as Obi-Wan Kenobi held her at swordpoint. “Kenobi. Now, where did you come from? Of all the people I expected to sneak into my camp, you were nowhere on the list.”

He grinned charmingly. “Well, I do like to keep unpredictability in our relationship, my dear. I hear it is the path to true love.”

Asajj rolled her eyes and snorted.

Barriss glanced between them in confusion. “I take it you two know each other?”

“What?” Asajj held her hand to her heart in shock. “Barriss Offee doesn’t know something? This day is just full of wonders!”

Lifting her eyes to the heavens, Barriss turned to Kenobi, who still held Asajj under a wary sword. “It’s ok. Asajj is who we came for.”

He stared at her in disbelief. “This is your old friend? The person we came all this way to find?”

Asajj grinned in snarky delight. “Oh, Barriss, you do care!”

Barriss gave him a sardonic expression. “Yes, against my better judgement, this is her.” Kenobi still looked unconvinced, so Barriss walked between them and placed a hand on his sword. “Trust me.”

He sighed and put his sword away, still looking warily at Asajj.

The woman lifted her eyebrows in interest at the exchange and then said, “Now, what can I do for the lady of the rebellion and her newly acquired master negotiator?”

Barriss smiled affectionately. She was actually very happy to see Asajj again. She was rewarded with a genuine smile from the woman in question. Barriss reached out and grasped her hand, feeling the pressure returned warmly. “We need your help. I need your help. Rex needs your help.”

Asajj’s expression turned serious. “Tell me.”

________

“Ventress, how did you go from ruthless bounty hunter to bleeding heart rebel?” Kenobi’s expression was serious, but his eyes held impish amusement.

She growled, “Don’t be insulting, Kenobi. I’m not anything of the kind.” Her eyes softened slightly. “I just… have debts to pay.”

The man regarded her doubtfully. “That may be true. But, it’s more than that. You’ve changed considerably since the last time we met. I know it’s been a few years, but still. The difference is remarkable.”

Asajj was silent.

He continued, “And, it’s clear you care greatly for Barriss. You might be able to hide that from most people, but not from me. I see it in your eyes.”

“And that surprises you? That I would care for someone? I’m not a monster, Kenobi.”

He looked stunned at her vehemence. “I never thought you were. I only meant that, in my experience, you weren’t big on trusting people. You didn’t… allow yourself to care. Call me crazy, but I’m fascinated.”

Asajj chuckled. “I suppose that’s true. Perhaps, I just finally found someone I felt willing to take the risk for?”

Kenobi nodded. “And, would that be Barriss? Or, Rex?”

She jumped slightly.

He continued quickly, “I noticed when Barriss mentioned his name that your posture changed. I thought, maybe, he was the one who… inspired the change.”

Asajj grinned with trademark snark. “Well, maybe or maybe not. You know you like it much better when I’m mysterious, anyway.”

“True.” Kenobi grinned. “I’d hate to know all the answers. I like you much better when I have no idea what to do with you.”

She produced a real grin this time. “As for Barriss, yes, she is… important to me. Maybe, I’ll tell you the story one day, if you’re a really good boy and behave.”

Kenobi laughed. “I look forward to it.” He glanced around quickly, probably ensuring Barriss wasn’t returning from her perimeter checks, before he asked, “Can you tell me… do you—do you know what happened to Ahsoka Tano, Princess of Shili?”

Barriss drew a sharp intake of breath at the question. She had indeed returned and was listening from the treeline. She had stopped there, feeling the need for solitary reflection, when their conversation had caught her interest.

Asajj stared impassively at him, eyes reflecting in the dim firelight, and Barriss couldn’t tell what the woman was feeling. The voice was soft when she finally replied simply, “She’s dead.”

Obi-Wan scrunched his face up tightly and put a hand to his head, massaging his temples. He took a deep, unsteady breath. “When and how?”

She replied mechanically, “Almost two years ago, now. Palpatine's enforcer struck her down. We were trying to save a village in Felucia and he was there. Ahsoka took him on to give the others time to escape. She didn’t make it.” Her voice wavered, “Barriss almost died that day, as well. When Ahsoka went down, Barriss—I’ve never seen her fight like that. Rex got her out before… that thing could finish her off.

“Barriss was—she loved her, you know. And, Ahsoka her. They were like two sides of a datari coin. Unique and valuable individually, but when put together something more, something… they were meant to be. We weren’t sure, after it happened, if Barriss was going to—” Asajj broke off, her voice now thick with emotion.

Kenobi nodded sadly, as if everything now made sense to him. He put his hand on Asajj’s and she smiled briefly at him.

Barriss realized she had tears streaming down her face. _Ahsoka, why did you leave me?_ She rose unsteadily, heading deeper into the woods, before she found a quiet place to collapse and unleash the fresh grief within her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was... depressing.  
> But hey, Asajj is back!


	32. Memories are Windows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss deals with old memories.

_“Anakin, please… don’t make me do this. Just let everyone leave.”_

_“I’ll consider it. If you join us. You can still achieve your destiny.”_

_“A destiny of murder, destruction, and pain? No, thanks. I don’t know who you are, behind that mask. You’re not my brother.”_

_“You’re right. I’m better, more powerful than Anakin Skywalker ever was. You are just too weak to see it.”_

_Ahsoka had tears streaming from her face. “Anakin, please. Don’t make me fight you. Please… I’m sorry. I wish I could change the past. I wish I could fix whatever went wrong. You can still come back. I’ll be there. I won’t leave you. Not this time.”_

_There was a long pause. Then, a vicious, terrible laugh echoed across the village and the masked enforcer spoke coldly, “Anakin Skywalker might have listened. He was weak. I destroyed him.”_

_They stood silently in the black night, flames of destruction shining harsh and terrible glows… anguished, fierce eyes facing a dark mask of impenetrable evil. A verdant gleam from a sword seem to glow strangely, while motionless bodies and burning houses encircled them in an terrible landscape. A landscape of death._

_Barriss heard herself screaming, “Ahsoka, no, please don’t! It’s just like I—no!!”_

_Ahsoka’s hand rose forcefully to stop her, sorrowful but serene eyes gazing from across the fiery depths of the village. Her mouth moved silently, “I love you.”_

_Then, Ahsoka flew forward, swords swinging viciously, matched by an equally furious blade. She was like a whirlwind of speed and energy, buffeted and repulsed by an immovable mountain of power and strength._

_Barriss heard herself screaming again and again. Running. Screaming. Screaming in pain and anguish. In loss. In failure…_

 

“Barriss. Barriss! Look at me. Wake up!”

Barriss slowly surfaced from her nightmare. She saw two faces peering at her in abject concern. She took a few deep breaths. “It’s ok, Asajj. I’m ok.”

Asajj and Kenobi both sighed in relief.

Barriss gripped Asajj’s hand. She still hated feeling like a burden, made worse by helpless faces whenever she woke up screaming. “I’m sorry. I haven’t had one of those in a while. This mission must be bringing up bad memories.”

Asajj squeezed her hand. “Understandable. I’m sorry. I’m not as good as Rex at this. I tried what he usually does but it—well—I’m sorry.”

“Really, it's ok.” Barriss smiled warmly. “He isn’t always successful, either. Even Ah-Ahsoka failed every once in a while. I appreciate the effort.”

The woman shook her head but did look slightly relieved.

Kenobi cleared his throat gently. “Well then. It’s almost light. I propose we just call it a night and have an early breakfast. I’ll even cook it.”

They both smiled at him gratefully. His eyes twinkled in response, as the sun started to rise behind him.

_______

“Barriss, I wanted to say… I’m sorry about Ahsoka. She was an amazing woman and I—well, she was very special to me. I know you must miss her terribly. I’m not sure any of this matters to say, or if I should even bring it up. I just wanted you to know that she was loved by many, even old hunters who negotiate their way inside secure bases.”

She glanced at the man walking beside her. His expression was mournful but sincere. Ahsoka was a topic she usually avoided, but this time it felt different. Barriss finally replied, “Thank you. I don’t talk about her often. But, not because she doesn’t deserve it.”

Kenobi nodded in understanding. “I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. I lost someone very dear to me a long time ago. I still don’t talk about her often. The pain is still there, under the surface. It fades in intensity over time, but it’s always there. For a while, I tried to hang on to that intensity. I felt like somehow, if I didn’t, I was… forgetting her. Then, I realized, I had to move on—at least a little. To be the person she had loved, the person she believed in, required… sacrifice.”

Barriss nodded this time. “It took me a while to realize that. I knew she would be disappointed in me, if I didn’t live.” _That’s not living, Barriss. That’s just walking around in purgatory, never reaching a destination._ “Anyway, I decided to continue the dream we’d started together. And, here we are. Ironically, if I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here now and we wouldn’t be working together to save her legacy.” She paused thoughtfully. “I think she’d be pleased.”

He smiled warmly. “I think you’re right.”

She smiled in return, feeling a measure of comfort in his presence. Barriss wanted to return the favor. “You know, she was very fond of you. I think you came into her life at a point where she could have—well, things could have gone very differently. You taught her something that she never forgot, about persistence in discovering who she was meant to be. It was a lesson she tried to teach to me several times in our relationship. A lesson I have tried to pass on to others, like Caleb. So, you might say, your legacy is one of inspiring others to be… something more than what they think they are.”

Kenobi faltered mid-step. His eyes welled up slightly as he said, “Thank you. I… that’s nice to know.”

She slipped her arm in his as they continued walking, grinning mischievously. “Plus, she could do a great impression of you. How do you think I knew who you were, when you stumbled into our camp?”

He laughed with pleasure. “Well, I don’t even want to imagine. Now, I’m picturing my face on Ahsoka’s body. And, I’m afraid. Very afraid.”

The mental image made Barriss start to convulse with laughter, as well.

Asajj glared back at them from her forward position. “Are you sure you two don’t want to laugh a little louder? There might be some soldiers who didn’t hear you in Coruscant.”

Obi-Wan and Barriss looked appropriately chastened and Asajj shook her head in frustration, but her eyes held pleasure.

Barriss smiled. _Probably, happy to see me laughing._ _It’s been a while since I’ve laughed like that._

He turned toward Barriss, placing his hand over the one still holding his arm. “If we have time, I’d like to see you use the bow, assuming you don’t mind. It’s been a long time since I have seen it in action. And, you must be amazing to behold, if Ahsoka felt you were worthy of carrying it.”

Barriss was surprised but pleased. “For you? Absolutely.”

Obi-Wan grinned, and his face was suddenly younger, like he must have looked in his hunter youth. It was charming and boyish.

She felt truly happy for a moment. Talking to him about Ahsoka was comforting and not painful. She found joy in the realization and wanted to take advantage of the reprieve. “In the meantime, let me tell you a story about a shining young warrior, an emotionally-challenged spy, and a long night in a pit.”

His eyes lit up. “Now, _that_ sounds like the beginning of a legend.”

_______

_“Barriss. Barriss. Look at me. Please.”_

_She looked at him, smiled weakly, and then looked back at the thatched roof. Barriss missed seeing the stars. She tried to imagine where each one would be over her head, if she were laying outside, next to a fire, in Ahsoka's arms. Her star would be right there. Still shining. Still making the other stars look bad. Barriss giggled a little._

_She felt a hand on her forehead but she didn't look. It didn't matter. It wasn't her._

_“I think she's got a fever.”_

_“I don't understand. I thought the wounds were healing. She was supposed to be able to walk by now. There was no sign of infection.”_

_“Rex, I think this is something different.”_

_Barriss giggled again. They sounded so serious. So, confused. When it was so obvious. She thought about telling them, but this was more fun._

_“Asajj… what do we do?”_

_Barriss thought Rex sounded strange. Like he was very sad. She reached a hand out toward him. “It's ok. Don't be sad, Rexy. I'll be able to see the stars again soon.”_

_Rex took her hand. He looked like he was going to cry. She reached over with her other hand to touch the side of his face. “Don't be sad. Ahsoka wouldn't like it. She doesn't like us to be sad.”_

_He scrunched up his face in a way that made Barriss giggle again. She dropped her hands and turned back to the roof, picturing the stars above them._

 

When Barriss Offee awoke to strange fingers stroking her forehead and murmuring voices floating around her, she barely noticed.

Her eyes were gazing blankly at the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan and Barriss are a bonded pair already, it seems.  
> Don't worry. Things will get better. Maybe.


	33. Life Interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are not always what they seem in life.

“Have you reconsidered my offer?”

“Have you reconsidered mine?” The woman fixed him with a fierce expression and stretched her hand through the bars invitingly.

He stared, unmoving, a mask of blankness. “I may not be able to protect you for much longer. He will figure it out, eventually.”

She shrugged, resting her hand loosely on the cold metal. “You must do what you feel is right, of course.”

He continued to gaze at her in silence.

After a few moments, she lifted the hand and reached out again. “I’m always here. When you’re ready. One way or… the other.”

He looked at the hand. Then, he turned and walked away.

The woman stepped back from the cell door and sank into her small cot, pulling her knees to her chest. She was tired. So tired. Still, she had hope. 

Ahsoka Tano always had hope. And, nothing could take it from her. 

_______

Dantooine was too quiet. The streets were silent, the buildings still, the tradesman scarce. Barriss surveyed the area nervously. Something wasn’t right. She faded back into the alleyway and pulled her cloak more tightly around her. 

Her first instinct was to exit the city immediately. But, she needed more information. If this was a trap, she needed to know now. If it wasn’t, something terrible had happened that might change their entire strategy.

Barriss stealthily climbed the wall of a nearby building and crept across the roof to get a better view of the city. There was nothing out of place. No obvious signs of catastrophe or entrapment. Barriss sighed in annoyance. Something wasn’t right and she had no idea what it was.

She made her way back down and headed to a local bar. As she entered, a few patrons looked up quietly from their drinks but didn’t seem overly interested in her. She sat at a table, until the proprietor came over. Barriss ordered a high-priced drink that made his eyes light up with greed. She commented casually, “Seems kind of quiet around here. Last time I was in the city, it was a hive of activity.”

The Ithorian glanced at her warily. But, he apparently didn’t want to upset a valuable customer who ordered top tier beverages and replied, “Yeah, it’s been like that for a week or so now. Palpatine’s squads came in and cleared out a lot of the bounty hunter gangs and other organizations in a big sweep. Kind of funny, actually, the troops left right afterward. As if they didn’t care about the place anymore, now that they had done their work. Of course, the clientele moved on. Some of the locals and those missed in the raid are too nervous to pop back up yet. I imagine it will get back to normal eventually. Life goes on, as they say.” He nodded and went to fix her drink. 

Barriss felt relieved but also interested. Palpatine had thus far seemed uninterested in the criminal underbelly of the kingdoms.  _ What’s changed, I wonder? _

She sipped her delivered drink and observed the occupants of the bar. One in particular seemed out of place. His hood was up and he had a drink in his hand, but it was barely touched. He—she thought it was a man anyway, based on the legs, though you never could tell—was trying to look nonchalant but his posture had a stiffness to it. She noticed him casually surveying the bar’s occupants every couple of minutes, as if he was simply lost in thought. She could tell he was listening to conversations carefully, though.  _ Spy? Soldier? Rebel? Criminal? Simply someone who was new to this kind of life?  _ There were many explanations for such behavior. Either way, he wasn’t very skilled at blending in.

Barriss considered her options. She could head back, stay and observe, confront directly, or… try the indirect approach. She smiled beneath her hood, rose from her table, and quickly sat down in front of him.

He jerked back in his chair with a small gasp. 

She leaned forward and put a sweet, slightly clueless tone into her voice, “Hey there. Mind if I join you? You seem like you know what’s what around here. I’m new in town and—” she added a slightly inviting tone to her voice, “I’m always looking for… company.”

The hood stared at her for a moment before replying in a high-pitched, slightly panicked voice, “Sorry, I’m, um, new here too. I wouldn’t be of any help.”

It was a he. And, he sounded younger than she expected. Barriss decided to dial up the pressure. “Ohhh, that’s too bad. Well, we could always figure it out together. Like I said… I like company.” Her voice had taken on the come hither tone that Ahsoka had always found so amusing. 

“Um, uh, no thanks. I’ve got—gotta get going.” He jumped up quickly, throwing some credits on the table, and practically ran from the bar.

Barriss grinned, also threw some credits down, and moved after him. She trailed him through the streets by rooftop, noting the way he moved.  _ Definitely a soldier. But, not a very experienced one. _ She watched him arrive at a nondescript building in the middle of the city. A building that looked wrong.  _ Interesting.  _

She observed the location for a bit longer and then headed expeditiously back to camp.

_______

Ahsoka Tano laughed. It felt strange and yet so normal. She was seated on her cell’s excuse for a bed, leaning against the wall for support. It was a common pose. Standing up had been so tiring lately.

Her visitor spoke excitedly, “I’m serious! This woman was totally propositioning me. I’m telling you!”

Ahsoka shook her head at the young man.  _ He is so young and vulnerable. I wish I could save him.  _ “Well, I’m glad your outing was eventful at least. So, what did you say?” she asked teasingly.

His tanned complexion took on a red tinge. “I don’t really remember. I think I said no. Then, I ran.”

Ahsoka laughed again. “Well, was she at least attractive?”

Ezra considered. “I couldn’t really see much under her hood. I’d never seen her in the bar before. She said she had just arrived to the city. Still, she had a nice voice.” He continued with his usual cocky grin, “And, clearly she has great taste in men.” 

She smiled fondly at the teenager. Ezra had been assigned to her guard detail for only two short months, but she had already felt his positive impact on her often despairing mind. He was a jewel of light in her meager existence. 

Ahsoka said thoughtfully, “I thought you said they cleared all the illicit organizations out of the city?”

Ezra replied confusedly, “Yeah, they did. Why?”

“Just curious what she is doing here. It’s not like Dantooine is a busy metropolis or anything. The only reason people come here is to conduct illegitimate business.”

His face turned thoughtful. “Maybe she has family here? Wait, I know! She asked the proprietor where everyone was. So, that must be it. She just didn’t know until she got here!”

Ahsoka was impressed. “Very possible. Good reasoning, Ezra!”

The young man puffed out his chest and grinned. He reminded Ahsoka of her young self—desperate for praise, but overly confident in her own abilities. He deserved better than enslavement to an evil empire. His eager spirit would be crushed one day. Ahsoka hoped she wasn’t still alive to see it happen in front of her.

Still, something about this woman didn’t ring true. When she had found out the state of things, she had persisted. Any criminal worth their salt would have been on the first horse out of town. Sticking around was just asking to be noticed and would provide no apparent benefit. For unknown reasons, Ahsoka was very interested in this strange woman.

Ezra was observing her face thoughtfully. “Do you think I should try to find her again? Maybe… she is up to something?”

Ahsoka shook her head. “I wouldn’t bother. She’s probably not worth the effort. Unless, of course, you were just hoping to take her up on her offer?” She grinned mischievously.

The boy looked positively mortified and stammered out, “N-n-no, I just—”

She held up her hands in apology. “I was just teasing you, buddy, don’t worry.”

He grinned bashfully. “I knew that.”

Ahsoka hid a smile. “So, anything else to report?”

His face lit up. “Yep. While I was in the bar I heard some people talking about how a bunch of prisoners were freed near Kashyyyk last month. Nothing new there. More rebel stuff. Boring. I only kept listening because I wanted to have a new story for you. But, then it got good! Apparently, the raid on the labor camp was led by the Lady of the Rebellion herself! These guys were there and they saw her take down thirty soldiers on her own!”

Ahsoka caught her breath, gripping her cot tightly. “This Lady of the Rebellion… is she well known?”

He stared at her in disbelief. “You're joking, right?”

“Ezra, I've been stuck in here a long time with no one to talk to, until you. So, just assume I don't know who anyone is.”

He still looked incredulous but expanded, “She's only like the most famous rebel of all time. Even my Sergeant said he hoped to never meet her in battle. When she leads a mission, they never fail. They say she founded the entire rebellion, but no one really knows if that's true. No one even knows who she is or where she came from.”

Ahsoka felt desperate joy building within her, but was afraid to let it in. “Wow, sounds mysterious. So, no one knows what she looks like? How do you know she's even real?”

Ezra’s eyebrows knitted in perplexed thought. “Well, I guess I don't. But, a bunch of people have seen her, so she must be. The only thing anyone knows about her is that she wears a dark blue cloak, always carries a bow, and never misses a shot.”

Overwhelming happiness blossomed in Ahsoka’s tired soul. _Barriss, you crazy, beautiful, amazing girl. You didn't give up. Gods, I love you._ She said, “Well, she sounds amazing. Maybe you should join the Rebellion and then you'll get to meet her?”

He seemed uncomfortable. “No, I don't think I can do that.”

“Why not?”

Not meeting her eyes, the boy replied tentatively, “Because, I was the chosen one from my village. I went so others could live. If I ran away…” He looked like he was going to cry.

Ahsoka was so angry in that moment she could have taken down the entire garrison with her bare hands. She rose quickly and moved to the cell door, speaking softly, “I understand. Well, one day they'll be free, and so will you.”

Ezra looked doubtful. “Think so?”

She replied confidently, “I know it.”

He smiled, his lavender blue eyes shining a little more. 

“Anyway, shouldn’t you be getting back on duty? I don’t want you to get in trouble on my account. Besides, I depend on your visits to keep my spirits up!”

The boy’s face shined with pleasure for a moment, before his face fell abruptly.

“What’s wrong?”

He studied her and then said intently, “Why are you here? I mean, I assume you're a rebel, but what did you do to be put under special confinement? Why does… the lord protector visit you?”

Ahsoka sighed. His questions were natural, but she didn’t think she could manage to answer them. She didn’t even know how long she’d been here, how long she'd been trapped in a cage, how long she’d been… dead.  _ Oh, Barriss. I’m so sorry. _

She squeezed her eyes shut and pushed the emotions down into the dark part of her soul. It's gaping maw became larger everyday, feeding on rising despair. But, she refused to let it swallow her hope. Ahsoka would die before she let that happen. 

When she came back to herself, Ezra was watching her with concern. “I-I’m sorry if I upset you. I didn’t mean to—”

“No, it’s ok. They were perfectly reasonable questions. It’s just that sometimes thinking about my life before here and the… people I left behind makes me—I’m sorry.” Ahsoka felt herself struggle to maintain control. She gripped the bars of her cell tightly, closing her eyes, and tried to shut out the memories.

She felt a warm hand on hers and her eyes flew open. 

Ezra was standing in front of her with sadness in his face. “It’s ok. I miss my home too.”

Ahsoka gripped his hand, grateful for the human contact that reminded her she was still alive. “Thanks, buddy.”

He asked timidly, “Is—the people you miss—is that who you dream about?”

She stared at him. “What do you mean?”

Ezra flushed slightly. “It’s just that, sometimes, you seem to be dreaming. And, it sounds like you’re… happy.”

“Maybe, I don’t know.” She smiled wanly. “I don’t remember my dreams very often. Do I say anything interesting?”

“Well, sometimes you say ‘I love you’, but mostly it's odd things. Like, once you repeated ‘Never gonna happen’ five times in a row.” 

Ahsoka tried to keep the smile on her face as memories started flooding her mind once again. She pushed through and said, “Hmm, must be happy then.”

Ezra was watching her carefully. “So, who do you love?”

She paused, taming the emotions, and replied, “Someone very special. She is my—we’ve known each other for what feels like my entire life. We met when I was your age, actually. We had some adventures, had some not so fun times, realized we were in love, had some more adventures, and then… well, here I am.”

“She must be very special for you to stay with her that long. Were you married?”

“I never asked her. I should have. But, I didn’t. Now, I guess it’s too late. Still, I’m not sure it matters. It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“Well, maybe you’ll see her again one day. You can ask her then!”

She tried to believe that, tried to hold on to hope. But, she felt it fading away, little by little everyday.  _ No, I refuse to give up. _ She grinned at him. “Maybe, never know.”

Suddenly, there was a sound of armor clanging far above them on the stairs. Ezra flashed her another cocky smile before tearing out of the room to resume his post. 

Ahsoka faltered weakly to her cot and collapsed, finally releasing the tears. She was tired.  _ So tired. _

_ _______ _

_ “She loved you! Worshiped you!” Barriss clashed her sword of rage against the equally furious blade opposing it. “How could you?!” _

_ There was no response from the monster in front of her.  _

_ Barriss pressed her attack, feeling fury roll through her body as she aggressively pushed him back toward the ruined buildings, alight with raging fire.  _

_ He parried and blocked her every advance with lightning-like quickness. _

_ She threw off her cloak and began to increase her speed, channeling her rage, and twisting her body too quickly for his counter-attacks to make contact. His speed was decreasing. His breathing labored.  _

_ Suddenly, a dagger flew viciously from his hand. She heard, rather than felt, it pierce her chest. Barriss couldn’t feel anything but rage. She didn’t even pause as she jerked it out and threw it to the ground, still moving forward.  _

_ He stumbled in surprise at her recovery and fell to one knee, slashing at her legs with his sword.  _

_ She spun left, slid her sword right, and slashed with furious power. Grim satisfaction filled her as she heard it slice through skin and flesh. She swiftly swung the sword back across his face, taking in the sweet sounds of agony.  _

_ The cloaked monster screamed as he rolled back and away from her.  _

_ Barriss tried to move forward, to finish her work, when she felt suddenly weak. She looked down to see blood seeping copiously onto her singlet. No. She would not give up now. She could die later.  _

_ She forced herself to move forward, but he was ready for her. He had risen and was facing her, unmoving and uncloaked, his left arm and chest covered with blood, sword hanging limply in his uninjured hand. The broken mask had cracked open in jagged lines, revealing a drawn, sunken face now decorated with a bloody gash from his right temple down to his chin.  _

_ Barriss gasped in horror at the eyes boring into her. They were a familiar, fierce blue. And… in pain—deep, miserable, aching pain.  _

_ “Barriss Offee. What are you waiting for? Finish it.” _

_ No. She felt the rage seeping out of her. Her mind shutting down. Her body falling to the ground. _

_ She laid weakly, feeling the end approaching. She heard him moving toward her. She tried to re-summon her fury, to leave this world with rage, not grief. “Do it! You’ve already destroyed my soul. Finish it!” _

_ His eyes flashed fiercely for a moment, before shifting into blank orbs of darkness. He circled her, picking up the deadly dagger, and spoke coldly, “You’ve failed her.” _

_ Barriss laughed bitterly. “If you had ever really loved her, you’d know that was impossible.” _

_ Metal pressed against her throat, accompanied by choked, erratic breathing. “It seems fitting that you should die by the dagger she so valued.”  _

_ Barriss smiled serenely, suddenly feeling neither rage nor sadness. “I would consider that an honor.” _

_ Abruptly, the dagger dropped in front of her as swords clashed above her head. She reached out a shaking hand, bringing the shining weapon to her chest tightly. Then, she peered up through a cloudy haze to see a cloaked figure fighting a monster.  _

_ A familiar voice she hadn’t heard in years said, “Get her out now! I’ll hold him here. Go!” _

_ Barriss felt herself being lifted into strong arms as she heard the voice again. “Tell her… she was right. About everything.”  _

_ She attached her eyes to the cloaked figure as it twisted wildly, scimitar constantly retreating, pulling the furious sword after it, drawing it further and further away from her. Barriss reached out weakly when her eyes lost sight of the figure, the strong arms carrying her the opposite direction. She jarred numbly across an uneven landscape, still listening to metal clanging on metal.  _

_ Then… the swords fell silent.  _

 

This time, Barriss Offee woke up crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hopefully you stuck with me long enough to make it here! You didn't really think I killed off Ahsoka did you?  
> And, looks we've picked up another member of Phoenix squadron...


	34. Shining Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss and Ezra conduct their own investigations.

“Hey! Lady! Wait!”

Barriss recognized the voice and turned around. Her mouth released an impatient breath, but she halted. The young soldier from the day before ran up to her. His hood was down and she could see he was even younger than she'd thought, perhaps fourteen at most. He had unusual lavender-blue eyes and close-cropped, black hair on a still developing, yet personable face. His skin was a tan color that complemented his other features. Barriss could see the early signs that he would likely be quite handsome, one day.

She didn't have time for this. They had put the strike on hold to investigate the building she had discovered yesterday. But, they couldn't wait forever. Her insistence on investigating could be a foolish delay and they all knew it. She needed to get rid of him quickly. Barriss shifted her voice into a semi-sultry tone and said, “Why, hello there. Did you change your mind about having company? I’m still in the market.”

He looked awkward, flushed deeply, and shook his head. But, he didn’t run. Instead he seemed intent on having a conversation. “I just wanted to, um, apologize for running away so quickly. And, um, ask if you found everything you needed?”

Barriss was struck with sudden inspiration. She changed to a friendly tone. “Well, aren't you sweet? Yes, mostly. But, there was one place I'm trying to find and I keep getting turned around or something. Do you know where the leather shop is?”

The boy brightened. “Sure! It's right next to where I—that is, I can show you if you like?”

Barriss smiled to herself. He was a bit endearing. She wondered how he managed to seem so untouched by the evil around him. “Oh, would you? That would be great.” She took his arm and he turned bright red.

“Um, yeah, let's go.”

As they walked he asked her clumsy questions, clearly trying to get information. For whatever reason, he'd clearly decided she was doing something illicit and wanted to figure out what it was. Barriss deflected him easily, asking her less clumsy questions in return.

By the time they reached their destination, she had everything she needed. “Thank you, my young warrior. You have done me a great service.”

He grinned and then stared nervously at her. “Um, is it rude of me to ask if I maybe—well, it's just I don't even know what you look like, or your name, or anything, and since we're friends and all now…”

Barriss considered. It wouldn't be wise. But, when she looked at his eager expression, she thought of a shining girl with an endearing smile. She could give him something, at least. “Well, I'm afraid I only show my face to family. I'm sorry. But, my name is Lumi. What's yours?”

He looked disappointed to not get a glimpse of her, but recovered with a cocky grin. “I'm Ezra Bridger, soldier of destiny, at your service!”

She chuckled softly and angled her cloaked head to plant a quick kiss on his cheek.

The boy stared at her vacantly, opening and closing his mouth repeatedly.

“Thanks again.” Barriss smiled to herself and walked toward the leather shop.

He suddenly yelled after her, “W-wait! Um, maybe I'll see you around?”

Barriss looked back at him, saw hope shining in his eyes, and replied encouragingly, “Maybe, never know.”

_______

“We have a problem.”

They looked at her warily. Then, Asajj said, “Well, are you going to tell us what it is or just pause dramatically for the rest of the day?”

Kenobi snorted.

Barriss glared at her and then continued, “There is definitely no one in the garrison we were planning to hit. The forces have cleared out. It looks abandoned. However, the building I investigated is definitely a detention center of some kind. There is only one person in it, but I believe it's a woman.”

They stared blankly for a moment, before Asajj asked, “Um, didn't we come for a boy?”

Obi-Wan chimed in, “Yes, we did. What makes you say it's a woman?”

“I made contact with a soldier stationed there. He's young and inexperienced. After talking with him, I'm almost positive the prisoner is a woman.”

“He told you that?” Kenobi said doubtfully.

“Of course not, but I have other ways of assessing answers. In this case, just the way he was trying to avoid saying 'she’ when talking about his job told me all I needed to know.”

The man looked at Asajj, as if he was missing something and she could explain it to him.

Asajj shrugged. “I'd trust Barriss’ instincts over hard, cold intel sitting right in front of me. If she told me it was daytime when I could see the stars, I'd probably believe her. In my experience, she's never wrong on this kind of thing.”

Barriss smiled at her, touched by the unconditional faith coming from such an unexpected source.

Kenobi nodded thoughtfully. “I don't understand. My source has never been wrong. It's impeccable. Years of correct intel until now? It doesn't make sense.”

Barriss considered. “What was the exact information, as in the exact words?”

He thought for a moment and then repeated, “Royal line of Shili in danger. Captured by Enforcer. Being held in Dantooine.”

Asajj and Barriss glanced at each other in apprehension.

Kenobi noticed. “Naturally, I assumed it was the boy. When I found you, I briefly hoped Ahsoka might be alive. Then, you confirmed her death. So, who else could it be? Are there any other surviving members of the royal house?”

Barriss shook her head. _None that count._ “Not that I'm aware of.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

Barriss finally broke it. “I guess we don't have much of a choice do we? I could be wrong and the boy could be there. Or, it could be someone unrelated. In which case, we’ve spent a lot of time and resources and still won’t know his location. However, we'd still be helping an enemy of Palpatine that is dangerous enough to be locked up in hidden, solitary confinement. And, if there's a chance it’s the boy, we can't risk not doing it.”

They slowly nodded.

A strong voice punched through the darkness, “I agree.”

They all rose in a defensive posture as a rugged soldier strolled out of the darkness, blue eyes twinkling, worn armor shining, and an engaging grin on his face.

“Rex!” Barriss ran to him happily.

He laughed and picked her up, swinging her around, before putting her back on the ground.

She hugged him tightly, not letting go. _I missed him so much._ Barriss’ chaotic thoughts of the last several days immediately stilled in his solid presence. She felt her body relaxing and leaned into the supportive embrace.

Then, a throat cleared, “Um, the rest of us would like to say hello, as well, you know.”

Barriss grinned, finally releasing him. “Hmm, I don't like to share.” But, she moved back to make room for Asajj, interested in how this was going to go.

Asajj smiled at him, but didn't meet his eyes.

He grinned back bashfully. Suddenly, Rex bowed deeply, took her hand, and kissed it softly. “You are as beautiful as ever, my lady.”

She gazed at him for a long moment, adoration mixed with amusement in her eyes. Then, the woman grabbed him around the chest, leaning her head on his shoulder. She whispered something Barriss couldn't make out.

Rex sighed happily and wrapped his arms gently around her.

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at Barriss, who made a hand motion at him to shush. He grinned snarkily but didn't say anything.

Finally, they broke apart and Rex turned to Kenobi. “It's good to see you again, Master Kenobi. I wasn't positive you were the old hunter in Barriss’ message, but I'm glad to see my suspicions confirmed.”

Kenobi gave him a friendly smile. “I'm very happy to meet you again, as well, Captain. I can see you've been keeping busy for the last few years,” he added shrewdly.

Rex glanced diffidently at the women. “Yeah, guess you might say that.”

They both laughed and continued to chat.

Barriss saw Asajj gazing at Rex, eyes shining with wary hope. _Oh, how well I know that feeling._ She moved toward the woman and slipped her hand inside Asajj’s hanging arm to grip it gently.

The bounty hunter stiffened at the touch and looked at her.

But, Barriss deliberately focused on the chatting men, as if she hadn't done anything unusual at all. Eventually, she felt Asajj relax in her grip. Barriss thought she also felt a smile.

_______

_“Can I get you anything? Like some water, or a blanket, or something? How about a cup of your favorite tea?”_

_Barriss focused slowly on the young man hovering anxiously over her. “No, Caleb. I’m fine.”_

_“Actually, you’re not.”_

_She looked at him in mild surprise, feeling something other than blankness for once._

_He rushed on quickly, “I mean, you’re just laying here. You’re not talking. You’re not getting up. You’re not doing… anything.” His face turned boyishly stubborn. “That’s not fine.”_

_Barriss didn’t respond. What was the point in doing any of that? It didn’t mean anything anymore. Not without Ahsoka. Besides, she would just fail… again._

_Caleb spoke softly, “Please, talk to me. Tell me a story. Teach me something. Yell at me for being disrespectful. Anything.”_

_She gazed at him. He had tears in his eyes. “That’s my fault,” Barriss thought blankly, “I should do something about it.” But, she was too tired. She made a small effort and moved her hand toward him._

_He grabbed it, holding on tightly, as if she was going to disappear._

_Barriss wished she could._

_He spoke again, desperation in his voice, “Please…”_

_Something inside her jumped for a moment. No. She was too tired. Then, Barriss looked at his face again. She said slowly, “Why don’t you tell me a story, instead?”_

_He brightened at getting a response and then thought hard. Finally, he smiled. “Ok, let me tell you a story about a scared boy, a healer of faith, and a warrior of hope. How they came to the boy’s village and taught him that evil never triumphs when hope still lives. And, that losing everything doesn’t mean everything is lost.”_

_Barriss sucked in a breath and felt the blankness fall away for a moment. She looked into his eyes. They were shining._

 

As she jerked awake, Barriss automatically scanned for worried faces. There weren’t any. She listened carefully. The fire crackled in front of her. The forest hummed softly around her. Rex snored loudly next to her.

Barriss Offee smiled happily and went back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ezra is the cutest.  
> I see Rex and Barriss are also still an amazing team, probably strengthened after Ahsoka's death.  
> Also, really Asaj and Rex? How many years do we have to put up with this nonsense? Get on with it!


	35. Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The situation becomes desperate all around.

Ezra raced in the door, almost tripping over his own feet.

Ahsoka laughed. “Ezra, really, it’s like I can’t tell when you’re excited about something.”

He gave her a small, insecure glare, indicative of a teenager who hasn’t gotten used to being teased.

Giving him an indulgent smile, she said, “Ezra, me teasing you is a sign of affection. I wouldn’t bother if I didn’t adore you.”

Ezra’s wounded pride couldn’t keep him from grinning a little in response. Then, the grin turned mischievous. “I know. I’m just irresistible, apparently. That’s what I came to tell you!”

Ahsoka shook her head ruefully. “Alright, lay it on me.”

He puffed out his chest. “I saw her again, the cloaked lady from the bar. I was my amazingly charming self, of course. And… she kissed me! Well, I mean just on the cheek. But, still.” He finished with an expectant face, filled with so much pride it looked like he might fall over.

Keeping a straight face, she replied in a equally dramatic tone, “Wow, incredible. Good work, buddy!”

He basked happily in the praise. “At the beginning, I thought things weren’t going well. I figure she just didn’t recognize me at first, because I had my hood on at the bar. But then, she asked me to help her find the leather shop. Luckily, that’s right next door so I knew where to go. She said I provided her a great service!” His face lit up with pride again.

She gave him an encouraging smile. “Well done! What else happened?”

“We walked and talked. I didn’t find out very much about her. I tried, though. Oh, I almost accidentally mentioned you! She was so easy to talk to that I nearly forgot! That was a close one.”

Ahsoka perked up with concern. To her, the woman’s behavior sounded like she was working him.  _ To what end? A rebel spy, perhaps? _ Why would a rebel be interested in Dantooine, though? The garrison had been recalled to Coruscant and the underworld organizations disbanded. According to her bro—the man who put her here, no one knew this detention center existed, not even Palpatine. No, this was more likely to be a criminal purpose. If it was, Ahsoka was worried. Ezra could end up getting hurt. 

She gazed warily at the excited boy, unsure how to broach the subject. It was clear he had a crush on this mysterious woman. And, teenage crushes were nothing to take lightly. She didn’t want to ruin his hope unnecessarily, either. Still, her senses were telling her there was something wrong about the whole thing. 

Ahsoka rose from her cot and leaned casually against the cell door. “Did you get to see her face this time, then?”

He frowned. “No, she said she only shows it to family. But… she did tell me her name!”

“And… ?”

The boy smiled widely, as if he was presenting her with a medal, and announced, “Lumi. Her name is Lumi.”

Ahsoka started spinning wildly. She grabbed the bars in front of her, eyes slamming shut.  _ Barriss is here. Right outside this building. _ Questions ran through her mind at a frantic pace.  _ Coincidence? Plan? Does she know I’m alive? _ She felt a yearning, intense hope blossom within her. Ahsoka was terrified of it. She was afraid of hoping too much. 

When she had regained control, Ahsoka opened her eyes to see a panicked Ezra holding her arms through the bars. She tried to speak evenly, “Sorry, Ezra. Sometimes things hit me strangely. I didn’t mean to scare you.” She unwrapped her hands from the bars and twisted them to grab the bottom of his arms, gripping warmly. 

He didn’t look convinced and was still staring with worry in his eyes. 

Ahsoka met his eyes, projecting confidence. “Truly, I’m ok. I promise.”

Sighing slightly, Ezra finally released his painful grip on her arms. 

_ Gods, I’m weak. _ If the worried grip of a teenage boy could make her arms throb, Ahsoka couldn’t imagine what using a sword again would do to her. She briefly touched the large scar on her stomach, a present from the man who had been her brother. It had healed, but sometimes it still hurt. Putting enthusiasm into her voice, she smiled widely at Ezra. “I’m sorry for interrupting your story. I want to hear the rest of it!” 

He smiled uncertainly. “Maybe, we should save the rest for later. You look tired and I’m not really supposed to be here.” He averted his eyes. “I kind of snuck in to see you.”

Her concern skyrocketed. “Ezra, that’s dangerous. What have I told you about visiting me outside of your normal duty shifts?”

He met her eyes defiantly. “You always say you’re not worth it. But, I don’t agree. You… make things better.” His face tightened as tears formed behind his bright eyes. 

Ahsoka reached through the bars and took his hand. “Ok, I understand. I just worry. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Ezra smiled, squeezing her hand in return. “I know. I’ll be more careful. Promise.”

“Good. Now go on. You can tell me the rest later, ok?”

He nodded and started to leave. Then, he suddenly asked, “Do you—do you know her? The woman? Is she a rebel?”

Ahsoka gaped at him, unsure of how to respond.  _ I really need to stop underestimating his deductive skills. _ She trusted him, but she didn’t trust him not to do something foolish with the information—probably in an effort to help her, getting himself hurt or worse in the process.

Ezra was observing her closely. Then, he said in a confidential tone, “You don’t have to tell me. Don’t worry. We will pretend this conversation never happened.” 

Ahsoka smiled at him fondly. “Ezra, I adore you.”

His brash grin returned. “I know. I can’t help it. It comes naturally.”

She rolled her eyes and shooed him away. 

He grinned one last time, before slipping out the door. 

Finally alone with raging thoughts, Ahsoka sagged into her cot, holding her stomach and curling into herself.  _ Barriss. Find me. Please. _

_______

“This is not good at all.”

Asajj snorted. “That’s the understatement of the year. And, that’s saying something for you.”

Barriss’ mouth twitched in spite of their situation. Which was, indeed, not good. They were on a roof, overlooking the detention center, watching an entire company of soldiers march into it.

Asajj let out a frustrated snarl. “Do you think they know we’re here?”

Barriss considered. “I doubt it. If they knew there were rebels, they’d be scouring the city and surrounding areas—not holing up inside their compound. No, I think this is something else. And, I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.”

“That makes two of us.”

Barriss quietly observed the movements below, contemplating the possibilities. None of them were good. “I think we’ve just run out of time.”

_______

“Hey! Come on! A-Ah-Ahsoka! Wake up!”

Ahsoka lifted her head groggily to look at the young man gripping the bars of her cell. Ezra never used her name. After he had butchered it for a third time, he’d given up altogether. This time, he got it right. This must be important. “What is it, Ezra?”

“I have to get you out of here. Now. You need to get up and help me figure out how to open this door.”

She jerked awake. “What are you talking about?”

Ezra was almost crying. “The Emperor, he’s sent an entire company of soldiers. I overheard the officers talking. They’re going to kill you! Please, get up!”

Ahsoka closed her eyes. It was finally going to be over.  _ I wonder if Ana—he told him I was alive or if Palpatine found out on his own?  _ She opened her eyes and found Ezra in a near state of panic.  _ Oh, Ezra. I’m so sorry. _

He gazed at her desperately. “Please, help me get you out. I don’t have the key. Only the sergeant does. But, there must be a way. There must be. I won’t let you die!”

Expending what little energy she had, Ahsoka rose from her cot. She walked over to him and took his hands. “Ezra, I don’t mind dying. I’m already dead, you know. I’ve been dead since I got here. But, I do mind leaving you alone. And, I definitely don’t want you to go down with me. You can’t save me. Please, when it happens, promise me you’ll do what you have to do. Promise me.”

Ezra shook his head violently. “No, I won’t. I won’t just let you die.” He looked around frantically, trying to figure out a solution. 

She reached through the bars and grabbed the sides of his face, forcing him to look her in the eye. “Listen to me. Don’t do this. I can’t die knowing you may be hurt, knowing it will be my fault. Don’t risk your life or your future for me. I’m not—”

He jerked away from her grip, his voice furious, “Don’t you dare say you aren’t worth it! You’re my friend! Besides, who would I be if I just let you die? If I do nothing? This isn’t just about you!” 

Ahsoka recoiled in shock. A memory from long ago seared into her brain.  _ This isn’t about you. Oh, irony, you are my nemesis.  _ “You’re right. I’m sorry. I should have known better than to let you get attached to me. You became my light in the darkness and I hung on to you. I was selfish. But, I can’t fix it now. And, unfortunately, neither can you.”

Ezra sagged against the cell bars and began to cry. 

She sank down weakly beside him and gently rubbed the tears from his face. “No matter what happens, I want you to remember that, on the inside, you are always free. And, one day, you’ll have an opportunity to show the world. Don’t lose hope. Never lose hope.”

He gazed at her, sniffing away tears, and nodded. Then, he rose to his feet, gave her one last mournful look, and walked out of her life.

_______

“Wait, please! Lumi, w-wait!!” 

Barriss halted mid-stride at the desperation in his voice.

Asajj hissed at her, “We don’t have time for this, Barriss. We need to get back.”

She put a hand on the woman’s arm. Asajj growled, but stopped. Barriss turned back as the boy pelted up to her. “Ezra, what’s going on? You seem distraught.”

He was panting heavily, almost doubled over, and just nodded frantically. He finally stood up, still breathing erratically, and tried to speak, “Didn’t think—find you—trying since knew—name—then saw—n-need your help. Please.”

Barriss didn’t know what this was about and Asajj was right, time was precious. Still, something compelled her to listen to him. “Ok, tell me what’s wrong. I’ll help if I can.”

Ezra was breathing more normally, but his eyes still held desperation. “My friend. They’re going to kill her. Please, can you help her? You’re a rebel, aren’t you? She is too. Can you help her?”

She stood in shocked silence.

Asajj spoke up suspiciously, “What makes you think we’re rebels?”

Ezra looked at Asajj like he was noticing her for the first time. He spoke in a mad rush, “Well, my friend, she knows you are. I mean she didn’t say for sure, but I could tell. And, now they’ve sent a whole company of soldiers to take her back to Coruscant. But, I overheard them talking and they’re supposed to kill her along the way and make it look like an escape attempt. You have to do something! Please! She wouldn’t let me help her. I tried to get her out myself, but I don’t have the key and she wouldn’t let me do anything. Please!!”

Barriss grabbed his arm. “Ezra, calm down. You aren’t going to help your friend by panicking.” She watched to make sure he was doing as instructed, before continuing, “Ok good. Now, tell me, when are they planning on taking her out of the city?”

“Tomorrow at dawn.”

Nodding, Barriss considered the possibilities. She said to Ezra intently, “Ok, I need you to tell me something. And, before you answer, I want you to really think about it. Think about the choice you are making. What are you willing to do to save her?”

Ezra gazed at her—confusion, fear, desperation, happiness and everything in between flowing through his young eyes. Surprisingly, when he responded, the emotion Barriss saw was none of these. It was… hope. 

He grinned brashly and stated, “Anything. She’s totally worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to love Ezra. And, wow, I hope they can pull this off.


	36. That's Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our rebels plan a rescue mission and Ahsoka prepares to die.

Barriss observed Ezra’s eager face as he explained the security of the detention center to Rex and Obi-Wan. He was amazingly gifted at visualizing topography and structures, and seemed to have explored every inch of the facility. _Impressive._ She again wondered who this mystery prisoner was that he was so devoted to. After his odd, awkward silence when Barriss had asked for her name, she didn't want to push her luck. Still, she was curious. _Well, I'll find out soon enough, I suppose._

He glanced over at her and stopped mid-sentence, skin flushing darkly. “I-I like your face.” She had finally lowered her hood, once they’d gotten back to camp, to Ezra’s obvious delight. However, he hadn’t commented until now.

Barriss saw Rex and Obi-Wan trying not to laugh as she responded, “Thank you, Ezra. That’s very kind of you to say.”

Flashing her a cocky grin, he turned back to the discussion.

After a few more minutes of animated strategizing, Rex turned to her. “What do you think? If the kid’s intel is correct, I think it will work.”

Ezra spoke up in annoyance, “I’m not a kid.”

Rex grinned mischievously. “Sorry, kid. Everyone’s a kid, until I say they’re not.”

Barriss smiled and interrupted what was sure to be another objection by Ezra, “Don’t worry, Ezra. He only does that to people he likes.”

The young man stopped mid-retort and smiled. “That’s what my friend says. She only teases people she likes. Though, _she_ never calls me kid.” He shot a disgruntled glare at Rex.

Obi-Wan smiled behind his hand. He turned to Barriss, raised a sardonic eyebrow, and said, “Well, my lady, what do you think?”

Barriss gave him a look that said ‘not you too’ and then contemplated. It was doable but risky. She ran through the calculations. 62%. _Not great._ Still, better than expected. She analyzed each piece and tried to think of ways to mitigate risks and plug holes.

Ezra shifted impatiently.

Asajj, hovering over the boy as if he might kill them all at any moment, said sharply, “Don’t rush her. Brilliant strategies don’t just think themselves into existence.”

The young man, who was clearly terrified by Asajj, nodded meekly in silence.

Barriss smiled as she finished her analysis. 74%. _Better._

“There, she’s got it. I know that smile. That’s the ‘Barriss Special’.” Rex laughed.

Ezra jumped. “Your name is Barriss? Not Lumi?”

Barriss frowned at Rex, who looked chagrined at his lapse. “Yes, Ezra. My real name is Barriss. I’m sorry I lied. But, being a rebel—”

He interrupted, “I don’t understand. She knew who you were. How could she, if it wasn’t your real name? Is there another rebel named Lumi?”

Barriss shook her head and felt a strange sensation entering her brain. _He couldn’t mean… No, not possible._

Obi-Wan said gently, “We don’t understand, Ezra. What does the name Lumi have to do with any of this?”

He looked around at them wildly. “I only knew you were rebels because my friend knew her.” Ezra pointed to Barriss. “I didn’t know what Lu—Barriss looked like. I only told her the name. How could she know the name if it wasn’t real?”

Rex stared at the boy, a dawning realization hitting him. “Um, Barriss, isn’t that the name you used when you first met…” His voice trailed off, disbelief mixed with rising hope.   

Barriss was falling. _Falling._ Trying to maintain control, she sat quickly on the nearest rock, the world collapsing and rebuilding itself around her. She whispered, “What is… your friend’s name? Please, I need to know. _Please._ ”

Ezra looked at her in alarm. Then, he scanned the other faces surrounding him and stuttered nervously, “Uh, A-Aska-Ahsa… A-ahsoka. Her name is Ahsoka.”

Barriss felt the ground rising to meet her.

_______

Ahsoka laid on her cot, waiting for the end. She didn't know when it would come and she refused to spend her last minutes asleep.

As she waited, she tried to think of happy moments in her life. She even included Anakin. The real Anakin, the brother she adored, leaping over tree stumps with a teasing voice. She pictured her father telling her he was proud of her. Her mother showing her how to hold her bow. Plo smiling gently while holding her hand. Obi-Wan raising an eyebrow with a challenging expression. Rex grinning as he told her a story. Caleb’s intensity as he mastered her sword. Ezra’s eager eyes as he puffed out his chest.

She saved Barriss for last. The pit. The rooftop. The fire. The stars. Waving at her. Staring at her. Laying in her lap. Held tightly in her arms. Pressed against her lips. Giggling at her jokes. Calculating solutions to her problems. Shooting her mother's bow. Everything. All of it.

Ahsoka Tano was happy. She was ready.

_______

“Ezra, how long has Ahsoka been imprisoned there?” It was Obi-Wan’s voice and it had a hint of anger in it.

“I don't know. I've only been there a couple of months. But, she told me it had been so long she didn't remember.”

“How can this be possible?” Rex asked flatly. “I saw her—I saw it. She wasn't…” He trailed off in mute disbelief.

“Is she… ok? As in, good health?” That was Asajj, whose voice sounded unusually tentative.

“Sort of. She seems really tired a lot. I think she should eat more, but she never listens to me. Also, she has a huge scar on her stomach that I think hurts her sometimes. I asked her about it once and she just said it was a memento of her death. She says odd stuff like that sometimes.”

There was silence.

“Is, um, Barriss going to be alright?” Ezra asked.

Barriss almost laughed in her half-conscious state. _Oh, I'm more than alright. Once I figure out how to move my legs, I'll show you how alright I am._

“Yeah, kid. It was just a shock. She and Ahsoka… Well, they were close,” Rex paused and then said, “We all thought—we thought Ahsoka died two years ago.”

“Oh. I see.” Suddenly, Ezra continued excitedly, as if he'd just found a stash of credits, “Wait a minute! That's her, isn't it? I mean Barriss is her—the woman Ahsoka dreams about. The one she's loved her whole life. The one she thinks of when she's trying not to cry. Isn't it?”

There was silence again.

Barriss abruptly felt strength return to her entire body. She immediately sat up, seeing shocked faces around her. “Damn right, that's me. Now, let's go get her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but satisfying to write. :)


	37. Move Along Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rescue commences.

Ahsoka was really getting tired of waiting. _I was ready to die hours ago._ “This is not good service!” she yelled loudly. Then, she started to laugh hysterically.

She stopped abruptly when clanking came from above her. Listening carefully, she heard jingling at the door. Ahsoka laughed and yelled again, “It's about time! I've been waiting for ages here. You'd think a top squad of ruthless killers sent by the holy Emperor himself would be a little more efficient! I could have died of old age by now!”

The door flew open with a bang and a voice said, “Well, we'll try to do better the next time you're declared dead.”

Ahsoka leapt off her cot, to verify she wasn't delusional. _Barriss._ Barriss was standing in front of her.

“So, do you want out or should I just come back later?” Barriss grinned happily and quirked an eyebrow.

Ahsoka just stared. She was afraid, if she said anything, the spell would be broken and Barriss would disappear.

The woman looked at her with concern and quickly unlocked the cell. She started to rush forward and then seemed to reconsider. Instead, she stood at the door and reached out her hand.

This couldn't be real. But, it was. Barriss was here. Ahsoka couldn't breathe. _Maybe I've fallen asleep? Or, maybe I've already died and this is what the great force looks like? Barriss in a prison cell._ She started laughing at the mental picture and felt herself losing control.

“Ahsoka.” Barriss, if it was Barriss, stepped a bit closer and reached out her hand again. “Please, focus on me. I’m right here. With you.”

Ahsoka's mind cleared as she focused on the piercing, blue eyes gazing so intensely into hers.

The hand stretched closer. “Come on, my brave and shining girl. It's time to go home.”

She reached for the hand and whispered, “Barriss.”

Their hands touched and Barriss pulled her close, wrapping her arms around her tightly.

Ahsoka took a deep breath of wildflowers and knew everything was real. She began to cry. Then, she felt Barriss pick her up in her arms and start to carry her home.

_______

Barriss made her way to the outer cell block, feeling very much like she was in a dream. Having a real, live Ahsoka in her arms was too good even for her dreams, though. She winced when she realized how light the woman was. Her legs and arms felt painfully thin. The stomach that had been so well-muscled was slightly sunken and had a large, ugly scar across it. Barriss was fluctuating dangerously between ecstatic joy and enraged fury. She tried to clear her mind and focus on the task at hand. They weren’t out of here yet.

She entered the main security room and saw Obi-Wan waiting anxiously, sword in hand. She grinned at him. “Target Acquired.”

His face shined with relief when he saw Barriss’ cargo. “Everything is ready. Everyone except for Rex and Asajj have been evacuated and will meet us at the rendezvous. We just need you to finish setting up your device.”

Barriss gazed down at Ahsoka, who looked asleep. She didn’t want to disturb her, but it couldn’t be helped.

Obi-Wan spoke softly, “I’ll take her. You do what you need to do.”

Barriss nodded and gently handed her off to him. Then, she headed to check the flash points and finalize the igniter device. If this worked, no one would ever know who or what had died inside this compound.

She heard Obi-Wan murmuring quietly to the girl cradled in his arms and smiled happily to herself. _Ahsoka is alive._ She finished her work and then signaled him to head up to the main compound.

He was gone before she had turned back to the igniter. She started the fire, staying only a moment to watch it catch the first line. Then, she ran.

_______

Ahsoka stirred and tried to reach up to Barriss. When her eyes opened, she realized there was no Barriss. Panic started to form. She struggled to escape the grasp of the strange arms around her when a soft voice said, “Ahsoka, it’s me, Obi-Wan. Barriss is right over there, saving all of our lives. She’ll be back soon, I promise. Trust me.”

Ahsoka stopped struggling and focused on the man holding her. “Obi-Wan? You're... alive. Are you? What are you…”

He smiled at her warmly. “I’m here to rescue you.”

She snorted lightly. “Well, in that case, I’ll just go back to sleep.”

Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows at her and then looked up. “Oh, looks like the rather impressive girl of your dreams is telling us to go now. I make it a policy to never contradict Barriss when she’s on a mission.”

As he started carrying her up the stairs, Ahsoka chuckled. “Obi-Wan Kenobi, you are a wise man.”

_______

Barriss entered the main compound and saw nothing. _Good._ She checked to make sure everyone was out and then waited near the main door to ensure her device was doing its job. She could feel the heat beneath her feet and knew she shouldn’t linger much longer. Still, Barriss wanted to be sure. She had worked quickly and hadn’t had time to check the entire set of lines the others had set down.

She should have done it herself, instead of being the one to retrieve Ahsoka. There were logical, objective reasons for that choice. They didn’t know what state she would be in mentally. They didn’t know whether she would need any medical treatment. They didn’t know if there would be complications which would require alteration to Barriss’ plan on the fly. Barriss knew those were just excuses. She had needed to do it, because she wanted to do it. And, no one had attempted to contradict her. She smiled. _I have good friends._

_______

“No wait! You can’t burn it down. Ezra might be in there! Please, stop her! We have to find Ezra!” Ahsoka screamed at them in panic.

Rex grabbed her shoulders tightly and Ahsoka felt herself wince in pain. _I am so weak._

He lightened his grip and stated firmly, “Ahsoka, listen to me. Ezra isn’t in there. He’s with us. He’s safe. He’s going to meet us soon. Ezra is safe.”

 _Ezra is with them?_ Her eyes latched onto his face. _Rex wouldn’t lie to me._ She relaxed in his grip. “Ok.” She suddenly felt very tired and swayed on her feet.

Rex picked her up, cradling her in his arms. “I got ya, Princess.”

Ahsoka smiled up at him weakly. “I missed you.”

Rex kissed the top of her montrals. “Not as much as I missed you.”

_______

Barriss hovered by the front door of the compound, still waiting. She could tell the fire was moving through the bottom cell block, but it wasn’t moving up the walls.

She released a hiss through her teeth and walked back toward the cell block door trying to think of a solution. She didn’t have anymore igniters. And, if she waited much longer the off-duty soldiers in the upstairs quarters would escape and ruin everything. They had rigged the doors to allow for an exit after exactly 23 minutes. Barriss was almost out of time.

Her master had been right about one thing. Her attachment to her own version of morality impaired her success. They could have just locked the soldiers in, sentencing them to a terrible fate with no chance of escape. That would have been the smartest plan, the one most likely to succeed, and possibly a justifiable one in the fog of war.

What was the difference between killing soldiers in a fiery blaze or shooting them with her arrows during an operation? They were the enemy. She had no doubt they would kill her and the people she cared about without a second thought. Killing them would mean less soldiers for Palpatine to array against an unprotected populace. The elite company probably already had innocent blood on their hands many times over, anyway. Despite all of the logical, objective arguments and the apparent failure of her plan, she still couldn’t regret her choice. Barriss refused to be that person. _Never again._

She closed her eyes, calmed her mind, and tried to think of a solution.

_______

Asajj said worriedly, “She should have been out by now. We have to leave in the next three minutes for this to work. If we wait much longer, the soldiers will discover us and the fire.”

Obi-Wan glanced nervously toward the compound from their hidden position in the nearby alleyway. “I’ll go.”

Rex put out a hand. “No. It’s too much of a risk. We wait three more minutes or until we see a sign that the soldiers have escaped. Either way, we have to get Ahsoka out of here.”

Asajj and Obi-Wan stared at him in disbelief.

Ahsoka was confused. “What are you talking about? What’s wrong?”

Rex gazed down at her, still cradled in his arms. “Nothing, Princess. We’re just trying to time our escape, once Barriss finishes setting the fire.” He looked back at the others. “Barriss will be fine. Have faith. And, when she shows up, she will want to know why we didn’t get the woman she loves as far away from here as possible. Why we risked her life and ours by sticking around, worrying she couldn’t do her job without us.”

Obi-Wan nodded reluctantly, but Asajj didn’t look convinced. She stared back at the compound.

 _What are they saying? They can’t be leaving Barriss here? No. I won’t let that happen._ Ahsoka tried to slide out of Rex’s arms and realized her body wasn’t working. She ended up barely moving and gritted her teeth in frustration. “No. Barriss. Can’t leave her.”

Asajj gazed at Ahsoka and then lifted defiant eyes to Rex. “You and Obi-Wan go now. Take Ahsoka to safety. I’ll wait for Barriss.”

Ahsoka felt Rex stiffen abruptly. “Absolutely not! You—”

Ahsoka looked up and saw Asajj had put a hand over his mouth. “I’m skilled at staying hidden and moving quickly. I know Barriss and can better anticipate her moves, if she is improvising. I make the most sense. Please, don’t fight me on this. We don’t have the time.”

Rex just stared at her. His eyes looked pained and miserable. Ahsoka knew what that meant. Asajj had won the argument. His voice was strained. “Please… be careful.”

She smiled softly at him and then leaned over Ahsoka and brushed her lips over his. “Don’t worry, I’m not letting you off the hook that easily.”

He smiled vacantly, like he was floating through another reality.

Ahsoka chuckled. “Really? I’ve been dead for… I don’t know how long and you’re just now getting around to this? I suppose I should be thankful I didn’t miss anything.”

Asajj and Rex both glared at her.

Ahsoka snorted again. Then, she leaned her head slightly to meet Asajj’s eyes. “You’ll help Barriss? If we go? Promise?”

The woman put her hand on Ahsoka’s arm, eyes shining with intensity. “I won’t leave without her. I promise.”

Ahsoka sighed. “Ok.” She smiled weakly, but sincerely. “Barriss trusts you to protect her. And, so do I.”

Asajj nodded with what looked like tears in her eyes and then slipped out of the alleyway.

_______

Barriss was out of time. She had finished her adjustments to the walls and now had to hope for the best. She heard the doors banging open above her and pelted out of the compound door, straight into an inferno. _Oh no._

There was now a solid wall of fire between the inner and outer security doors. _I think I went a little overboard._ She raced back into the compound toward the side exit. Barriss wasn’t sure if she would have enough time to disable the door lock before the soldiers were on top of her, but it was her only choice now.

As she approached the door, it flew open in front of her. She jerked to a stop, unsure of the gift she had been given.

A hiss came from outside the door. “I hate to cramp your style, kid, but we are in a bit of a time crunch here.”

Barriss grinned. _Asajj._ She ran out the door and saw a cloaked figure pressed against the side of the building, waiting impatiently.

They crept stealthily away from the building and to the hidden alleyway. Asajj moved the seemingly random pile of crates to the wall and they both climbed to the roof. From there, it was an all out run, leaping across rooftops to make their way quickly across the city. They didn’t stop until they were on the outskirts.

As they paused to catch their breath, Barriss said gratefully, “You have impeccable timing.”

Asajj grinned snarkily. “Well, I promised your girlfriend I’d make sure you didn’t do anything stupid, like almost dying in a noble effort to save everyone. And, I’d hate to disappoint a Princess.”

Barriss laughed. “Well, congratulations. You have successfully saved me from myself. Be careful. It could turn into a full-time job.”

Surprisingly, Asajj’s expression turned serious as she said, “I accept the position.”

Barriss stared at her and then smiled shyly. “Thanks.”

They smiled at each other for a moment, before heading out of the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, big chapter! I feel like I've been building toward quite a bit here for a while. Obviously, rescuing Ahsoka was a big goal. However, the Rex/Asajj dynamic moves forward, as does the Asajj/Barriss relationship. I also love the idea of seeing where Barriss is now and how she's manage to balance her calculating, objective nature against who she really wants to be, while still managing to succeed (as long as she lets others help her). She has come a long way.


	38. Freedom Rises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone catches up at the rendezvous and they begin their journey home.

“Ah-Ahsoka!!”

She grinned from Rex's arms. “Hey, buddy, there you are. I was worried.”

“Um, I wasn't the one they were going to execute, you know.” Ezra’s voice was annoyed.

She grinned again and said, “You've got a point. But, why worry about me when I can worry about you?”

Ezra rolled his eyes.

Rex laughed as he wrapped Ahsoka in his cape. Then, he propped her against a spectacularly large tree hovering over the small clearing they were using as a rendezvous.

Ahsoka eyed the young man. “I hear I have you to thank for my miraculous rescue? You really are amazing, you know.”

Ezra unsuccessfully tried to look modest.

Rex had now started to pack blankets all around her.

She sighed in frustration. “Rex, I'm not dying. There's no need for—”

He interrupted her, “Sorry Princess, you're just going to have to deal with being taken care of for the near future. You've deprived me of two years of treating you like the royalty you are, so now you have to pay for it.”

Ahsoka sighed again. “Fine, but don't expect this special treatment forever. Even Barriss doesn't have to put up with this kind of nonsense.”

Rex grinned like a schoolboy. “Oh no, she’s worse off. Who do you think I've been channeling the extra attention into since you decided to die on me?”

She was about to retort with a wry remark about Asajj, when Ezra suddenly interjected, “Are you really a princess?”

Rex looked at him seriously. “Absolutely, kid. You are standing in the presence of Ahsoka Tano, Princess of Shili, Commander of the best battalion of soldiers in the 47 kingdoms, founding member of the Rebellion, and the ‘Lady Jedi’ herself. So, you make sure to treat her like the goddess she is.”

Ezra stared, mouth opening and closing repeatedly.

Ahsoka sighed for a third time. “Rex, why did you tell him all of that? Now, he's going to be to nervous to even talk to me!”

The man grinned impishly and walked away, presumably to get her something to eat. He had already declared his intention to force feed her at every moment.

Ezra was still staring.

“Um, Ezra? I'm still me you know. There's no need to stare.”

“You—you're the Lady Jedi?”

Ahsoka laughed. “That's the one you like the most, huh? Well, what if I have something even better for you? What if I introduce you to the Lady of the Rebellion herself?”

He looked like he might fall over. “You know her? You said you didn't!”

“I didn't know her by that name, but once you described her, I knew who you were talking about.” She smiled mischievously. “So, interested?”

Ezra nodded vigorously. Then he paused, as if a thought had occurred to him. “So, they faked my death in the fire tonight, right? I don't have to go back to being a soldier for the Emperor ever, right?”

Ahsoka smiled happily. “You can do whatever you want now. You're free.”

His amethyst eyes shined brightly as he said, “Good. Because, I want to be a rebel. Like you.”

Ahsoka suddenly felt herself start to tear up.

Ezra walked over and sat next to her. He laid his hand on hers and said, “It's ok to cry now. We're not in that place anymore.”

She gripped his hand and held on to it. “Thanks, buddy. You too.”

He smiled happily at her and leaned back against the same tree. They sat in silence, enjoying freedom.

_______

There was something in her lap. Ahsoka opened her eyes groggily and lifted her head from its resting place against the tree. _When did I fall asleep?_ She glanced down, trying to see what was exerting pressure on her legs. _Ah._ A feeling of contentment flowed through her for the first time in a very, very long time.

Barriss was gazing up at her, smiling softly. “Hey there. That went well, huh?”

She grinned weakly, trying to respond in kind. “Just like we planned it, yep. Though, next time, let's skip the whole Ahsoka gets stabbed, declared dead, and imprisoned for two years thing. I really hate that.”

Barriss scrutinized her for a moment and then quickly re-arranged herself to lean against Ahsoka’s tree. Before Ahsoka could object, Barriss pulled her into her lap. She placed a restraining yet protective arm over Ahsoka’s stomach.

Ahsoka’s first reaction was to tell her she didn’t need to be treated like an injured child.

Before she could even finish processing the thought, Barriss used her free hand to stroke her forehead gently and whispered, “Don’t even think about it. Let me take care of you, for once. Please.”

Suddenly, Ahsoka realized she actually didn’t want to move. “Well, between you and Rex, I guess I’m going to have to get used to it, huh?”  

“You better believe it. I’m sorry to have to tell you, it will be your burden to bear for the foreseeable future.”

“Hmm, well be careful. I might get used to it.” Ahsoka sighed happily as she stretched her legs and slid her hand up to the one on her stomach.

Lightly weaving her fingers into Ahsoka’s, Barriss said tenderly, “I missed you… so much.”

Ahsoka looked into the intense, deep eyes gazing lovingly at her. She grinned cheekily. “Good.”

Barriss smiled and leaned down, brushing her lips against Ahsoka’s briefly. “I love you. You better not have forgotten.”

Reaching up, Ahsoka ran her fingers across the diamond tattoos she had dreamed about one day touching again. “Don’t worry. That was never gonna happen.”

Barriss flashed a grin and then leaned back, still stroking Ahsoka’s forehead lightly.

Ahsoka closed her eyes contentedly. She was tired. But, this time, she was also happy.

_______

Barriss watched Ahsoka as she slept and felt a tear roll down her cheek unbidden.  She examined Ahsoka’s weakened body, her thin arms, her sunken stomach, her drawn face, and sensed her anger building. Barriss pushed it away. She refused to be angry with a resurrected Ahsoka laying in her lap.

It would be time to move soon. She had wanted Ahsoka to get as much sleep as possible, so she had already sent the main rebel strike team back, leaving just the six of them here. Still, they would need to split up and take different paths back to the base in the next few hours. It was potentially dangerous to travel so far in pairs. Especially, when the pairings contained a barely walking Ahsoka and an inexperienced teenage soldier. She considered the possible combinations for travelling. She didn’t even consider a scenario where Ahsoka went anywhere without her. Barriss wasn’t about to let her out of her sight again until they were home—maybe not even then.

She glanced over and saw the others studiously avoiding looking in their direction. Barriss smiled and leaned her head against the tree, closing her eyes and taking in the moment.

_______

“I think we should travel back in two groups of three. It’s not protocol, I know. Thoughts?” Barriss glanced around the assembled group. She added firmly, “And, Ahsoka comes with me.”

Rex spoke up, “I agree. You’re going to need help with Ahsoka.”  He glanced at the woman in question and grinned. “No offense, Princess, but you aren’t exactly in peak physical condition at the moment.”

Barriss could tell Ahsoka was annoyed, but she managed a weak grin. “You just wait. I’m going to show you ‘peak physical condition’.”

Obi-Wan smirked. “Ahsoka could thrash you by the age of 15, as I recall.”

Rex sputtered, “Hey! I let her win that fight!”

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan looked sardonically at each other and then back to Rex.

Barriss could tell this was a conversation that had happened on more than one occasion. She interjected quickly, “Getting back to the original question…”

Ezra looked at Ahsoka nervously and asked, “Can I go with you?”

Everyone was silent.

Ahsoka grinned at him and said, “Nope, sorry buddy. We need you to go with Obi-Wan. He’s just a negotiator, you know. Plus, we have to spread the warriors out. I think it makes the most sense to put Asajj and Ezra with Obi-Wan and Rex with us. That way the skill sets are spread between the groups.”

Ezra glanced fearfully at Asajj and said, “Are you sure? I mean—I’m sure I could help you.”

Barriss gave Asajj a meaningful look.

The bounty hunter sighed exasperatedly and looked at Ezra. “Don’t worry, soldier boy. I won’t bite.”

Ezra flushed red and Ahsoka shot Asajj a murderous look.

Barriss quickly interceded. “Alright, it’s settled then. We leave in twenty.”

Everyone nodded except for Ezra, who stared petulantly at the ground.

Barriss sighed. She suddenly remembered why she had avoided travelling for extended periods with Asajj, Ahsoka, and Rex. She loved them all. She loved spending time with each of them. But, put them together on a long journey and Barriss turned into an exasperated mother, trying to keep squabbling children on their side of the cart. Now, she had an insecure teenage boy and a snarky master negotiator added to her plate. _Why me?_ Barriss didn’t have the heart to be frustrated, though. She would travel the rest of her life with all of them, if it meant Ahsoka was alive and sitting next to her.

As the group dispersed to pack up, she grabbed Ezra by the arm. “Can you help me for a minute?”

He followed her sulkily to the other side of camp.

Holding up a bag, Barriss said, “Can you ask Ahsoka what she needs and pack it all up for her?”

Ezra perked up a bit and straightened his shoulders. “You can count on me.”

Barriss smiled warmly. “I know I can. Oh, and on your trip, I have a mission for you, if you are up for it?”

He looked at her eagerly. “Anything.”

“You might wish you hadn’t said that. This could be a dangerous mission.”

“Even better. Danger is my middle name.” He smiled confidently.

She laughed. “Ok, if you’re sure. I want you… to get to know Asajj. See if you can get her to open up a little and maybe even befriend her.”

Ezra gaped at her. “You’re joking, right? She hates me!”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “That’s a bit overdramatic. She’s just complicated. She doesn’t trust people easily. I’m trying to get her to open up a bit more. And, I think you’re just the man for the job. Look at what you did for Ahsoka. And, in a matter of two conversations, you befriended me and I used to be a spy! I’m telling you. You can do this.”

He looked thoughtful now and a glint came into his eye. “Is that why Ahsoka wanted me to go with them? She made up that thing about Obi-Wan. I could tell. She just didn’t want to say the real reason in front of Asajj, right?”

Barriss tried to look as if she could neither confirm nor deny his assessment. “Well, I—um…”

Ezra grinned cockily. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to say. We’ll pretend this conversation never happened.” He straightened to attention. “I accept the mission.”

Barriss smiled affectionately. She handed him Ahsoka’s bag, planting a kiss on his cheek. “I knew I could count on you.”

He grinned hazily and walked erratically back to Ahsoka, bag hanging limply by his side. The woman had been carefully watching them and Barriss caught her eye.

Ahsoka smiled gratefully at her and then mouthed, “I love you.”

Barriss caught her breath. It still felt amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love a good reunion.


	39. Interlude: Building a Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A good act does not wash out the bad, nor a bad act the good. Each should have its own reward.”  
> ― George R.R. Martin
> 
> [Two days prior to Ahsoka’s 'death' at the hands of the enforcer]  
> [Ahsoka: Age 29]

Ahsoka was surrounded. _Excellent._ She decided to leave the cloak on for an extra challenge. Plus, she would get to tell Barriss, not only did she _not_ run into a wall, but had also fought off an entire squad in it. She grinned with anticipation.

As the first three soldiers moved toward her, she slid left to take out the first two, one with each sword. Then, she quickly turned 180 degrees to stab the one behind her, still maintaining eye contact with the remaining nine. This time five moved forward and were dispatched equally as handily. _This really is too easy._ She stepped back, sheathed her short sword, and waved invitingly at the four remaining but wary soldiers. They apparently decided a one-sworded Ahsoka was better odds and charged down the alleyway. As she thrust her sword under her left arm into the last enemy, a dry laugh echoed from above. “Still impressive, I see.”

Ahsoka shifted into a defensive posture and scanned the rooftops. A cloaked figure dropped lightly to the ground in front of her and lowered her hood. Ahsoka left her sword in ready position, suspicions confirmed. She didn't sense a threat, but she was taking no chances after their last meeting. “Well, if it isn't my not so favorite spymaster. It’s been a while. What can I do for the great, but not quite the best, Luminara Unduli?”

The returned expression was impassive, but the voice held a hint of sarcasm. “Does Barriss actually enjoy your sense of humor?”

Her first inclination was to retort that at least Ahsoka didn't force Barriss to kill people for fun, but she found herself feeling conciliatory. Barriss would say antagonizing Unduli without cause was a poor strategic move. However, Ahsoka had another reason. This woman was still important to Barriss, even if Ahsoka didn't understand it. _And, at least she didn't destroy entire kingdoms or slaughter children. That I know of, anyway._ So, she lowered her hood and flashed a light grin. “I'll have you know, she finds me extremely funny. Some of the time.”

Unduli raised a doubtful eyebrow and Ahsoka could have sworn a slight eye roll happened.

Ahsoka couldn't help but say, “You know, I'm not sure I realized where Barriss got that from until now—that eyebrow, I mean. I have endured it many times.”

The impassive expression broke and something that resembled pleasure shined through. Then, it was gone and the spymaster spoke flatly, “Well, enough small talk. I tracked you here to warn you that the raid on the Felucian village is a trap.”

Ahsoka tried to maintain an equally impassive expression and didn't respond.

The woman blew out an impatient breath. “I know Barriss identified the target from her contacts and you are likely planning to defend the village. There isn’t enough time to evacuate everyone, probably by design. However, my sources indicate the attack is merely a strategy to draw you both out.”

“And, if your supposition about our plans is true, why warn us? What is the benefit?”

This time, Unduli's face truly lost her blank expression and held an emotion Ahsoka couldn't identify. “Surely, you don't think I want anything to happen to Barriss? She's a long-term project. I've put a good deal of effort into making it successful. I won't have it ruined because she's… going through a phase.”

Ahsoka’s anger was piqued by her referring to Barriss as an object, until a sudden thought hit her. _She doesn't actually believe that._ Meeting the spymaster's eyes, she said intently, “No. That's not true at all.”

Surprise was written on the woman’s face.

Ahsoka continued thoughtfully, “I'm well experienced with people who rationalize why they don't feel what they actually _are_ feeling. And, I'm sure Barriss got that somewhere. I don’t know what happened to make you this way, but it’s not too late to change things.”

Unduli's face hardened. “You think a few short years with Barriss has taught you everything about her? I don't think so. And, it certainly does not mean you understand anything about me.”

“Fifteen.”

“What?”

Staring directly into her eyes, Ahsoka replied, “I've had almost fifteen years with Barriss. Also, I'll never understand everything about her, but neither will you. That's what makes her so special.”

Unduli looked flabbergasted, an unusual expression on the placid face. “Fifteen? I don't—” she paused, eyes narrowing as she worked out the time period, “you're Ashla.”

Now, it was Ahsoka's turn to look surprised. She had no idea Barriss had told her master that many details. More surprising was Unduli remembering the name. She said carefully, “I did go by that name at one time, when I was younger.”

“Ah.” Unduli's face cleared and she seemed thoughtful. “A great many things now make sense to me.” She looked back at Ahsoka firmly. “Believe what you want about my motives. However, the information is accurate.”

Ahsoka considered. “And, I suppose you expect us to leave the villagers to their fate in order to protect ourselves? The greater good demands we live to fight another day? We will save more lives in the long run by sacrificing them today? And, so on?”

The woman sighed. “That would be the most objective, logical choice and the smartest. However, I doubt you will do it. So, I've taken the liberty of acquiring this.” She handed Ahsoka a parchment with various military details and notations.

After examining it closely, Ahsoka glanced back up in wary interest.

The spymaster saw the expression and smiled humorlessly. “I know, you think it's too good to be true. Heed my warning or don't. Use the information or don't. Let Barriss decide why I would go through all of this and for what potential gain.”

“Very well.” Ahsoka nodded. “For what it's worth, I think you're telling the truth. Of course, you both would say I am too reliant on instinctive feelings to objectively evaluate.” She flashed a wry grin. “However, as I often remind her, I have made it successfully thus far in life. More importantly, I have to believe that the woman who raised the girl I love must have a _few_ redeeming qualities.”

Unduli’s face returned to its impassive stare. However, her voice held dry humor that also reminded Ahsoka of Barriss. Though, perhaps, a little colder. “Was that supposed to make me feel better?”

Ahsoka grinned engagingly. “What, it didn't work? I'll see what I can do for next time.”

An eyebrow quirked again. “I can see why Barriss found you… endearing.”

This time, Ahsoka gaped openly at her. “I know she didn't tell you that.”

“She didn't have to. I know Barriss. I could tell she was quite taken by this Ashla when she returned from that mission. Occasional mentions of you in the years afterward simply confirmed it.”

Ahsoka replied sadly, “You know her so well, and clearly care about her on some level, yet you worked so hard to make her unhappy. Why?”

The almost pleasant expression dropped from the woman's face. “I was trying to make her better, to keep her from failure and pain.”

“By instilling the idea that she was a failure in her mind and, therefore, creating constant pain?”

Unduli's mouth opened and then closed, eyes radiating fire and ice. Abruptly, the expression turned impassive again. “That was not the intention.”

Ahsoka nodded slowly. “Perhaps not. But, it _was_ the outcome. Something to think about.” She paused for a long moment and then added, “Can I give you some advice? Weigh the risks of you being wrong, not just about Barriss, but about everything. And, if the odds are in my favor, do something about it. It's too late to change the past, but there is always a future you can make better.”

The woman seemed to consider her thoughtfully. “You are an unusual person, Ahsoka Tano.”

She grinned again. “I've heard that before.” Ahsoka turned fierce as she met Unduli's eyes. “However, understand that my only concern is Barriss. If you interfere with her happiness, we're going to have issues. I think she is in a place that would welcome some kind of relationship with you, but only if it's supportive of who she is now and recognizes past mistakes. So, if you choose to take my advice, be ready to build a different future, not re-create the past.”

Luminara Unduli gazed at Ahsoka with intensity, before replying, “Very well. I'll… think about it.”

_______

“Well, what do you think?”

Barriss was contemplative. “I agree that she was likely telling the truth as she knew it. I'm more concerned about the provenance of these plans.”

“You think they're falsified?” Ahsoka asked.

“No way to tell.” Barriss shrugged.

Ahsoka observed her closely. “There's something else. About Unduli?”

“No, not that. I just don't have a good feeling about this raid.”

“You're not suggesting we abandon them to death and destruction?”

There was no response from Barriss.

Ahsoka turned the woman’s face to look into her eyes. “Hey. It's going to be ok. We're always ok. This isn't the first time they've tried to trap us. We're always able to adapt.”

“I know. Somehow this feels different. I can't explain it. It's not… logical.”

“I think I'm turning you into me!” Ahsoka grinned. “How about we take some extra help on this one? We have our team from Felucia city, of course, but Asajj and Rex are nearby, as well. I can send for them to meet us there. Contingency plan?”

A relieved smile graced Barriss’ face. “Have I ever mentioned how much I love you?”

Ahsoka kissed her forehead. “Hmm, I can't remember. Maybe you'd better say it again, just in case.”

Barriss wrapped her hands around Ahsoka's neck and hovered next to her lips. “Ahsoka Tano, I love you.” She kissed her lightly and continued, “I love you.” Another press of her lips led to another “love you” and another kiss. Barriss continued in this vein, until Ahsoka couldn't control herself. She pulled the woman into her arms, stopping her mouth completely.

_________

As they lay by the firelight, Barriss tried to push away the anxiety pressing on her mind about tonight's mission. She was being irrationally-inclined, as Ahsoka would laughingly say. Her former master would just call it a mistake either way, since the smartest choice would be not to attempt this at all.

She sighed heavily, thoughts turning toward the woman who raised her. If Ahsoka was correct, Luminara seemed to be more open to change and possibly to Barriss. Maybe, they could have a conversation that didn't make Barriss feel worthless. Though, Barriss wondered whether she would feel that way anymore. She had changed a good deal in the last few years and was curious if Unduli's disappointed stares would even phase her now. Ahsoka seemed to have faith they wouldn't and Barriss was tempted to believe her.

Still, there was only one way to find out. _I'll find her myself, if I have to._ Barriss felt new confidence in the decision. Yes, as soon as they finished this mission, she would find her old master, whether the woman wanted it or not.

Ahsoka murmured happily and pulled Barriss tighter into her arms.

Barriss smiled softly. _Gods, I'm so happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Palpatine always ruins everything!
> 
> I want to emphasize here that this doesn't mean Luminara might have changed and become a different person. At least, not immediately. She was, however, damaged like the rest of our characters. The difference is some people latch on to love and hope, and the people that care about them, assuming they have any. Others go another way, with varying outcomes. Much like Anakin latched on to his anger and rage with terrible results. In this case, I have to assume that whatever happened to Luminara left her alone and hopeless and she latched on to her philosophy to its extreme to cope. The fear of attachments, and denial of her needing them, resulted in her latching on to Barriss in an unhealthy way. The loss of Barriss and Ahsoka's prodding may have resulted in her recognizing her true motives eventually. Who knows?
> 
> In the canon universe, Darth Vader was unhealthily obsessed with his children and Padme because he was terrified of loss but tried to rationalize his terrible actions by saying it was for their own good. If he had gotten ahold of Luke or Leia at a young age, what would he have turned them into I wonder? Anakin Skywalker was eventually able to do the right thing because he realized this. If that makes any sense? Just my interpretation. Yours may vary, of course. That is the wonderful thing about Star Wars.
> 
> Basically, everyone deserves a chance at redemption. Whether they take it or not is another question. It requires recognition of your own underlying motives. A surprisingly difficult thing for us humans to do.
> 
> Writer's note: It's getting increasingly difficult to manage my timeline, so sorry if I've made any mistakes. My timeline notes are a hot mess. Please, let me know if I've messed anything up so I can fix it!


	40. Failure is in the Eye of the Beholder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We return to the present as Barriss and Rex try to get a weakened Ahsoka back to the Rebel base they call home.
> 
> [Barriss: Age 32]  
> [Ahsoka: Age 30]

“Rex, tell me the truth… how is she?” Ahsoka put a restraining hand on his arm to prevent him from continuing to cluck over her. Barriss had volunteered to catch dinner and she wanted to take the opportunity.

He stopped arranging the blankets around her with a sigh. “She’s fine, I guess. It’s always hard to tell with her. You know how it is.”

Ahsoka smiled slightly. “I know. It’s just—she seems different. It could be just the shock of finding me alive or… something else.”

Rex considered. “Well, I’ve been with her for the last two years. She's more serious, I suppose. But, we all are. Changes would be more obvious to you.”

She nodded, acknowledging the point. “I may be overthinking it. All I know, is she… _feels_ different. Of course, figuring out this kind of stuff has never been a particular talent of mine.”

He grinned snarkily. “I recall.”

Ahsoka couldn’t even manage a glare. She had missed his teasing. She had missed him. “Hmm, well, maybe I’ve improved in the last two years. You might be surprised. It’s not like I had anything else to do!”

Rex didn’t laugh as she had hoped. He did manage a weak smile.

She laid her hand on his. “Too soon for an ‘Ahsoka was dead but really imprisoned for two years’ joke?”

That got a snort. “Yeah, maybe give me another day or so.”

She chuckled. “You got it. Ok, so let’s try this then. What happened after—after I left?”

Rex’s face flashed with pain and he took a deep breath. “Well, it wasn’t good for any of us. But, Barriss, she was—she almost died, you know. First, because of injuries from the fight with _him._ Then, even after she had recovered physically… she, um, didn’t deal with things well.”

Ahsoka’s brain went into overdrive. “I—she—ok, let me try one thing at a time. She fought Ana—the enforcer?!”   

He nodded. “I’ve never seen anything like it. Even if he hadn’t been exhausted from his fight with you, I think she would have taken him. She was like a force of nature. He was at her mercy. Then, she just… stopped. I don’t know why. I never asked. After that, she collapsed. I guess she had lost too much blood. He was about to kill her. I ran as fast as I could, but I wasn’t going to make it. I should have stopped evacuating people and helped her sooner. I can’t tell you how many times I have rethought every decision I made that night…” He grimaced painfully and then continued, “In any case, someone else came out of nowhere and stopped him.”

“Someone? Who?”

Looking at her sadly, Rex replied, “I think it was her master, the Unduli woman. I could never bring myself to ask and she never talked about it. Anyway, the woman held him off and told me to get Barriss out. I did what she said.”

Ahsoka was shocked at such an unexpected source of salvation. Though, perhaps, she shouldn’t have been, given their last meeting. “What happened to Unduli?”

“I don't know for sure. I was running the opposite direction and couldn’t see the fight. That's what I told Barriss, anyway. She didn't believe it, though. She knew, just like I did. We both heard the scream of pain and… well, one of them is still around and it isn’t her.”

Ahsoka clenched her fists. Barriss hadn’t just lost her that day. She had lost the closest thing she had to a mother. A terrible mother, but still… and the woman had sacrificed herself to save her daughter. _Oh, Barriss. I’m so sorry._

Rex continued in a pained voice, “I shouldn’t have left. I didn’t know who she was. All I could focus on was Barriss dying in my arms. I had to get her out.” He put his head in his hands.

Stroking his head, Ahsoka said softly, “Rex, you did exactly what Unduli wanted. If you had stayed, he might have killed you all. I have no doubt she knew what would happen when she made her choice. Luminara Unduli was not a stupid woman.”

He lifted his head. “I know. I just wish… Barriss was—losing both of you—I think it was too much.”

Guilt flooded her mind again. Ahsoka met his eyes desperately. “Tell me.”

_______

“Wow, I should disappear for years at a time more often. Apparently, you can really get things done without me!”

Barriss glared at her. “Don't even think about it. In fact, don't even say that again. Ever.”

Ahsoka grinned impishly. “Hmm, I'll try, but no promises. Especially, since I'm pretty sure I can get away with just about anything right now and you still have to love me.”

Her mouth twitched. “You are impossible.”

“Yep. That's what they tell me. Anyway, I can't wait to milk all the juicy details out of that terribly ‘Barrissy’ recitation of major events. I'm sure there are at least six months of amazing stories for me in there somewhere. The best part is, I'll always win. Because, the stories you'll get in return will consist of me either talking to Ezra or counting the bars in my cell.”

A wave of pain flowed through Barriss at Ahsoka's glib reference to her miserable existence for the last two years. Ahsoka Tano locked in a cage was the worst fate Barriss could imagine. _Other than actual death, anyway._ She tried to keep things light though and raised a challenging eyebrow. “We'll see about that.”

Her companion's eyes glinted with anticipation. “So, where are we going? Where is your super secret base now?”

Barriss smiled absently as she lit the fire, awaiting Rex's return with dinner. “Near Yavin.”

“Yavin? There’s nothing out there. It’s like nowhere-land.” Ahsoka sounded disappointed.

“That’s kind of the point. Don’t worry, we’ll find plenty of exciting things for you to do.”

Ahsoka laughed. “You know me so well.”

Barriss finished her work and walked over to sit next to her. “Hmm, I’ve had a lot of experience with a bored Ahsoka.”

“True. I thought you might have gotten rusty, though.”

She studied Ahsoka's face. The woman wasn’t meeting her eyes and even her smile looked a bit forced. Barriss cupped Ahsoka’s cheek, turning it toward her. “Definitely not.”

Ahsoka finally met her eyes sorrowfully. “I’m sorry.”

Barriss looked at her with surprise. “For what?”

“I guess for dying? For not listening when you tried to tell me not to go through with it. For… leaving you.”

She ran her fingers over the white face markings and sighed. “Ahsoka, that’s like apologizing for being you. And, if you weren’t you, who would I love?”

Her companion smiled weakly. “I suppose. Still, I wish I hadn’t done it.”

“Well, I guess we can both agree on that part. But… if anyone should feel guilty, it’s me.”

Ahsoka stared at her in disbelief. “Um, why?”

Barriss pursed her lips. She could feel tears pooling behind her eyes and looked away as she replied, “I didn’t fight harder to stop the mission, even though I knew something was wrong. Then, I thought you were dead. I didn’t search for you. I stupidly assumed what I saw in my vision was your death. It never even occurred to me that you could have lived.” Barriss could feel her voice rising and the guilt flowing fully through her now. “I should have known. I should have had… faith.”

Ahsoka pulled Barriss closer to her. “It’s not your fault. I _was_ dead. I should have been, anyway. I don’t know how they managed to save me and I’m still not completely recovered. There was no way you could have known. You weren’t alone, either. Everyone else saw me die too.”

Barriss jerked out of her arms. “I’m not everyone else! I should have felt you were alive somehow!” She took an unsteady breath, feeling failure rising to meet her. “What’s the point of having terrible nightmares of death if I can’t do anything about them? Then, when I can do something, I don’t even try to do it!”

The tears were falling now. Barriss tried to stop the words, but they came out anyway, choked and painful, “Why—why do I always fail?” _Stop it. What is wrong with you? Be happy. For Ahsoka._ Barriss wrapped her arms around her knees, pressing her forehead against them, and tried to regain control. She felt a strong grip on her shoulder and looked up through cloudy vision to see blue eyes shining fiercely back at her.

Ahsoka spoke intensely, “Since I’ve been gone, you've taken our dream and made it bigger than even I imagined. You’ve organized, expanded, trained, and mentored, saving countless lives in the process.” Ahsoka paused, seemingly gathering strength as she went. “Do you know how happy I was when Ezra was waxing poetically about the ‘Lady of the Rebellion’? The woman he wanted to meet more than the ‘Lady Jedi’ herself? It gave me more hope and happiness than I’d felt in my entire time away from you. You managed all of this after losing me forever. Then, you managed to make all the right decisions to show up just in the nick of time to save my life and, once again, make me the happiest woman on this planet.

“And now, after all of this, you have the audacity to say you failed?! There is no possible way to read this series of events other than spectacularly amazing success after spectacularly amazing success. _And,_ if I wasn’t so annoyingly weak right now, I’d slap you. _Then,_ I’d make you lay in my arms all night while I tell you how amazing you are. _If_ that still didn’t work, I’d do this—”

Ahsoka grabbed her and kissed her deeply.

Barriss felt her heart take flight and a longing desperation fill her. She moved her hands to Ahsoka’s face and pressed her lips tightly against hers. _I need to stop. I don’t want to stop. I missed her so much._

Suddenly, Ahsoka’s grip weakened and Barriss’ want turned into concern. She pulled back and laid Ahsoka against her chest, stroking her face and montrals. “Ok, you win. I’ve never been a failure when I have you.”

Ahsoka relaxed in the embrace and Barriss could feel her grin. “Good.”

_______

“Enough! Both of you! I’m not a child.”

Rex and Barriss halted mid-argument and looked at her.

Ahsoka seethed with anger. “I’m sitting right here, you know. If you want to argue about how to get me from point A to point B, why don’t you consult the person putting up with this ridiculous treatment?”

They both glanced at each other nervously.

That also annoyed Ahsoka. “You know what, we don’t even need that much. I’ll tell you what is going to happen. You two are going to ride together on that horse and I’m going to take that one. By myself.”

Rex opened his mouth to object, but Ahsoka put up a fierce hand. “Nuh-uh. No one speaks. No one argues.” She threw off the blanket they had wrapped around her, and quickly mounted the horse. She sucked in a ragged exhale at the exertion, but didn’t stop. _I’m being stupid. I don't care._ Ahsoka looked back at them defiantly. “Well, what are we waiting for?”

Rex’s expression held abject worry and helplessness.

Barriss, though, had formed her favorite ‘Ahsoka is being irrational’ look as she simply stared at her unmoving.

Of course, that just made Ahsoka angrier. “Fine. You all can catch up.” She spurred her horse forward and started cantering away from them. She didn’t look back, but could hear someone scrambling behind her and smiled in satisfaction. The smile vanished when she heard a sharp double whistle and her horse immediately stopped moving. _Force it all._ In her anger, she had jumped on Barriss’ well-trained mount. Ahsoka knew she was dead in the water now and let out a frustrated exhale.

Barriss was suddenly at her legs. “Ahsoka, please come down. You’re right, we shouldn’t argue about you like you’re not there. We just… missed you and don't want to make a mistake. I’m sorry.”

Ahsoka gazed down at her, the anger draining away. Realizing how tired she really was, she slid off the saddle into Barriss’ arms. “I know you both mean well. I just feel… helpless.”

“I know. I promise we’ll do better, ok? You won’t be helpless for long. Just let us help you in the meantime. Please?”

Ahsoka nodded glumly.

Barriss kissed her temple and they walked back toward Rex, sitting a few feet behind them on the other horse. She handed Ahsoka up to him.

He secured her tightly against his chest, bracing her with his arm. “Alright, Commander. Let’s get you home. Maybe, I’ll finally get my long-awaited rematch.”

She grinned weakly. “You aren’t trying to take advantage of my weakened condition to finally proclaim victory, are you?”

Rex laughed. “Hey, if you can ride a horse already, you are practically at my level. Sounds like a fair fight to me.”

Ahsoka chuckled.

Glancing back at them from her own mount, Barriss smiled. “Alright, let's go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's nice to have the trio back together, even if they are all traumatized at the moment. Though, I think that brings out the best in them. Team Ahsoka, back in action!


	41. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone deals with Ahsoka's return, including her.

“Well, I see in my absence you have decided to totally change allegiances.”

Caleb grinned at Ahsoka. “Now, now, I still remember how to use a sword. I just like this a little better is all.” He waved his bow at her, rubbing his head diffidently. “Actually, if I’m being honest, I always kind of preferred the bow.”

Ahsoka laughed. “I know. Barriss thought she was very clever, acting like you just _lived_ for our training sessions. When it was totally obvious who your true love was.”

He smiled amusedly and sat down next to her in the grass. “Well, I am surprisingly competent at infiltration and hiding in plain sight.”

“Barriss is probably just a better teacher than me. Because you, my dear, can master anything you set your mind to and don’t you forget it.”

He flushed slightly, an unusual look on his now manly face. “Thanks.” He continued tentatively, “I missed you. I’m glad—well, I’m happy you’re back.”

Ahsoka smiled fondly at him. “I missed you, as well. Now, tell me about this woman Barriss says you are madly in love with?”

Caleb averted his eyes and sputtered, “I’m not—she exaggerates. I just find her… fascinating is all.”

Ahsoka raised her eyebrows. “I see. Then, tell me about this woman that you find fascinating. She is a Twi’lek, right? Barriss says she is extremely capable and one of her most trusted operatives.”

His expression lit up. “Yes, her name is Hera. She is… well, she’s amazing.”

Ahsoka nodded encouragingly for him to continue. The man waxed eloquently on Hera’s virtues for a few more minutes—covering everything from her strategic brilliance to her horsemanship.  She could tell, despite his protestations to the contrary, that he was completely smitten. _I hope she’s good enough for him._ “So, when do I get to meet her?”

Caleb glanced at her warily. “Um, she’s in Lothal right now. That’s where Sabine and I were before we were recalled here. I’m not sure when you’ll have a chance to, um, meet her.”

She fixed him with an intent look. “Oh, I’ll make the time. You and Sabine are headed back to Lothal soon, right? Maybe, I’ll just go with you.”

He looked almost panicked now. “Um, are you sure that’s a good idea in your condition? I mean, you might want to wait until you’re feeling better. And, you know, there will be a lot going on for you to catch up on after that. You’ll probably need to—”

Ahsoka couldn’t hold back a laugh as she interrupted what was sure to be a rambling exposition of reasons she should never, ever come to Lothal. She put an affectionate hand on his cheek. “Don’t worry, Caleb. I’ll be nice.”

He grinned guiltily and opened his mouth to respond, when a loud yell assaulted her montrals as Sabine and Ezra pelted up to them.

Sabine pushed Ezra out of the way, standing defiantly in front of Ahsoka, “How come Ezra knows you were a princess and I don’t?!”

Ezra puffed up slightly and said, “Clearly, it’s because I’m special.”

Caleb snorted. He looked annoyed at the interruption to his quality time with Ahsoka.

Sabine just stared at her expectantly.

Ahsoka glanced at Caleb. He shrugged, as if to say ‘this is your problem, you fix it’. She looked back to the young Mandalorian, who had matured considerably in the last two years. _Apparently, not completely._ “Sabine, I didn’t tell Ezra anything. Rex did.” She quickly added, trying to save Ezra’s feelings, “However, I would have, if it had ever come up. He kept me company, kept me sane, and he saved my life.” She paused and then quickly added again, “I would have told you, as well, if it had ever come up. It’s not like I go around trying to slip in random facts about my past, you know.”

Both Sabine and Ezra seemed slightly mollified, but still glared at each other.

Ahsoka sighed tiredly. “What I would really like is for you both to try to be friends, please? It would be nice if two of my favorite people got along.”

They both looked slightly guilty. Then, Ezra spoke up, “It’s not my fault! All she does is make fun of me! And, she calls me ‘kid’!”

Sabine retorted, “You are a _kid!_ And, if you weren’t so full of yourself, I wouldn’t need to make fun of you!”

“I am not a kid!”

“Are too!”

Caleb finally tried to intervene. “Alright, you two, knock it off. You’re _both_ acting like kids.”

They glared at him in unison, finally agreeing on something.

Ahsoka suddenly found herself in the middle of a three-way argument and felt her strength waning.

Then, an unexpected voice spoke firmly, “That’s enough, please.”

Everyone went silent and squirmed abashedly under the gaze of the woman standing sternly behind them.

Barriss marked each of them with her eyes and said, “Ahsoka is tired. I know you don’t want to make it worse. She loves all of you and wants to spend time with you. However, if you can’t behave in an adult manner when you do so, I will reconsider that decision. Understood?”

All three nodded in shame, even Caleb, who looked like he wasn’t sure how this had happened.

Her expression softened. “All three of you are amazing and very special. I know it and Ahsoka knows it. We also know that together you can accomplish anything. So, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try?”

They grinned shyly.

Ezra piped up and tried an inelegant bow, “Anything for the Lady of Rebellion.”

Caleb snorted. “That really needs some work, kid.”

Sabine grinned and opened her mouth to pile on, until she saw Barriss’ expression and changed tacts. “Well, it’s sweet of him to try.”

Ezra jumped with surprise at the semi-compliment. Then, he looked at Ahsoka’s tired face and turned to Caleb, asking nervously, “I was wondering if—um, Ahsoka said you were really good at Jar’Kai, and I was wondering if maybe, you’d—well—show me how?”

Caleb stared at him and looked a bit reluctant.

Barriss spoke up, “He is an excellent swordsman, Ezra. He also knows he is only that good because people took the time to teach him,” she ended with a meaningful look at Caleb.

The man sighed. “Alright, ki—Ezra. We’ll give it a go. Jar’Kai is very advanced, though. I had to work for a long time to get good enough to even attempt it. So, if I decide you need some more work on the single-form styles before we move on to Jar’Kai, are you willing to stick with it?”

Ezra seemed as if he was going to argue, but stopped. He grinned cockily. “Absolutely. I want to be the best. You just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

Caleb couldn’t help a return grin. “Alright, we’ll start now. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Ezra almost fell over in his excitement.

Sabine asked tentatively, “Mind if I watch? And, maybe I can… get some pointers too?”

The man smiled. “Sure thing. Come on, let’s go.”

Ahsoka grinned at them happily. “Now, that’s more like it. I’m sure Barriss is going to forcibly carry me off to rest in a moment. But, tomorrow, I will be expecting to see some expert swordplay.” She lifted her eyebrows teasingly.

Ezra and Sabine stared at her in worried disbelief.

Caleb laughed. “Well, we better get started then.”

As they walked off, Ahsoka gazed up at Barriss adoringly. “You are amazing, you know that, right?”

Barriss sat beside her on the soft grass. “Hmm… I’ve had lots of practice with squabbling children. You don’t, because you were usually too busy arguing with Asajj to notice me doing it.”

Ahsoka laughed and laid her head on Barriss’ shoulder. “Just when I think I know how amazing you are, you add another layer on top of it.”

The woman grinned, slipping her hand in Ahsoka’s and rubbing her thumb over their fingers. “Well, if they didn’t love you so much, we wouldn’t have these problems.”

“Mmm, true. Are you saying I should be less loveable?”

Barriss kissed the montrals laying on her shoulder gently. “Absolutely not.”

_________

“Has Barriss talked to you about what happened when I… died?”

Obi-Wan seemed surprised at the question. “No. You know we just met a few weeks ago, right?”

They were in the room Barriss had declared belonged to ‘them’ when they arrived back at the base. It didn't quite feel right to Ahsoka, though. It felt different somehow, not like… home. And, she had no idea why. It wasn't like she ever had a specific location to call home. Even Shili had often not felt like home. Home had been on campaign with her soldiers, or wherever she was happy, and later, wherever Barriss was. She hoped it was just the strangeness of being gone for so long making her restless in a new environment. Still, she felt an underlying anxiety that no place would feel like home ever again. For now, though, Ahsoka wanted to focus on something more tangible, something she could understand, something she could potentially fix.

Ahsoka was propped on some pillows in the bed, with Kenobi sitting in a chair next to her. He had shown up nearly an hour ago, insisting she needed some company and she was happy to have it. She smiled wanly. “I know you just met, but she seems… attached to you. It’s unusual, in my experience, for Barriss to so quickly trust someone that completely. Plus, you mentioned she had told you the story of when we first met—a story very few people have ever been told. So, I just thought, maybe…”

“Hmm, I never really thought about it, but I suppose you’re right. The feeling was mutual, actually. She gave me your mother’s bow, you know.”

Ahsoka stared at him in disbelief. “Are you serious? That bow never leaves her side. It’s her most prized possession.”

“I could tell. That’s why I gave it back to her. She was trying to gain my trust when I first arrived here. I had only told her my mission involved the future of Shili. I guess, she felt it was something she had to do, probably for you. She told me the bow represented an unbreakable bond of friendship and trust. And, that she was offering hers to me. I have to say, it was very effective.”

Ahsoka was touched at the sacrifice and the meaning the bow had taken on for Barriss.

Obi-Wan smiled at her. “In any case, it worked, and here we are. However, I’m afraid we never talked about your death. I think she was trying to share happy memories of you.”

She nodded sadly. “I just—she didn’t just lose me that day. The woman who raised her, her master, apparently showed up out of nowhere and sacrificed herself to allow Rex time to escape with Barriss. Rex said she never talked about it and she hasn’t mentioned it to me, either. I don’t know if I should bring it up or leave it alone.”

“I see. Were they close?”

Ahsoka grimaced. “Their relationship was… difficult. She essentially kidnapped Barriss when she was a child, off the streets of Coruscant. She made her into, well, something she never wanted to be. Barriss spent a long time trying to break free from her control. Yet, Unduli showed up at the end and saved her, only to apparently die in the process. I just think it must have been… terrible. And, I don’t know how to bring it up, or if I even should.”

The man’s face had frozen in place and his eyes took on strange quality. “Un-Unduli? As in… Luminara Unduli?”

She glanced up in surprise. “Yes. Did you know her?” 

Obi-Wan stared off into the distance, not responding. Ahsoka thought his face looked pained and miserable.

She reached out for his hand, squeezing it supportively. “You did know her.”

His gaze shifted to Ahsoka, opening his mouth slightly to say something. Then, he stopped. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, as he finally responded, “Yes, I knew her. I’m sorry… I’m probably exhausting you. I’ll leave you now. I’ll come back later when you’ve had a chance to rest.”

Ahsoka opened her mouth to object, to fix the pain she had evidently caused, when he gripped the hand still holding his tightly.

“Ahsoka, it’s ok. I just need… a moment to gather my thoughts.” He gazed at her imploringly.

She nodded, guilt still coursing through her for the inadvertent sorrow she had produced through her careless words.

Obi-Wan gave her hand one final squeeze and then quickly exited the room.

Once again, Ahsoka Tano felt helpless.

_______

“No. This stops now.” Barriss’ face filled with fury.

Ahsoka was taken aback. She had rarely in their long relationship ever seen that expression on her face.

Asajj flinched as well, before her face turned hard. “I don’t think that’s your decision.”

Obi-Wan glanced warily between the women, but didn’t speak.

Ahsoka knew she needed to intervene. “Barriss, it’s ok. I asked Asajj to help me get stronger. She’s just taking me through some basic fighting forms. It’s not her fault.”

Barriss’ acted like she didn’t even hear her as she gazed in unrelenting anger at Asajj. “I trusted you to take care of Ahsoka. I should have known better.”

The bounty hunter winced at the accusation, hurt in her eyes, and spat back, “I _am_ taking care of her. She needed to do something other than laying in bed all day. She will never get stronger, if she doesn’t exert herself. Ahsoka doesn’t need to be coddled. She already feels helpless. You’re making it worse. If you weren’t so afraid of losing her again, you’d see that.” Asajj immediately looked liked she regretted the words, but maintained her defiant eye contact with Barriss.

For once, Barriss was the first to look away. She turned and walked down the hill surrounding the sparring grounds without another word.

Asajj cursed. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Ahsoka placed a hand on her arm. “It’s ok. It's my fault and I'm sorry. You’re not wrong, either.” She gazed after Barriss with distress and started to head down the hill, when a voice stopped her.

Obi-Wan spoke firmly. “No, Ahsoka. That would be foolish. You expending energy going after her would just amplify Barriss’ worry. You’d make things worse, not better. Let me talk to her. Meanwhile, perhaps Asajj can escort you back to your room. I’ll send Barriss there.”

She wavered uncertainly. Ahsoka knew he was correct, but she wasn’t sure she cared. “This is all my fault.”

He shook his head vehemently. “No, it’s not. It’s life. Life is unfair and cruel sometimes. It is also beautiful and shining. We all take the bad, in order to truly enjoy the good. And, you my dear, are definitely part of the good. So, listen to your Uncle Obi-Wan for once and let me fix this one. Please.”

Sighing in defeat, Ahsoka grinned weakly at him. “Alright. Just this once. Don’t get used to it.”

He grinned back, replying dryly, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

_______

Obi-Wan lowered himself next to her with a deep sigh. “Well then.”

Barriss wiped away the tears, but didn’t look at him.

“If I were to tell you a story about a beautiful, amazing, young spy and a precocious, arrogant, young hunter—about how their love ended in tragedy and despair because of not recognizing what true failure was… would you be interested?”

She looked at him in confusion. This was not the line she was expecting. “I’m sorry?”

He sighed again, pain coursing through this voice as he spoke, “I once knew a woman named Luminara. I want to tell you about her.”

Barriss inhaled sharply and stared at him, an unspoken question in her eyes.

Obi-Wan met her eyes, sorrow permeating every inch of him. “Yes, the same. Yet, not the same. This was… before. Before everything.”

She felt emotions well up inside her, everything from intense curiosity to bitter despair.

He offered a hand to her tentatively, almost hopefully. “I would—I’d like to tell you about who she really was. If you’ll let me.”

Barriss gazed at him, tears starting to fall again. She reached out and took the offered hand tightly. “I’d… like that.”

_______

“I’ve come with a peace offering.”

Ahsoka opened her eyes and grinned in relief at the woman now laying next to her. “A present, huh?”

Barriss smiled shyly, reminding Ahsoka of the girl she'd once been. “Well, it isn’t so much a present as it is… returning what’s yours.”

“Now, I’m really intrigued.”

Expression turning serious, Barriss opened the drawer next to the bed. She withdrew a shiny, gold-plated, object and laid it between them.

Ahsoka sucked in a breath. _My dagger._ She stared blankly at the weapon, uncertain feelings in her heart.

“I wasn’t sure—I didn’t know whether you would want it or not.” Barriss reached a hand to Ahsoka’s face, feathering her fingers over her cheek. “I’ve kept it close for the last two years, never thinking I’d have the chance to return it to its proper owner. Anyway, I understand if you don’t want it back.”

Meeting her eyes intensely, Ahsoka asked, “Where did you find it?”

The woman smiled wanly. “Well… I suppose, technically-speaking, I first found it in my chest.”

Her brow furrowed with confusion, before realizing the implication. “Oh Gods. _He_ had it. And, he tried to kill you with it.”

Barriss nodded tightly.

Rage, guilt, and sadness filled her all at once. Ahsoka turned away, gazing at the ceiling above them. Then, a gentle hand caressed her face, pulling it back toward the woman beside her.

“It’s ok, you know.” Barriss smiled softly. “It actually saved me, in a way. The idea of dying by something you loved was comforting. Then, I managed to grab it while we escaped. As I was laying in Rex’s arms, I held onto it. I thought of what you would want me to do. And, well, dying wasn’t on the agenda.”

A small amount of warmth entered Ahsoka’s soul. She looked again at the dagger. “That’s something, I guess. Still, I wish it hadn’t happened.”

Barriss traced Ahsoka’s warrior markings with her fingers. “I think, perhaps, you are thinking of it the wrong way. A wise man once told me that all of our choices, even the unwise ones, make us who we are truly meant to be. And, this dagger doesn’t represent pain, but the unbreakable spirit it was given to honor. It represents love and faith, and choices made along a path of destiny to get us here. It has brought me comfort many times. I would like it to do the same for you.”

Ahsoka gazed at her, warring emotions flowing through her. She grinned weakly. “Hmm… you’ve spent too much time with Obi-Wan, I think.”

Barriss grinned back, fingers still moving gently over Ahsoka’s face.

As she looked at the dagger again, Ahsoka saw something other than loss. She saw love—unbreakable, unconditional love. And, it was… beautiful. She picked it up, running her hand across the smooth metal. Then, Ahsoka smiled happily and placed it on the table beside her. “Maybe, I do want it after all. Because, now it represents something even better. You.”

Piercing, blue eyes gazed longingly at her.

Ahsoka placed a warm hand on Barriss’ face, stroking the tattooed skin softly. She suddenly felt… complete again. _I'm home._ She leaned over and kissed Barriss passionately, feeling the tiredness fall away and strength returning. This time, she refused to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter because it ties multiple threads/characters together. We see most of Phoenix Squadron now assembled, get more backstory on Luminara (and Obi-Wan), see a new level of relationship for Ahsoka and Barriss, and even get a little Asajj thrown in. I almost cut the chapter up into pieces but liked it as one overall story of Ahsoka's return to mental and physical health.


	42. Child of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Ahsoka fully recovered, she turns her full attention to finding her missing nephew.

“Do you know where the boy is?” Ahsoka asked Obi-Wan intently.

He shook his head. “I did. But, he’s not there anymore. I’ve been searching ever since. The family he was staying with said he went out one day and never came back. That was a six weeks ago.”

“Why wasn’t someone protecting him? Why didn’t you find me before now?!” Ahsoka demanded angrily.

Obi-Wan cringed. “Ahsoka, I didn’t know you were alive, remember? And, I had no idea Barriss or the rebellion was in any way connected to you. I didn’t think there was anyone else I could trust with his identity. And, I was afraid Anak—” He broke off, taking a deep breath. His voice took on a pleading tone, almost begging her to understand. “I made a promise to his mother. I _was_ protecting him. But, I couldn’t be in his home all the time. I wanted him to have a life, a stable environment—not to be raised on the run, in fear. I was a target for Palpatine. I didn’t want anyone to connect the boy to me. I thought he would be safe in Tatooine, as a foster child of farmers, as… no one.” His voice broke bitterly. “I was wrong.”

The anger left her as suddenly as it had come. She gripped his hand tightly, trying to convey support. “I’m sorry. I don't blame you. You did what you thought was right. I just wish I had known. I could have… done something.”

He didn’t look any less defeated, but he tried a small smile. “Either way, we have to find him. I don’t know where he is or what has happened. I don’t know how anyone could have connected him to me or to Shili. He doesn’t even know his true lineage.”

Ahsoka considered. “So, he really could be anywhere. This could be totally unrelated to Palpatine. Is it possible he just… ran away?”

Obi-Wan looked startled and paused thoughtfully. “I suppose. He’s like his aunt, always wanting adventure, never wanting to be protected,” he ended with a snarky grin.  

She grinned back. “Excellent, my kind of kid. He would be, what, ten years old now?”

He nodded.

“Ok, so what kind of adventure did he want? Seeing other kingdoms? Exploring forests and mountains? Meeting specific people? What were his dreams? Maybe, that will give us a place to start on that side of things. We can use the rebel networks to gather potential leads. Meanwhile, Barriss has already put out feelers to our contacts in Coruscant to see if there is anything on that front. We’ll just have to hope he has gone out on his own and gotten lost somewhere. I can’t imagine he meant to be gone this long, if he left of his own accord.”

Obi-Wan straightened his shoulders, hope in his eyes. “Agreed. Alright, let’s get to work.”

_______

Ahsoka threw her gauntlet across the room in frustration. She felt tears forming in her eyes and closed them tightly. _I’m sorry, Luke. I’m sorry I didn’t even think to see if you existed. I’m sorry I didn’t help your mother. I’m sorry I couldn’t save your father. I’ll try to make it up to you. I promise._

Suddenly, she felt a firm hand on her shoulder and smiled through the pain. “How is it you always know when I need you?”

“That’s easy. I’m always here, whether you need me or not. Oh, also, Obi-Wan might have mentioned that he just finished talking to you.”

Ahsoka grinned and faced Barriss, wrapping her arms around her. “I really don’t deserve you.”

Barriss gazed into her eyes adoringly. “Actually, I’m pretty sure you do. Either way, like I said, I’m not going anywhere.”

She leaned her forehead against Barriss’ and sighed. “I love you.”

“You know, I thought I’d get used to feeling completely, utterly, and overwhelmingly happy whenever you said that. But, it never happened. Still works.”

Ahsoka pulled her head back and contemplated. “Hmm, maybe I better use it more sparingly. Don’t want to take a chance on losing its effectiveness. I might need it for emergency situations.”

An amused eyebrow quirked. “Such as?”

“For when I ask you to marry me or something.”

Barriss’ mouth dropped open. She stared unblinkingly, until a small grin crept her lips upward. “I don’t think so. If that ever happens, I’m asking you.”

Now, it was Ahsoka’s turn to stare. “Um, no.”

“Yep.” Barriss grinned impishly.

Ahsoka was about to object again, when fingers started caressing her lips. She couldn’t help herself and brushed her mouth against the moving fingers, closing her eyes blissfully. The fingers roamed across her eyelids, followed by gentle presses of soft lips on her own. Ahsoka sighed happily. “We’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one, I suppose.”

There was a small giggle as hands wrapped behind her head and Ahsoka let herself fall into the moment.

_______

Ahsoka signaled to the group to stay back as she moved carefully toward the target.

He somehow sensed her, turned a panicked face, and took off running.

“No, wait! We’re not—” Ahsoka groaned in frustration and sprinted after him.

She entered what looked like a dead-end alley and quickly examined the area. Her eyes were drawn to one of the piles of crates in the corner. She smiled beneath her hood and started forward, but then thought better of it. “Luke, I know you’re there. I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to take you home.”

There was no response.

Ahsoka slowly took off her cloak, so he could see her face, hoping he would realize she wasn’t a bounty hunter or a slaver. She removed her swords, placing them on the ground, and then fixed her gaze on his hiding spot. She couldn’t explain how, but she knew he was there and that he was watching her.

“My name is Ahsoka. I’m friends with Ob—Ben Kenobi. He asked me to help find you, after you disappeared from your home in Tatooine. We’ve been looking for you ever since. It’s taken us a long time and I hope you can trust me enough to let me take you back home.”

There was still no response.

She heard people moving in the alleyway behind her and put her hand out. She didn’t want to frighten him with more cloaked strangers.

A small voice spoke, “If that’s true, where’s Ben? Why isn’t he here?”

“He is here, just not with me at the moment. His team was checking for you in another part of the city. We had two leads to follow-up, and I happened to find you. I’ve sent someone to get him, but it will take a bit for him to get here. If you want, we could just sit here together until he arrives.” She followed the suggestion up by sitting cross-legged on the ground, facing the crates, and smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring way.

She thought she heard a small sigh, but no other reply came.

Ahsoka smiled again and said, “Well, since we’ll be here for a bit, why don’t we chat? I’ve been very excited to meet you. How did you end up in Malastare?”

There was no immediate response.

She desperately tried to think of a way to engage him. A sudden idea entered her mind. “How about this? We both get to ask questions to get to know each other, like a game. You see what you can figure out about me and I’ll do the same for you. You can even go first, if you want. You already know the question I’m going to ask, so you pick something you want to know that might be a good trade. Ok?”

There was silence for a moment and then the voice came again, “Are you a warrior?”

Ahsoka grinned mischievously. “Yes, I am.”

A disgruntled sigh came from the crates. “I shouldn’t have asked a yes or no question. I’ll do better next time.” His voice sounded determined.

She chuckled. “I used to make that mistake when I first started playing this game with one of my friends. I got better at it, though. I’m sure you’ll be a faster learner than me. So, how did you get to Malastare?”

“I was captured by slavers and they brought me here. Then, I escaped.”

Ahsoka whistled. “Impressive. It’s not easy to escape from slavers. No wonder we’ve had so much trouble trying to find you. You must be skilled at hiding, huh?”

“Is that a question?”

She laughed. “I can see you are already becoming an expert at this game. Alright, your turn.”

“What kingdom do you serve as a warrior?”

“I don’t. My kingdom was destroyed when Palpatine took over.” She decided to give him extra detail this time. “I—well, for a long time I thought I couldn’t be a warrior anymore because of that. Then, I realized that there were lots of people out there who needed a warrior to protect them. So, I guess you could say, I became a warrior of every kingdom.”

“Like the rebels who protect people from the Emperor? Are you one of them?”

Ahsoka grinned. “Is that a question?”

He sighed in exasperation. “Your turn.”

“Why did you leave home?”

“I wanted to have… an adventure. Tatooine is so boring. I was only going to explore outside of the city for a few days. But, then I was captured.” His voice sounded close to tears.

Ahsoka wanted to move the crates, grab him up, and tell him everything was going to be ok, but she restrained herself. He wouldn’t be talking to her if he didn’t have another way out, possibly through the wall behind him. She didn’t want to lose him again or endanger any trust she had generated. “I see. Well, you definitely got an adventure! That happened to me once. I was captured by bounty hunters, but I didn’t escape when I could have because I thought it might be a fun adventure. It worked out basically the way your adventure did.”

“Really? You were captured by bounty hunters when you were young like me?”

She didn’t point out the additional question and answered warmly. “Actually, I was older than you. So, you’re already ahead of me! Alright, your turn.”

He said quietly, “No, I asked another question already. It’s your turn again.”

Ahsoka was startled. _This kid is honest._ “Hey, you’re right. Thanks. Ok, so what is your dream adventure? As in, the place you want to go or thing you want to do most?”

There was an immediate response. “I want to see Shili.”

Ahsoka gasped involuntarily, her mouth gaping open.

He added sadly, “I know it was destroyed, but I still just… want to see it.”

She tried to reply calmly, “Shili is, well that's—” she broke off feeling tears welling up.

A concerned voice said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Ahsoka plastered a grin back on her face, cursing inwardly. “No, it’s ok. It’s not your fault. It’s just that Shili was my kingdom and sometimes I still get sad thinking about it.”

“You’re from Shili?! And, yes, that’s a question.”

She smiled affectionately. Even if he hadn’t been her nephew, Ahsoka was pretty sure she would still love him. “Yes, I’m from Shili. I was a battalion commander in the Shili military, actually, to answer your earlier question a little better. Why do you want to see it?”

“Because, it’s where I’m from. I mean, I’m not supposed to know that, but like you said I’m good at hiding,” his voice turned mischievous, “especially when adults are talking about things they don’t want me to hear.”

Ahsoka laughed. “Indeed. Well, then. I’ll tell you what, when you get out of there, I’m going to tell you all about Shili. You won’t even have to trade for it.”

He replied tentatively, “Did you—did you know the Master General? I mean, you must have if you were a battalion commander, right?”

Ahsoka’s smile dropped. There was only one likely reason he would be asking that question. He knew. How much he knew was less certain. She considered her options. _No. Not yet. He’s so young._ She wasn’t going to lie to him, though. She could say yes and leave it at that, likely disappointing him. Maybe, a middle road? Ahsoka was still sitting indecisively, when she heard a small cough.

“It’s ok, if you don’t want to answer.” He sounded defeated and small.

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and prayed her instincts were going to lead her correctly. When Ahsoka opened her eyes, she felt calm. Smiling gently, she said, “Yes, I knew him. He was my brother.”

There was a long silence.

Ahsoka continued softly, “Yes, I know. I’m sorry, Luke. I didn’t know you existed until Ben found me a few weeks ago. He didn’t know I had survived the destruction of Shili, or I’m sure he would have come to me sooner. Either way, I’m glad I know you now. I didn’t—I thought all of my family was gone. And, I was sad for a long time. Now, though, I have new hope because I’m so very happy to have you. If you want me, anyway. I hope we can at least be friends.” Tears were now streaming down her face. She closed her eyes, trying to reign in the tumult of emotions.

There were sounds of crates moving and suddenly a small hand was in hers. Ahsoka smiled happily, opened her eyes, and found herself looking at a young Anakin. The brother she remembered, the one she adored. She grabbed him up in her arms and held him tightly. Ahsoka felt his body relax, the fear and desperation of the last several weeks releasing.

Luke pulled back and examined her for a moment. Then, he grinned diffidently. “So, can I call you Aunt A-ahsoka?”

She laughed through her tears and said, “Absolutely.”

He smiled contentedly. “So, can we go now, Aunt Ahsoka?”

Ahsoka grinned and then raised her eyebrows. “Is that a question?”

He gave her an annoyed look.

She tousled his hair. “I’m just teasing. You, my dear, have free questions for the rest of your life.”

Luke grinned. “Good, because I have tons more.”

Ahsoka rose from the ground and returned her swords to her side. She gazed at him fondly. “I expect no less from my nephew.” She held out her hand. “Ready?”

He smiled shyly and gripped her hand. “Yep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke! What a cutie!


	43. Subjective Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year later finds Barriss and Ahsoka faced with difficult decisions about the future.
> 
> [One year later]

Ahsoka's mouth made its way down the soft, smooth skin. She weaved her fingers into Barriss’ and lifted their interlocked hands above the woman's head, pressing them tightly against the bed. Her lips reached a favorite spot and attacked it, massaging the area intensely.

Barriss suddenly gasped, before releasing a deep moan. “Oh Ahsoka, do that again…”

“Well, it might cost you.” Ahsoka grinned wickedly as she continued her ministrations to the supple skin beneath her.

An enticing eyebrow raised. “Yes… ?”

She continued to kiss Barriss teasingly. “Hmm… marry me?”

Barriss abruptly stiffened and removed her hands from Ahsoka's.

Ahsoka stopped in shock. “Um, what did I do?”

There was no response as Barriss stared up at her vacantly.

She placed her hands on the Mirialan's face, looking directly into her eyes. “Barriss. Focus on me. Please.”

For the first time in Ahsoka's memory, it didn't work. Barriss instead shifted under her, turning to face the wall.

Ahsoka rolled to her side of the bed mechanically, chaotic thoughts buzzing in her mind. _I don't understand._ She shifted back toward the woman beside her. “Tell me what's wrong.”

“Nothing, I'm fine,” Barriss stated flatly.

Hurt filled Ahsoka and she struggled to keep her voice even. “No, you're not. Please, tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it.”

“You didn't do anything wrong. So, it's not possible to fix.” Once again, the response was emotionless.

Ahsoka blew out a frustrated sigh, feeling hurt and worry simultaneously. She knew none of what Barriss was saying was true. Ahsoka also wanted to see her eyes, which the woman clearly didn't want to happen. She briefly considered jerking her around to look at her, but instead tried to theorize on what could have caused such an extreme reaction. She placed a gentle hand on Barriss’ shoulder and felt a resulting flinch. _What is going on?_ Ahsoka spoke tentatively, “You know, you don't have to marry me. I just thought we were—I mean, I don't want you to do anything that makes you—” she broke off as a hand grabbed hers.

Barriss said softly, “Everything is fine. Please, don't worry.”

There was nothing but stunned disbelief as Ahsoka stared at the hand gripping hers. She didn't know what to say to such blatant denials.

The soft voice came again, this time pleading, “Please, I can't—don't make me.”

Ahsoka sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. _I don't have much of a choice, do I?_ “Alright.”

The grip on Ahsoka’s hand tightened as Barriss said, “I love you, don't forget.”

“Nev—” The standard response started from Ahsoka's lips, but it didn't feel right. It conveyed surety and confidence. Right now, she felt none. She opted for a honest statement instead. “I love you, too.”

There was a slight stiffening in Barriss’ shoulder. She whispered, almost too low for Ahsoka to hear, “Can you just… hold me?”

 _What is going on?_ Ahsoka slid closer, pressing her body into hers, and wrapped a strong arm around her waist. She felt a hand pull her arm even tighter. Even more worrying were the slight tremors running through Barriss’ body that she could feel from her new position. Ahsoka tried one more time. “Barriss, please, look at me for a minute and then I won't ask anything else tonight. Please.”

After a long moment, the woman’s head shifted and their eyes met. Then, Barriss quickly turned away again.

It was enough. Ahsoka’s anxiety skyrocketed. Barriss’ eyes had radiated a deep misery and… hopelessness. Only once had Ahsoka ever seen an expression like that in her eyes. Cardota.

_______

Ahsoka woke up to an empty bed. There was no Barriss and it was still dark. _What is going on?_ She rolled onto her back, considering her options. Then, she decided she was done thinking. _I'm not letting this happen._ Ahsoka jumped from the bed, threw on some clothes, and went in search of the woman she loved.

She found her in their shared office, not working as Ahsoka had guessed, but doing something much worse. Barriss was in a corner of the floor, curled up in a fetal position, having a nightmare—one of _those_ nightmares. Ahsoka knew it as soon as she saw her. _How long has she been having this one?_ She sat beside Barriss and began stroking her forehead, murmuring automatically, while her thoughts continued to sort out what was happening. _How many times has she left me in the middle of night? Why would she not want me to help her?_ If Barriss was having a nightmare regularly enough to leave their bed in anticipation… Ahsoka shuddered painfully. _Why didn't you tell me?_

Eventually, Barriss relaxed and fell back to sleep.

Ahsoka laid down next to her, placing a protective arm around the woman, and nuzzled into her neck. “Don't worry, I'm here. Everything is going to be alright.” She pressed her lips against the warm skin and closed her eyes to wait.

_______

Ahsoka watched as Barriss woke up, tracked her realization of who was with her, and waited to see what her first instinct would be. _If I'm right… yes._ Barriss had tried to slip out of the protective embrace, presumably to run—to distance herself. Pain coursed through Ahsoka’s heart. _I've got to fix this._ She tightened her grip on the woman. “I don't think so. You're not going anywhere, until you tell me how long you've been sneaking off to have nightmares on your own.”

Barriss went still and stared at the ceiling above them. “I just can't sleep sometimes.”

That one was too much for Ahsoka. “The hell you can't. Stop lying to me.”

Barriss winced and finally looked at her. “I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to worry.”

“Lying is the best way _to_ make me worry.” Ahsoka paused, before continuing painfully, “Barriss, I don't know how this happened. Somehow, I've lost your trust, maybe even—I can't lose you. Please, tell me it's not too late to fix my mistakes?”

The woman stared at her in astonishment, which quickly turned to horror. Barriss put both hands on Ahsoka's face, panic filling her voice, “No, you didn't do anything. Please don’t—this has nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do. I've just been trying to—please Ahsoka, I do trust you. I love you more now than I ever have.”

Ahsoka tried to feel relieved, but the actions didn't match the words. “If that were true, why would you not want my help? Why wouldn't you tell me about the new vision? Why would you sneak away from me at night? Why would you have a meltdown when I asked you to marry me? Why would you lie about all of it?! And, why—” she sucked in a calming breath as confusion, worry, and hurt radiated through her, “why do your eyes look like they did in… Cardota?”

When Cardota was mentioned, Barriss recoiled physically, but didn't let go of Ahsoka's face. “The only reason I didn't tell you was because I can't. The dream itself is… not something I can talk about right now. And, everything else I did was to keep from having this exact conversation. Not because I don't trust you or love you, but because I do. Please, please, believe me.” Her voice was rising in panic again and a small sob escaped her lips.

A glimmer of relief entered Ahsoka’s heart, though the worried confusion remained. She gazed uncertainly into the beseeching eyes.

“Please, Ahsoka.” Barriss, fully sobbing now, tucked her head into Ahsoka's chest. “Don't lose faith in my love. I can't handle that too. I'm sorry for being stupid and… everything. _Please._ ”

Ahsoka couldn't take anymore and let go of the doubt. She wrapped her arms tightly around the sobbing woman. “Shh, it's alright. I love you and I always will. And, I know you love me. Ok?”

Red-rimmed, blue eyes gazed up at her in desperate relief.

Ahsoka kissed the tear-streaked face. “Now, about this marriage thing…”

Barriss stiffened again, but continued looking at her, maintaining eye contact. “I'm so sorry. You asking reminded me of my nightmare and I just… lost it.”

“Well, that's an understatement. So, something about us being married is, I assume, a bad thing in your vision?”

She nodded weakly. “I do want to marry you. But, not if it means what I dream about will come true. I'm not even sure it's possible to stop it. If it is, I've got to figure out how. I don't think—that is—I don't know what to do exactly. I just didn't know how to tell you without… what happened, happening. Plus, I knew you would feel helpless since I couldn't even explain it. It was stupid and I'm sorry I hurt you. I was trying _not_ to.”

Things were making more sense. Barriss still should have told her all of this. However, at least Ahsoka knew what was going on now. It worried her, though. This was the kind of behavior Barriss displayed when she thought she was protecting people from herself—shutting them out and turning inward… _I'll work on that one later._ Ahsoka sighed. “Ok, I understand. At some point, we're going to have to discuss this, though. It's not just your life you're making decisions for here.”

“I know,” Barriss replied painfully, looking distant for a moment. Then, she leaned her face back into Ahsoka's chest and began to cry anew.

_______

“So, I need your help with Barriss.”

Rex and Asajj looked at her with surprise.

Ahsoka cut directly to the point. “Something is terribly wrong and she won’t talk to me about it. She’s been having a new nightmare. It has her so scared, she tried to hide that it was happening. I don’t know what else to do. I think she might talk to someone else, though.”

Rex asked, “Why do you think she might tell someone else?”

“Because, I think the vision concerns me and she is afraid to tell me what my role is in it, or something like that. It took a lot of work for me to get that much.”

He nodded. “I’ll talk to her.”

She shook her head. “I appreciate that, Rex. Usually, you would be my first choice as you two have a special bond. However, I think this might require a different approach. I suspect you won’t have much luck. She’d likely assume you would tell me.”

Rex was about to object when Asajj broke in, “I agree. You will want to take action to resolve the problem. Barriss knows you and she will calculate a high probability of you trying to involve Ahsoka. Especially, if the vision involves her.”

“Yes,” Ahsoka agreed, “and I’m afraid any failed attempt might cause more issues than it solves. That’s why I’ve left it alone myself for the last couple of weeks. I know you would do anything to help her, Rex. It’s killing me, as well. In this case, though, I think we might need to ignore our instincts and be more strategic.” She grinned wanly at him. “Never thought you’d hear me say that, did you? Anyway, I thought we'd leave you in reserve, in case we need the heavy reinforcements later.”

He frowned in frustration, but nodded his agreement.

Asajj asked, “What about Kenobi?”

“I thought about him, but he’s fully occupied protecting Luke in Tatooine. I’d rather not pull him off that for what is clearly a personal matter. Especially, if I’m… overestimating the problem. Plus, it would take him a while to get here.” She eyed Asajj meaningfully.

The woman raised eyebrows. “I take it you want me to try?”

Ahsoka grinned. “It had crossed my mind. Barriss has a strong attachment to you and sees you as a kindred spirit. She also knows you won’t directly interfere with her choices.”

“And, what if I am successful? What if I think she is right to keep it from you? Or, even if I don’t agree, what if I have no intention of ‘directly interfering’ either way?"

“I’ll accept that. I just want her to be able to talk to someone about it.” Ahsoka paused, before continuing painfully, “Barriss always has periods where things aren't quite right, which I'm sure you know. I can handle those. But, this is different. She is… worrying me. Her behavior, her posture, her eyes… all of it reminds me of a time when Barriss made some very bad choices because she felt she couldn’t trust anyone. A time when she felt alone and hopeless. I want her to know that’s not true, no matter how bad this seems.”

Nodding in understanding, Asajj said softly, “She thinks she is protecting people from herself, withdrawing from those she cares about in the process.”

They both looked at her in astonishment.

The woman gave them a wan smile. “I’m familiar with the feeling.”

Rex grabbed her hand. “Well, that will never be true again—for either of you.”

“I know.” Asajj smiled tenderly at him and kissed the hand holding hers. “Sometimes old habits are hard to break when things get really bad, is all. Fortunately, we both have someone who watches for such things.”

He grinned and tightened his grip on her hand.

She looked back at Ahsoka. “Alright, I’ll give it a shot.”

_______

“Ahsoka put you up to this, didn’t she?” Barriss was angry at the presumption and then sad Ahsoka thought it was necessary.

“Yep.” Asajj smirked. “But, that doesn’t really matter now. I can see for myself she was right. Barriss, talk to me. It doesn’t have to go further, but you have to talk to someone. You and I both know what happens when you don’t.”

Barriss sighed, acknowledging the point. “I don’t know if I can. It’s disjointed. I’m not totally sure if what I’m seeing is correct. I don’t want to make a mistake, like with Felucia…”

“Understandable. Still, try me anyway. It doesn’t really matter if it comes out wrong. We’ll see what we can do either way.”

“You know,” Barriss said with irony, “it’s always annoying when your words come back to haunt you. Everytime Ahsoka doesn’t want to tell me something, I say the same thing.”

“Well, that’s what happens when you’re a genius who dispenses wisdom to everyone,” Asajj remarked snarkily.

Barriss rolled her eyes. “Alright, you win.” She closed her eyes and called up the images, trying to remain objective. “Basically, in the dream Ahsoka and I are fighting each other—truly battling—in a strange room I’ve never seen. I feel angry and scared. I can’t tell what she is feeling. It’s so intense. Then, she… kills me.” Barriss gazed at the wall, trying to maintain an impassive expression, rather than show the feelings threatening to overwhelm her.

“Oh.” Asajj’s mouth had dropped open. “Um… Well, I can see why you are disturbed about it.” Her expression turned thoughtful. “Are there any clues to the context?”

“Not that I can remember. Like I said, a lot of it is unclear. All I really know for sure is what I just told you. I vaguely have a feeling there are other people in the room, but I don’t know who.”

“Hmm… so, you don’t know if this is some kind of trick? Or, a strategy you two are using to achieve a goal?”

Barriss started with surprise and then contemplated. “No, I don’t. Though, like I said, I’m angry and scared—not calm or calculating or confident.”

Asajj shook her head. “That could be anything. You don’t know who you’re angry at, right? It could be one of the other people in the room or the general situation. The fear could be due to the same thing.”

“It’s possible, I suppose. I just didn’t get that impression.”

“Yeah, but your impression is based on your subjective interpretation of what was happening. You may be putting your own fear onto a completely different situation. That’s the problem with interpreting things you don’t understand. I mean, the one you mentioned earlier was kind of the same thing, right?” Asajj asked gently.

Barriss felt a flash of guilt, but tried to consider the suggestion objectively. She finally replied, “Yes, you could be right. I assumed Ahsoka was dead because, in that vision, I thought that was what I saw happening. It’s what it looked like to me anyway, but it wasn’t actually true. If you’re correct, my fear of losing her amplified the objective facts of the vision. Actually, the same could be said of previous visions. Once, I thought an entire city would be destroyed with no survivors. However, some survived, including Ahsoka and myself. So, I suppose, there is some evidence for my interpretation being somewhat off.”

“I could be wrong.” Asajj shrugged. “However, in my opinion, there is no situation in which Ahsoka could ever hurt you. It would be akin to… killing her soul. I think the most likely explanation is a strategy or something you both want to happen. I don’t know the eventual outcome, of course. I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse.”

Barriss felt slightly relieved. Asajj had offered her a way to approach it differently. It might help or hinder her efforts to decode the images. Still, at least she now had another potential explanation. “Thanks. It does help, actually.”

“Good.” Asajj flashed a brief grin. “Oh, Ahsoka said something about you two getting married and that playing a role? You didn’t mention that part.”

She grimaced painfully. “Yes. At least, I think it does. That’s one of the fuzzy pieces. Someone, it sounds like Ahsoka, says ‘that's my wife’ or something similar. But, I don’t know the context. It’s not part of the fight. I’m not sure if it is related or something different. I guess, I’m just worried about… taking the risk.”

Asajj stared at her intently. “I understand your worry, but I assume the vision will play out whether you marry Ahsoka or not. For all you know, she could be lying as part of a strategy. Or, it could not be her at all. Or, it could be just as you assume it is. However, putting your life on hold in anticipation of somehow changing the vision’s outcome seems a bit irrational.”

“Using my own mantra against me, now?” Barriss asked wryly.

“Well, if it works,” the woman replied amusedly. “Though, it may not be that important to you. You two have been together for years and seem perfectly happy without being married. Is it worth the hypothetical risk, however unlikely, to you or not? Only you can answer that. However, you can’t be the only one involved in deciding. That decision impacts Ahsoka’s life and happiness, as well.”

“I know.” Barriss smiled at her weakly. “I’ll figure it out. And, either way, I’ll involve Ahsoka. I promise.”

“While we are using your words against you,” Asajj said meaningfully, “having faith—trusting in others—is the only way to be truly free. It’s always a risk but, as a wise spy once told me, it has to start somewhere.”

Barriss smiled fully this time. “You are quite good at this, you know.”

“There’s no need to be insulting!” Asajj raised her hands in mock-horror. Then, her expression turned serious. “Let’s just say, I know how dangerous it is to isolate yourself and how feeling alone can result in very bad choices.”

“Good,” Barriss said, meeting her friend’s eyes with intensity, “because, you’re never alone. Don’t you forget it.”

Reaching out a hand, Asajj replied warmly, “And, neither are you.”

Barriss took the offered hand and gripped it tightly. “Deal.”

_______

Barriss crawled into bed and rested her arm on Ahsoka’s stomach, stroking slender fingers across the sinewed muscles and the well-healed scar.

Ahsoka smiled softly at her. “Hey there.”

“Hey.” Barriss smiled back shyly. “I guess we need to talk.”

“Do we?” The woman lifted the hand on her stomach and pressed it against her cheek.

Barriss slid closer, eye to eye with Ahsoka, enjoying the feel of warm breath caressing her face. “Well, I suppose we could put it on the schedule for later.” She leaned over and pressed her lips against Ahsoka’s jaw and started working her way down.

Ahsoka pulled back and met her eyes fiercely. “Nope. None of that until we talk.”

“Are you sure?” Barriss raised a mischievous eyebrow. She brought her other hand up to stroke Ahsoka’s lips. “Because, I’m thinking maybe—”

Ahsoka grabbed her roaming hand and locked their fingers. “Stop stalling.”

“Hmm, that’s my line.” Barriss went back to running her lips along the strong jawline, mixing a playful tongue into her ministrations. She heard a delighted exhale.

Suddenly, Ahsoka pulled back again. “No, I mean it. Talk to me.”

“Alright, if you insist.” Barriss smirked. “I just thought we should plan our night in the most efficient manner. Talking might take a while and we’ll be exhausted after going through it all…”

Ahsoka laughed. “My dear, that’s never gonna happen.”

“Ok, just remember I warned you.”

“Consider me properly warned.” Ahsoka ran their interlocked hands gently over Barriss’ cheek.

“Well, if you do that again, I might lose control altogether.” Barriss quickly leaned in and kissed Ahsoka intensely, using her tongue to tease the inside of her mouth.

When the kiss ended, Ahsoka looked torn between her two desires.

Barriss took the opportunity and shifted her body so she was laying almost on top of the other woman. “So, is this more comfortable for talking, then?”

Ahsoka sighed in playful exasperation. “You are killing me, Barriss!”

“Oh, am I?” she replied with feigned innocence, “I had no idea. What if I do this instead?” Barriss ran her mouth over Ahsoka’s bare chest, using her lips to massage every piece of skin she came across.

Ahsoka moaned happily. “Alright, you win! Talking later.” She grinned wickedly and pulled Barriss completely on top of her.

Barriss giggled. “Good.” Then, she continued her work with glee.

_______

“What are you thinking?”

Ahsoka heard the deep anxiety in Barriss’ voice. She tightened her embrace, before saying, “I think you have been dealing with this for too long by yourself. I wish you had told me sooner.” She kissed Barriss’ forehead gently, trying to soften the words. “We could have figured it out together and saved a lot of angst for both of us. That said, I understand why you didn’t want to tell me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time. If there is a next time…” Barriss’ face took on a hopeless quality that Ahsoka never wanted to see again.

She brought her hand up to massage Barriss’ forehead. “There will be. Don’t you doubt it.” Ahsoka ran small circles in the tense forehead and felt it relax beneath her fingers. “I don’t know what it all means. I do know what I’m capable of and it’s not even in the realm of possibility that I could kill you ever—for any reason.”

The woman relaxed slightly, but still looked worried.

“I’m serious, Barriss. Name the most dire situation you can think of and my answer will always be the same. I’m not sure what is actually happening in your dream. All I can tell you is what I know to be true.”

Barriss hesitated briefly, before asking, “What if it was necessary to save someone else?”

Ahsoka halted in her immediate denial and considered before replying, “No, not even then.”

“Even if it was someone you cared deeply about? Like Luke?”

 _Ye Gods, I’m in love with the legendary doomsdayer…_ Ahsoka replied firmly, “You’ve been giving this way too much thought. You clearly have tried to think of the most unrealistic and desperate situations possible, which is why you shouldn’t deal with these things on your own!” She resumed stroking Barriss’ forehead and sighed before continuing, “My answer is the same, though. I can’t imagine a situation in which I had to trade your life for Luke’s, with no other option. Even if the other options were terrible, I’d still do them. I don’t think you understand how important you are to me.”

“Ahsoka, I thought we dealt with this a long time ago. I don’t want to live at the expense of innocent people.” Barriss’ voice pulsated with concern.

“This isn’t the same thing.” Ahsoka smiled softly. “In that case, I needed you to be myself. I would have destroyed anyone who got in the way of keeping my reality. As in, I would have actively become something I’m not. Here, I would have to kill you myself in some kind of no-win situation, not kill others to save you. It isn’t impossible because I literally can’t be who I am without you. It’s impossible because I love you and the idea completely horrifies me. I’d kill myself first, quite honestly. Which means, I’m actually being true to who I am.”

Barriss contemplated for a moment. “I suppose that’s true. Still, if it happens that way, I want you to kill me.” She placed a hand on Ahsoka’s mouth to stop her objections. “If you killed yourself to save me… well, that’s not something I could handle. And, putting me first is definitely you.”

Ahsoka gaped at her in abject horror. “I can’t—Force it all, Barriss, don’t do this to me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m being selfish and it’s not fair. But, so are you, if you sacrifice yourself instead.”

“I can’t—” Ahsoka squeezed her eyes shut painfully, tears forming. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m capable of doing what you need me to do.” She felt a hand gripping her chin and opened her eyes reluctantly.

“Alright, it’s ok.” Barriss was crying, as well, but had a hopeful expression on her face. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure out something else. Because, there is no way I’m going to let you win.” She raised a challenging eyebrow.

Ahsoka stared in disbelief at the sudden turn. “Um, what just happened? Did you just turn into the hopeful one in this partnership?”

“Well, someone has to do it.” Barriss smirked.

“You are… amazing. Have I mentioned this before?”

Barriss tucked her head into Ahsoka’s chest and murmured happily, “Once or twice. Honestly, though, you could say it more often. I’m starting to feel ordinary.”

She kissed the top of Barriss’ head. “I’ll do better in future, you brilliant, amazing, mesmerizing love of my life.”

“Good.” She snuggled even more tightly into Ahsoka’s chest with a contented sigh.

 _Gods, I love her so much._ Ahsoka smiled happily, despite the terribleness of it all. “Alright, so what’s our plan then?”

“I don’t know yet. Let me think of some options. Maybe, a set of contingency plans based on situation? Developing a choreographed fight to make it look real? Start carrying emergency supplies for treating potentially lethal chest wounds?” Barriss lifted her head and raised an eyebrow. “Or, how about we strap some fake blood to my chest?”

Ahsoka convulsed with laughter.

Barriss grinned innocently. “What? You don’t like my plans?”

She kept laughing as she pulled Barriss tighter.

“I guess we’ll have to brainstorm when you’re feeling less… irrationally-inclined.” Barriss pressed her lips to Ahsoka’s laughing ones.

Ahsoka rolled on top of her, still laughing. “Yes, planning later.”

Barriss laughed this time and then commented wryly, “Hmm, guess, I shouldn’t have been worried about efficiently planning our night after all, huh?”

Ahsoka grinned and hovered over her lips. “Nope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long one and took quite a while to plot out. There is a lot going on, which will likely come back to haunt us later. However, let's move on to happier stuff!


	44. Destiny and Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions need to be made about Luke's future.
> 
> [One year later]

“You know, he’s reached his age of apprenticeship.”

Ahsoka replied in annoyance, “I know when my nephew's birthday is, thank you very much.”

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at her tone.

She sighed. “So, what does he want to do? Be a warrior, still?”

“Of course. You really think he would want to do anything else with such a magnificent aunt? An aunt he adores?”

Ahsoka sighed again, but didn’t respond.

He glanced at her curiously. “You don’t want him to be a warrior.”

“It’s not that, exactly. I guess… I want him to do what he wants to do. Not what he thinks anyone else wants for him.”

“In other words, you don’t want him to be you.”

Ahsoka was startled. “What?”

Obi-Wan sighed this time. “Ahsoka, you were destined to be a warrior from the time you could pick up a sword. Not because you chose to be necessarily, but because that’s what you thought you were. It’s what you thought you needed to be,” he paused before continuing softly, “what you thought you _wanted_ to be… like your brother.”

A stab of pain shot through her heart.

He contemplated for a moment, before saying, “I think, though, that you might be basing your evaluation on hindsight. Even if your brother had never existed, would you still have been a warrior? I don’t know, but I think yes. You really are magnificent, you know. I can’t imagine you achieving your level of skill without having a true passion for it. You may have had extra incentive to achieve greatness. But, to truly be great, one must love what they do.”

Ahsoka met his eyes thoughtfully. “Perhaps. I guess I’ll never know. And, as you say, I am pretty good at it. I still don’t want Luke to choose a path based on an image of perfection that isn’t based in reality. It’s not just me that likely inspired this choice and you know it.” Her expression hardened.

Obi-Wan swallowed. “I know. I also know one day truth will collide with his world, just as it did with you. However, that doesn’t change what he could be or what he is. I thought I taught you that lesson a long time ago.”

She couldn’t help a small chuckle. “I’m a slow learner.”

Another voice came from the doorway, “I’ll agree with that.” Barriss strolled in and stood next to Obi-Wan, placing a warm hand on his shoulder.

He rose from his chair and bowed deeply. “My lady, it is a great pleasure to see you again.”

Barriss rolled her eyes slightly, but wrapped him in a tight hug. A small grin appeared as she released him. “Indeed? Such a pleasure that you didn’t even bother to tell me you were here?”

Obi-Wan replied snarkily, “That was Ahsoka’s fault. She insisted on talking to me first. I, of course, wanted to immediately find you before doing anything else. But, she was insistent. She can be quite demanding sometimes, you know.”

Ahsoka snorted.

“Hmm…” Barriss raised an amused eyebrow. She walked to the large, ornate chair Ahsoka was slouched comfortably in and perched herself on one of the wooden arms. “Yes, that does happen.”

“He just got here!” Ahsoka glared at both of them.

Barriss flashed a grin at her and then asked Obi-Wan, “So, did I hear Luke will be joining us soon?”

Ahsoka’s mind froze and she straightened involuntarily in her chair.

He glanced between them, before replying carefully, “Yes, I think that is the hope. He is twelve now and anxious to start his apprenticeship. There aren’t very many options for training warriors these days, and definitely not ones that offer the same level of protection.”

Barriss placed a gentle hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder. “And, of course, he happens to already have people here who love him and the best warrior in the land to train him…”

Ahsoka closed her eyes. The grip on her shoulder tightened supportively. _Please, don’t let me mess this up._ Her eyes floated open and she smiled at Obi-Wan. “Of course, he should come here. I won’t have my nephew getting substandard training! Besides, if he’s going to do this, he should do it with… his family.”

Obi-Wan returned the smile. “Exactly what I was thinking.”

“Well, if that’s settled,” Barriss said lightly, “let’s have some dinner. I’m sure you’re starving after your long journey. I’m also sure Ahsoka hasn’t offered you anything.”

Ahsoka grimaced and hastily asked, “Um, oh yeah—Master Kenobi, would you care for some refreshment?”

He chuckled. “Why yes, thank you, my dear. I am quite famished.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so before?” Ahsoka jumped up, grinning.

Shaking his head ruefully, Obi-Wan rose from his own seat.

As they made their way out of the room, Barriss squeezed Ahsoka’s hand and said quietly, “Don’t worry. He will have both of us.” She smiled softly back at her as she moved to join Obi-Wan, slipping her hand into his arm.

Ahsoka felt suddenly lighter. _We can do this. Together._

_______

“So, tell me what’s bothering you, other than the obvious.”

Ahsoka exhaled heavily. “I don’t know.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow.

“Seriously, I don’t know.” They were laying in bed, after a long evening of Obi-Wan regaling them with Luke's recent exploits in Tatooine. However, Ahsoka was wide awake, an unsettled feeling in her mind. Apparently, Barriss had picked up on it. _I don't know why that still surprises me._

The woman stroked Ahsoka's cheek. “Hmm… well, I’m sure we can figure it out. But, to do that, we have to talk about it.”

Ahsoka’s mouth curved into a grin. “It’s much easier when you just read my mind and tell me what is bothering me.”

Barriss’ eyes gleamed. “Well, I wouldn’t want to spoil you. I’m afraid this time you’ll have to work for it.”

“And, Obi-Wan claims I’m demanding!”

There was a brief grin in return and then Barriss said, “Alright, stop stalling. Tell me why you are worried about Luke being a warrior? Or, is it just the idea of him living here? Or, something else?”

Ahsoka replied tentatively, “I mean the warrior part is like I said. I want to make sure he does it for the right reasons. But, I guess we can address that when he comes. Of course, I’m thrilled about having him close, but also worried about messing up. I guess that is normal? That’s the stuff I understand…”

“So, it’s something else, then. Tell me how this other thing feels.”

“I think,” Ahsoka's throat tightened as she answered, “it feels like… fear.”

Barriss’ eyes widened. “Well, that’s not what I expected.”

“I know. It’s not like normal fear, though. It’s different.”

Considering briefly, Barriss asked, “Does it remind you of anything? As in, does it feel like something you’ve felt in the past?”

Ahsoka averted her eyes. “Yes.”

The hand stopped stroking her cheek and gripped her chin tightly. “You do know what it is.”

“No, I know what it feels like. But, it doesn’t make sense. I can't explain it.” Ahsoka really didn't want to tell her about this. She knew how it would sound.

“Ahsoka, do I have to tell you once again that it doesn't matter how it comes out? I promise.”

Sighing heavily, Ahsoka reluctantly shifted her eyes back to the piercing blue ones across from her.

Barriss smiled encouragingly. “Now, tell me what it reminds you of.”

She swallowed. “It reminds me of when I was dead. When I was imprisoned, I mean. It reminds me of when I thought about… you.”

The piercing eyes dropped quickly to the bed.

Ahsoka thought she saw hurt confusion flash through them as they did. _Why did I tell her?_

Suddenly, Barriss’ eyes refocused on her impassively. “Ok. So, when you thought of me you felt fear. Why?”

“I don't—” Ahsoka felt tears welling up and pushed them away. “I think I was afraid of, maybe… seeing you again? I don't know. I told you it didn’t make any sense. I'm sorry.”

Barriss seemed lost in thought for a moment. Then, she smiled and returned her hand to Ahsoka’s cheek. “Ah. Now, that actually does makes sense.”

Ahsoka just stared at her. “It does?”

“Yes.” Barriss grinned teasingly. “Want me to tell you why?”

“Well, that _is_ why we’re having this conversation,” Ahsoka replied in annoyance.

“Oh, is it? I thought it was because you wanted me to prove how amazing I am _once again._ I would think you’d know by now.”

Ahsoka grinned in pleased surprise at the un-Barriss-like response. “I think I’m having a bad influence on you.”

Barriss giggled. “It’s a bit late to think about that!”

“True.” Ahsoka took the hand caressing her face and moved it down to her mouth, kissing the fingertips gently. “I guess you are stuck with all of my bad habits now.”

Warm fingers flexed and ran over Ahsoka’s lips as Barriss said, “Mmm… it’s worth it.”

Ahsoka brushed her lips against the fingers. “Stop stalling and tell me what’s wrong with me.”

An offended eyebrow raised. “I never stall.”

“You’re really milking this for everything it’s worth, aren’t you?”

Barriss smiled mischievously, before her expression turned serious. She held Ahsoka’s eyes with her own and said softly, “I think you were afraid of hoping too much. If you thought of me too often, you would start to truly believe you would see me again. Then, you would believe in something that—you thought—could never happen. And, that would be too much for you to handle. Eventually, your hope would die completely. Not just hope in seeing me again, but all of it. Something in your mind was afraid that everything you are would die. Because, an Ahsoka Tano without hope is not Ahsoka Tano at all.”

Thoughts unified into sudden clarity in Ahsoka's mind. _Yes, why didn’t I see that before?_ “Wow. You are—”

“Amazing? I'm glad we're finally on the same page.” Barriss’ eyes glinted impishly.

Ahsoka gaped at her in astonishment. “Who are you and what have you done with Barriss?”

A shy grin formed on the woman's face and slender fingers traced Ahsoka's warrior markings tenderly. “Now,” Barriss continued, “why does Luke give you that same feeling? What hope do you have for him that you are afraid to believe in?”

Ahsoka recoiled back from the question, feeling a surge of denial.

The fingers adjusted to cup her chin as Barriss gazed at Ahsoka with serious eyes. “You have to acknowledge it. If you don’t, it could cause issues later for you both. You might not even realize it’s happening.”

A sudden urge to jump up and leave the room hit Ahsoka. Then, she felt… panic. Her eyes slammed shut as she tried to calm herself. She wasn’t used to panic.

Two hands gripped each side of her face, grounding it solidly. “Ahsoka. Look at me. Please.”

She opened her eyes and saw warmth and support looking back at her. The panic receded and her breathing returned to normal. “Woah. That was weird. Thanks.”

Barriss smiled in pleased satisfaction. “Huh. Never thought I’d be able to use that one. You know how many times you’ve done that for me? It’s a lot.”

Ahsoka chuckled and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Well, good thing I’m so amazing at it then.”

Eyes rolled and then Barriss said firmly, “Alright, now tell me.” Her hand had gone back to stroking Ahsoka’s cheek.

“Ok, so, I think maybe… I hope he will—” Ahsoka stopped. _Do I hope that? I think I do. That’s too much to put on one kid. And, it’s so unlikely. I can’t hope for that. I can’t._

Barriss’ hand gripped her face tightly again. “Tell me.”

Ahsoka’s voice broke slightly, “It’s crazy, and ridiculous, and unfair to him. I’m not sure I should even…”

“Tell me.”

Her throat tightened painfully as Ahsoka whispered, “I hope—I hope, one day, he can… save his father.” She looked in shame at Barriss, expecting to see shock, horror, or even pity.

Barriss didn’t have any of those expressions on her face. She smiled and ran her fingers over the white markings again. “I hope so, too.”

Ahsoka gaped at her in disbelief. “You’re not serious. You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

“No, my shining girl. Hope is just that. It can happen or not happen. But, it never hurts to have it. If there is anything I’ve learned from you, it’s that.”

Ahsoka’s heart filled with something ethereal, something better than happiness. She had no idea what it was, but it was… amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this chapter was originally intended to simply lead to Luke's incorporation into our family unit, it turned more into a referendum on hope and destiny. I'm not sure how these things happen.


	45. Help and Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year after coming to live at the rebel base, Luke finds out a terrible truth and Ahsoka realizes a happy one.
> 
> “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”  
> \--George Sand (Aurore Dupin)
> 
> [One year later]

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” His face reddened with furious anger.

Ahsoka had never seen such an expression on his usually even-tempered face. “Luke, please. I know you’re angry. We were—”

“You were trying to protect me. Well, I don’t need protecting! I can take care of myself! I was doing it before I ever met you, you know.”

The sting of that statement resonated painfully in Ahsoka’s heart. _Gods, he is so like me. Now, I get to experience myself._ She said desperately, “I know you can. That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry.”

His anger abated slightly, but not completely, as he sat in silence across from her.

Ahsoka was at a loss. She didn’t know what else to say to make it better. _I should have told him myself. I should have known he’d find out about his father some other way. I should have done… better._ She cleared her throat gently, “I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry and you’re right. I should have told you.”

His eyes welled up and he struggled to keep his face impassive.

She moved toward him, intending to provide comfort.

Before she could reach him, he looked up defiantly. “I don’t need a hug. I’m thirteen, not a child! Why do you keep treating me like one?”

Ahsoka stopped mid-step, unsure of what to do.

His eyes flashed with anger again. “Nevermind. It’s fine. I’m tired now.” He quickly got up and left the room.

Ahsoka stood motionless in doubt and pain, tears forming in her eyes. _Oh Gods, what have I done?_

_______

“You are so much like your aunt, you know.”

Luke stared up at her with disbelief.

Barriss smiled and sat down beside him in the wild grass surrounding their new base. “It’s true. I’m actually getting some enjoyment out of watching her realize it. Do you know how many times I had to listen to her tell me she could take care of herself?” Barriss glanced at him meaningfully and then grinned. “Have I ever told you the story about when she was imprisoned for two years and we all thought she was dead?”

Looking simultaneously petulant at her implied criticism and curious about the offered story, Luke’s face wavered uncertainly.

She smiled engagingly at him. “Well, when we rescued her, she was in bad shape. She could barely walk, was extremely weak, and terribly malnourished. Can you imagine your aunt having to be carried around by myself and Uncle Rex for two days as we tried to get her safely home?”

His expression had turned interested while she was talking and it now took on an incredulous bent. “You’re serious? She let you do that?!”

“Nope.” Barriss chuckled. “That’s my point. She couldn’t even walk, Luke, but at one point she was so annoyed with us trying to help her that she jumped on my horse in frustration and tried to ride herself home. Do you know how far she made it?”

Luke grinned. “Not very far, probably.”

“Exactly. Now, if she had continued acting that way, what would have happened?”

His grin dropped and he replied softly, “I know what you’re trying to tell me.”

“Do you? Well, that’s good. I thought I was just telling you a story. If you take something from it… I guess that’s really up to you, isn’t it?”

A small grin returned and he nodded.

She smiled fondly at him. “Anyway, where was I? Oh, so, she finally let us help her and eventually recovered after a few weeks. She still wasn’t happy about it most of the time and we had to keep reminding her that she wouldn’t need help forever. I have to tell you, it was tiring work! But, it was worth it.”

His eyes gazed at her contemplatively. “Why do you think she’s like that?”

“Hmm, interesting question.” Barriss considered. “I think she has always wanted people to believe she was strong and could take care of herself. Probably, growing up as a princess with an overprotective brother—”

Luke jumped a bit at the mention of his father but didn’t respond.

She watched him carefully and then continued, “Anyhow, that made her feel stifled. She wanted to have adventures, to be free, to be out there.” Barriss waved her hand vaguely at the sky. “Yet, she still needed it sometimes. Everyone needs to be protected sometimes. Now that she’s older, she’s realized that people protecting her isn’t such a bad thing. We don’t do it because we think she’s weak, or a child, or anything like that. We do it because we love her. I mean, she still doesn’t like it very much, but she accepts it.

“I want to protect her because I need to feel like I did everything I could to make her happier—to make her life better. If I don’t, I feel like I failed. And, because she loves me, she lets me do it. Because, she wants me to be happy too. She understands that me being me doesn’t make her any less her. Does that make sense?”

He nodded, still looking contemplative.

Barriss added, “Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to let people do it all the time. I told you the story from my point of view. She will likely have a different version.” She grinned at him.

Luke returned the grin. “I can see that.”

“Actually, at one point, I kind of went overboard. I was so worried that I would barely let her get out of bed. So, in my need to protect her, I actually was making her worse. Fortunately, she realized what she could handle and what she couldn't and everything turned out fine.” Her voice turned thoughtful as she continued, “It's important to know when we need help and when we don’t. But, in order to make a good decision, you have to know yourself, I suppose.”

His face was still thoughtful, but he didn’t respond.

Barriss met his eyes and said softly, “In any case, I hope you know that people protecting you only means they love you. Because, we do—very much. I guess we went overboard this time. I'm sorry. How about we make a deal? From now on, it's your job to figure out when you need to handle things yourself. The rest of the time, maybe, let us protect you, even if it’s annoying sometimes? Because our job is to make you as happy as possible.” She examined him carefully, trying to gauge his reaction.

Luke gazed at her for a few moments. Then, his face filled with confidence and he nodded. “Ok, it's a deal.”

She smiled happily and brushed his cheek. “Thanks.”

He grinned mischievously. “That was a good story, Aunt Barriss. Will you tell me another one?”

Barriss laughed. “Hmm, nice try. But, you know how this game works. What’s the quid pro quo?”

Luke rolled his eyes and then said shrewdly, “Aunt Ahsoka never makes me do that anymore, you know. She told me I got free questions for the rest of my life.”

She lifted an impressed eyebrow. “You, my clever boy, are much better at this game than your aunt was. However, I should warn you that I’m the master. She spent years trying to beat me.”

His grin turned challenging. “I can wait. I have lots of time to practice.”

“Indeed.” Barriss smiled and tousled his thick, blonde hair. “I look forward to it.”

He ducked away from her hand, probably annoyed at the childish affection to his head, but the grin didn’t abate.

“In any case,” Barriss continued, “that deal was made with your aunt, not with me. If you want stories from me, you’re going to have to work for them.”

A resigned grimace appeared on his boyish face. “Fine, you win this round. I’ll think of a good trade for next time.”

A warm smile on her face, Barriss suggested, “Well, if I were you… I might just go ask your burning questions to the one who promised you free answers.”

His face fell slightly and he looked away.

“Give it a try, Luke,” Barriss said earnestly, “I think she’ll surprise you. Besides, if I were you, I’d take advantage,” she added with a grin.

He gazed back at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that she thinks you’re mad at her and really wishes she had told you about your father.”

His face fluctuated with anger and then sadness.

She continued quickly, “I know it hurts. That’s life sometimes. But, it's important to hold on to the good things in the meantime… anyway, what I’m saying is, you can pretty much get away with murder right now.”

Luke’s expression slowly changed from sadness to delight. He stared at her in amazement. “Aunt Barriss, you are a genius.”

She grinned and then put on a mock-serious expression. “But, you didn’t hear about this idea from me.”

“Well, I don’t know,” He raised a calculating eyebrow. “Keeping that secret sounds like it might be worth… two stories, at least.”

Barriss stared at him for a moment, before breaking into a wide smile. “Oh, I see how it is. This isn’t over yet, my clever boy!” She reached over and started tickling him mercilessly.

Luke tried to escape through his laughter, finally wiggling out of her grasp and running up the hill.

As she ran laughingly after him, Barriss felt pure happiness fill her soul.

_______

“Your Aunt Barriss put you up to this, didn’t she?”

Luke gazed at her innocently. “I don’t know what you mean. I thought maybe you’d like to tell me a story about my father is all. I mean, since I don’t _know_ that much.” His expression had a hint of calculation that screamed Barriss to Ahsoka.

She stared at him in consternation, but didn’t have the heart to even look stern. Ahsoka knew she wouldn’t deny him anything right now. “Alright, my amazing boy. You win.”

He grinned in delighted victory.

Ahsoka couldn’t help but grin back. “You know I love you, right?”

He looked boyishly awkward. “Aunt Ahsoka, really.”

She sat down beside him on the settee Barriss had insisted on putting in their room. “I’m just making sure. I was—well, when I was your age no one really told me that. I want to make sure you never forget it. Because, I remember how it felt…” Her eyes unfocused as memories came flooding back. A hand slipped into hers and Ahsoka refocused on Luke, smiling at him adoringly. “Anyway, I do.”

“I know. Don’t worry.” His expression was serious. “And, I know you didn’t tell me about _him_ because you loved me and wanted me to be happy. You needed to do everything you could to make me happy, I mean. And, doing that made you happy. So, I understand. Because, I want you to be happy too.”

Ahsoka gaped in astonishment and then eyed him shrewdly. “Are you sure you haven’t been in consultation with Barriss?”

A guilty smile flashed across his face. “Well, we might have talked a little. She just told me a story.”

“Uh-huh. What story was that?”

Luke’s expression turned airy. “Oh, I don’t know. Something about you trying to ride a horse after you had been imprisoned and almost died.”

Ahsoka started in surprise and then said dryly, “I bet she didn’t mention that I only did that because she and Uncle Rex were arguing for twenty minutes about how they were going to _carry_ me!”

He grinned. “She did say that you might have a different point of view.”

She laughed in exasperation. “Oh my, I can see I have a lot of work to do to rehabilitate my image!”

“No, you don’t.” Luke’s face turned serious again. “I love you, either way.”

Tears welled up in Ahsoka’s eyes and she grabbed him in a tight hug.

For once, he didn’t struggle.

_______

Barriss was sitting on the settee, hunched tightly while reading communiques, seemingly oblivious to the world.

Ahsoka leaned against the doorframe, just watching her. _She's still mesmerizing._

A voice spoke amusedly without looking up, “Are you going to come in or just stare at me all night?”

“Hmm… still undecided.”

A small giggle was the only response.

That decided Ahsoka. She quickly crossed to the settee, threw the communiques to the side, and picked Barriss up in one smooth motion.

The woman gasped in surprise and then smiled up endearingly, wrapping her arms around Ahsoka's neck. “Alright then. Does this mean you want me to stop working now?”

“Yep.” Ahsoka leaned down, placing her lips tightly against Barriss’ soft, textured mouth. She felt the responding intensity and lifted her arms to pull Barriss closer as their mouths dug deeper.

Barriss’ hands gripped her neck and shoulders, pressing Ahsoka even further into the embrace. The woman shifted in her arms so she was almost sitting up, clinging to her neck, lips moving with deep longing over Ahsoka’s own.

Ahsoka never wanted it to stop. She wanted to keep Barriss exactly like this forever—safely in her arms, listening to her breathe, inhaling the scent of wildflowers. _I want her to truly belong to me forever. I want it… desperately._ She shuddered violently as the realization hit her.

Barriss pulled away with sudden concern. “What's wrong?”

Regaining control, Ahsoka responded slowly, “I think… I just realized something. Something I thought wasn’t that important. I realized how important it really is to me.” She gazed at the woman cradled in her arms and felt the veracity of her words resounding in her heart.

“Ok, are you going to share?” Barriss asked wryly.

Desire warred with caution inside her. _Think about the potential consequences, Ahsoka._ “No, I don't think so, actually.”

Now, Barriss looked annoyed. “Let me get this straight, you just interrupted one of the most amazing kisses of all time to _not_ tell me something?”

“Yep, looks like it.”

Barriss just stared impassively at her.

“Well,” Ahsoka grinned and couldn’t stop herself from saying, “I suppose I could tell you…”

Eyes rolled as the reply came, “Uh-huh. If…?”

Ahsoka inhaled uncertainly and shut her eyes, letting her mind wander instinctively. Abruptly, her muscles froze in place and her body felt solidly grounded to nothing. It was a feeling she had only experienced once—the premonition before Dantooine. The insistent knowledge that she needed to go with Barriss or terrible things would happen. She recognized it now as a turning point.

Suddenly, images flashed across Ahsoka’s mind. Barriss calculating. Barriss healing. Barriss worrying. Barriss teaching. Barriss crying. Barriss giggling. Barriss screaming.  

Ahsoka jerked as the images came faster with more intensity. Barriss holding her. Barriss giving her a dagger. Barriss raising an eyebrow. Barriss having a nightmare. Barriss rushing into her cell. Barriss snuggling into her chest. Barriss saying she loved her. Barriss reaching out a hand. Barriss… here. Forever and always as her wife.

Ahsoka's eyes drifted open, indecision vanishing.

The woman in question was staring at her in semi-panicked concern.

“No,” Ahsoka said softly, “no _if._ Just… an answer.”

Relief mixed with confusion looked back at her.

Focusing with fierce intensity into the piercing, ice blue eyes she loved, Ahsoka tried to convey what she was feeling. Words seemed inadequate to the task, so she stated simply, “I'm yours. Forever. If you want me to be. Do you?”

Barriss’ hands tightened reflexively around Ahsoka's neck. Her eyes swirled with emotions as understanding surfaced. She sat unmoving in Ahsoka's arms, gazing at her for what seemed like hours.

“Is that a yes or a no?” Ahsoka asked calmly.

“I-I—” Barriss broke off in a strangled croak. Then, she started trembling.

She leaned her forehead against Barriss’ and whispered, “Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. No matter what you answer. I will always be, where I've always been. With you.”

Barriss sucked in a violent breath and a shiver passed through her body. Her eyelids shuttered as she placed her hands on the sides of Ahsoka's face and pressed their foreheads more tightly together. There was a long silence. Finally, Barriss answered with deep intensity, “I'm yours. Forever.”

Ahsoka released a deep sigh as ecstatic happiness filled every part of her. Her eyes shut and her mind reveled in pure joy.

An ethereal, smiling voice came from Barriss, “And, yes, that's a yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the Luke and Barriss dynamic here. Ahsoka and Luke have a natural connection, which is to be expected. It will be interesting to see how Luke develops in this world with two, very different caregivers influencing him.
> 
> Interestingly, the last section of this chapter was a late addition. I never had any intention of actually writing a formal proposal for these two. It was going to happen off-screen, so to speak. Then, as I was editing yesterday, it just kind of happened. My brain is strange sometimes. But, I... kind of like it.


	46. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka embarks on a personal mission when she stumbles into an unexpected prisoner in Coruscant.
> 
> [10 months later]

Ahsoka nearly ran into a wall. She cursed and quickly turned into an overhang, trying to avoid notice while examining the procession that had distracted her. It was clearly a prisoner detail, but the security was extensive. In addition to the normal accompanying squad, there were two additional squads riding on each side of the wagon, and what looked like half a squad inside the actual cage where the prisoner was being held. _Who warrants this much manpower?_

She moved closer to examine the figure chained to the cage’s back wall. It was hard to make out the face, which was hanging low. However, it was clear the prisoner was in poor condition. Grime and blood streaked the worn prison rags of the small, weak-looking figure.

Ahsoka cursed again. Her first instinct was to immediately attack and rescue. The size of the detail was a challenge, but one she could handle. The real issue was that doing so would definitely require her to reveal herself. That would mean compromising her mission in Coruscant, the one city where everyone seemed to know her face on sight.

She could already picture Barriss’ frustrated face. _Did you even try to think of any other options before jumping to the rescue, Ahsoka?_ She grinned to herself and then sighed, trying to think through her options. Maybe, Obi-Wan could help her with a rescue from the convoy’s eventual destination, after she met up with him. Or, she could follow them and look for a better opportunity. Ahsoka hovered indecisively as the group passed directly in front of her.

Suddenly, the caged face looked up, staring vacantly in her direction. Ahsoka gasped in shock. She was moving before her brain even processed the realization. The first squad was down within a minute. She removed her cloak and flipped into the wagon. Five more soldiers flew off of it in quick succession.

There were shouts of alarm. “It's her! The Lady Jedi! Regroup!”

The prisoner's head shot up at the excited yells and focused on the fighting intently. Ahsoka glanced over at the mangled face and grimaced. The distraction was enough for one of the guards to slice her arm with his sword. Ahsoka grunted in pain and knocked him swiftly off the still moving vehicle. “Sorry buddy, that's the best you'll get!”

The other squad was maneuvering to board the wagon, which had finally stopped. Ahsoka knew she needed to move quickly before the guards inside the cage realized they had a hostage. She broke the lock and rushed inside, dispatching them with alacrity. Then, the second squad was on her. She pushed them back, out of the cage door, after quickly tossing her dagger at the prisoner. “Dagger at your feet. Use it.”

As Ahsoka finished off the second squad, she felt a weak hand grip her shoulder for support and a dry voice said, “I thought you were dead?”

Ahsoka laughed. “I could say the same thing for you.”

The final squad was almost in place, this time using bows, and staying out of Ahsoka's deadly sword range. _Smart._ She untethered a horse. “Time to go.”

“Ahsoka, I can't ride. I can't see. Anything.” The voice was defeated and small.

Ahsoka grabbed the woman's shoulders firmly. “I'm going to see for you. I just need you to trust me.”

Unseeing eyes gazed at her and then a wan smile appeared. “Well, if we're going to come back from the dead, we might as well do it in style, I suppose.”

“That's the spirit!” Ahsoka threw the unnaturally thin figure over her shoulder and made a running leap onto the horse. She flipped the woman around to face forward in front of her, wrapping a supportive arm to hold her body in place. “Alright, here, take the reins.” 

Ahsoka twisted around to block several arrows with her sword as Luminara Unduli set their horse in motion. 

________

They stopped at a safehouse on the edge of the city. Ahsoka could tell the spymaster was tiring and unlikely to make it much further. She slid the woman off the horse and carried her stealthily into the safehouse, laying her gently on a bed in the back room.

As she quickly bandaged the slice in her own arm, Ahsoka surveyed Unduli’s condition with dismay. There were unhealed wounds scattered over the woman’s body and even more scar tissue lining unhealthy skin. However, the damage to her eyes was truly horrifying. One eye was gone completely, replaced by a badly healed, jagged scar. The other was darkly blackened and swollen shut. Ahsoka couldn't tell how bad the damage was without cleaning up the leftover grime and blood caked on her face. She spoke to the woman tentatively, “I'm going to work on your wounds, ok? I'm not as skilled as Barriss, but I can do the basics, thanks to her. Are you ok with me… helping you?”

“Why stop now?” was the weak reply.

Ahsoka smiled grimly and got to work.

_______

“Why are you helping me?”

“What?” Ahsoka was in the middle of bandaging a particularly nasty wound on Unduli's leg and the question caught her off guard.

“By my count, you fought through three squads of soldiers, probably compromised your cover and therefore any mission you were on, protected me at the risk of yourself, and have now spent over an hour treating my wounds while soldiers are actively hunting you. Why do I deserve such consideration?”

Ahsoka sighed. “I think I would have done the same for anyone who looked like you did in that cage today. That said, knowing it was you made my decision easier. You may not find my reasoning adequate, but it's all that matters to me… You're important to Barriss. Barriss is important to me. That means I do anything within my power to ensure you are safe.”

There was no response from her patient.

Observing her closely, Ahsoka tried to gauge the woman’s emotions with little success. The remaining eye was clean, but still swollen shut. Her weakened body had been motionless and tense since they'd first arrived. Ahsoka mentally shrugged and continued wrapping the wound.

Conflicted feelings about the situation flowed through Ahsoka’s mind. When she thought of Barriss’ stories of her master, they made her angry all over again. Of course, not all of the stories were terrible and Unduli did sacrifice herself to save Barriss. Plus, if the woman had a hand in cultivating any of Barriss’ good qualities… _Guess, I’ll just go with it and see what happens._

Suddenly, Ahsoka felt her patient's body relax and glanced up. Luminara Unduli was asleep. _Woah, this could actually work._

_______

“We have to move before long.”

Ahsoka nodded, before remembering her patient wouldn't see the gesture. “I know. We will soon. I want to give you a bit more rest before I tax your stamina again, though. I don't need you passing out on me in the middle of a chase!”

Unduli raised an eyebrow. “Well, that would make it more dramatic.”

She laughed in some surprise at the joke. “Hmm, good point. We'll try that next time. I'm also waiting for a colleague. He will have given up meeting me by now and is likely checking safe houses. I want to give him as much time as possible, since we could use the extra assistance.”

There was a brief nod. “You are more objective than you give yourself credit for—all sound reasoning.”

Ahsoka laughed again. “Maybe, Barriss has worn off on me.”

“She does that to people,” the woman said wistfully.

“How did you survive death, anyway?”

“Well, I was never really dead. He wounded me, but didn’t finish me off. After that point, I was taken prisoner. They thought I might have additional information about the rebellion and Barriss’ location. The Emperor is very interested in you, but you probably know that already.”

“Yes, he always has been.” Ahsoka sighed. “I suppose it has to do with… my brother. I really don’t know.”

“He is difficult to read,” Unduli replied thoughtfully, “I’m not even sure why he decided to keep me alive for so long. I always had trouble pinpointing his motives. After I discovered your identity, I assumed his focus on you had something to do with his lord protector. I’m not positive, but I think he wants to control him through you somehow. Potentially, also shutting you down as a threat in the process.” She shrugged slightly.

“Well, I’m sorry your sacrifice resulted in so much pain for you,” Ahsoka said sincerely.

The woman shook her head. “That’s not important. I deserved it. I had a lot of time to think while imprisoned. I thought about what was truly important to me, and the mistakes I had made—especially with Barriss. I want you to know, I really thought I was making her stronger. You were… right about me, though. I was rationalizing. I see now I was trying to recreate myself in her—trying to ensure she didn’t have the same pain I did. I took a philosophy that could be used for good and turned it into something terrible. If I don’t make it, will you tell Barriss… I’m sorry? For whatever that is worth at this point.”

Ahsoka instinctively gripped the woman's hand and Unduli didn’t pull it away. “You can tell her yourself. I understand how loss and pain can turn someone into something they never intended. I’m not your judge. I’ll leave that to the person you want to apologize to.”

“I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse, actually,” she replied with a pained expression.

“Well, I’m glad you’ll have the chance. Losing both of us on the same day was a lot for Barriss. She survived, of course, because she is—well, her. It was two years, though, before she found me, back from the dead. That was difficult for both of us. Still, we came through it stronger. Perhaps, the same will happen for you.”

The woman sighed. “I don't think so, Ahsoka. You're different. You spent your relationship enriching her life, not… destroying it.”

“You may be surprised. You're right that you have a lot to make up for, of course. But, it wasn’t all bad or she wouldn’t care about you now. If you work on building something better, it may allow the good things you did for her to shine through. I think that was what I was trying to say to you before we both, um, died.”

“Yes, I realized that. Then, I decided to do something about it. And, I did.”

“Yeah, true. Except you can't take the easy way out now. Dying makes up for a lot, but living and becoming a better person is much more difficult. In the long run, though, it's more effective.”

Unduli turned her head toward Ahsoka, raising an eyebrow. “You are quite… deep sometimes. It is always somehow unexpected for me.”

Ahsoka laughed and then looked at the woman curiously, deciding to press her luck a bit. “That happens when you are mentored by a legendary master negotiator who, for some reason, has found you worthy of his attention, despite your inconsistent minding of his lessons. The result is random wisdom at unexpected times.”

Luminara stiffened. “This negotiator, who was he?”

“Only the best would make any impact on me—Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

There was a wistful sigh and the woman said, “Of course, it was… Do you—is he still alive?”

“Yes. We both thought the other was dead for quite a while, actually. A common theme for our little family, it seems. Of course, given the times we live in, unsurprising. I'm very glad to have him back.” Ahsoka chuckled as she continued, “Though, if I'm being honest, I think he loves Barriss more than me now.”

“Now, Ahsoka, no need for that. There's plenty of me to go around.”

She flipped around to find Obi-Wan Kenobi staring at Luminara with a strange expression on his face. It looked like disbelief mixed with wary hope. _I wonder how long he's been standing there?_

Luminara had inhaled sharply at the sound of his voice and was now laying frozen on the bed, gripping Ahsoka's hand with so much force it was throbbing.

Ahsoka said, “Um, hey. So, I guess you found us, huh?”

Obi-Wan’s gaze didn’t leave Luminara as he replied, “Yes, I heard the Lady Jedi decided to blow her cover and break a prisoner out of a heavily guarded convoy. That led me to check safehouses on the city outskirts.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. But, I had to—”

He cut her off. “I understand.” Obi-Wan moved closer to the injured woman. His eyes flashed angrily as he examined her damaged eyes and other wounds. Neither one spoke.

 _This is awkward._ Ahsoka wasn’t sure what to do. She remained sitting on the bed, letting Unduli grip her hand painfully, hoping one of them would say something.

Obi-Wan glanced at Ahsoka's hand and the one holding it tightly. His eyebrows rose but he didn't comment.

Finally, Ahsoka couldn't take it anymore. She cleared her throat. “So, I guess you two know each other?”

He replied tentatively, “Sort of.”

Luminara raised an eyebrow. “Sort of? That's the best you can do?”

The corners of his mouth twitched, which Unduli couldn't see. So, Ahsoka said, “Obi-Wan seems to find your question amusing, Luminara.”

He glared at her.

“What?” Ahsoka said innocently, “I'm just translating for my patient. It's rather rude of you to smile when she can't see it.”

Luminara chuckled lightly. “Ahsoka, I'm beginning to understand what Barriss sees in you.”

Ahsoka tried to put a bright smile into her voice and asked mischievously, “Is that supposed to make me feel better about you trying to kill me that one time?”

A snort was the only response, but the painful grip on Ahsoka's hand relaxed slightly.

Obi-Wan glanced between them. “Well then.”

The woman snorted again and shifted her head toward Ahsoka. “That's always what he says when he doesn't know what to say. It sounds more dignified than stuttering awkwardly.”

The man looked astonished and responded snarkily, “Well, it's better than just standing there, staring impassively at people!”

Luminara raised an eyebrow and just pointed her face impassively in his direction.

Then, they both quietly laughed.

Now, Ahsoka felt awkward in a different way. She quickly said, “Well, Obi-Wan, if you'd watch after Luminara, I'll go check the area to make sure it's safe for us to move.”

He nodded tentatively. Then, apparently remembering Luminara couldn't see him, said aloud, “Absolutely.”

Ahsoka squeezed the woman’s hand one last time and motioned Obi-Wan to take her place on the bed. “Will you check the leg bandage? I think it might need to be changed before we move.”

“Well, I'm not Barriss, but I'll do my best,” the negotiator replied.

Luminara commented wryly, “Neither is Ahsoka and she managed to treat all of my injuries quite competently. I'm sure you can handle changing a bandage.”

Kenobi chuckled. “Point acknowledged.”

Ahsoka smiled as she slipped out the door. _So far, so good._

_______

As they made camp for the night, Ahsoka glanced surreptitiously at her two companions.

Obi-Wan had been watching Luminara closely throughout the journey and seemed to anticipate every need before she knew she had one. This time he had made her a spot next to the fire and was busily spreading a blanket over her.

Ahsoka was dying of curiosity, but knew now was not an appropriate time for an inquisition. _I’ll get to it eventually, though._ She said aloud, “I’m going to get us some dinner.”

Obi-Wan turned. “No, Ahsoka. You’re better at healing than me and Luminara needs tending. Besides, in case you don’t remember, I happen to be the expert hunter in this family.”

“Fine, you win.” She threw up placating hands. “It’s all you Master ex-Hunter. I usually rely on Barriss to hand catch a zillion fish for me anyway. So, I imagine your dinner will be more satisfying than what I would have brought us.”

He grinned. “Oh,” he added dryly, “I am cooking it too. There is no way we are feeding Luminara your cooking. We want her to survive this journey.”

Ahsoka glared at him. “Luminara, in case you were wondering, I’m giving Obi-Wan an extremely strong glare of death meant to shake him to his very core at this moment.”

A small chuckle came from the bundle of blankets. “I actually figured that one out for myself, but thank you for the eloquent description.”

Obi-Wan laughed, finished tucking another blanket around Luminara, and rose to fulfill his promise. He put a gentle hand on the woman’s shoulder and said, “I’ll be back soon.”

The tender contact further heightened Ahsoka’s interest. _I so want to know this story._ She shook her head at herself and walked over to her patient. “Alright, let’s see what you need. I wouldn’t want to ruin my reputation as a barely competent healer. Especially since Obi-Wan looks to be very cross with me, if I don’t go above and beyond today.”

Luminara smiled softly. “Well, you’ll have to unwrap me from the blankets he insisted on piling on top of me.”

She laughed and proceeded to do just that. As she worked, Ahsoka decided to broach the topic. “So, how long have you known Obi-Wan?”

The woman's posture stiffened and she didn’t respond.

Ahsoka cursed her curiosity. “I mean, you don’t have to answer, of course. I’m not trying to—”

“No, it’s a natural question. I’m just not sure I’m ready to talk about it.”

“Of course, pretend I didn’t ask. I’m sorry.”

Luminara shifted her head toward her. “Ahsoka, it’s alright. I’m not upset. You didn’t just ruin everything.”

Ahsoka stopped re-wrapping a bandage and stared at her.

The woman gave her a wry smile. “I may not be able to see, but I am very adept at reading other people.”

“Huh. Another thing you taught Barriss, I guess. She’s able to read my mind sometimes.”

“She always had an innate talent for it.” Luminara smiled fully this time, warmth in her voice. “I can’t take much of the credit. I taught her to hone her natural ability, but she is better at it than me. I think she truly enjoyed it, while I only saw it as a tool. Knowing what I do now, she likely saw it as a way to… connect with people. Something I never gave her the chance to do,” she ended sadly.

“Still, we’ve discovered another good thing to put on your credit side,” Ahsoka commented encouragingly.

Unseeing eyes gazed at her. “You are working very hard to make me feel better. Why is it so important to you?”

“Hmm… good question.” Ahsoka considered. “I don’t really know. I’ve never been good at figuring out why I do what I do. That’s Barriss’ job. I’m more of a go with my instincts kind of girl.”

A dry chuckle came from her patient. “I never would have guessed.”

Ahsoka continued thoughtfully, “Maybe, because I know if you are in a better place when you meet Barriss again, it will be better for everyone. Or, perhaps… I know you are better than you think you are. Someone once told me I see people’s best qualities as who they really were. He seemed to think it was a positive. Though, he also warned me it could lead to pain, since no one is ever perfect. They would eventually disappoint me. He was right. Still, it seems to be a habit I can’t break.” She felt a sudden melancholy, but wasn’t sure why.

Luminara laid a hand on the one tending to her. “Actually, you may want to hold on to that gift. I think you’ll find it inspires people to go beyond what they believe they are capable of doing.”

She sighed, replying doubtfully, “Perhaps.”

“Having someone who has faith in you is a rare thing in this world, Ahsoka,” Luminara said earnestly, “I have no doubt it is one of the qualities Barriss loves you for.”

“She might have mentioned it on occasion.”

Luminara said wryly, “Then, you already know what to do, don’t you?”

“Maybe.” Ahsoka chuckled. “I like to keep my options open, you know.”

An amused eyebrow went up. “Well, I suppose that’s a very logical strategy.”

Ahsoka replied in mock-annoyance, “There’s no need to be insulting!”

That got a genuine laugh from her patient. “Forgive me. It’s completely irrational and emotional. Better?”

“Better, but I prefer the term ‘irrationally-inclined’, often flung at me by Barriss on those very, very rare occasions when I refuse to have an argument with her based on objective fact.”

Luminara replied with feigned seriousness, “Very well. I’ll keep it in mind for future descriptions of your behavior.”

“Excellent.” Ahsoka went back to re-wrapping the bandage. Luminara was clearly making an effort. More surprisingly, Ahsoka found she was enjoying her company—something she never thought possible. She seemed like a completely different person. Or, maybe, this was who she always was, underneath it all. Perhaps, that was why Barriss still loved her. And, why Obi-Wan clearly had at some point in his life.

Sudden hope rose up within Ahsoka. _This is actually going to work. Please, let me be right._

_________

As they arrived at the base, she saw Barriss running out to meet them, worry on her face. Their contacts had likely reported Ahsoka’s broken cover and subsequent disappearance.

Ahsoka raced ahead of the other two to warn her of their unexpected guest. However, she was too late. Barriss had stopped moving, shock and pain on her face, as she recognized the figure Obi-Wan was supporting.

Ahsoka reached her at that moment. “So, hey, um, I found someone in Coruscant. And, um—”

Barriss barely heeded her. She was focused unrelentingly on Luminara as they approached.  

They stopped a few feet from Barriss and Ahsoka saw Obi-Wan whisper something to Luminara gently.

The woman's head shot up and she looked straight ahead, not sure where Barriss was.

Barriss gasped in distress as she saw the eyes, and then moved forward quickly. “Master, you’re… alive.”

Luminara smiled wanly. “Thanks to your rather magnificent companion over there, yes.” Her smile faltered as she said, “Barriss, I’m sorry… for everything. I hope one day we can maybe talk about things and you’ll let me try to build something new, something better with you. Or, at least, let me try to make up—”

She broke off as Barriss wrapped her arms gently around the woman’s chest and hugged her. “We’ll talk about that later. Right now, let’s get you to a bed where I can look you over.”

Luminara smiled weakly and nodded.

Barriss put an arm around Unduli’s unsupported side and glanced over at Obi-Wan. He smiled widely at her and nodded slightly. Barriss grinned back at him as they moved away.

Ahsoka remained standing in place, feeling immense happiness. _This is so working._

__________

Barriss sat next to a sleeping Luminara Unduli, uncertain feelings in her heart. She was happy, sad, hopeful, and unsure. Happy to see her old master alive. Sad at the terrible injuries she'd endured because of Barriss. Hopeful that the woman seemed to have changed. And, unsure if she should feel any of those things. _At least, I finally know I can handle seeing her again._

She took the hand lying on the bed gently, feeling like she was committing some taboo by holding it. The earlier hug had been instinctual, but this was deliberate. Of course, the woman hadn't pulled away from the hug. There had been no speech on how she shouldn't be attached to her. That gave Barriss more uncertain hope. She removed her hand and sat back in the small, wooden armchair she had commandeered for Luminara’s room. _I'm going to make this work. I can do this, if she can._

There were tears trailing down her cheeks now, but she didn't know which emotion they originated from. She just let them fall.

Suddenly, there was a familiar hand on her shoulder. Barriss smiled softly. “I love you.”

Ahsoka draped both arms over Barriss’ shoulders and kissed her temple. “Well, that's good. Otherwise, I'd be seriously unhappy.”

She lifted both hands to interlink them with Ahsoka's. “Thank you for this.”

“Don't thank me for doing my job.”

“Um, not to ruin the moment, but your actual job was to remain undetected and meet with rebel cells in Coruscant. You kind of did the exact opposite of your job.”

Chuckling lightly, Ahsoka moved to the front of the chair, kneeling and putting her hands on Barriss’ face. “No, my amazing, brilliant, beautiful wife. My job is to make you the happiest woman on the planet. So, yes, I was just doing my job.”

She gazed at Ahsoka adoringly. “I'm not sure what I did to deserve you. But, I'm just going to go with it.”

Ahsoka laughed. “I love you.”

“There you go again, making me the happiest woman on the planet.”

Her wife grinned and kissed her tenderly. “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things about this chapter... I don't want anyone to think I'm saying it's ok to emotionally abuse your children as long as you make up for it later. However, we do have a theme of redemption in this story. And, Luminara needs it. And, hey, if we can deal with redeeming Anakin Skywalker, killer of children, in Star Wars surely we can deal with this. 
> 
> Also, I'd like to add that the only things we know about Luminara and Barriss come from the latter's POV. And, as Ahsoka says, Barriss has some truly great qualities. Were those a result of her own intrinsic specialness or did Luminara contribute any of that? This is the same conversation we've had before about Anakin and Ahsoka way back in Chapter something (well, a long time ago now). These are the kind of questions that fascinate me as I write and why I tend to, perhaps, over-explore these themes? I don't know, you decide. 
> 
> In the end, though, I'm just a sucker for a good redemption story, I suppose. One day, maybe I'll write an accompanying fic that tells Luminara and Obi-Wan's story. Who knows. I have a whole list of people from this tale that deserve their own stories.


	47. Life Resumed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss and Luminara try to create something new and a family grows together.
> 
> [About a month later...]

Barriss halted at the sound of laughter coming from Luminara’s room. She hovered outside the door, listening carefully to the animated conversation.

“Ok, your turn.” Barriss could hear the grin in Luke’s voice.

“Hmm, tell me, who taught you this game?” Luminara’s voice was dryly amused but engaged.

“Aunt Ahsoka taught me, but I’ve already beaten her,” Luke replied with some pride in his voice, “Aunt Barriss is really my main opponent. I think she taught it to Aunt Ahsoka, actually. And, I need all the practice I can get to beat her.”

Luminara chuckled, “Of course.”

“Why do you ask?” he questioned curiously.

There was silence for a moment and then Luminara said, “It reminds me of a training exercise Barriss and I used to do when she was your age, to help her hone her skills at information gathering.”

“Ah, like spy stuff, huh?” Luke said with interest.

“Is that a question?”

They both laughed, before Luke asked, “Actually, I was wondering… what was Aunt Barriss like when she was my age? Was she like me at all?” His voice had an edge of hopefulness to it.

Barriss felt a flash of pleasure at the implication.

Luminara replied slowly, “She was a very intelligent child, but quiet. She had a lot of discipline and would work tirelessly to learn any skill, or really anything, I asked of her.”

“That doesn’t sound like me.” His tone sounded disappointed.

“Oh, but I wasn’t finished. Barriss also had a strong connection to other people. She always wanted to serve the greater good, even if it wasn't good for her personally. She was quite determined, once she got an idea into her head. Barriss was a very special child. She gave me… hope for the future. She still does. You and I just met a few weeks ago, but I think that sounds very much like you.”

A tear rolled down Barriss’ cheek.

Luke replied softly, “Thanks.”

“While we’re on the subject, you remind me a lot of Ahsoka, as well. You clearly have her independent, adventurous streak, her fierce loyalty to those she loves and, probably, her faith in others, too. I think, perhaps, you have the best qualities of both of them.”

“Really?” Barriss could tell he was grinning from ear to ear.

“Definitely, and that’s a free answer,” she chuckled as she continued, “now, let’s see… What others skills do you want to learn? I know you plan to be a warrior. However, you shouldn’t limit yourself to one area. I think you could do many different things.”

“That’s what Aunt Ahsoka says. I don’t know, though. I like being a warrior. Of course, I like learning stuff from Aunt Barriss, too. I’m not very good at using her bow, but I like trying it. And, I am getting better at… information gathering.” He laughed. “She’s teaching me some healing and stealth stuff, also, which I really like.”

“Hmm, well, all of that can be useful to a warrior. Especially, if you want to be the best warrior you can be.”

There was silence for a moment, before Luke asked tentatively, “Did… my father do that to your eye?”

Barriss waited with bated breath to see how Luminara would respond. The reply was a simple, “Yes.”

Luke’s voice was small and pained. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. You are not your father. Besides, it actually helped me, in a way. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. Not being able to see helped me to—well, to truly see. Sometimes things that seem terrible are really just ways to look at life differently.” Her voice had gotten distant, as if she was lost in her own thoughts.

Luke commented, “That’s what Aunt Barriss says.”

“Does she? I told you she was special.”

Barriss wiped away another tear and decided she had eavesdropped long enough. She strode quickly into the room and saw Luke holding Luminara’s hand. The woman was sitting up in her bed, peering at him with the one good eye that had nearly healed, and was… smiling at him. Barriss could count on one hand the number of times she had seen a genuine, affectionate smile on the woman’s face. It almost made her stop in her tracks.

They both looked around at her when she entered. Luke grinned. “We were just talking about you.”

Barriss smiled. “All good things, I hope?”

“Well, I don’t know. I suppose I can give you a basic rundown for two stories. If you want a full account… let’s say three stories?” He raised a Barriss-like eyebrow impishly.

Luminara laughed. “You have created a monster, Barriss.”

Barriss laughed, as well, and tousled his hair fondly.

He ducked his head away in annoyance. “You know I hate that.”

She replied with a grin, “I know. That’s what you get for becoming so good at my own game.”

He grinned diffidently and glanced between them. “Well, I should go now, I guess. I think I am supposed to be practicing my combat forms.”

Barriss put a stern expression on her face.

Luke gulped and jumped from his chair to run out of the room, turning back at the door. “Thanks for the fun game, Master Luminara. Maybe, I’ll come visit you again tomorrow?”

The woman smiled warmly. “I’d like that.”

He grinned one last time and raced out the door.

Luminara chuckled. “That is a very special boy. He loves you very much, you know.”

“Hmm…” Barriss smiled absentmindedly as she sat on the edge of the bed and checked over Luminara’s wounds. They were almost completely healed, but she wanted to watch for complications. “Well, I love him very much.”

The woman suddenly grabbed her hand and spoke intently, “Barriss, I—”

Barriss looked up in surprise.

Luminara swallowed tightly. “I love you. I always have. I just wanted you to know.”

Emotions swam through Barriss’ heart and no words would come. So, she just sat there, holding her master’s hand tightly. Then, tears she couldn’t stop started rolling down her face.

The woman shifted to the edge of the bed and pulled Barriss closer, wrapping her arms around her. “I’m sorry for lots of things, but I most regret never telling you that. I’m glad I have a chance to do it now.”

Barriss finally responded in a broken, small voice, “I love—love you too.”

Luminara sighed and tightened her embrace. “I don’t deserve it. But, that makes me happier than I’ve been in a very, very long time.”

Barriss smiled and leaned into the woman’s shoulder. _Gods, I’m so happy._

_______

Ahsoka walked into the sitting room and immediately halted mid-step, almost falling over in the process.

Luminara and Obi-Wan pulled quickly away from each other, but Obi-Wan remained seated next to her, still gripping the woman’s hand tightly.

Ahsoka sputtered, “Oh, um, sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll just, um, go see if Barriss needs help with, um… planning stuff.” She raced out of the room before either of them could say a word, but she heard laughter emanating from the room behind her.

She found Barriss in their office and she was, indeed, planning stuff. “Um, hey. So, I just, um, walked in on Obi-Wan and Luminara…”

“Yes?” Barriss looked up at her vacantly.

“Well, they were, um—oh nevermind.”

Barriss stared at her. “Ahsoka, you look disturbed.”

“I’m not disturbed exactly. I’m just—I don’t know what I am. It’s like walking in on your semi-weird parents—I don’t know. Just forget I said anything.”    

The corners of Barriss’ mouth were inching up slightly.

“Seriously, this doesn’t bother you at all?” Ahsoka asked.

Barriss smirked and said with an innocent air, “What doesn’t bother me at all?”

“You know what I’m talking about, Barriss Offee.”

“Do I? If you mean that two people I care about very much have finally come to terms with their past mistakes and are moving forward, hopefully to make each other happy, then no—that doesn’t bother me at all.”

Ahsoka slumped into a chair across from her. “Fine. Make me feel guilty about it, why don’t you?”

Her wife raised an amused eyebrow. “Anyway, did you need something?”

“No. I ran away after walking in on them by saying I was going to help you do something and, well, here I am.”

“Oh, in that case, you can help me with these communications.”

Ahsoka just looked at her.

“What? I wouldn’t want to make a liar out of you. And, I’d hate to have to mention later to any interested parties that I had to miss dinner because I didn’t have any help.” Barriss grinned with a devilish air.

“Ohhh, that’s just low.”

Barriss resumed her innocent expression. “Well, your choice, you know. It’s not my fault you decided to use me as your excuse.”

“Hmm… “ Ahsoka rose from her seat, moved around the desk, and started massaging Barriss’ shoulders. “What if I just do this instead?”

“Now, who’s playing dirty?” Barriss smiled and leaned back into Ahsoka’s arms.

“Well, whatever it takes. Though, honestly, I’d consider any situation in which I got to do this to be a win for me.” She kissed Barriss’ neck gently, working her way up the side of her face.

Barriss dropped her quill and leaned her head back further, sighing happily.

“Um, sorry, I’ll come back later!”

They both jerked away from each other and looked quickly toward the door where Luke seemed downright horrified.

He stuttered, “Um, I h-have to go do—do my, um, weapons training now, I think. Yeah.” He turned and ran.

Ahsoka and Barriss stared at each other for a moment, before laughter overtook them.

_______

Barriss screamed awake violently. She quickly regulated her breathing and ran through the images, trying to pick out any new clues. _Nothing._ She let out a desperate cry of frustration. They needed more and she wasn't getting it.

Suddenly, she realized warm hands were gripping her shoulders. Barriss jerked her eyes open in surprise. Ahsoka was on a mission to Lothal. No one should be in her room at this time of night.

A concerned Luminara Unduli stared back at her.

“What are you doing here?” Barriss asked in embarrassed annoyance.

Luminara raised an eyebrow. “Exactly what you told me. Coming by to get you for breakfast.”

Barriss’ eyes shifted to the window where early morning light was filling the room. “Oh.”

The woman just sat there, still gripping Barriss’ shoulders, staring impassively at her.

“Um, sorry about that. I’ll get ready now.” Barriss started to rise from the bed, but Luminara didn’t remove her hands.

“Barriss… I know you don’t have a reason to trust me,” Luminara’s eyes were unreadable, but her voice was shaking slightly, “but, I want you to know that I am here. If, you need me. And, I will never abuse your trust again—should you ever give it. I promise.”

Barriss gazed at her impassively and didn’t respond.

Unduli released Barriss’ arms with a sigh. “Well, should we go?” Her voice was unnaturally cheerful.

As she got dressed, Barriss contemplated her own feelings. Part of her wanted to tell the woman everything to get an objective opinion. Another part wanted Luminara to hold her and sooth away the worry. Yet, another part wanted to keep her at arm’s length for the foreseeable future. Barriss wanted everything and nothing. She turned back to her master, still conflicted.

Luminara hadn’t moved. She was staring at the wall vacantly, an expression of deep regret on her face.

Something pinged with familiarity inside Barriss. Her words to Ahsoka so many years ago floated into her mind. _I promise I will never hurt you again._ Ahsoka had accepted them instinctively. Barriss felt the same instinct now. She walked over to the bed and sat down, taking the woman’s hand. “I know you mean what you said. I just don’t know if I’m ready to talk about this particular issue. At least, not right now. That doesn’t mean I don’t or can’t trust you again.”

Luminara met her eyes and raised a gentle hand to Barriss’ face, running her fingertips lightly across the diamond tattoos. “I understand. Just remember, I’m here if you need me. No matter what. My highest priority always has been and always will be you.”

Barriss felt a tear roll down her cheek as she nodded. “Thanks.”

The woman wiped the tear away and smiled softly. Then, she ran her fingers over the tattoos again. “Do you remember when I gave you these? I was so proud of you that day.”

“Of course. It is still one of my happiest memories. You smiled at me…” Barriss trailed off at the memory.

Luminara sighed regretfully. “I wish I had given you more days like that. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard to pretend I didn’t want to give you more days like that. I wish… well, I wish a lot of things.”

“Well, how about we create some new days like that?” Barriss asked tentatively.

A bright, genuine smile appeared on the woman’s face, transforming it into something very different. “I’d like that very much.”

Barriss smiled in return and wrapped her arms tightly around Luminara’s chest. “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally designed as a "life at the base" type chapter, with snippets of character development for each person. However, I liked the bookend with Barriss and Luminara and adapted it a bit to show Luminara's progression. It was interesting to write a character from another's viewpoint, yet still convey the inner turmoil and motivations (i.e. without the interior monologue). Hopefully, that comes through for Luminara here.


	48. There is Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old friend arrives at the base, prompting the reveal of another family secret.
> 
> [One year later]

Ahsoka released the third arrow, and watched it sail dead center to the target, splitting a prior one with a satisfying crack. _Wow._

An unexpected voice of shock and pride came from behind her. “Well then. I’m… in awe.”

She turned to see Obi-Wan standing in stunned disbelief. Luminara was holding his arm and smiling slightly, also looking impressed.

Ahsoka grinned shyly, feeling a bit like her nine-year old self. “Beginner’s luck?”

He shook his head amusedly. “Given you have been trying to do that since you were a small child, I wouldn’t call it that.”

She replied ruefully, “Slow learner, then?”

They both laughed.

Obi-Wan asked, “I thought you had given up trying to perfect your bow? As I recall, a young Ahsoka Tano emphatically told me, in no uncertain terms, she was never going to master it. She was very sorry about it, but thought she was too impatient and undisciplined.”

“That was true at the time.” Ahsoka grinned diffidently. “But, this Ahsoka Tano has found she is perhaps more capable of patience and discipline than she thought. Plus, she now has had three excellent teachers. Something had to wear off eventually.”

Luminara spoke up, “Three?”

Ahsoka replied, “My mother was a champion archer and tried to teach me as soon as I could hold a bow. She died when I was very young, though, and someone else had to take up the mantle. So, you are standing next to one of the most long-suffering teachers in existence. I do believe Obi-Wan had the worst job, given my general frustration level during my teenage years.”

He grinned. “Hmm, I must admit, you were a handful. However, I suspect Barriss may have been worse off.”

Luminara said thoughtfully, “Barriss is actually a very good teacher. And, her skill with the bow is better than anyone I’ve ever seen.”

Obi-Wan put a hand to his heart in wounded pride. “Anyone?!”

She smiled apologetically at him. “Sorry, my love, but she is a bit of a prodigy.”

He grinned back. “Well, having seen it myself, I’ll accept second place.”

Ahsoka shook her head at them amusedly. Then, she said, “Perhaps, I just needed the correct motivation. Barriss and I have been working on a plan for something special and my ability to shoot an arrow accurately is… critical.” Her mind drifted away. _This has to work. It has to. I can’t lose her._

They both gazed at her strangely, but didn’t comment on her sudden seriousness.

She came back to reality and smiled at them. “In any case, I’m not a master yet. I need more practice.”

Luminara chuckled. “Now, that sounds like Barriss.”

“What sounds like me?”

They flipped around to find the woman in question walking up the them.

Obi-Wan smiled. “Apparently you have succeeded where many have failed and produced an Ahsoka Tano capable of that.” He pointed to the target where three arrows sat on top on each other.

Barriss looked at the arrows and then back to Ahsoka, love mixed with pride in her eyes. “I’m… speechless.”

Ahsoka smiled softly. “Well, that’s new.”

An eyebrow quirked in amusement as Barriss turned to Obi-Wan. “I like to think of it as a group effort. It takes a village to teach an Ahsoka.”

Obi-Wan grinned and Luminara chuckled.

Ahsoka sputtered, “Alright, that’s it. All of you—out of here, now. I’m trying to practice!”

Barriss smirked. “Sorry, but I came to retrieve you. I’m afraid your practice will have to wait.”

“Fine.” Ahsoka sighed. “I was on a roll, though. This better be important.”

The corners of Barriss’ mouth twitched. “Well, I guess it depends on how you define ‘important’.”

Ahsoka grinned slightly and said, “Well, how do you define ‘important’?”

A bright smile now decorated Barriss’ face. “I define important as Rex and Asajj have returned, along with an old friend. In fact, Obi-Wan may want to come, as well. I believe he may find it worth his while.”

Obi-Wan raised interested eyebrows and offered his other arm to Barriss, who took it readily. He turned to Ahsoka. “In that case, shall we go?”

Ahsoka laughed and gathered up her equipment. “Lead on, Master Negotiator.”

_______

As she entered the sitting room, Ahsoka glanced around quickly, curious as to who the new arrival was. She had thrown her equipment into the nearest room on the way and had managed to beat Barriss here.

Rex and Asajj were sitting on a settee with a cloaked figure. Rex jumped up when he saw her and smiled widely. “Well, Princess, it’s about time.”

She grinned and hugged him. “Sorry, not everyone can come running at your beckon call, you know!”

Asajj snorted. “That is the most un-Rex thing I’ve ever heard uttered. He would wait on you until the Jedi returned, if necessary.”

Rex and Ahsoka both glared at her and she snorted again.

Ahsoka turned to the cloaked figure. “So, I’m told you brought an old friend along. However, Barriss was amazingly uncommunicative on who it was.”

Obi-Wan and Barriss had just entered the room, apparently having stopped somewhere in route to drop Luminara off. She said, “Well, you always try to ruin my surprises.”

The cloaked figure rose from the seat and flipped back his hood.

Ahsoka grinned with delight. “Bail Organa! Where have you been all my life?”

He smiled fondly at her. “Hmm, secretly plotting a rebellion from Palpatine’s court?”

She wrapped him a hug. “Excuses, excuses. How are things in Alderaan? How is my favorite Sovereign Master?”

He smiled wanly and replied, “My wife is well, thank you. She’ll be happy to know you are, as well. Unfortunately, Alderaan is not. There have been further crackdowns since I’ve been away in Coruscant. People are becoming more and more desperate.” Bail looked over to Kenobi, who looked pleased but strangely wary.

Obi-Wan said, “Bail, it’s good to see you again.”

The man nodded back. “And you, my old friend. I wasn’t sure if you were still alive. I lost track of you after you left Tatooine. I see you have relocated.” He raised his eyebrows in an unspoken question.

"Yes," Obi-Wan replied tightly, “the boy is here too.”

Ahsoka looked between them in confusion. “I’m missing something. You know about Luke?”

Bail locked eyes with Obi-Wan. “It’s time, my friend. We have to tell them.” He paused, expression pained, “Something… has happened.”

Kenobi gazed at him and then slowly nodded. He turned to Ahsoka. “You may want to get Luke. We need to talk.”

_______

Ahsoka, Barriss, and Luke were sitting together on a settee, while Obi-Wan paced around the room nervously.

Bail was leaning against the fireplace mantle, examining Luke with an appraising gaze. He suddenly asked, “Tell me, young Luke, how are you? I haven’t seen you since you were a very small child. You’re what, fifteen now? Do you enjoy living here?”

Luke looked at him in surprise. “Um, yes, sir. I mean, it's way better than Tatooine. Have you ever been there?”

The man chuckled. “Yes. I can see that. I just meant—well, you’re in rebellion headquarters, presumably moving from place to place, never sure what may happen next. I was only wondering if you felt… safe?”

Luke was taken aback by the serious questions, seemingly out of nowhere from the man he’d just met. He looked at Ahsoka and Barriss questioningly.

Ahsoka nodded. “You can answer him, if you want. We trust Bail. He is a very old friend.”

The young man looked back at Bail. “I’ve never really thought about it. I kind of like never knowing what will happen next. It’s like an adventure everyday.” He grinned. Then, he continued more thoughtfully, “I’m just happy to have—to be with my family.”

Ahsoka felt pleasure rush through her at his response and she grabbed Luke's hand.

He smiled engagingly at her. “Well, it’s true.”

Bail smiled wistfully. “Good, I’m glad.” He turned to Obi-Wan and raised his eyebrows questioningly.

Obi-Wan grimaced, but sat down in a chair across from them, apparently ready to talk.

_About time. What in the world is going on?_ Ahsoka felt her patience wearing thin and Obi-Wan’s behavior was making her strangely anxious.

Kenobi looked at them. “I haven’t told you everything about… Padmé—about what happened when she died.”

Ahsoka heard a sharp intake of breath and realized it was her. She felt Barriss’ hand lay gently her arm, while simultaneously Luke’s grip on her hand tightened. She squeezed his hand in return and met Obi-Wan’s eyes expectantly.

He swallowed and said, “You already know that after the injuries incurred in trying to save Anakin, she was near death. You know she gave birth to Luke before she died and asked me to watch over him and keep him from Palpatine's grasp. However, what you don’t know is… that there was another—” He stopped and took a steadying breath before meeting their eyes intensely, “There was another child. She gave birth to twins.”

Ahsoka’s body stiffened and her mind felt frozen. She couldn’t process the words.

Luke piped up weakly, “I-I have a—”

Obi-Wan looked at him. “A sister. You have a twin sister.”

Barriss’ grip on Ahsoka’s arm tightened as she asked, “And, where is she now?”

Bail cleared his throat awkwardly. “She is with me. Her name is Leia. She was raised as our daughter and the Princess of Alderaan.”

There was silence. Ahsoka felt her mind reeling. Shock and confusion rolled through it, slowly turning into hurt. She finally spoke, her voice filling with anger, “Why didn’t you tell me this before now?”

Obi-Wan looked ashamed and glanced at Bail, who also looked uncomfortable. “We, Bail and I agreed, a long time ago to keep her identity a secret from everyone. Everyone, you understand? We thought it was the only way to keep her safe. I intended to do the same for Luke, until—well, you know the circumstances that required me to reveal that. It only happened because I thought he was in mortal danger and needed to convince Barriss to help me find him.”

Barriss nodded in understanding. “It was extremely difficult to get even that much out of you.”

Ahsoka stared at her in disbelief. “I’m sorry, is everyone ok with this?” She was shaking now. “Ok with the fact that no one was ever going to tell me that I had a nephew and, now, a niece—all that’s left of my family?!” She felt rage growing inside of her.

The grip on her arm increased as Barriss looked at her with worry.

Obi-Wan spoke up quickly, “I don’t know what I would have done about Luke once I found out you were alive, Ahsoka. I can’t tell you what would have happened. But, Leia, I’m sorry, yes. She was safe, raised by people who loved her as their own, her identity never in question. You were a leader in a rebellion and a high priority target for Palpatine. If you had been captured and broken, what would have happened to Leia then? It wasn’t like she was living here under rebel protection like Luke is. She would have been vulnerable and in grave danger. I had to do what was best for her. I had to—” He broke off bitterly.

Ahsoka glared at him, anger not abating. “And, what gave you the right to decide what was best for her?”

He flinched visibly but met her eyes. “Her mother did. I made a promise. And—” he looked at Bail, “her father did.”

Bail spoke up softly, “Ahsoka, I’m sorry. I know this feels like a betrayal. Understand, we did what we did for Padmé, at first. But, later… I love Leia. She is my daughter. She is my world. I would do anything to protect her. Even lie to her aunt about her existence.” His eyes met hers defiantly.

Ahsoka felt a sharp stab of guilt. _Padmé, I should have helped you. I should have been there. None of this would have happened._ She didn’t feel capable of a response, so she just sat in silence, staring at the floor.

Luke’s hand gripped hers tightly. He spoke softly, “Aunt Ahsoka, it’s ok. They did it protect her. To make sure she was happy. Like you did for me, remember? Besides, it’s nice to know that we have someone else, right?”

She felt another stab of guilt. He was reminding her that he forgave her for keeping secrets from him about his family. _Gods, he is special._ Ahsoka recognized it and knew what she should do. But, she was still angry, so angry—at herself. _Come on, Ahsoka, for Luke. Try._ She tamped down the emotions and formed words slowly, “Ok, I understand.” Ahsoka threw a weak smile at Luke. “If my amazing nephew can handle it, so can I.”

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, except for Barriss. The woman still had a strong grip on her arm and was looking at her with concern.

Ahsoka ignored her and continued on, “So, why are you telling us this now? What’s changed?”

Bail’s face changed to an expression of extreme worry, fear filling his eyes. “Leia’s been taken prisoner.”

_______

Ahsoka laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry or scream. _I failed them all._

She heard Barriss come into the room and quickly closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep. As her wife got ready for bed, she decided to reinforce her strategy by shifting with sleepiness and giving what she thought sounded like brief mumbles of a perfectly happy and dreaming Ahsoka.

“That doesn’t fool me, you know,” came a shrewd voice.

Ahsoka sighed. “I didn’t expect it would. Still, I thought I might get lucky.”

Barriss slid into bed next to her. “Mmm… well, next time flip yourself completely over while pulling the blankets from my side of the bed. That would be more convincing.”

She grinned in spite of herself. “Advice noted.”

A hand stroked her stomach as Barriss said softly, “It’s not your fault.”

Ahsoka stiffened and plastered a smile on her face. “I know. Don’t worry. Everything is fine.”

There was a brief snort and the hand moved to Ahsoka’s face, turning it to piercing eyes. “Right. Just like I’m perfectly fine with having occasional visions of death.”

This time, Ahsoka snorted. “Point taken.”

Barriss grinned and then ran her hand over Ahsoka’s face tenderly. “I know you feel like you could have done something to prevent all of this. But, it’s not true you know.”

“Maybe. I guess I’ll never know.”

“No, I do know.” Barriss’ hand gripped her chin tightly. “I’ve calculated it. Even if that wasn’t true, people are responsible for their own choices. Not you.”

Ahsoka gazed at her. “I understand what you’re saying. I just know having someone at the right time can… change things.”

“Hmm, perhaps. Ultimately, though, our choices are our own. Let’s try it, shall we? Let’s say you stayed all those years ago, gave up your freedom, married Palpatine. What would have happened then?”

“I don’t know. That’s the point.”

Barriss sighed. “You do know. Anakin might have been able to save Padmé in the immediate term, Shili might not have fallen as quickly, and Luke and Leia may have been born into temporary safety—but, do you think that would have changed Palpatine’s plans? Do you think, eventually, tragedy wouldn’t have still come? And, do you think you would have been in a position to stop all of the death and destruction when it did?”

Ahsoka didn’t respond.

She continued, “Well, let me tell you. Palpatine would have eliminated you as a threat well before he made his move. He would have tightened his grip on your brother, maybe even using the children to control him. They would have grown up in fear and hatred. He still would have destroyed every kingdom that opposed him, including Shili. I would be dead in Cardota or somewhere similar. Other children like Caleb and Ezra would have had no hope and turned into something they were never meant to be. And, thousands more people would have died that you weren’t around to save. So, you tell me, Lady Jedi—what sounds like the better outcome?”

Tears rolled down Ahsoka’s face and she couldn't stop them.

Barriss pulled her to her chest, stroking her montrals gently.

Ahsoka felt sobs overtaking her, but also a deep feeling of peace enter her mind.

“You see, my shining girl? You have always known what you should do. Your instincts have never led you wrong. You are a Jedi, after all.”

Ahsoka laughed into her chest. She looked up through tears of happiness at Barriss. “My best instinct was always you.” The smile she got in return made Ahsoka’s heart throb with joy. She reached a hand up to the beautiful face looking down at her, running her fingers over it. “I love you so much.”

Barriss closed her eyes and tightened her arms around Ahsoka, an ethereal smile on her lips. She whispered, “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes Leia! The family dynamics should be interesting...  
> Also, I think Ahsoka has finally come to terms with her long-supressed guilt over her choice to leave Anakin.


	49. Pride and Joy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some old friends return as the group plans a mission to rescue Leia.

“So, I hear you just couldn’t live without us?”

Ahsoka smiled fondly at Caleb. “Well, since it’s been nearly a year since I visited Lothal, I knew how much you probably missed me.”

Hera snorted. “Don’t let him fool you, Ahsoka. He was as excited as a schoolboy when we were called back here.”

Caleb grinned diffidently and was about to respond when a tall, thin young man with lavender eyes walked into the room, a bright smile on his almost manly face. “Ahsoka!”

“Ezra!” she responded happily and grabbed him up in a tight embrace. “I missed you.”

He grinned cockily. “I know. That’s why we came.”

Ahsoka rolled her eyes and turned to Caleb. “This is your influence.”

The man put on an innocent air. “Well, I’m pretty sure my snarky repartee came from you—so you really have only yourself to blame, don’t you?”

Another voice interjected, “Indeed.” Barriss walked in with a pleased smile on her face and Sabine trailing behind her.

Caleb’s smile widened as he bowed deeply and took her hand, “My lady.”

Barriss smiled adoringly at him and touched an affectionate hand to his cheek. “You are impossible. But, I love you anyway.”

His eyes brightened and his face turned suddenly boyish.

Hera gave another snort. “You know, it’s already not easy competing with his first love. You could tone it down a bit.”

Caleb glared at Hera.

Barriss just raised an amused eyebrow at her and turned to Ezra, who, despite the passage of several years and him now resembling a full-grown man, still managed to look in nervous awe of her. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Ahsoka smiled to herself as she saw Ezra flush and stammer back to her, turning fire red. Apparently, Barriss still had more than one conquest.

Sabine came and stood next to Ahsoka. She took the girl’s hand and flashed a small grin. “I hear you’ve managed to convince some of your fellow Mandalorians to support the Rebellion?”

The girl smiled wryly. “Well, sort of. I’ll tell you the story later. It’s kind of crazy.”

“Hmm, I’m intrigued already! Where’s Zeb?”

“He stayed behind in Lothal to coordinate the ongoing operations. It was quite a battle over which of us had to stay behind! He said to make sure you knew about his sacrifice for the greater good.”

Ahsoka laughed. “I’ll be sure to give him extra attention next time I visit. Everything else ok?”

Sabine nodded slowly. “Mostly. I'm happy to see you, though.”

Ahsoka noted the hesitancy in the girl's voice. She was definitely more of a woman than a girl now. Yet, of all of them, Sabine was still the one she thought needed her attention most, though Ahsoka had no idea why. _I should have made more time for her over the last few years. I'll try to fix that now._ “When the mission is over, I want to hear all about it. Just you, and me, and maybe a trip to the dunes? What do you say, my incredible girl?”

Sabine looked at her in surprise and then a shy smile formed. “I'd like that.”

“Good.” Ahsoka squeezed her hand. She turned to the group. “It’s good to see you all. I’ve been worried with the Emperor’s new crackdown in Lothal.”

They all went silent, perhaps thinking of those they had lost, until Ezra piped up, “Well, it takes more than a few extra soldiers to stop us. Besides, we knew the Lady of the Rebellion would never forgive us if we died.” He performed a clumsy bow toward Barriss and grinned.

They all laughed and then Caleb asked, “So, what’s up? We haven’t been called back to headquarters—well, ever. Not since we started functioning as an independent cell. Someone always comes to us. This must be important.”

“It is. Well, important to me…” Ahsoka responded.

Barriss chimed in, slipping her hand inside Ahsoka’s arm. “Important to both of us.”

Ahsoka grinned at her and turned back to the group. “Truth is, while I love any excuse to see you all again, I feel a bit guilty calling you back here, as it is sort of a personal mission. It's voluntary, of course, and—”

Caleb interrupted, “Ahsoka, if we had known it was a personal mission for you, for both of you, we would have been even _more_ likely to come. We’re family. Now, just tell us what you need.”

A tentative voice suddenly rang through the room, “Um, hey. I mean, hello.”

They turned to see Luke walking in nervously.

Ahsoka smiled and was about to introduce him when Luke said, “You’re Phoenix Squadron, right?” His voice held a certain amount of awe.

Ezra grinned, puffing up with pride. “You’ve heard of us, then? Our fame is widespread, I told you!”

There were several amused sighs from the group.

Luke nodded eagerly. “Yes, Aunt Ahsoka talks about you all the time. I’ve always wanted to meet you.”

Their expressions froze and they looked toward Ahsoka.

She sighed. “Right, so this is my nephew, Luke. Luke, this is Caleb, Ezra, Hera, and Sabine.” She pointed to each person in turn. “And, yes, they are most of Phoenix Squadron.”

Caleb spoke dryly to Ahsoka, “So, um, you never mentioned you had a nephew? I think I would have noticed one running around the base as I grew up.”

Before Ahsoka could respond, Luke said, “She didn’t know she had me until a few years ago. Then, well, nobody's supposed to know who I am really. I’m top secret, you know.” He grinned with a certain amount of pride.

They all stared at him, until Hera started to chuckle. “Well, that’s a story I can’t wait to hear.”

_______

Everyone gathered around the plans Barriss had drawn up, mulling over the details.

Obi-Wan commented, “Seems like a sound strategy to me.”

Luminara nodded warmly. “Excellent, Barriss. It is well-thought out and has several contingencies. I’m… impressed.”

Barriss smiled shyly back at her, reminding Ahsoka of the girl she’d once been.

“Are we sure the Emperor isn’t aware of her true identity?” Ahsoka looked at Bail questioningly. “This plan will make it quite obvious the prisoner being rescued is a rebel. I don’t want to compromise either of you.”

He nodded. “Yes, they have her categorized as a run-of-the-mill sympathizer, picked up in a raid of a tavern with suspected rebel connections. She was well-prepped with a false cover when she first insisted on running mercy missions. Besides, if Palpatine knew her true identity, I wouldn’t still be standing here talking to you,” he added wryly.

“Barriss,” Caleb suddenly asked, “why don’t you have Ahsoka running point on the assault team? It seems like she would be better suited? No offense, Master Kenobi.”

The man smiled. “None taken. I would never try to compete with Ahsoka’s prowess as a warrior.”

Barriss gazed at Caleb with pride. “I see your skills haven’t gotten rusty. However, in this case, we need Ahsoka on this side of the compound with Rex and Luke to ensure an open escape route. So, it was a calculated risk.”

Ahsoka smiled to herself. Barriss had probably worked very diligently to come up with a successful plan that deliberately placed Luke within Ahsoka's protective sword range, but still allowed him to play a critical role. _That's my kind of wife._

Caleb nodded and continued reviewing the rest of the plans intently. “What if we put Ezra on point instead and move Master Kenobi and his superior stealth skills over to the infiltration team? Hera and I can handle the extraction mission on our own. We’re a well-practiced team when, um, requisitioning things that don’t belong to us.” There were several snorts around the room as he continued, “And, Ezra can handle the main assault. He’s become quite adept at this type of combat.”

Rex asked, “Is that right? Does that mean I can stop calling you ‘kid’ now, kid?”

Ezra glared at him but Ahsoka could see the pleasure in his eyes.

Barriss considered and then looked at Ezra questioningly.

Instead of the assured, cocky grin Ahsoka expected, Ezra examined the blueprints thoughtfully. “Yeah, I can handle it. Though, I’d like Sabine with me, if possible. If Obi-Wan takes her place on the infiltration team, can you spare her?”

Ahsoka felt a sudden sense of pride run through her. He had come so far. She put a warm hand on Ezra’s arm and smiled softly. “You are turning into quite the warrior, buddy.”

He flushed and replied sincerely, “I had good teachers.”

Caleb grinned at him and turned back to Barriss. “What do you think, my lady?”

Luke was watching all of them carefully, a certain amount of awe still on his face. Though, Ahsoka thought she saw something else beneath the surface. _I’ll have to ask him about it later._

Barriss closed her eyes, calculating. Her eyes drifted open with deep pleasure. “Caleb, you have just created a plan with a higher success rate than my own. I don’t even know what to say at this moment.”

The man gaped at her in momentary shock and then straightened considerably from his slouch. “Well, I had a very, very, _very_ good teacher.”

She laid her hand on Caleb’s cheek, proud joy shining from her eyes, before turning back to the group. “Alright, anything else? Is everyone clear on their roles?”

Asajj asked, “Are you taking your bow?”

Barriss looked at her in surprise. “Yes, of course.”

“In that case,” Asajj commented snarkily, “I don’t know why we needed all this planning in the first place. I say we just stick Barriss up on the roof and have her pick everyone off. Then, we can stroll in at our leisure.”

There was a moment of silence, followed quickly by a chorus of laughter.

“Alright,” Barriss said in amused exasperation. “I take that to mean we are ready. We leave in three hours.”

_______

Barriss found Luke swinging his sword viciously at one of the practice dummies in the yard.

She was taken aback by his intensity. “Luke, are you ok?”

He stiffened mid-swing and turned around slowly, his face impassive. “Yes, I’m fine Aunt Barriss, thanks. Just training.”

“Hmm… I can see that.” She maintained an equally impassive expression and didn’t leave his eyes. _You can’t beat me at my own game, clever boy._

His face started to waver after a few moments and he turned back toward the dummy, preparing another swing.

“Luke, what’s wrong?”

He swung hard, parried against an invisible enemy, and attacked again. “Nothing. I just need to practice.”

“Luke…”

His shoulders slumped and his sword dropped limply to his side. Luke turned back to her, but didn’t meet her eyes. “I just want to be better. I don’t spend enough time practicing stuff.”

She walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

He finally looked at her and she saw it all in his eyes.

Barriss sighed. “Luke, you will be great one day. It just takes patience. Do you think Caleb or Ezra or Sabine were perfect at everything their entire lives?”

“No, but when they were fifteen, maybe they were. I mean Ezra is only a few years older than me and he’s good enough to run point on the mission to rescue Leia.” He continued, his voice growing more and more agitated, “And, Uncle Rex told me Aunt Ahsoka could fight him to a pulp at fifteen. Master Luminara said you were already infiltrating entire castles. I can’t even master all of the basic sword forms!”

“Luke,” Barriss said calmly, “no one is the same. Your Aunt is in a class by herself and was a warrior from the time she could pick up a sword, so let’s pick someone a little more mortal, shall we?” She grinned at him. “Take Caleb, for example. He was trained as a warrior by his mother. He started his training much earlier than you. Then, the enf—Emperor destroyed his village and killed his mother. At fifteen, he couldn’t fight off the soldiers who destroyed his world, despite his early training. When he came to live with us at our first base, we picked up his training again. By then, he had a unique drive to learn everything and did nothing else. We had to force him to sleep. Even still, it took him years to achieve the level of skill he has now. And, he was a natural at some things, while it took him longer to master things you can already do. You can’t judge your progress against others. No one is the same.”

Luke looked interested in Caleb’s history. He replied tentatively, “Is that—is that why he loves you so much? Because, you were like a mother to him?”

Barriss was startled and replied slowly, “I don’t know if I would describe it exactly like that. But, Ahsoka and I certainly became his family. I’m sure he still thinks of us that way, even though he is on his own now and has formed a new family.”

“And, do you—you just seem so proud of him. And, Aunt Ahsoka seems so proud of Ezra. I just—”

Barriss put her hands on his shoulders, suddenly realizing he was now as tall as her, and said, “We are both very, very proud of you, as well. Not because you will be a great warrior, though you likely will. Not because you can beat me at my own games, though I imagine you will one day,” she grinned and continued, “but, because you are _you_ . We love you, no matter what you choose to be or even how successful you are at it. I’m proud of Caleb because he has achieved what _he_ always wanted, including creating a new family for himself. I was proud watching him try things, even when he failed. That’s how I feel and how I will always feel about you. Do you understand?”

Luke nodded, still looking slightly doubtful. “Do you think Aunt Ahsoka feels the same way? I mean—if I’m never as good as her or my—my father, I mean?”

Barriss looked into his eyes intently. “Yes, I do. But, if you don’t believe me, just ask Ahsoka.”

“Ask me what?” They both turned quickly to see Ahsoka strolling over with concern. “Luke, there you are. I’ve been looking for you. You disappeared after the briefing. Everything ok?”

They both looked at her impassively.

Ahsoka sighed with exasperation. “Come on! I can’t take two of you doing that to me at once!”

Luke grinned slightly and Barriss had to hold back her own grin as she replied, “I’m not sure what you mean. We were just chatting about Luke’s sword forms.”

His grin widened mischievously. “Yeah, you really should learn to relax, Aunt Ahsoka.”

Ahsoka glared at them both. “Alright, spill it. What’s going on?”

Barriss raised an eyebrow and looked at Luke, who shook his head nervously. She sighed. “Sorry, we’ll have to chat later. I think Luke still has to pack his equipment. We leave in an hour, after all.”

Luke piped up, “Yeah, sorry, Aunt Ahsoka. Gotta run!” He proceeded to do just that, taking off at a sprint.

Ahsoka looked at Barriss in annoyance. “What was that about exactly?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you.” Barriss sighed again.

Ahsoka gaped at her. “You’re serious.”

She moved toward Ahsoka and put her arms around her neck. “I’m sorry. He’s clearly not ready to talk about it with you, yet.”

“Is that right?” Ahsoka pulled back from her angrily. “But, he _is_ ready to talk about it with you?”

“That's not what I meant.” Barriss bit her lip nervously. She watched Ahsoka’s eyes as they drifted away, emotions flying through them chaotically. _She thinks he doesn’t trust her._ Barriss placed a hand on Ahsoka’s face, trying to bring her back to the moment.

Ahsoka finally refocused on her, pain lurking behind the fierce blue.

“He loves you very much. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust you,” Barriss stroked her cheek, speaking anxiously, “it’s just this particular… problem concerns you more than me. So, it’s harder to talk about with you. Does that make sense?”

There was a moment of silence before a resigned sigh came from Ahsoka. “Ok, meltdown averted, I guess. I’ll go with it, for now.” She pulled Barriss back into her arms. “I’m sorry.”

“Hmm, well, he won’t be a teenager forever, right?” Barriss said wryly.

“Gods, I hope not.” Ahsoka’s face held mock horror.

Barriss chuckled. “It wouldn’t hurt if you asked him again after the mission. He might feel better about it after that.”

Ahsoka grinned and kissed her forehead. “You’re the boss.”

“Good.” Barriss lifted an impish eyebrow. “I’ll remember that for next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The gang's back together! And, off to save the day!  
> I like the idea of mixing our old family dynamics with the new.


	50. Rescue the Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title kind of says it all.

“Who are you?”

Barriss was taken aback at the hard and suspicious gaze coming from the girl in front of her. She adapted quickly though, and raised an eyebrow. “I’m Barriss Offee and I’m here to rescue you. I’m here with your father and Ben Kenobi. However, if you’d like to stay in your cell, I can just leave.”

Leia stared at her, wary disbelief mixed with lurking interest. “Barriss Offee, the Lady of the Rebellion?”

“Yes. Are you coming, Princess? Time is short.”

The girl considered her for a moment. Then, she exited the cell and held her hand out for a weapon.

Barriss raised another eyebrow, but handed over her dagger. “This way. Be as quiet, as possible. We need to bypass the main security detachment before we can reach the others to make our escape.”

Leia nodded with a determined expression.

Barriss observed her closely as they made their way from the cell block. Leia didn’t look very much like her brother. Her upswept brown hair was curled into elegant ringlets, hanging along the side of her face. The matching deep brown eyes were serious and determined. She was wearing a simple light blue dress, becoming of a princess, though slightly stained with dirt and grime from the prison conditions. Still, she had a regal look that reminded Barriss very much of the painting of Padmé Amidala she had seen.

The girl had some skill at staying hidden and moved in a quiet, lithe way. Barriss was surprised, given her age and presumed lack of training. _Natural talent?_

They reached a juncture and Barriss put up a hand to halt their progress. She motioned to a small crawlspace nearby.

Leia looked at her askance and didn’t move.

Barriss put a stern expression on her face and pointed firmly toward the hiding space.

Defiant eyes stared her down for a moment, but Barriss simply held her gaze impassively.

Finally, the girl did as instructed. Once they were settled in the small area, Leia whispered, “What are we doing?! I thought we were in a hurry?”

Barriss placed a finger to her lips and pointed toward the hallway. A few moments later, a squad of soldiers marched by.

Leia looked chagrined. “Alright, I’ll stop arguing.”

“Good. I’d like to get us both out of here alive,” Barriss replied calmly.

Leia stared at her with interest. “You are not quite what I expected.”

Barriss couldn’t help a slight smile. “I’m not sure if that is a good or a bad thing, but I’ll just go with it.”

The girl gave a small smile in return. “So, what now?”

“We wait for a few minutes. The changing of the guard is happening. Shortly, there will be another squad heading back down this hallway toward our exit. We want to be behind them, not in front. We’ll wait for them to pass before moving.”

Leia gazed at her and Barriss could see her mind processing. “You knew this was going to happen and picked this route deliberately. You already knew there was a hiding space here.”

Barriss was mildly impressed. “Yes, you are mostly correct. I had hoped we could reach the juncture before the guard change. In which case, this would not have been necessary. However, it took us three minutes longer than anticipated to get inside and your… reluctance to come with me delayed us another two minutes. This was a contingency plan.”

Now, Leia looked impressed. “I can see the stories about you were not exaggerated.” Her voice turned thoughtful as she asked, “How do you keep track of the time?”

The question surprised Barriss. _I’m not sure anyone has ever asked me that before._ “It’s a skill I learned when I was very young. I used to count by paces. Now, it comes automatically.”

“Will you teach me how?”

Barriss stared at her. _Well, she certainly knows what she wants._ She replied honestly, “It’s not an easy skill to learn. It takes discipline, patience, and repeated practice. Whether I can teach you or not depends on you.”

Leia met her eyes with determination. “I can do it.”

 _Confident, too._ “In that case,” Barriss replied, “yes, I will teach you.”

Leia grinned.

_Now, that reminds me of Luke and Ahsoka._

The girl spoke up again, “You said my father and Ben Kenobi are here? Who else did you bring? What’s our plan? Where is everyone now?”

 _This girl is intense and I… kind of like it._ Barriss suppressed a grin and answered, “There is a distractionary assault force outside the main entrance. The rest of the infiltration team is ensuring various paths out of the cell block are clear for us. Your father is with them. There is an exit team ensuring our escape route is clear at the far end of the compound. And, there is an extraction team securing transport away from the area. We will meet up with the infiltration team and head toward the exit team before extraction. Hopefully, all of that will happen before the main assault ends.”

There was a nod of understanding as Leia processed all the pieces quickly and efficiently.

Once again, Barriss was impressed. She continued slowly, “I’m here with several members of the rebellion, including… your aunt.”

Leia jerked back slightly. “You mean… Ahsoka Tano? The Lady Jedi?”

When Bail had given them permission to tell her who Ahsoka was, he had said Leia already knew she was adopted, but that she knew nothing of her true lineage. However, having met her, Barriss was unsurprised that she knew more than her father had thought. She observed the girl closely as she replied, “Yes.”

Leia’s face fluctuated slightly. She looked reluctant.

“You don’t want to meet your aunt?” Barriss asked.

“It’s not that. I… well,” Leia replied uncertainly, “I already have a family. I don’t—it’s fine.”

Barriss sighed. “Leia, Ahsoka isn’t going to take you away from your family. You can choose to get to know her better or not. It’s up to you. She will respect your wishes.”

The girl looked relieved.

“Besides,” Barriss continued, “your father would never give you up. He loves you very much.”

“I know. I’m being irrational, I suppose.”

 _Runs in the family._ “Understandable. However, do try to remember that Ahsoka lost her family a long time ago. She just found out you existed. So, at least, give her a chance. Maybe, as a friend, if nothing else?”

Leia gazed at her for moment and then nodded firmly. “I will.”

“Also,” Barriss paused for a moment before saying, “there is someone else you may not know about with us. Your… brother.”

The girl froze. “I have… a brother?”

“Yes, his name is Luke. Your mother gave birth to twins. You were separated when you were born to keep you both safe. Kenobi took Luke and Bail took you. A few years ago, dire circumstances necessitated Kenobi to reveal Luke to us. He now lives at rebel headquarters.”

“Did he want to come and live with you?” Leia’s face was impassive.

“Yes. His life was quite different than yours. He was raised as a foster child by farmers in Tatooine who subsequently died in one of Palpatine's raids. He also wanted to be a warrior. So, when he reached his age of apprenticeship, it was decided he would come and live with us to be trained. We are… a family.” Barriss’ voice floated away in happiness at the statement.

“We?” Leia looked at her intently.

Barriss came back to the present, a brief smile on her lips. “Ahsoka is my wife.”

The girl stared at her. Then, she smiled tentatively. “The two ladies of the rebellion, huh?”

“Something like that.” Barriss chuckled. “We met when I was your age, actually. I’ll tell you the story sometime, if you like.”

“I think… I’d like that,” the girl replied with a determined expression, “Plus, you still have to teach me how to count without actually counting.”

“Speaking of,” Barriss said, “it should be just about…”

A squad of soldiers passed by right on schedule.

Leia gazed at her with respect. “I’m so going to learn how to do that.”

Barriss replied tentatively but earnestly, “I look forward to teaching my niece anything she wants to know.”

The girl jumped slightly at the statement. However, a small smile appeared as she replied, “I look forward to learning everything my aunt knows.”

Happiness filled Barriss and a bright smile lit her face. “Alright, determined girl, time to go.”

Leia nodded and they both made their way out of the crawlspace and toward freedom.

_______

“Wow.” Luke stared at Leia in mesmerized disbelief.

Ahsoka grinned and said, “Luke, no distractions while we’re fighting for our lives!”

Luke came back to reality, a shy grin on his face, and took out two of the nearest soldiers with efficiency.

“Where’s Barriss?” Ahsoka dispensed with a particularly nasty looking soldier with an equally nasty looking mace in front of her, as she glanced over to the girl who had just joined them. _She looks just like Padmé._

Leia looked at her tentatively, “She’s coming. There were problems with the infiltration team. Apparently, my father and someone called Asajj ran into problems. She went to retrieve them, but told me to follow the final corridor out to you.”

Ahsoka nodded as she took down four more soldiers, flipping over their heads and spinning in reverse to strike multiple targets at once. When she turned back toward Leia, she saw the girl was standing in a defensive posture, Barriss’ dagger in her hand, looking warily around for potential attackers. _As if I’d let these idiots get anywhere near her. Still, she’s got spirit._ Ahsoka grinned to herself.

Rex shouted, “I think this is the last squad for the moment. We should probably exit after we finish them off.”

“I’m not leaving without the others.” Ahsoka looked over at Leia, changing her mind slightly. “However, you, Luke, and Leia go. I’ll wait here to ensure they have a clean exit.”

“Absolutely not.”

Ahsoka started with surprise at the determined voice. She had expected objections from Luke or Rex, but not from the girl she’d just met.

Leia was staring at her fiercely. “I’m not going anywhere without my father.”

“Leia, your father wants you out safely,” Ahsoka said gently. “I promised him that you would be my first priority.”

“I don’t care.” Leia’s eyes flashed with anger. “I’m not leaving without him. No matter what. End of story.”

 _She is such a princess._ Ahsoka recognized the entitled tone, the superior expression, the expectation of everyone complying with your demands. _Well, you’ve just met your match, my girl._ Ahsoka channeled both her authoritative commander of the battalion voice and her demanding of respect princess voice into her response, “You’ll go when I tell you to go, Princess. For the moment, you can stay. However, if you risk the lives of everyone on the mission by stubbornly refusing to follow orders, I’ll have you forcibly carried out of here. Is that clear?”

Leia glared back at her. “You can try.”

Ahsoka took out the last two soldiers without even looking at them as she stared the girl down.

A small voice spoke up to her left, “Um, Aunt Ahsoka, can I say hello to my sister now?”

Both women abruptly broke eye contact to look at Luke.

He was smiling nervously at Leia.

The girl’s face was impassive, but Ahsoka thought she saw some trepidation in her eyes.

Ahsoka sighed. “Yes, of course. Leia, this is Luke. Luke, this is Leia. I’ll let you two chat for a minute.” She shot one last stern look at Leia as she walked over to Rex.

Rex was grinning. “Well, she’s a handful. Reminds me of—”

“Don’t even say it!” Ahsoka cut him off. “I was never that demanding!” 

He just stared at her. “Right. Anyway, what do you want to do?”

Ahsoka glanced over at the two young people. Luke was talking animatedly, while Leia was silent. Though, she seemed to be listening carefully, her eyes never leaving him. “I don’t know. Barriss should have been here by now. I’m sure the primary team has finished their assault. That means we’ve run out of time.”

Rex nodded in agreement. “I think we need to leave. Or, at least, someone needs to get the girl out. That was the primary mission.”

“I know.” Ahsoka sighed. “I just—I hate having to start out on the wrong foot with her. I guess there is no help for it.” She straightened her shoulders back and walked back over to Luke and Leia.

“Alright, it’s time to go. Luke, I want you and Rex to get Leia out of here. I’m going back for—”

“No! I told you I’m not leaving!” Leia’s voice was almost petulant now.

Ahsoka steeled her face and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Leia, listen to me. All of this will have been for nothing if we don’t get you out of here. Your father will be devastated and I could lose people I love very much in the process. You need to leave _now_. No arguments.”   

Leia’s eyes were defiant but wavered slightly in the wake of the equally determined gaze staring back at her. Finally, her eyes dropped in defeat. “Fine.”

Ahsoka nodded and turned to Luke fiercely. “Any other arguments?”

He looked nervous at her vehemence. “No, Aunt Ahsoka. Don’t worry. We’ll protect her.”

Leia’s head shot up. “I don’t need to be protected! I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”

Luke stepped back and sputtered, “I know! I was just—”

“Forget it.” Leia stomped off toward Rex. She turned back with a superior air and announced, “I thought we just had to leave? What are you waiting for?”

Luke looked at Ahsoka with anxious eyes.

Ahsoka smiled at him. “Just pretend she’s you and don’t do whatever you didn’t like me doing to you.”

He glared at her.

She laughed and rubbed his cheek fondly. “You did well today, Luke. You are becoming a great warrior. I’m so proud of you.”

His eyes watered slightly as he replied, “Thanks.”

Ahsoka turned toward the others and saw Leia watching them closely, an unreadable expression in her eyes. “Alright, I’ll join up with you at the rendezvous. And, Princess, don’t worry. I’ll bring your father to you. I promise.”

Some of the defiant anger drained from Leia’s face and she nodded tightly.

_______

Ahsoka worked her way toward the final juncture where she could hear the sounds of metal clanging on metal. As she ran into the open space, she was very glad she had come. Barriss, Asajj, Luminara, and Obi-Wan were surrounded by what looked like four squads with more pouring in from the archway. Bail Organa was leaning against a wall, a large blood stain on his chest. _Force it all._ She had made a promise and she was going to deliver it.

As she flew into the fray, Ahsoka yelled, “Get Bail out of here. Head through juncture fifteen. I’ve just cleared it. Head straight to the rendezvous. The others are already on the way.”

Everyone obeyed her commands, except for Barriss. The woman took up a ranged position at the juncture exit, bow at the ready. She covered the others retreat and then continued to fire arrow after arrow into any soldier entering the area.

Ahsoka smiled to herself. _That's my kind of wife._ Focusing solely on the soldiers in front of her, trusting Barriss to cover her back, Ahsoka worked efficiently through the last two squads. “Time to go, my dear.”

Barriss nodded, reset her bow around her chest, and ducked into the hallway with Ahsoka on her heels.

As they approached the compound’s outer door, Ahsoka cursed loudly. The troops had apparently identified their exit strategy and regrouped. She listened and heard the sounds of armored feet running along the previous corridor. They were trapped. She looked at Barriss.

Her wife grinned. “Well, don’t look at me. This wasn’t part of my plan.”

Ahsoka grinned back. “Alright, I get to be creative, I guess.” She thought for a moment, scanning the vicinity, and smiled. “When I say go, run as fast as you can out the door. The timing has to be perfect.” Then, Ahsoka took off in a running leap toward the rafters above the troops at the exit. She heard a panicked gasp from Barriss. _Yeah, that’s why I didn’t tell you what I was going to do._ She struck the wooden beams above the door, lodging her swords into them tightly, and expertly kicking the soldiers beneath her out of the way. The beam started cracking and Ahsoka yelled, “Now!”

Barriss sprinted out the door.

The rafter fell and Ahsoka hit the ground with a thud. She rolled up quickly and dove through the exit, praying for a slow collapse of the archway. She didn’t get it. As she flew out the door, she felt a stab of pain to her side and something crash into her head with force. She willed her body to keep rolling until she saw daylight over her head. Then, darkness overtook her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... bit of a rocky start for Ahsoka and Leia. Then again, one could argue a young Ahsoka may have behaved in the same manner, if someone she loved was in danger and people were trying to protect her. In fact, I bet you wouldn't have gotten Ahsoka out of the base at all.
> 
> Of course, Barriss and Leia seem to have bonded. Which, to me, makes sense given their relatively similar dispositions and Leia's inherent respect for certain skill sets.


	51. Family Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After successfully rescuing Leia, the group heads to Alderaan together.

Barriss struggled into the rendezvous site amid cries of alarm.

Rex rushed over and removed Ahsoka from her shoulder. He carried the unconscious woman to a bedroll, while people anxiously gathered around them.

Luke knelt down and grabbed Ahsoka’s hand. “Aunt Barriss, is she going to be ok?”

“I think so, Luke. I need to look her over a little better.” Barriss glanced to where Bail was laying, Leia by his side. She headed over to examine him first.

He gave Barriss a weak grin as she sat next to him. “Well, that didn’t exactly go to plan.”

She chuckled. “Does it ever?” Her hands gently probed his chest, before removing a bandage that had already been applied with some expertise. “Who did this?”

“Luke did,” Leia answered. “He said you had taught him.”

Barriss smiled with pleasure. “It is well done. I didn’t know he had paid such close attention to my lessons.” She finished her examination and grinned at Bail. “Looks like you’re going to live. The sword missed all of your vital organs. As long as you’re careful as we travel, I don’t expect any issues. Once you get back home, just have your healer watch for complications.”

Leia’s shoulders relaxed with relief as she gave Barriss a grateful smile. She glanced over at Ahsoka’s resting place, where everyone was still gathered. “Is she going to be alright?”

“I don’t know. I need to do a fuller examination. Still, Ahsoka has survived worse injuries.” She started re-wrapping Bail’s chest tightly.

“How did it happen?” the girl asked.

“Well… Ahsoka decided the best way to get us all out was to take on multiple squads of soldiers on her own and then crash the ceiling on the rest as we ran out the door.”

Bail laughed weakly. “That sounds like Ahsoka.”

Barriss chuckled and finished her work. “Alright, don’t try to get up. I’ll come and check on you again in a bit. You should get some rest, as well, before we move out.”

Leia looked at him determinedly. “I’ll make sure that happens.”

He grinned at his daughter. “Alright, no arguments here.”

Barriss gripped his shoulder, smiled at Leia encouragingly, and headed over to Ahsoka.

“Alright, people, out of here!” Rex ordered. “The goddess needs to do her magic.”

She flashed him a grateful smile as everyone cleared out of the way.

Luke remained sitting next to Ahsoka, gripping her hand anxiously.

Barriss smiled warmly at him as she examined Ahsoka’s injuries. “You did a good job with Bail’s wound, Luke. I’m impressed.”

He grinned happily, despite his worry. Then, he said with sudden inspiration, “Well, I had a good teacher.”

She laughed. “And, I had a good student.” Barriss started cleaning the wound in Ahsoka’s side. “Luke, can you get the bandages? I left them with Bail.”

The boy jumped up quickly, running over to the other bedroll. When he came back, Leia was trailing behind him. Luke returned to his sitting position, holding the bandages and waiting for his cue.

“Is she going to be ok?” Leia asked.

Barriss looked up at two anxious faces. “Yes, I think so. The wound to her side isn’t bad, though it will hurt to walk for a bit. Head injuries are harder to judge. We’ll just have to ask her when she wakes up.” She reached out for the bandages.

Luke placed them one by one in her hand, adjusting their size as needed.

Leia watched in fascination at the whole procedure.

Suddenly, another worried voice came from behind them, “Is she going to be ok?”

Barriss sighed heavily. “I think so, Ezra. Luke, go tell everyone what I just told you about Ahsoka’s condition, please.”

The boy grinned mischievously. “Well, I suppose I could… for, let’s say, two stories?”

She glared at him, but couldn't help a small grin. “Alright, clever boy, I’ll give you one story. You earned it today.”

He beamed in delight at his victory and jumped up to fulfill his end of the bargain.

Ezra followed him, wanting to get more detail on Ahsoka.

“What did that mean?” Leia sat down in the space Luke had vacated. “The story thing?”

“It’s a game we play.” Barriss smiled at her. “You try to learn things about other people, but you have to trade for it. The goal is to get as much as you can from the other person without giving away too much yourself. It’s actually an old training technique for spies, but we adapted it into a game. Luke is always trying to get stories from before he was with us. He’s becoming quite good at it.”

Leia seemed contemplative. She said, “You promised me a story about when you and Ahsoka met.”

Barriss looked up with surprise. “So, I did. I guess that will be a free one. But, you’ll have to work for the rest!”

The girl responded with determination in her eyes, “I can do that.”

_______

Ahsoka opened her eyes to a sharp pain running through her side. _Ow. How do I do these things to myself?_

“Why do you insist on doing these things to yourself?”

As she jerked her head to locate the voice, Ahsoka yelped in pain. _Ow._

Barriss released a tired-sounding exhale. “I can see this is going to be another fun week for me.”

“Sorry, my dear.” Ahsoka carefully shifted to look at her wife and attempted a small grin. “I did save your life, though. You could be a little more grateful.”

“I suppose it depends on your point of view. I’m alive, but I may wish I wasn’t by the time you recover.”

Ahsoka laughed, but stopped immediately as pain surged through her head.

Warm hands gripped her face, holding it steady, until the pain receded. An exasperated Barriss said, “What have I taught you about laughing when you have an injury to your head?”

“Yeah, yeah. Why bother, when I can just wait for you to fix it for me?” she replied engagingly.

“You are so… endearing,” Barriss smiled ruefully and kissed Ahsoka’s montrals. “I hope you are up to this. There is an entire camp of people waiting for you to wake up. I managed to convince them to sleep when we arrived at our new location. But, as soon as they have any inkling you are awake, it will be all over.”

Ahsoka groaned. “Let me guess, you’re going to tell me this is all my fault somehow.”

“Hmm… well, I suppose you can’t help being lovable.” The woman rubbed her cheek gently.

Feeling a pang of sadness, Ahsoka commented, “I think Leia may disagree with your assessment.”

Barriss looked at her in surprise. “What are you talking about?”

“We didn’t get off to a very good start is all,” she replied dejectedly.

“I wouldn’t be so sure. Leia’s been sitting with you quite often. Especially, when her father is resting.”

“Really?” _Huh._

Slender fingers traced the warrior markings on Ahsoka's cheek. “Actually, she has already gotten several stories out of Luke about you,” Barriss commented wryly. “I believe, my darling wife, that you may be underestimating your lovability factor.”

Ahsoka laughed without thinking, once again ending up with steadying hands bracing her head. “Ugh, you'd think I'd be better at this by now.” She gazed into the piercing blue eyes penitently. “I’m sorry for being so reckless. I don't know why you put up with me.”

“Well, it is a challenge.” Barriss grinned and leaned down, brushing her lips across Ahsoka’s. “Still, you’re totally worth it.”

“Mmm… good,” Ahsoka murmured as she reached up to stroke the diamond tattoos. _Gods, I’m lucky._

“Ahsoka! You’re awake!” An excited voice echoed across the camp.

Barriss and Ahsoka let out tired sighs before pulling away from each other.

_______

There was boisterous laughter around the fire as Rex finished his story.

Ahsoka glared at him, trying desperately not to move her head. “Um, you know, there are plenty of other stories you could tell where I don’t end up injuring myself.”

Rex replied with an innocent expression, “I know. But, what fun is that?”

There was another general chorus of laughter and even Ahsoka managed a brief grin.

Obi-Wan commented dryly, “Well, we could always talk about the time that Princess Ahsoka, in the middle of my delicate negotiation, told an entire trade council they were being unreasonable.”

“Hey! That’s just low. I was ten!” Ahsoka cried defensively. “Besides, they were.”

Bail chuckled. “Now, that sounds like Leia.”

Ahsoka looked at the girl with interest.

Leia smiled diffidently. “Well, they were.”

Ahsoka winked at her before saying, “Why are we talking about me, anyway? I have some great Barriss stories, you know.”

Barriss just stared back at her impassively.

“Or, even better,” Ahsoka continued with a grin, “we do happen to have her master and her childhood friend sitting here. I bet there are some great young Barriss stories I’ve never heard!”

The women in question glanced at Barriss and then back to Ahsoka, eyebrows raised.

“Ahsoka,” Asajj produced a snarky smile, “you know that’s never going to happen.”

Luminara chuckled. “Sorry, Ahsoka. My lips are sealed.”

Barriss smirked.

“Really?!” Ahsoka groaned. “This is completely unfair treatment, you know.” She looked for other potential victims and her eye settled on Caleb.

He cried with gusto, “No way. Don’t even think about it!”

Ahsoka threw up her hands in defeat. “Fine. Everyone feel free to keep embarrassing me until I pass out.”

“Good! Because, I’m getting so many free stories right now,” Luke said gleefully. “At this rate, I won’t need to battle Aunt Barriss for another year.”

That earned a playful glare from both Barriss and Ahsoka.

A small voice asked, “Can you tell me how you became the Lady Jedi?”

Everyone turned to Leia in surprised interest. Everyone except for Barriss, who was gazing with mild concern at Ahsoka.

Presumably, her wife had noticed Ahsoka’s momentary expression of tired sadness at the question. _Of course, she did._ Curious faces shifted back to Ahsoka. Everyone clearly wanted to hear the story. _Of course, they do._ She plastered a bright smile on her face. “Now, that’s a big question. You might say it’s my life story, actually. I’m not even sure where to start!”

“I don't think so, clever girl,” Barriss interjected with an shrewd look at Leia, “you already got one free story. You have to work for the rest, remember?”

Leia flashed a guilty grin. “Well, it was worth a try.”

Ahsoka looked at Barriss gratefully. _Gods, I love her._

Luke exclaimed, “Wait! You got a free story out of Aunt Barriss?!” He seemed impressed and disappointed at the same time.

The girl smiled and nodded. “I heard about how Ahsoka and Barriss first met.”

There was complete silence as everyone, Ahsoka included, stared at Barriss.

Leia glanced around in surprise. “Doesn’t everyone know that one, already?”

Ezra and Luke both replied at the same time, “No!”

Rex said wryly, “It took me years to get that story out of them. I am in awe of the skill involved in getting it, out of Barriss no less, in three days.”

Leia swelled with pleasure and looked at Barriss.

Barriss smiled softly back at her. “I guess the rest of you will just have to work harder.”

Obi-Wan commented, “Beats my record. It took me four days to get it. Plus, Ahsoka was dead at the time. So, it was special circumstances.”

“Um, you were dead?” Leia asked in confusion.

Ahsoka grinned mischievously. “Ah, that’s another story, Princess.”

Everyone laughed, except for Rex. He was just staring at Obi-Wan. “You got that story out of Barriss in four days?!”

Barriss said in exasperation, “It was a special situation, Rex. Obi-Wan had just found out Ahsoka was alive, when he thought she was dead, and then found out she was dead again. I was trying to make him feel better by talking about her!”

Leia now looked completely perplexed. “I don’t even want to know.”

“I’ll tell you that story sometime. I have a starring role!” Ezra stated proudly.

Caleb snorted.

Rex still looked annoyed.

Barriss leaned against his shoulder, smiling at him endearingly. “The only reason you didn’t get the story sooner, Rex, was because of Ahsoka. She insisted on telling you in pieces, just to torment you. _I_ was ready to tell you as soon as you asked. But, you know how she can be sometimes.” Her innocent smile turned challenging as she glanced at Ahsoka.

Rex shifted his attention to Ahsoka balefully.

“Hey now!” Ahsoka cried defensively, “How did we get back to me? I’m not the one who is known for being hard to get stories out of!” She knew it was a weak defense and shot an annoyed look at her wife. _It was all over as soon as she smiled at him._

His eyes continued to shoot daggers at her.

“Oh, of course, you immediately believe what Barriss tells you!” Ahsoka accused with a defeated grin. “Figures. You two always did gang up on me.”

Rex couldn’t hold back the smile spreading across his face. “Whatever you say, Princess.”

Hera and Sabine suddenly re-entered the camp. Hera commented, “Well, I see we’ve missed all the fun.”

Sabine looked annoyed. “Yeah, some of us were out scouting the area. You know, doing all the work while the rest of you were busy laughing so loudly we could hear you a mile away!”

Once again, laughter rang out across the camp.

________

Ahsoka stroked the forehead laying in her lap tenderly. “I miss this, you know.”

“Hmm… me too,” Barriss murmured contentedly as her eyelids drifted shut.

Phoenix Squadron had departed for Lothal yesterday with tears and hugs all around. The rest of the camp was asleep, ready for their arrival at Alderaan in the morning. Ahsoka’s injuries were healed enough to allow freedom of movement again, but she still couldn’t seem to settle. So, she had propped herself comfortably against a tree near the fire, thoughts floating aimlessly. Barriss had appeared on her lap shortly thereafter.

It had taken over a week to carefully make their way from Leia’s prison in the outer regions. The journey had been occasionally frustrating, but also incredibly wonderful. There was no rebellion to organize, no competing missions to choose between, no lives she couldn’t save… only extended time with the people she loved most. _I should make more time for my family._

Piercing blue eyes flickered back into view. “What do you miss the most?”

Ahsoka gazed at her thoughtfully. “All of it. You, me, a fire, the stars, trading stories, going places, saving villages, catching fish, running from soldiers, Rex treating you like a goddess just to annoy me… even Fulcrum.” She grinned.

“Simplicity. You miss simplicity.”

“Hmm… maybe so. Things changed somewhere along the way. In good ways, of course. Things we always wanted to happen. People we added to our lives. I definitely don't want to give up everything we've gained. It feels silly to miss a time before all of that. But, I do.” Ahsoka’s mind wandered through the memories.

Barriss took the hand resting on her stomach and interweaved their fingers together. “Is that why you didn't want to answer Leia's question the other night?”

Ahsoka stared at her in surprise. “I don't know. Maybe? Maybe, I'm just tired of being the Lady Jedi. Maybe, I just want to go back to being a normal person?”

There was a brief snort. “You were never normal, my darling wife. So, you can give that dream up right now.”

Ahsoka tried to glare at her, but failed miserably as a grin crept onto her face. “Fine. I don't know, then. You tell me.”

“Nope. Not this time. You're on your own.” Barriss lifted an impish eyebrow.

“Really?” Ahsoka said in annoyance. “Even when I don't want you to tell me, you do. Now, when I actually ask, you can't be bothered?”

Barriss smiled softly and reached her free hand up to feather Ahsoka's cheek. “Ask me again sometime. Specifically, a time when you don't look so incredibly mesmerizing that I'm having trouble focusing.”

Ahsoka gaped at the unexpected response before grinning with delight.

“And, definitely not when you are looking at me like that,” Barriss whispered.

_Oh, it's all over now._ Ahsoka leaned down and kissed her with intensity.

Warm hands gripped Ahsoka’s neck as Barriss lifted her head and their lips melded deeply.

Then, a sudden flash of pain ran through her injured side, evidently protesting it's awkward lean. Ahsoka jerked back involuntarily, wincing slightly.

“Yep, just like old times,” Barriss remarked with a wan grin.

Ahsoka grimaced apologetically. “Sorry, my dear.”

“Don't be. It reminds me of why I love you, my shining Lady Jedi.” Barriss’ fingers ran over Ahsoka's neck absently, her eyes far away and happy.

_Gods, she is mesmerizing._ Ahsoka watched her wife with rising desire. _She's mine. How was I ever this lucky?_ Then, suddenly remembering there was an entire camp around them, she let out a frustrated growl. _Another thing I miss. Extended time alone._

Barriss refocused at the sound, a mischievous grin playing on her lips. “You know, the logistical commander for the rebellion owes me a favor. I could probably pull some strings to get her to assign us to an upcoming mission… alone.”

Barely able to hold back laughter, Ahsoka asked in feigned seriousness, “Tell me, what kind of favor does this amazing, brilliant, mesmerizing mastermind owe you exactly?”

Her wife raised a teasing eyebrow. “I introduced her to the love of her life, of course. She has often professed her undying gratitude for making her the happiest woman on the planet.”

Ahsoka couldn't stop herself. She pulled Barriss into a sitting position and kissed her fiercely, wrapping her arms around the woman's waist and pressing their bodies tightly together.

Barriss gasped happily before pulling away and resting a hand on Ahsoka's mouth. A shy grin appeared as she said softly, “Maybe, we should, um… go check the perimeter?”

Delighted enthusiasm filling her, Ahsoka jumped up, ignoring the lingering pain in her side. She offered a hand to Barriss. “My lady, shall I escorteth you on a brief sojourn in the surrounding woods?”

“Why yes, good warrior, I would be delighted if you would honor me with your company,” was the impish reply as Barriss took her hand and rose from the ground.

Ahsoka couldn’t hold back an eager, girlish grin. She placed Barriss’ hand in her arm and quietly sprinted them out of the camp.

_______

“So, my father said I could come visit you at the rebel base soon. Assuming, you are ok with that?”

Ahsoka grinned at her fondly as they walked through the woods surrounding the main city of Alderaan. “I’d like that very much.”

Leia smiled shyly at her and then looked at Barriss questioningly.

“Absolutely. We have training to do.” Barriss said warmly.

The girl nodded determinedly. “I haven't forgotten. I have a whole list.”

Barriss chuckled. “Of course, you do.”

Leia grinned back happily at Barriss.

Ahsoka looked between them with interest. She could tell Barriss was already attached to Leia. It seemed the girl returned the sentiment. _When did this happen?_

Abruptly, Leia turned to Ahsoka and asked nervously, “Also, do you think Luke could come and visit us for a bit? If you want, since we're already in Alderaan, he could just… stay.”

Ahsoka almost tripped in surprise, feeling strangely unsettled.

Luke piped up, looking at Barriss, “It would be very efficient, since you wouldn’t have to arrange a special trip later.” He was trying to maintain an impassive expression with considerable difficulty. “Plus, there are lots of operations coming up that will require your attention. It’s an ideal time for me to be gone.” He raised an eyebrow, evidently thinking this conveyed some sort of weight to his logic. However, any effect was negated by the excitement shining from his eyes.

Barriss commented dryly, “I see you’ve given this some thought.”

He returned a guilty grin.

Ahsoka reluctantly asked, “For how long?”

“I don’t know,” Leia replied, glancing at Luke, who shrugged at her. Clearly, they had forgotten to plan for this detail. “A couple of weeks, maybe?” The girl's voice was hopeful.

Luke added quickly, “Or, however long you want. Just long enough to spend some time together?” His tone was almost pleading.

Ahsoka was silent for a moment, still feeling weirdly unwilling. _What is wrong with you?_

Barriss’ hand squeezed her arm gently.

Sighing inwardly, Ahsoka smiled brightly at them. “Alright. Seems reasonable to me.”

The teenagers grinned at each other in excitement before giving an enthusiastic “Thanks!”

“It’s settled then,” Barriss said, “Leia, how about you and I chat with your father to work out the details, since we'll be arriving at the castle soon?”

Leia nodded happily.

Barriss put her hand on the girl's shoulder and they strolled over to Bail, who was walking gingerly with Obi-Wan and Rex.

Ahsoka stared into the distant horizon, uncertain emotions still swirling.

“Aunt Ahsoka, I'm coming back you know.”

She was pulled back to reality by Luke's words and grinned supportively. “I know, my amazing boy. I'm just going to miss you, I guess.”

He took her hand as they walked. “I'll miss you, too. But, think about all the stories I'll have when I come back! I can tell you all about Leia. Plus, I'll be staying in a real castle and seeing a whole new city!”

Ahsoka gave him an affectionate smile. “You remind me so much of myself. Did I tell you about the time I ran away, against specific instructions, to see a new kingdom?”

His face lit up with interest. “Really? What kingdom was it?”

She grinned. “Tatooine.”

Luke stared at her in disbelief. “You're joking, right?”

“Nope. I know it sounds boring to you. But, it was somewhere different. I always wanted to see new places. Besides, on that particular trip, I actually ran into your Aunt Barriss. We hadn't seen each other in three years! So, don't say nothing exciting ever happens in Tatooine.”

He laughed. “That must have been the only thing ever. What was she doing there?”

“Being chased by soldiers, after stealing an artifact from the old Jedi temple,” she replied impishly.

His mouth dropped open and his eyes raced to Barriss with intense curiosity. He turned back to Ahsoka expectantly.

“Nuh-uh. If you want that story, you'll have to get it out of her.”

Annoyance mixed with determination on Luke's face.

Ahsoka laughed and squeezed his hand before saying softly, “Be careful, please, while you’re in Alderaan. The Emperor has been asserting more direct control over the kingdom and there is unrest in the city. I don't—just, be careful.”

Luke gazed at her in concern. “Please, don't worry. I'll be fine. Just like you were.”

_That was before Palpatine._ Ahsoka smiled ruefully at him. “Ok. I'll try not to worry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't been able to tell already, I love the idea of found family being as meaningful as blood family. I think this is a theme of Star Wars, as a whole. In any case, I liked pulling together the various family members Ahsoka and Barriss have picked up along the way. I especially enjoy finding ways to leave subtle clues on what characteristics of Ahsoka and Barriss each one has picked up over the years, as well as showing Leia's contrast or similarities with the group.


	52. Trial by Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes on happily, until a terrible, new weapon changes everything.
> 
> [Two years later]

“I'm worried too, you know.”

Ahsoka looked at Barriss in surprise. “Well, you certainly didn't seem worried when the discussion came up.”

Her wife sighed. “That's because I knew how much he wanted to see Leia. Ahsoka, he's seventeen. Do you remember what you were doing at seventeen?”

“Watching you wave at me as you hung off the rafter of a temple?”

“Don't you mean not waving back at me, while I risked life and limb trying to say hello?” Barriss’ eyes glittered.

Ahsoka grinned. “No, I mean being literally unable to move because I was so mesmerized by your presence.”

Barriss sent her eyes skyward, but a small grin played around her lips. “You are impossible. Anyway, don't change the subject. I'm just saying he's starting to feel stifled. You know how that feels.”

“I know. It's just so dangerous, for him specifically. I'm not sure he fully realizes it.”

“But, Bail does. And, so does Leia. She's been learning how to hide her entire life. If anything, he'll learn it from her.”

“I suppose there's something to that idea,” Ahsoka replied thoughtfully. “Though, it's not really him I worry about. He did survive Malastare at ten and he’s become a very capable warrior. Thanks to you, he also has a myriad of other helpful skills. It's everyone else I want to keep away from him.” _Or, even knowing he exists._

“Well, it's kind of the same thing, isn't it? One day we're not going to be there, and he's going to have to handle everyone else on his own. This is a relatively safe way for him to… practice. The more prepared he is for that day, the better, right?”

Ahsoka laughed in defeat. “Ok, you win—as always.”

“Not _always._ Only, a vast majority of the time,” Barriss said with a teasing grin. “In any case, he'll be back in a couple of weeks, _with_ Leia. So, there's a silver lining, as well.”

“You are downright optimistic these days. I'm not sure I can handle all of this positive thinking not coming from me!”

“Maybe, you're finally wearing off on me,” Barriss remarked wryly.

Ahsoka kissed her forehead. “About time.”

Her wife snuggled closer in the bed, resting her head on Ahsoka's chest with a pleased murmur.

There was still a mild buzzing in the back of Ahsoka's head as she tightened her embrace around Barriss automatically. It had been there since this afternoon. She had no idea if it was worry about Luke playing tricks on her or not. And, if it was real, she had no idea where the danger was originating. _It could be anything._ She tried to think through the possibilities, terrible scenario after terrible scenario running through her head. _I'm in an alternate reality and I've become Barriss. Great._ She glanced down at the woman in question and gave a start.

Barriss was staring up at her intently. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing, just thinking.”

There was an eye roll as Barriss shifted into a matching, parallel position. Then, the woman simply waited expectantly.

Ahsoka fixed her with a wary gaze. “Fine. Something may be wrong. I've got that buzzing thing in my head again.”

Barriss stiffened with sudden fear. “About Luke?” Her voice was tinged with panic.

 _This is why I don't tell you these things._ She curled her arm around her wife’s head, stroking her forehead gently. “I don't know. It just started earlier today. Luke left almost a week ago, so probably not. I could be imagining it, for all I know.” 

“I'm sorry,” Barriss said softly, “I didn't mean to go into panic mode.” Her eyes were calm and her body relaxed again.

Ahsoka stared at her. “Ok, then. You are just full of surprises tonight.”

There was a shy grin in response. “So, let's see, were you thinking of anything in particular when it started?”

“I’m not sure. It was while we were in the briefing, I think. Sometimes, when the danger isn't immediate, it comes on gradually. If I'm focused on something else, I may not notice it until later.”

“Hmm, what if I run down the topics from the briefing and you tell me if anything strikes a chord?”

“Worth a try.” 

“Ok, so we had,” Barriss closed her eyes and started listing items, pausing briefly after each one, “Outer region unrest…  Mandalorian sympathizers… Lux's intel on the new compound in Mygeeto… Troop deployments in Kashyyyk… New cells in Corellia… Reports on Palpatine's weapons development project—”

Ahsoka jerked as the buzzing intensified.

Barriss flipped her eyelids open. “The new weapon?”

“Definitely.”

They both went silent, anxiety increasing.

“Ugh, this is so frustrating!” Ahsoka exclaimed helplessly. A slender hand rested on her cheek and she refocused.

“Let's keep going,” Barriss said calmly. “According to the reports, he is developing a new type of catapult that can demolish entire castles and city structures from a distance. We decided to try to obtain the design blueprints for analysis.” Barriss observed Ahsoka carefully for a reaction.

“No, nothing. It's not our plan that's causing it.”

“Ok. So,” Barriss continued nervously, “if it actually exists in finished form… I guess, he may try to use it—”

The buzzing moved to the front of Ahsoka's head with alacrity.

Worried hands steadied Ahsoka's face as Barriss said, “Oh Gods. He is going to use it? Soon?”

Suddenly, Ahsoka put it all together—the worry about Luke, the new weapon, the insistent buzzing. _No, please no._ She instantly jumped up from the bed and started throwing on clothes. 

Barriss quickly joined her. As she picked up her bow, the woman glanced at Ahsoka questioningly. “We need to alert the others before we leave. Where are we going?”

Ahsoka couldn't look at her. She was afraid the fear she would see in her wife's face would be too much for both of them. As she locked her armor into place, Ahsoka replied flatly, “Alderaan. We're going to Alderaan.”

_______

Alderaan was burning. Collapsed buildings littered the once beautiful landscape. Death permeated the hot, stifling air as dawn rose on the horizon. _It’s even worse than Cardota._

Barriss heard a small moan to her left and took off running toward the sound. Two civilians were sheltered behind a fallen retaining wall. One of them had injuries to her chest and shoulder. She immediately knelt down beside them. “I’m a healer. Can I help?”

The woman nodded gratefully and Barriss got to work. She could feel Ahsoka behind her, pacing anxiously. “Go. I’ll catch up with you.”

Ahsoka hesitated indecisively for a moment before taking off at a sprint toward the castle.

As she finished wrapping the shoulder of the woman, Barriss said, “If you need help, the rebellion will be setting up a refugee camp outside of the city soon.” She gave them directions and made her goodbyes.

Barriss repeated this process several times on her way to castle. She felt her anxiety rising with each stop she made. _Please, let them be ok._

_______

 _It’s even worse than Shili._ Scattered remnants of castle walls lay on the ground. A few heavy supports and stone ramparts were still standing but teetered precariously in jagged pieces. Nothing remained intact. Ahsoka listened carefully for signs of life. There was nothing. _Please._

Heading toward the far left side, where the family quarters had been, she scanned the environment quickly but saw nothing. She yelled, “Is anyone here? Luke? Leia? Bail? Anyone?!” There was no response as her voice thudded off stone debris. She took a calming breath and started sifting through any promising pile of rubble.

She saw legs sticking out from beneath a large chunk of castle wall and frantically pulled away rocks and beams. _Oh no._ Ahsoka knelt next to Bail and Breeha’s lifeless bodies and ran a hand over them gently as tears rolled down her cheeks. She shook her head violently, reigning in the emotions. _Luke. Leia._ She continued her search, trying to remain focused.

Suddenly, she heard something. It wasn’t a voice, but shifting movement coming from behind her. She turned quickly and tried to follow the sounds when they abruptly stopped. Ahsoka yelled so loudly she hurt her own montrals, “Hello? Can anyone hear me? I hear you! Say something so I can find you!”

“A-aunt Ahsoka?! Is that you?!” The voice sounded far away, but steady. A wave of intense relief hit Ahsoka so hard her head started spinning. She steadied herself for a moment, to regain control, and then yelled back, “Luke?! Where are you? Keep talking!”

She followed his voice to a partially standing piece of castle wall. Heavy beams had fallen haphazardly in front of it and were wedged tightly together. Ahsoka worked frantically, pulling away beam after beam without stopping. “I’m coming! Don’t worry! I’m here!”

Finally, she cleared everything away. _No._ There was only a solid wall of stone facing her. _No. I heard him._ “Luke, I’m through the debris but I only see a blank wall? Where are you?!” The fear in her voice was rising quickly.

All of a sudden, the wall started sliding and a crack appeared. Ahsoka grabbed the moving section of wall and pulled hard, making the opening wider.

A blonde head popped out of the hidden compartment and a grimy face grinned up at her. “About time.”

Tears fell solidly as she continued to make the exit wider. Ahsoka couldn’t even think of a response. She just kept working.

Finally, Luke crawled feet first out of the opening.

She grabbed him up in a desperate hug.

Luke grinned at her and then pulled away, turning back to the compartment. He reached into the space and pulled out another figure.

 _Leia._ Ahsoka rushed forward to help him.

They lowered Leia to the ground and the girl looked up her blankly. “How did you get here?”

Ahsoka smiled at her as she examined the girl’s injuries. “Just in the neighborhood.” Leia had what looked like shrapnel in her arms and legs but otherwise seemed stable. Ahsoka turned her gaze to Luke, looking him over quickly.

“I’m fine,” he said anxiously, “Leia got the brunt of the explosion before I could get us both inside the wall. I wasn’t fast enough.” His face was miserable as he looked at his sister.

Leia reached up a hand to him. “No. It’s my fault. I almost got us both killed. I should have listened when you said we needed to go. I’m sorry.”

Luke gripped her hand tightly. “No. I should have been quicker.”

Ahsoka interrupted, “We’ll argue about it later. Let’s concentrate on the here and now for the moment, ok? Let me examine Leia’s injuries. Hopefully, Barriss will be here soon.”

“Aunt Barriss is here too?” Luke asked.

“Yes, we both came. She’s just a bit behind me because she stopped to help survivors along the way.”

Leia looked up hopefully. “There were other survivors? How many? Where are they now?”

Ahsoka smiled gently as she ripped shredded fabric away from Leia’s dress to get to her injuries. “I’m sorry, Leia. I don’t know. I came straight here after the first two we found. However, given Barriss isn’t here yet, there are probably several. Rebel squads are arriving behind us and setting up a refugee camp. So, once we get there, you can see for yourself.”

Leia nodded impassively.

 _She’s trying to be strong._ Ahsoka recognized the emotionless eyes, the tight face, the tense body. _Well, that works for now._ “Ok, I can’t do anything with these wounds. We need better tools and Barriss. I’m going to have to carry you out of here and we’ll get you mobile later, alright?”

Leia turned her head to the side, looking toward where her parents were laying, and didn’t respond.

Putting a comforting hand on her shoulder, Ahsoka said softly, “I know. I… understand.”

The girl’s eyes strayed back to Ahsoka’s.

Ahsoka anchored her eyes to the supplicating ones now holding her own, trying to project support and strength.

Leia blinked back tears and then her expression filled with determination. “Alright. I’m ready.”

Picking her up gently, Ahsoka cradled Leia to her chest. She kissed the top of her head and whispered, “Don’t worry, my strong girl. You’re not alone.”

As they headed out of the debris field, Ahsoka felt the young woman lean tightly into the embrace.

_______ 

“Aunt Barriss!”

Barriss jumped up from a group of civilians and scanned behind her, taking off in a run. “Luke!” _Thank the Force._

They met halfway and wrapped their arms around each other tightly.

 _Oh, thank you._ Barriss realized she was crying in relief. She lifted her head as Ahsoka came into view carrying a small figure. _Leia._ “Bring her over here!” She pointed to the huddled group of people she had just left.

Ahsoka complied quickly, placing Leia on the ground under the makeshift shelter.

Kneeling next to the injured girl, Barriss examined the wounds and grimaced. Shrapnel injuries were especially painful and hard to treat. She wouldn't be able to take care of them all immediately.

Leia gazed at her in silence.

Barriss knew that expression too well. “I’m going to do what I can, but we’ll have to wait until I can get you to the camp to do the real work.” She ran gentle fingers over the girl's forehead and lowered her voice, “Remember, being strong doesn't mean you can't depend on people who love you. You will never be alone. Ever.”

She didn’t respond, but Leia closed her eyes and rested a hand near Barriss.

Barriss squeezed the small hand for a moment and then laid it in her lap, before starting to clean the wounds as gently as possible. As she worked, anxious faces gathered around them.

A distinguished older man said, “Princess, we're so happy you're alive. When we saw the castle, we thought the worst. Where are your mother and father?”

The girl jerked slightly and the hand in Barriss’ lap tightened into a fist. Leia’s eyelids flipped open with steely resolve. “They didn't make it.”

There were shocked gasps, dazed faces, and a few sobs of grief.

Leia stopped Barriss’ hands and pushed herself up into a precarious standing position. She spoke steadily, meeting the desperate eyes of each of them in turn, “I know it seems like all is lost, but we must not lose hope. We must keep faith with those who have perished. We are Alderaan. We are hope. If one life with a single drop of Alderaanian blood survives, Alderaan survives. We will endure. Together.”

They all straightened up, determination and hope shining in their eyes.

Ahsoka gazed at Leia with deep pride.

Barriss observed the girl carefully, considering for a moment. Then, she turned to Ahsoka and gave her a meaningful look.

Her wife met her eyes, glanced between her and Leia, and nodded imperceptibly. Ahsoka turned toward the civilians and announced, “Alright, the refugee camp should be set-up now. We need to get everyone there as soon as possible to properly treat injuries and organize a search party for more survivors. I’d like all of you to follow me, so I can escort you safely. Your princess will follow shortly.”

They all looked to Leia. She smiled at them encouragingly. “Please, go with the Lady Jedi. When I arrive, we will talk about how to move forward. Be strong.”

There was a general murmuring of agreement and a few hopeful smiles.

Ahsoka pointed the way. She threw a final supportive nod at Leia before heading out.

Luke hovered indecisively. It was clear he didn’t want to leave his sister. However, his instinct to be useful wanted action.

Barriss didn’t look at him as she laid out her healing supplies, “Luke, Ahsoka could probably use help with the civilians. Especially, if she finds any who need healing along the way.”

His eyes fixed uncertainly on Leia.

The girl smiled softly. “Please, Luke, the best thing you can do for me is to help my people.”

The young man nodded fiercely and then kissed the top of her head. “I’ll see you soon.” Then, he sprinted off after Ahsoka.

Barriss finally met her eyes. “Alright, my determined girl, lay back down so I can make you mobile. I know you want to walk yourself into the camp and that’s going to take a bit of work.”

Leia gazed at her in grateful relief. “Thank you.” She painfully slumped back to the ground and replaced her hand in Barriss’ lap.

________

As they arrived at the outskirts of Chandrila, the Sovereign Master came out to greet them.

“Mon, it's good to see you again,” Ahsoka said warmly as they briefly embraced.

“I'm pleased to see you, as well, Ahsoka. We heard the terrible news only a few days ago, right before your messenger arrived.” The elegant, authoritative woman surveyed the group of people trailing up the rolling hill with a serious, pained expression. “So few.” Her eye fell sadly on Leia who was gingerly making her way over to them, a look of resolve on her young face.

“There are about eighty with us, but other groups are being escorted to Naboo and Sullust. Also, several smaller contingents had family elsewhere and split off when we left Alderaan. We wanted to avoid too much influx at one place. I don't know if Palpatine will be concerned with survivors or not, but it seemed wise,” Ahsoka replied.

The woman nodded in understanding. “They are all welcome here.”

“Thank you, Sovereign Master.” Leia's voice rang out strongly as she joined them.

Mon Mothma smiled at her, placing supportive hands on the girl's shoulders. “As are you, Princess. My condolences on your loss. Your parents were superb leaders and very good friends.”

Leia nodded tightly. “Thank you. They felt the same about you, as do I.”

The woman replied softly, “You already do them proud. Come, I have prepared temporary quarters and there are attendants standing by to meet your people’s needs.”

“We are in your debt,” Leia said respectfully. She motioned her people to follow the royal attendants into the city.

“Nonsense, it is no favor to provide shelter to friends.” Mon turned back to Ahsoka. “Once everyone is settled, we need to consult on this new weapon. Is Barriss with you?”

Ahsoka shook her head. “She is escorting another group of survivors. However, she will join us here, once they are safely settled.”

“Excellent. There is much to discuss.”

Leia's expression turned steely as she said, “I would like to be included, as well. I intend to be involved in any plans to stop this from happening to another kingdom.”

The Sovereign Master looked surprised and hesitated uncertainly.

Ahsoka spoke up quickly, “Of course, Princess. Your insight will be helpful. Besides,” she added, “Barriss thinks your analytical skills may one day rival her own. And, that's saying something.”

Mon now examined Leia with sudden interest. “Well, I look forward to hearing the details. Come.”

As they headed into the city, Leia glanced at Ahsoka gratefully.

Ahsoka grinned and moved closer to the girl. “Don't think this means you'll get out resting on occasion. In fact, when Barriss gets here, you might not see anything but your bed for days at a time.”

Leia grimaced. “I didn't think she was going to let me out of her sight at all, actually.” Her tone was frustrated but Ahsoka thought there was a hint of pleasure in it.

“Yep.” Ahsoka laughed. “Believe me, it could be worse. Remind me to tell you the story of when I came back from the dead sometime.”

There was a bright grin in return. “A free story? I definitely won't let you forget that. Besides, that's one I've wanted to hear since we first met.”

“In that case, as soon as we get through today, we'll remedy that situation.” Ahsoka winked at her. “Assuming, you are laying in your bed while I tell it to you, anyway.”

“I knew there would be a catch somewhere!”

Ahsoka chuckled.

Leia hesitated briefly before asking, “Can—would you, if we have time, tell me about… when you—I mean, when Shili was—” the girl broke off anxiously.

Freezing in place, Ahsoka’s mind produced terrible images she had been trying to ignore since Alderaan.

“I'm sorry,” Leia said quickly, “you don't have to tell me. I was just—you seemed like you understood and I, well—”

“It’s ok.” Ahsoka refocused on her niece. _I can do this. For Leia._ She put her hands on the girl’s shoulders, looking into her eyes with love. “I'll tell you.” Ahsoka brushed affectionate knuckles over Leia’s cheek and smiled warmly.

Leia returned the smile and replied hesitantly, “Thanks… A-aunt Ahsoka.”

Tears sprang into Ahsoka's eyes and she reached out a hand.

The girl took it readily, a small, happy grin on her face.

Then, they walked quietly into the city together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's not the death star but the closest I could get in this world. I mostly wanted to capture the idea of loss, the serious threat it poses, and create a catalyst for Leia to become the leader we know and love. Only, this time, she isn't alone. 
> 
> Also, I tried to create a bit of parallel to Shili/Cardota trauma. History repeats itself for the next generation, so to speak. And, Ahsoka and Barriss use what they have learned to make it through.
> 
> I don't know how well I pulled any of this off, of course.


	53. Objective Instinct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of a massive victory against Palpatine, Barriss vanishes and Ahsoka has to tap into abilities she didn't know she had to find her.
> 
> [6 months later]

Barriss watched the explosive destruction and felt rumbling shockwaves as pieces of the catapult hit the ground. The distant hill was too far away to make out the details, but the implication was clear. “We did it.”

Leia grinned with unrestrained joy and started hugging everyone around her. “We did it!”

Relief tinged with fear as Barriss continued to gaze vacantly at the fiery carnage. _Something is wrong._ A hand unexpectedly grabbed hers, startling her back into reality.

“What's wrong?” Leia asked intently.

Barriss smiled wanly. “Nothing, probably. Let's give the evacuation order. I don't want to take a chance on Palpatine's reinforcements arriving before we're well away, even assuming our troops hold off the remaining forces. We need to move quickly.”

Leia hesitated, eyes fluctuating between duty and concern. She finally nodded and gave orders to the nearby captain, before giving Barriss a quick hug. “I'm sure they're both alright. Don't worry.”

“I know.” Barriss placed an affectionate hand on Leia’s cheek and smiled brightly. “Now, go do your job, my determined girl. I'm fine.”

The young woman grinned and went to coordinate the evacuation.

Barriss’ smiled dropped as she looked back to the hill. There was tangible fear welling up inside her—the kind she hadn’t felt in a very long time. It was starting to overwhelm her. She massaged her forehead, trying to regain control. _What is wrong with you? Have faith, Barriss._ The fear didn't abate. A warm hand gripped her shoulder and she flipped around in surprise.

Luminara locked eyes with her. “Barriss, just go.”

“What?”

The woman flashed a rueful smile. “You think I don’t know that expression on your face? That fear in your eyes? That hand on your forehead? The base can be evacuated without you. You’ve trained superb people. Trust them to do what you’ve taught them. Sometimes, there is more than one type of… duty.”

Barriss stared at her. “I don’t—I don’t have a plan or even a real reason. It’s foolish to just run off impulsively and—and—”

Luminara cut her off. “Yes, it is. But, that doesn’t mean it isn’t the right thing to do. Just… please, don’t die.”

 _Have faith, Barriss._ The fear abruptly vanished, replaced by certainty. She hugged her master gratefully and sprinted out the door.

Before anyone even knew she was gone, Barriss Offee was riding her horse toward the ongoing, hilltop battle.

_______

Leia grabbed Luke tightly around his chest, excitement shining from her eyes. “You did it! I knew you could!”

He grinned with pleasure, but replied modestly, “Group effort.”

“That's not what the others said. They said you single-handedly destroyed the key support.” Leia raised an eyebrow as she looked up, not letting go of him.

“Well, only because Aunt Ahsoka was covering me. Plus, it was Aunt Barriss’ plan—” his voice broke and he stopped painfully.

Leia tightened her embrace. “She'll be fine. Don't worry.”

He smiled weakly at her. “I know.” Luke looked to Ahsoka. “What are we going to do?”

Ahsoka was silent for a moment, trying to ensure she remained controlled. “At the moment, we're going to the rendezvous. Once we regroup, we'll discuss our options.”

Luke replied fiercely, “It might be too late by then. We need to get her back now.”

“I’m sorry, Luke.” Ahsoka met his eyes with distress. “We don't have the resources, at the moment. We don’t even know her location. You know what your Aunt Barriss would say about running off half-cocked with no plan, no backup, or any idea of where we are even going.” She felt her control failing. “I'm sorry. I need to go check on the wounded.”

Ahsoka walked quickly through the woods toward the medical transport, trying to reign in emotions that were quickly overwhelming her. _Why did I leave her? Barriss, where are you?_

________

Barriss woke to a pounding headache, pain shooting through her body, and a lot of confusion. _This must be what it feels like to be Ahsoka._ She sat up and was hit with immediate waves of dizziness. Glancing around warily, she saw only silent trees. Soft wind flowed around her but nothing stirred. _What happened?_ Barriss cast her mind back, trying to remember.

The small remaining group of rebels had been pinned down. She had been covering their escape with her bow from higher up. Ahsoka’s distressed face floated into the memories. Barriss had seen the doubt and indecision playing across her wife’s features. Ahsoka hadn’t want to leave her. But, someone had to cover the escaping survivors on the ground. So, she had. _I think I’m having a bad influence on her._ Barriss laughed to herself and her head spun wildly. _Ugh. I’ll be more sympathetic the next time Ahsoka has a head injury._

That still didn’t explain what happened afterward, though. _I don’t remember being injured._ Ahsoka running out of view was the last memory that came to her. She suddenly realized she didn’t recognize her location.

Barriss slowly rose from the ground, using the tree beside her for support. She perched precariously on one leg, trying to ignore the ringing in her head and stinging pain in her side. _How did I get here?_ There was nothing familiar anywhere in her line of sight. _This is very strange._

A vague image abruptly surfaced. Soldiers converging, Barriss raising a powerful hand, everything flying backward including herself… _um, ok. Maybe, I have brain damage?_ She mentally shrugged and decided to think about it later.

Collapsing back onto the ground, Barriss considered her options. The base was likely evacuated by now, assuming she could find it. She should probably head to the nearest village and find her way to the others from there. Except, there was nothing out here. It was even more doubtful that Barriss could find her way in unfamiliar terrain, especially on one leg with a head injury. In perfect health, it would still have likely taken days.

The only other option was to wait here and hope someone found her. Very unlikely, given she didn’t even know where she was. Still, it might be the smartest choice. She could barely stand. Walking seemed out of the question, for the moment. It would be difficult enough to survive long enough to heal.

Barriss reached beneath her cloak and exhaled with relief. She still had her supplies and her dagger, which meant she had rations for a week. _Maybe longer, if I stretch it._ Perhaps, that would be long enough to regain mobility. After that, she could gather her own food and make her way to civilization.

All of a sudden, she realized her bow wasn’t attached to her. _No._ Barriss glanced around the area frantically without success. _No._ A desperate sense of loss hit her. Her body compressed in on itself as she lay on the ground, tears forming. _Stop it, Barriss. It’s just an object. You don’t need it. You still have everything you need to survive._ She ran fingers over the engravings etched into the hilt of her dagger and tried to focus.

The desperation fell away, but the feeling of loss remained. She took a deep breath, sat up slowly, and focused on surviving.

_______

Ahsoka threw her dagger into the nearest tree, fury and helplessness rising within her. She inhaled a ragged breath. _Be strong. People need you to be strong._ Her breathing regulated and her body relaxed. _I can do this._

She pulled the dagger out of the tree and ran her fingers gently over the blade. _I’ll find you, Barriss. I promise._ Ahsoka straightened and walked into the tent they had set-up as a command center. Several people were gathered around the map of the surrounding area. They all looked up as she entered with relief. _You can do this, Ahsoka._

Obi-Wan said, “We’ve identified a few potential search patterns, based on where we found the bow.”

Ahsoka nodded for him to continue as she surveyed the map. She listened to the options and forced herself to stay in the moment, focusing only on the task at hand and not her ever-present guilt and helplessness.

Rex asked, “Are we absolutely certain she hasn’t been taken prisoner? It seems unlikely that she remained uncaptured, yet hasn’t surfaced after three weeks.”

Luminara spoke up, “It makes sense if she is injured or was otherwise… incapacitated. Barriss would wait and concentrate on surviving, until she was in a position to make her way to civilization.”

“Besides,” Leia added, “we’ve checked with every contact and every spy we have and no one has reported a prisoner matching her description, or even a high security captive. It is extremely improbable they could have captured the Lady of the Rebellion without someone knowing about it.” The girl’s voice was steady and objective.

Ahsoka smiled in spite of herself. _Barriss would be proud._

Luke interjected fiercely, “Then, what are we waiting for? We should be out there searching, not talking about it.”

 _That’s all me._ Ahsoka smiled again. “I know, Luke. But, we need to make sure we are doing it in the most efficient manner possible. It won’t do Barriss any good if we take twice as long to find her because we didn’t take a few extra minutes to execute it properly.”

She saw Luminara raise an impressed eyebrow, Obi-Wan hide a small smile behind his hand, and Rex stare at her in mild shock.

Ahsoka winked at them. “Hey, I have spent most of my life with Barriss. It had to rub off, eventually.” There were several chuckles in response as she continued, “I think we should start with the second search grid. Knowing Barriss, she would place herself close to the river, if possible. Once mobile, she would follow it to the nearest settlement. So, if we use a bi-directional pattern here and here, we might be able to find her or remnants of where she’s been.” She didn’t add the grim possibility that had tormented her mind for the last three weeks. _She’s alive. I know it._

“What if you’re wrong and she is in this quadrant, instead? That type of pattern will leave a large area unsearched,” Leia said doubtfully.

“Anything is possible.” Ahsoka shrugged. “However, given our limited resources, we will be more effective if we concentrate our efforts. If I’m wrong, we’ll circle back to the uncovered ground. But, I don’t think I am. I can’t really explain it. It’s just instinct and… faith.”

The young woman gazed at her uncertainly, looking like she was about to argue.

Ahsoka put her hands on her shoulders. “Leia, sometimes, you need to trust your instincts. Especially, if the objective facts aren't clear cut.” She glanced at Luke, including him as she continued, “Why do you think Barriss left the base to save us in the first place? It wasn’t a thought-out, logical decision. She had faith in her instincts and in others to carry out their roles. Then, she executed the decision in a strategic and objective manner. Combining instinct, faith, and strategic vision isn’t an easy thing to do. But, your aunt is a master.”

Leia considered thoughtfully and then smiled with determination. “Alright, I’ll work on it.”

Luke grinned agreement. “Me too.”

Ahsoka grinned back at them. “Alright, let’s get prepped and head out in twenty minutes.”

As the meeting broke up, Obi-Wan strolled over to her. “Barriss isn’t the only one who has become a master, you know.” He gazed into her eyes proudly. “You aren’t just a warrior, Ahsoka. You are so much more. I do hope you realize it.”

She stared back at him in shock and didn’t respond.

“I’m honored to know you, my lady.” Obi-Wan bowed formally and exited the tent.

Ahsoka stood in silent contemplation for a few moments. Then, she smiled.

________

Barriss laid unmoving, feeling a strong urge to laugh uncontrollably. She had survived long enough to die from her own stupidity. _Strangely fitting._ Why she thought climbing a tree to assess the landscape in her minimally recovered condition was a good idea eluded her. _Another brilliant strategy, Barriss. Who do you think you are? Ahsoka?_ She couldn’t stop herself this time. As she convulsed with near-hysterical laughter, the surface beneath her started shifting unstably.

She immediately froze in place, until the movement stopped. Barriss carefully assessed her new home. The thick vines that had arrested her tumble from the tree hung precariously over the ground below. _I wonder how long it will be before I fall to my death? I hope sooner rather than later. I’d hate to starve. Actually, I’ll probably die from dehydration first. Cheery thought, Barriss. Thanks for that._

Unfortunately, she had dropped her dagger when slipping from the tree and didn’t have a way to prevent that fate from happening. _Well, I suppose it could be worse._ She wasn’t sure how, but it made her feel slightly better to think it.

 _Maybe, someone will find me._ The hope sprung up quickly and then vanished. No one had found her yet. The chances of it happening now were even more unlikely. Still, Ahsoka would tell her to have faith. And, if Barriss was going to die anyway, she might as well try to listen to the woman she loved.

Barriss pulled out her lock-picking kit, some broken arrow tips she had been meaning to fix, and the empty pouch her rations had occupied. Then, she wrapped everything into the pouch tightly. The final creation was weighty and decently noticeable. She ripped a small piece of fabric from her cloak with considerable difficulty and tied it around the pouch.

Her work completed, Barriss slowly shifted in the vines until she could see the ground through the small, criss-crossed openings. She sucked in a hopeful breath and dropped her creation to the forest floor. If anyone found it, maybe they would think to look up. _You never know, Barriss. Stranger things have happened._ She wasn’t sure what, but it made her feel slightly better to think it.

________

Ahsoka moved rapidly through the woods surrounding the river, quickly scanning as she continued to progress. This was the fourth day of searching and the longer it went, the more anxiety threatened to overwhelm her. _Barriss, I won’t give up on you. I know you’re here._

Abruptly, she jerked to a stop. A steady buzzing had surfaced in the back of her mind. Ahsoka had no idea what it was trying to tell her and growled with frustration. _I hate this!_

 _Calm down. What would Barriss tell you to do?_ Taking a deep breath, Ahsoka focused completely on the feeling. She tried to pinpoint when and where it had started. _That’s it._ Moving back to the prior clearing, she concentrated on the left side.  

Something glinted from under some brush. Ahsoka ran to it and picked it up. _Barriss’ dagger._ Relief rushed through her. _She’s alive. And, here somewhere._ The woman must have come through here recently, based on the dagger’s condition.

Ahsoka painstakingly examined the area, looking for some clue as to Barriss’ direction. Suddenly, on the far side of the clearing, her eye picked up a flash of dark blue. She sprinted over and lifted the odd item from ground. _What in the world?_ It was clearly Barriss’ pouch and inside were several seemingly random items. All of it wrapped up tightly in a piece of her cloak. _She’s trying to tell me something. But, what?_ Her mind focused quickly, now that she had something tangible in her hands, and Ahsoka thought furiously.

She looked up. Tangled vines crossed between the trees in the clearing. “Barriss? Are you up there? Can you hear me?”

There was no response. Ahsoka shut her eyes. Her fingers ran over the raised symbols on Barriss' dagger as she listened carefully. She heard light wind flowing across leaves, creatures moving distantly through the forest, creaking limbs to her right… and breathing. Something was breathing far above her head. _Barriss._ Ahsoka knew it was her with an unexplainable certainty.

“I found her!” she yelled to whoever might be in range of her voice and immediately started climbing. Halfway up, she glanced down and saw Rex and Luke run into the clearing, searching frantically. “Up here!”

They jerked up with surprised disbelief.

She shouted orders, “One of you find the others! We might need help getting her out of these vines. She’s not responding to me. The other stay here.” Then, Ahsoka continued her ascent.

Finally reaching the mass of vines, she peered anxiously through them. There was a figure curled up tightly on the far side. _Of course, you’re over there. Why make this easy for me?_ Ahsoka assessed the vine structure and strength. _Not good._ Surveying the area, she could see no tree in the clearing would provide her direct access to Barriss’ position. _This is really not good._

Ahsoka called frantically, “Barriss! Can you hear me?”

There was still no response.

Frustrated helplessness was threatening her. _Stop it._ She slammed her eyelids shut, desperately calling on anything within her for guidance. Immediately, her mind became ethereally focused. All of her senses converged, attuned perfectly with each other and the world around her. In that moment, Ahsoka Tano knew exactly what to do.

She shook the vines gently, a soothing voice emanating from within her, “Barriss, my amazing, brilliant, beautiful wife. I’m here. With you. Focus on me. _Please._ ” It felt as if her entire being was reaching out to the woman.

The figure stirred slightly and an incredibly weak voice croaked, “Ah... sok-ka?”

Relief surged through Ahsoka as she replied, “Yes, it’s me. Can you move at all? I’m here, on the other side of the vines. I can’t get to you.” She waited in desperate anticipation.

There was brief movement and rasping breath before Barriss lay still again.

It took all Ahsoka could manage not to cut through the vines at that moment. She knew it would likely result in them both falling to their deaths, but the urge was still strong. “You can do it. I know you can. Please. I believe in you.”

Barriss started slowly rolling across the vines, expelling erratic, harsh breaths. But, her body started to lose momentum near the middle, where there was a slight incline.

 _She’s not going to make it. Oh, yes she will._ Ahsoka focused again, letting her eyes flutter closed, and reached out a hand toward Barriss as she felt her senses align together. She pushed the otherworldly strength pulsing through her body outward, instinctively knowing it would work.

Suddenly, Barriss’ roll picked up speed and confidence. Ahsoka almost leapt off her unstable position with joy as Barriss entered arm’s length. She reached through the vines and grabbed her wife’s hand. “I knew you could do it. I love you.”

There was an unintelligible murmur in response before Barriss’ hand went limp.

Ahsoka didn’t waste any time. She carefully pulled Barriss to the edge of the vines and glanced down. Everyone was now gathered directly below them, staring up anxiously. “Get ready. I’m going to cut out the edge of the vines to get her. If something goes wrong—well, just be ready.”

Gripping the two smaller vines blocking the exit, Ahsoka cut through them slowly. Nothing happened. _So far, so good._ She assessed the opening and worked her way through a few more smaller support vines. There was a brief glint from the hilted gem in her sword and Ahsoka paused instinctively. At the same moment, the remaining strands started popping slightly. _Ok, time to go._

Slashing through the final, large vine blocking her way, she let her sword drop from her hand. She gripped Barriss’ armpits and dragged her quickly out onto the tree branch, not letting go. Ahsoka leaned back, trying to steady her balance, as the entire bed of vines collapsed onto the clearing below.

She looked down and saw everyone resuming their positions after avoiding the falling vines. Her muscles were aching, her balance precarious, and her worry for Barriss overwhelming. Yet, at this moment, Ahsoka Tano felt capable of anything. “Alright, I’m bringing her down.”

_______

Barriss awoke in comfort. Her side and leg ached, but the intense pain that accompanied every morning in the forest was gone. Her head was resting on something soft. _Where am I?_ She opened her eyes slowly and scanned around her.

“Hey there.”

“A-ahsoka?” Her wife was sitting in a chair, next to the bed Barriss suddenly realized she was lying in. A deep sense of relief filled her soul. _I’m alive._

Ahsoka leaned over, stroking her cheek tenderly. “Yep. Did you expect someone else?”

Barriss grinned weakly. “Well, I did wake up once to a gundark. So, you never know.”

There was a quiet snort in response. “I said I was sorry I picked that cave! You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

“Nope.”

“You are impossible.” Ahsoka brushed her lips over Barriss’ before saying softly, “I was so worried.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Well, now you know how it feels to be me.” She lifted a hand to touch her wife’s cheek. “Thank you for rescuing me. I mean, I assume you did. Because, the last thing I remember is being stuck in vines, and now I’m here. Just a wild guess on my part, anyway.”

Ahsoka took the hand from her face and interlocked their fingers, rubbing her thumb over them gently. “Yep. That’s where I found you.”

“How did you find me?”

“Hmm… hard to explain. Instinct, faith, something else? I’ll tell you all about it once you recover. Though, your wrapped up pouch was the deciding clue.”

“Really? Huh. I should apologize to myself. Stranger things have happened, after all.”

Ahsoka gazed at her, clearly expecting elaboration.

Barriss smiled airily. “I’ll tell you when I’m recovered.”

A grin flashed across Ahsoka’s face. “I love you.”

“Good.” Barriss, still smiling, closed her eyes to content sleep.

_______

Barriss Offee laid happily in her bed, enjoying the warmth of Ahsoka’s arms around her. In the three weeks since her return, she had spent most of the time sleeping and being overly cared for by everyone. She was convinced they had all conspired together to ensure she would never need to rise from her bed ever again. However, Barriss surprisingly found that she didn’t mind. She knew she was likely strong enough to take care of herself now, but she let them continue their intense caregiving. Besides, it was strangely pleasing to be the patient, for once.

Luminara would quietly sit beside her and stroke her hand, speaking very little for hours at a time. In contrast, Obi-Wan would regale her with stories of legendary heroes. Even Asajj seemed to drop by with snarky comments on a regular basis. And, as expected, Rex constantly adjusted everything until she had to tell him she couldn’t breath under all of the blankets. Though, even Rex’s zealous care couldn’t seem to match Luke’s, who spent nearly every waking minute forcing her to eat and rest.

Once, Leia had brought some plans for an upcoming mission for discussion, trying to keep Barriss feeling useful. Luke’s normally even-keeled temper had disappeared and the ensuing fight had only ended when Barriss pretended to pass out. Apparently, Ahsoka had intervened later as the siblings were back on speaking terms. Though, Leia still snuck in with plans when Luke was elsewhere.

_Gods, I love my family. I should have tried this whole almost-dying thing a long time ago._

Ahsoka simply let everyone else perform their roles. But, at night, her wife sent them all away, materializing with an engaging grin and a cup of Barriss’ favorite tea. Then, she held her closely, talking about the day, until they fell asleep. It was the part Barriss looked forward to most. And, right now, Ahsoka was nuzzling contentedly into her neck as they talked.

“So, you seriously have no idea how you got from the hilltop battle to the middle of a forest?”

Barriss grinned. “Nope. Nor, do I remember how I got injured. It’s all a blur, really.” She paused, feeling a sudden melancholy. _My bow._

“What's wrong?” Ahsoka asked with concern. She wrapped Barriss tighter in her arms.

“Nothing. Anyway, I still don't understand how you got me out of those vines. Tell me again about this magical feeling you had?” she asked teasingly.

There was silence for a moment and then Barriss felt a hand on her face, turning it toward the woman beside her.

Ahsoka shifted so she was looking into her eyes. “Tell me what's wrong.”

Barriss averted her eyes. “It's not important. I’m fine.”

“Look at me,” came the firm reply.

Her eyes traced a path back to her wife’s with reluctance. “It’s stupid, really.”

“I'm starting to worry I've entered an alternate reality where we've switched bodies. Please, don't make me quote you to yourself. Just, tell me.” Ahsoka grinned engagingly.

A guilty grin slipped onto Barriss’ face. “Alright, you win. I just—I lost my bow. And, it's only a thing, I know. I just feel so… incomplete or lost or something without it. See, it's stupid. And, now, I'm crying about it,” she added as she wiped away tears.

Ahsoka brushed her hand over Barriss’ face and dried the remaining tears, running her fingers along the diamond tattoos as she did so. “That's not stupid at all. It's important to you. It represents something in your life. You _are_ talking to the girl who almost had a meltdown over a dagger, you know. I get it.”

Barriss smiled softly. “Thanks.”

“That reminds me, though. I have something for you. I almost forgot in all the excitement of your return.” Ahsoka jumped up from the bed, crossing to the far side of the room and rummaging in the closet.

“Oh, a present?”

Her wife glanced back with a shrewd grin. “Well, really less of a present and more returning what's yours.”

She raised an eyebrow and then gasped as Ahsoka turned around. _My bow._ Barriss sat up in the bed as it was gently placed in her hands. A sudden sense of completeness washed over her. She smiled with deep contentment and ran her hands over the wood reverently for a few moments. Barriss looked back to the woman she loved gratefully.

Ahsoka’s irises had dilated and she was gazing at Barriss with unrestrained delight on her face.

 _Like when she first gave it to me. Gods, I love her so much._ Barriss tossed the bow to the side and reached up, pulling Ahsoka onto the bed with her. She met her wife’s lips with intensity, refusing to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My intention here was to show the final progression of both Ahsoka and Barriss. If you compare each one to where they started, I hope you will see a logical and slow development for both of them to arrive at their essentially "master" status here. They have learned from each other and taken in the traits that they were lacking, in a mix unique to each of them.
> 
> I hope you have also picked up on the hints throughout that the Force does exist in this world and that characters will tap into it unknowingly, on occasion. In this world, the Jedi fell (perhaps, in an old republic-like time period?), but there was no one left around to teach subsequent generations. At least, not that we've seen. So, they became legend and almost gods of ancient myths. That doesn't mean new force-sensitives didn't continue to be born. And, in rare cases, a few of them reached a balance that allowed them to more directly access their abilities, even if they don't understand them. It is very much how I picture the original Jedi order starting. Someone had to figure out what was going on at some point and get the whole thing going. This chapter was the most explicit in making it clear that both Ahsoka and Barriss have that ability.
> 
> Unrelated note: I can't believe we're almost at the end! Only two short chapters left to edit and this story will be done. Am I sad or happy? Undecided.


	54. The End of All Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confrontation with Palpatine tests the faith of everyone as we finally see destiny fulfilled.
> 
> [~2 years later]

“Very well, I agree to your terms,” Ahsoka stated flatly.

There was an exclamation of fear from the other side of the throne room. “No!” Luke struggled against his bonds in desperation.

Barriss gazed at her impassively, unmoving in the strong grip of the enforcer. The man removed the sword from Barriss’ throat, but kept it in ready position.

 _In case, I change my mind._ Ahsoka smiled grimly to herself.

Palpatine let out a high, cackling laugh. The man leaned back in his huge throne at the front of the room like an omniscient god. A satisfied, malevolent smile spread across his wrinkled visage. “I thought you would see reason, my young, lady _Jedi._ ” He spat the last word with derision.

Waving two of his guards over to strip Ahsoka of her weapons, he fixed her with a delighted, disturbing gaze. “Ahsoka Tano, mine at last. Compassion has always been your weakness. It was only a matter of time before it led to your destruction. You should have paid more attention to the legends, girl. That is why the Jedi fell. Their compassion for others was their undoing.”

Ahsoka met his eyes defiantly. “Compassion is never a weakness. In this case, though, I would describe it more as faith.”

“You can call it whatever you wish, foolish girl. Either way, you are now mine.”

A voice suddenly interjected, “Actually, the Jedi fell because they lacked vision. They operated on faith and instinct, alone.”

All eyes turned to Barriss.

Palpatine stared at her in some interest. “Perhaps, my young spy, perhaps.”

Barriss continued, in a matter-of-fact tone, “It is the same reason you will fall. You have vision and instinct, but no faith.”

The Emperor’s expression twisted into evil amusement. “The current situation does not support your point of view.”

“Irrelevant.” Barriss shrugged. “You will fall. Today or years from now makes no difference. Nothing can survive without… balance.”

He cackled with laughter again. “Another foolish girl, I see. I had higher hopes for you.”

Feeling a strange urge to grin, Ahsoka asked cheekily, “Well, what now, Palpy? Shall I sing a song or do a little dance for you?”

Luke's mouth dropped open and Barriss raised an eyebrow.

Ahsoka winked impishly at them.

Palpatine’s eyes narrowed. “I shall enjoy watching you die.”

She shrugged. “I’ve been dead before.”

Extreme annoyance flashed across his face. He considered her thoughtfully for a moment before saying, “You have thwarted my plans for too long, Ahsoka Tano. If death means nothing to you, perhaps, something else will. We will discover what your faith means after you’ve lost everything.”

“I’ve lost everything before, too,” she replied fiercely.

“We will see.” His expression filled with malevolent glee as he continued, “Executing either of the so-called ‘ladies of the rebellion’ will serve my purposes. Therefore, I believe we shall have a contest for the privilege. The winner can die as an example of what happens to those that oppose me. The loser dies here.”

 _This is it._ She met Barriss’ impassive gaze and could see the furious dread lurking in her wife’s eyes. Ahsoka combatted her rising anxiety by commenting snarkily, “Interesting proposition, but I’m not really seeing the benefit for us.”

Palpatine stated coldly, “There is none. Of course, if you don’t do it, I’ll kill the boy instead.”

Dark humor struck Ahsoka as her words came back to haunt her. _I can’t imagine a situation in which I had to trade your life for Luke’s… Irony, you are my friend._ She blew a heavy breath through clenched teeth. “I suppose, I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“No, please,” Luke’s voice broke painfully and he sounded much younger, like the child he had once been, “I’m sorry I came here. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. Don’t do this.”

Ahsoka held Luke’s bright, blue eyes. “Don’t be sorry, my amazing boy. Never apologize for having hope.”

“Father, _please,_ ” Luke turned to the enforcer, his voice pleading but strong, “Do something.”

The man shifted slightly, but didn’t respond.

Palpatine rasped, “By now, you must know your father can never be turned. So shall it be with you.”

Shifting toward the enforcer, Ahsoka pictured the brother she had known, repressed emotions shining in her eyes. “Anakin, I’m trusting you with Luke. Don’t fail me. I still… believe in you.”

He stared back at her, a mask of blankness.

Her eyes travelled to Barriss, who nodded with determination. Ahsoka smiled softly and then looked back at Palpatine. “We accept.”

“Excellent.” His grin widened, but his eyes glittered icily. “Bring them their weapons.”

________

Ahsoka focused, trying to push away the undercurrent of anger invading her mind. Then, she released the arrow, praying to the Gods, the Force, the Jedi, and anyone else she could think of. It flew into Barriss’ chest with a terrible thud and blood started seeping onto her tunic.

The woman stared at her in shock and pain, dropped her sword, and fell heavily to the ground.

“No…” Ahsoka felt suddenly weak and stumbled over to her. “No, no, no.” She collapsed beside Barriss, running her fingers over the wound frantically. There were cries of distress and laughs of evil vaguely echoing behind her, but she couldn’t process any of it.

Barriss gazed at her adoringly. “Don't worry, my shining girl. You were worth it.” She coughed violently for a moment, before weakly grinning. “Looks like I win.”

Tears starting to flow, Ahsoka grabbed Barriss in her arms and kissed her forehead gently.

“Don’t forget.” Her wife lifted a hand and ran it over the warrior markings. “I love you.”

“Th-that’s never gonna hap-happen…” Ahsoka sobbed and drew Barriss tightly to her chest as the woman went limp in her embrace. Time seemed to stop for a few moments. Then, Ahsoka felt herself being pulled away. She desperately tried to keep Barriss in sight, until she was unceremoniously dropped in front of a gloating Palpatine.

He sat forward in his throne and spoke menacingly, “Tell me, where is your faith now, _Jedi_?”

She stared vacantly at the wall behind him, emotions overwhelming in their intensity flowing through her.

The Emperor chortled gleefully as he turned to Luke. “You see now, boy? Faith always fails. Your father knew this to be true. Strength only comes from power. Learn this lesson well.”

A pained but strong voice replied, “You’re wrong. About faith and about my father.”

 _Gods, he is so special._ Sucking in a calming breath, Ahsoka rose to her feet. She faced Palpatine, feeling a surety of purpose coursing through her. “Faith is stronger than anything else. It can never be lost, unless we let someone take it.” Fierce confidence filled her as she met his malignant eyes, unblinkingly. “And, quite frankly, _you_ are not nearly good enough to take mine. I'm the master. And, don’t forget… a Jedi.”

Palpatine’s cold grin stretched his already unpleasant face into an even viler visage, as he sat back in his throne and steepled his fingers in apparent contemplation. Then, he fixed her with an intent, penetrating gaze.

A buzz began forming at the edges of Ahsoka’s mind. She concentrated on the sensation, senses briefly aligning. Her eyes instinctively locked on Palpatine’s with the intensity of focus she had come to anticipate. Abruptly, the buzzing vanished. _I win, Palpy._

Palpatine glowered at her in malevolent disappointment. “So be it, _Jedi._ ”

Feeling grim satisfaction, she turned to Luke. “Hold on to your faith, my amazing boy—my incredibly, brave man. Never let it go.”

His tear-streaked face stared back at her in misery and guilt. Then, he straightened and his face took on a strength that transcended his nineteen years as he nodded tightly.

Ahsoka suddenly knew she had seen the man he would become and she smiled softly. Her gaze swung to Anakin and her voice filled with wrenching emotion. “You’ll always be my brother. Don’t forget.”

Then, she refocused a fierce glare on Palpatine. “Well, tell me, are you satisfied yet, Palpy? Or, would you still like me to do a dance?”

Icy orbs of evil shined back at her. “I will be soon. You will die, taking the rebellion and their hope with you.”

She snorted. “You are more delusional than I thought. Hope never dies. As long as people have faith, the rebellion will survive. Barriss was right about you. It’s something you can’t understand. It’s why you will always fail.”

Palpatine’s face phased even colder and he lifted a finger at his guards. “Take her to a cell to await public execution.” He waved a dismissive hand toward Barriss’ body. “And, get rid of the debris.”

As she was dragged away, Ahsoka took one last, desperate look at Barriss.

________

Ahsoka was led onto the platform to raucous yells and saw the hangman’s noose arrayed before her. _Figures. I really hate rope burn._ Glancing around, she surveyed the civilians gathered in the square. Most had expressions of hatred, fear, or desperation. But, a handful still held hope. She smiled.

“Aunt Ahsoka!”

She flipped her head up to the dais surrounding the platform and saw Luke being physically restrained by three elite guards, with more soldiers pointing swords at him as he struggled. The Emperor was standing unconcernedly behind him, impassive evil emanating off of his presence. Anakin stood stoically beside Palpatine, unmoving, but his head was turned toward Luke.

The young man had apparently managed to free himself from his restraints and had made good progress in fighting his way to her, before he had been overrun by superior numbers. _That’s my boy._ Her pride was replaced by fear as she saw he wasn’t stopping. “Luke, stop! If you die now, none of this will have been worth it. For me and for—for Barriss, please don’t. Please.”

He finally ceased his struggle, staring at her in defeated misery. The guards retained a wary grip on his arms as Palpatine and his enforcer moved to the edge of the dais beside him.

Ahsoka’s eyes never left Luke’s and she flashed him a quick grin.

He tried to return it, but his lip was trembling with repressed tears.

She gazed at him intensely and said in a clear, strong voice, “I love you.”

A tear rolled down Luke’s cheek, but he replied steadily, “I love you, too.”

Ahsoka broke into a joyful smile. “Don't you forget it.” She allowed the rope to be placed around her neck without resistance and closed her eyes in desperate anticipation.

A forceful voice echoed across the square, “Oh, that's never gonna happen.”

Intense relief filled Ahsoka’s soul and her eyelids flew open. Everyone was looking to the far end of the dais, where Barriss had the Emperor in the crosshairs of her bow.

Ahsoka released her fear and anxiety with a whoop, “Now, that's my kind of wife!” She saw a brief grin flash across Barriss’ face.

At the same moment, several people around the square threw off cloaks and rushed forward.

Caleb, Ezra, Sabine, Zeb, and Hera appeared from the ramparts, taking out the squads stationed near the square’s main entrance and repositioning themselves to watch for reinforcements. Obi-Wan and Luminara moved toward the soldiers on the right, quickly dispatching them and shutting the side gate. A small, elegant figure with a determined face and an entire squad of rebels behind her emerged from the rear, efficiently neutralizing the larger group of soldiers stationed behind the platform. Leia threw a quick smile to Ahsoka as her team blocked the inner castle doors, preventing the castle guard from flooding the square. Finally, a smaller group of rebels, led by Rex and Asajj, converged on the few remaining soldiers at the platform, who quickly threw down their weapons.

Rex leapt onto the platform and rushed over to her.

Ahsoka smiled at him. “Perfect timing.”

He winked as he removed the noose and cut her bonds, handing her a sword. “Well, it was Barriss’ plan. Did you expect anything else?”

She laughed and they all looked up, where the woman still had the Emperor under a deadly bow.

“Barriss Offee lives after all,” Palpatine spat, “surprising, but easily remedied.”

“I find your lack of faith disturbing. Now, tell your dogs to let go of my nephew. Unless, you plan on dying,” Barriss stated evenly.

Palpatine waved a casual hand and the guards reluctantly released Luke and stepped back.

Not shifting her eyes from her target, Barriss said, “Luke, remove yourself from the area. Now, please.”

Luke was staring at her, unrestrained joy mixed with utter confusion on his face. He stepped toward her in a daze, when Palpatine suddenly made his move.

The Emperor pulled a sword from his robe with speed that belied his age and swung around behind Luke, placing the young man in front of him as a shield. He cackled with delight as he backed them both into the safety of the archway, the enforcer moving quickly after them.

Barriss gave a loud curse and shifted her bow to Palpatine’s guards to keep them in place.

Not waiting for an invitation, Ahsoka made a running leap and flipped onto the dais behind the soldiers, taking three down before they knew what was happening.

There was a whoosh as Barriss’ arrow flew into another guard. “Go! I’ll handle the rest!”

Ahsoka sprinted through the archway and stopped short at the scene in front of her. _No._  

Anakin Skywalker, Palpatine’s sword lodged deeply in his chest, stood protectively in front of his son. A strong, fierce voice Ahsoka hadn’t heard in years let out a determined, “No…” Her brother shot forward with lightning quickness, running his sword through the Emperor and pushing him back with incredible force.

With an ethereal, ghastly scream, Palpatine flew through the large window several feet behind him to the ground below.

Deathly silence fell. Everything seemed to stand still.

Suddenly, Anakin stumbled back.

Luke rushed forward as his father collapsed into his arms. The young man lowered him to the ground gently.

Ahsoka, jolted out of her shocked daze by the movement, ran frantically toward them. She knelt down, taking her brother's hand.

Anakin spoke softly, “Luke, help me take this mask off.”

Luke nodded tightly, carefully unfastening the mask from his father’s head. A pale, scarred face stared up at them. It was drawn and sunken, but the eyes still shined a fierce blue.

Ahsoka wiped away tears and tried a small grin. “Hey there.”

At that moment, Barriss reached them. She quickly examined the wound, before shaking her head at Ahsoka sadly.

“Don't bother,” Anakin said weakly, “nothing can stop me dying now. I’ve already been dead for a long time.”

“No,” Luke cried, a tear rolling down his cheek, “don’t give up, Father. We can save you!”

Anakin reached his hand up to the young man’s face, touching it softly. “You already have, my son. You were right. You were right about me… You both were.”

His gaze shifted to Ahsoka and he rasped, “I’m sorry, Snips. For everything.”

She leaned over and kissed his forehead gently. “I forgave you a long time ago.” He smiled at her with an expression that made Ahsoka’s heart ache. It was the boyish, charming grin from her memories. _My brother._

Anakin lifted his head slightly, fixing eyes of joyful sadness on Luke. “You remind me so much of your mother.” Then, he laid his head back with a choked breath. His eyes remained focused, face turning peaceful, as he gazed up at them. “Remember… you were right.”

There was one final breath and Anakin Skywalker was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was extremely stressful to write. I re-wrote it over and over again. And, then a few more times. I might actually do it again once I'm done with the final chapter.  
> Not sure anyone is even interested in my weird thought process, but here are some questions I struggled with...  
> How much can I steal from RoJ without it being jarring? [Especially with no canon principles such as "dark side" and "sith" formally established in this world]  
> How can I do Luke justice and show his strength and faith in confronting the Emperor without making it all about him and keep the POV intact?  
> How can I fulfill Ahsoka's emotional journey and still give the others time to shine?  
> How can I successfully resolve the details of Barriss' vision of death without spelling things out in a clunky way? [Oh, forget it, I'll just throw some details in the concluding chapter, I guess.]  
> How can I emphasize Palpatine's force-based ability for mind manipulation without making it too subtle to be noticed, but also leaving room for interpretation?  
> How can I make Anakin's death sympathetic without emotional music and visual cues? [still not sure I pulled this one off.]  
> How can I illustrate the themes of found family, balance, and faith in others as being key to winning in this world?  
> How much do I have to explain about why they are in this situation and how it happened?  
> How in the NAME OF EVERYTHING STAR WARS can I make this ending remotely satisfying for anyone who has stuck with me for 54 FREAKIN' CHAPTERS?  
> ... Ugh, nevermind, I'll just go with it. Have faith, woman.


	55. Shining Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We conclude our tale by looking to the future.
> 
> “This moment contains all moments.”  
> — C.S. Lewis
> 
> [Various time periods]

“So, is anyone going to explain to me how Aunt Barriss came back from the dead?”

They were sitting around a fire at the outskirts of Coruscant, which had been secured in the aftermath of the Emperor’s death. There were still strongholds throughout the kingdoms and many in need of relief and assistance. Tomorrow, they would regroup with the rest of the rebellion to start the long campaign to re-establish freedom. However, tonight, they were enjoying the triumph of victory, reveling in the company of family.

Ahsoka laughed. “Well, that’s a long complicated story, Luke. Basically, your aunt is brilliant and knows just where an arrow should lodge in a chest without hitting any vital organs.”

Luke glanced between Ahsoka and Barriss in clear irritation. “That still doesn’t explain how you knew how to do it. Or, whether you knew she was alive. Or, how she was able to fool everyone. Or, how she managed to escape the soldiers. Or, how she stopped the bleeding. Or, how everyone else knew to show up. Or—”

“Alright!” Barriss threw her hands up. “We get it. What is it worth to you to get the story?” She raised a teasing eyebrow.

He simply glared and waited expectantly.

Barriss smiled guiltily. “Ok, you’re right. We did put you through a lot. I suppose that earns an explanation.”

There was a general murmuring of agreement from the group.

Ahsoka chuckled. “It’s all you, my dear.”

“Fine. Let’s see… Ahsoka had become an expert at perfectly executing that shot. The arrow had been specially-treated with a short-acting toxin to make its victim appear dead. Your aunt can tell you all about that one, since it is one of her favorites.” Barriss grinned at Ahsoka mischievously. “I did wake up with a splitting headache, though.”

“Ugh, I hate that.” Ahsoka glared at Luminara.

The woman gazed innocently back, a small grin playing around her lips. “I did apologize on several occasions for trying to kill you. You really need to learn to let go.”

Heads swiveled between the two women, curiosity shining from wide eyes.

Ezra and Sabine opened their mouths in unison and then closed them again, apparently undecided on whether to ask.

Rex laughed heartily. “Now, you've got _all_ of the kids overexcited. Good job.”

He was treated to several glares in response.

Obi-Wan commented wryly, “That’s another story, people. Our fearless leaders are trying to throw you off track. Focus.”

The words worked and everyone turned back to Barriss expectantly.

Impish eyes glinting, Barriss continued, “When Ahsoka appeared to be checking my wound, she was really applying a pressure bandage, to temporarily stem the bleeding. At some point, after I lost consciousness, she injected the antidote. You’ll have to ask her when that was.”

“Right after you passed out. I grabbed you in a particularly dramatic display of grief. It was quite good, actually. I’m sorry you couldn’t see it.” Ahsoka grinned with self-satisfaction.

Barriss rolled her eyes, but Luke exclaimed, “Good?! I was about to throw myself off a cliff with guilt!”

Ahsoka grimaced. “I’m sorry, Luke. It had to be convincing. I did tell you to have faith.”

He shook his head in annoyance. “Oh, and yes, that immediately made me think— _maybe,_ my mortally wounded aunt will suddenly rise from the dead in a miraculous display of pageantry!”

Barriss put in quickly, “Alright, we’ll argue about it later. I can see I’ll have to trade a few stories to get back on your good side.”

The frustration seeped out of his eyes as the young man raised a calculating eyebrow. “More than a few, I think.”

She lifted her own eyebrow in challenge. “We’ll see, my clever boy.”

A small grin tugged at the corners of Luke’s mouth.

Ahsoka said earnestly, “I am sorry, Luke. There was no way to let you know what was happening. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t know if it had worked or not. Barriss was very convincing and I had no idea if I had made the shot, or done everything properly, or if the timing would work out. I was… truly worried.” Her mind drifted, remembering the feeling of dread that had accompanied every minute after she had fired the arrow, until she had heard Barriss’ voice in the square. “I think, I was so convincing because I thought, maybe…” she trailed off softly.

A hand reached out and gripped Ahsoka’s. Barriss weaved their fingers tightly together, rubbing a reassuring thumb over them.

Locking eyes with her wife, Ahsoka smiled. “There was one thing I was sure of, though. I had faith in you.”

Barriss gave her a brilliant smile, before dragging her eyes back to the group. “In any case, I recovered within a few minutes of being ‘dead’ and, fortunately, the soldiers disposing of my body were rather careless. I easily overpowered them. Then, I sent a pre-arranged signal to Rex, retrieved my bow from the guard room, treated my wound, and remained inside the castle to await my opportunity. And, that’s it.”

Everyone stared silently at her for a moment, until Leia piped up, “Um, that’s not it. None of this explains how you knew this would happen. Ahsoka’s perfected shot, the pre-treated arrow, Rex understanding the signal, having the antidote on you, performing the needed tasks… all of that screams practice and preparation.” She fixed an intent gaze on both of them.

Ahsoka glanced at her wife and saw the tired reluctance in her eyes. _I’m not making her relive the last few years of anxiety. Not when we’ve finally put it behind us._ “Sorry, that’s another story. And, not one we’re telling tonight.” She saw Luke and Leia open their mouths to object and added firmly, “No. Maybe, one day. It’s not something we can talk about right now. I’m sorry.”

The twins gazed at her for a moment and then looked at Barriss. They must have seen something in the woman’s face, because they both simply nodded.

“Well, I’m impressed, anyway,” Asajj suddenly announced. She met Barriss’ eyes meaningfully. “Brilliant strategizing with an even better outcome. I expected no less.”

Barriss smiled warmly back at her. “Well, a wise bounty hunter once told me, the outcome might be nothing like we assume.”

Asajj grinned.

Everyone stared at the women in confusion, clearly thinking they were missing something.

All of a sudden, Caleb started laughing. He glanced around the group in amusement, before saying wryly, “Do you know, I’ve just realized… we are definitely the strangest family that has ever existed.”

_______

Ahsoka found Luke in the practice yard, staring into the distant horizon. She walked up beside him and gripped his shoulder.

He didn’t look at her, but a brief smile touched his lips. Taking the hand from his shoulder, Luke held it tightly and asked softly, “Do you think he’s at peace now, somewhere out there?”

Ahsoka squeezed his hand as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I know it.”

The young man let go of her hand and wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. “Good.”

Then, they both gazed in a content silence at the setting sun.

_______

“Well, my dear, what now?”

Barriss rearranged herself on Ahsoka’s lap so she could look up at her. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

They were laying in front of a fire outside of Jakku, where they had defeated the last major pocket of forces from Palpatine’s empire. Ahsoka and Barriss had left their celebrating companions, feeling a mutual need to reflect on the end of their long war alone.

Ahsoka seemed contemplative. “I really don’t know. We’ve been doing this for so long, it’s hard to think of anything else. I suppose we’ve already delegated a lot of the rebuilding efforts. We could make it official and retire to the outer regions somewhere.”   
  
“Oh yes, that would last for all of one week before you got bored.”   
  
“You never know! Maybe, I’m more capable of entertaining myself than I used to be.”   
  
Barriss raised a doubtful eyebrow and just looked at her wife.   
  
Ahsoka grinned and started running fingers over Barriss’ forehead. “I suppose there is plenty to keep us occupied for years to come. We could continue the work we've already been doing since we took Coruscant. Many of the kingdoms are still in disarray. Also, someone needs to coordinate between the various factions that seem to keep appearing. I don’t know, though. Haven’t we done enough?”

Assessing her wife for a moment, Barriss stated, “You’re serious.”  _ Perhaps, it’s finally time? _

“Yeah, I guess I am. I’m tired of it all or something. I can’t really explain it.”

“Hmm…” Barriss considered and then decided. “Tell me what you really want.”

“What do you mean?”

Sitting up to face Ahsoka directly, Barriss placed a hand on her cheek. “Remember, a long time ago, I told you to ask me again sometime about your restlessness with being the Lady Jedi?”

“Um, I think so?”

Barriss rolled her eyes, but then anchored them to Ahsoka’s. She traced fingers over the warrior markings, enjoying the feel of the goosebumps rising on her wife’s face as she did so.  _ I can’t believe that still happens. I can’t believe we’re still here together. I can’t believe I deserve to be this happy. No, I do believe it. All of it. _ “You have a dream in there somewhere, in your head. You think it’s crazy or unrealistic or something like that, and you don’t want to say it out loud. But, it’s there, gnawing at you. I know it is. Well, now it’s time to tell me what it is, so we can make it happen.”

Ahsoka gazed at her in disbelief for a moment. Then, she pulled Barriss into her arms for an intense kiss. 

A warm, beautiful feeling entered Barriss’ heart and she leaned deeply into the embrace.  _ Gods, I’m so happy. _

When they finally broke contact, Ahsoka left her lips hovering and whispered, “I want you to tell me what your dreams are first.”

_ Oh, my shining girl, you still don’t realize.  _ Barriss smiled softly and wrapped her arms around Ahsoka’s neck. “I’ve only ever had one dream and I’m already living it, my brave, magnificent, shining girl. My dream has always been you.”

_______

“I have something to give you.”

Ahsoka glanced at Barriss in surprise and then grinned impishly. “A present?”

“Well, really more returning what’s yours.”

“Seriously?” Ahsoka stared at her. “Again? How many of my former possessions do you have lying around?”

“A surprising number, actually. You never know when they might come in useful,” Barriss replied innocently. “Though, you’re never getting the bow back. So, don’t even ask.”

Ahsoka laughed and pulled Barriss to her, wrapping her arms around her waist happily and inhaling the scent of wildflowers. “Not to worry, my dear. I think my days of shooting arrows are over.”

Barriss grinned. “Good. Because, seriously, that was never gonna happen.”

“Alright,” Ahsoka said amusedly, “what is it this time?”

Her wife’s expression turned serious. “Now that we are rebuilding Shili, I thought it was time to return something to its proper leader.” Barriss put a hand on Ahsoka’s mouth to prevent any response and continued, “You are it’s leader, my shining girl. I know you think we’re rebuilding it for Luke and Leia to one day lead. And, creating a safe haven for the survivors and others displaced during Palpatine’s rule. I’m sure you think of it as trying to restore the past for the future or another noble purpose. That’s all true. However, it still needs a leader right now and that is _you._ ”

Sighing heavily, Ahsoka said, “Barriss, I was never meant to be its leader. I’m a warrior, a fighter, a defender. And, now, a rebuilder. Not a leader. I’ve learned a lot of skills I never thought I’d master in our years together, but that’s not one of them. To be honest, you’re much better suited to the role than I am.”

“No. None of what you just said is true,” Barriss replied firmly, “Ahsoka, you are a magnificent leader. The fact that you don’t think of yourself that way is one of the reasons people follow you. Leaders don’t lead by attending meetings, throwing parties, or sitting on thrones, you know.”

Ahsoka grinned weakly. “I know. I just don’t think—”

Barriss interrupted, “Why do you always believe me about everything else, but not this?”

 _Because, I’m not what you seem to think I am._ Ahsoka averted her eyes and didn’t respond.

Exasperation flashing across her face, Barriss said flatly, “Fine. I’ll tell you what kind of leader you are, since you refuse to see it.” Her voice softened as she continued, “You lead with compassion, wisdom, and purpose. You build loyalty and respect in pursuit of a common goal. You see possibilities in the people around you and you inspire others to greatness.” Barriss feathered her fingers tenderly over Ahsoka’s cheek. “That is the definition of a true leader, my darling wife.”

Ahsoka slumped her shoulders. _Leaders are… not me, though._ “What if I don’t want to be a leader?”

Barriss locked her piercing, ice blue eyes on Ahsoka, and spoke intensely, “You already are. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You seem to think leading a kingdom will be completely different than what you’ve already been successfully doing for years. You can be any kind of leader you want to be. It’s your kingdom.”

A new idea suddenly glimmered in Ahsoka’s mind and she considered the question differently for the first time. _What if you can be a leader and still be you?_

“Besides,” Barriss added, “do you see all of the people who have come to help rebuild Shili? Do you know why they are here? Do you know who _they_ think their leader is? I doubt you will convince them otherwise.”

Gazing searchingly into her wife’s eyes, Ahsoka contemplated. Then, she unfocused and let her mind wander instinctively. It returned only one thought. _Maybe, you are who she thinks you are, after all._ A sense of peace flowed from the thought and she refocused on the woman in front of her. “Huh. Have I ever told you how amazing you are?”

“Not in the last ten minutes.” Barriss grinned.

Ahsoka brushed her mouth across the woman’s forehead. “Well, my amazing, brilliant, beautiful wife, I’ll give it a try. As long as I have you, I’m pretty sure I can do anything.”

Barriss gazed up at her, joy shining from her eyes. “Good.” Then, she pulled Ahsoka’s head down into an intense kiss.

 _I’m never letting you go._ Pressing Barriss as tightly as possible into her, Ahsoka felt herself falling into the moment as their lips melded with deep satisfaction.

Abruptly, Barriss pulled back. “Oh wait! I nearly forgot why we started this conversation!” She extricated herself from an unwilling Ahsoka and ran over to the side of the tent, where they had set up a makeshift dresser for their things during the rebuilding process.

Ahsoka waited impatiently as Barriss rummaged through what had to be five layers of items. “Really, Barriss? You just interrupted what was about to be one of the most amazing kisses of all time. This had better be good.”

Her wife smiled mischievously as she flipped around, hiding something behind her back. “It depends on how you define ‘good’, I suppose.”

In spite of her annoyance, Ahsoka couldn’t help a small grin. “Well, how do you define ‘good’?”

Barriss walked back over to her, barely contained excitement in her face, and presented a folded piece of red cloth.

 _Um, ok._ Confused, Ahsoka reached for the item. When she touched the rich fabric, recognition hit her. _Oh. No, it can’t be. How?_ She let the cape drop out, royal emblem of Shili facing her in startling clarity. _It is. It really is._ Ahsoka caressed the cape in joyful disbelief as tears spilled out of her eyes. Then, she wrenched a teary gaze back to Barriss.

Adoring eyes shined back at her. “Well, does this qualify as good?”

“You—you…” Ahsoka couldn’t find the words. She just stood there, holding the cape, and staring at her wife in mute happiness.

Barriss gently took the cape from paralyzed hands. She circled around and attached it to Ahsoka’s shoulders, running her fingers along the fabric to smooth it out. Then, she strolled around the tent, examining Ahsoka carefully from various angles, a soft smile on her lips. Finally, Barriss returned to her original position, stroking a slender hand over Ahsoka’s caped shoulder. “I’ve always wanted to see you in that. I have to say, I was not disappointed.”

Smiling happily, Ahsoka whispered, “You are… so much more than amazing.”

“Mmm…” Barriss’ lips curved into a satisfied smile as she wiped the remaining tears from Ahsoka’s face. “In this case, I’m pretty impressed with myself. Do you know how many years I’ve been carrying that royal cape around in the hopes of one day being able to give it back to you? I went through a whole rebellion with that thing!”

Replacing her arms around her wife’s waist, Ahsoka replied with a grin, “You were very persevering in the face of such difficult circumstances.”

“True.” Barriss grinned back and then brushed light fingertips along Ahsoka’s cheek. “Still, it was totally worth it.”

Ahsoka touched her forehead to her wife’s and breathed, “Gods, I love you.”

Barriss sighed contentedly, an ethereal smile on her lips. Then, the woman leaned her head back in apparent contemplation. “More importantly, you… believe in me.” Piercing, blue eyes stared intensely into Ahsoka's own. “You should know, I don’t just love you. I totally, utterly, and completely believe in you. It’s unshakeable faith. It’s always been true and it always will be.”

Ahsoka gazed at her, an intangible emotion blossoming in her soul. It was something exquisite and blissful, something even better than happiness. She had no idea what it was, but it felt… _amazing._

_________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the end! Thank you to everyone who stuck with me until the end of this unexpectedly epic undertaking. It spiraled from a short story into this, and I still have trouble figuring out how it happened. Given the unusual setting, I was pleasantly surprised by how many people gave this story a shot. It inspired me to finish. Having people on the journey was a beautiful thing.
> 
> Thank you especially to everyone who left supportive and insightful comments. Knowing anyone cared enough to take the time to leave a comment makes me unbelievably happy. It truly means so much to me. Thank you for believing in my story! 
> 
> I have been toying with ideas for follow-up stories, focusing on characters and/or events not extensively covered in this one. So far, I only know I'll definitely be doing the Obi-Wan/Luminara relationship, probably as a short story. Mostly, because I outlined it as part of my work on this one. Plus, it kind of interests me at the moment. So, it's sitting and waiting for some detail. Beyond that, no idea! Snippets, snapshots, short story... who knows! Anyhow, if you have any requests/ideas/interest, feel free to leave me a comment. 
> 
> You all are the best readers ever and, as Barriss would say... I kind of like it.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fan-fic and was quite an adventure. I started this as an experiment to combine my love of ancient worlds with Star Wars. I chose to focus it on Ahsoka and Barriss, as they have a special place in my heart. I have always found their unusual friendship and opposing dynamic fascinating. Then, it somehow spiraled into an epic tale, taking over my life. I certainly enjoyed writing it. If you've made it here, I hope you enjoyed reading it!
> 
> Oh, don't forget this is now part of a series and you can keep reading about Ahsoka, Barriss, Rex, Obi-Wan, Luminara, Leia, Luke, Phoenix, and probably anyone else you can think of in next works on the list. See you there!


End file.
